by Erin Hahn
I reach into my bag. “Here, try these.” I pass her a couple of knit mittens with fleecy lining.
“Oh my gosh,” she murmurs. “These are the warmest ever.”
“I know. My mum found them. They’re a bit … colorful … but I don’t care.”
Vada rubs her hands together, holding the mittens to her face. “Totally miraculous. Thank you. I need to get some of these.”
“I’m on the west side,” I say.
“Hm?”
“I live on the west side, off Huron.”
“Oh! God. Sorry. I wasn’t even … I was just going home. Autopilot.”
We sit in companionable silence. I’m exhausted, and my feet kind of hurt from standing so long, and I feel like I could sink into the heated seat of her mum’s car and fall asleep forever.
“I was serious about the job. I mean, I have to check with Phil, but we talked about hiring someone to replace me at the bar. Plus, Kazi has been working more and more at Whole Paycheck.”
I snort. “Whole Paycheck?”
“Oh, you know where.”
“I do.” I let my head roll to the side and take in Vada’s profile. Her auburn hair looks black in the dark. “If Phil wants me, I’ll take it.”
“Really? That’s fantastic. You did great tonight. I was suffocating, but you really saved the day with that water stuff.”
I shrug, but I’m pleased. “Who would have thought a lifetime of Charlie could prepare me for a career in anything useful?”
“Seriously,” she agrees.
I direct her into my drive, and the motion light clicks on. “Thank you again and again, Luke. You’re my hero. Oh!” She goes to remove the mittens.
“Keep them. For tonight,” I say. “I’ll get them from you next time I see you.”
“Thank you.”
“Good night, Vada.”
“Night, Luke.”
She waits for me to get inside, and I wave her away, locking the door behind me. I creep upstairs to my room and fall into bed without bothering to brush my teeth. My phone lights up with a text, and I almost drop it in my haste to pick it up.
VADA
Made it home. Thanks again!
LUKE
Happy to do it.
VADA
YouTube: Awolnation “Handyman”
* * *
“How is it that you’re so freakishly strong? Were you bitten by a radioactive spider as a child?”
I groan out a breath, pressing the bar up from the center of my chest, and look up Zack’s nose. I readjust my grip, and he holds the bar until I nod and lower it again for five more reps. With a final exhale, the bar clinks back into place, and I slowly rise to sitting, wiping my hands on my basketball shorts. Zack hands me one of the gym towels and gives me a look like I’m some ill-mannered plebian. Whenever we have a day off school, Zack and I hit up the gym, using his dad’s day passes. The equipment is way better than the stuff in our school’s basement, and there’s a hot tub.
I wipe my face with the towel. “Cull got the perfect eyesight and straight teeth. I got braces, contacts, and a pull-up bar.”
“He does have nice teeth, doesn’t he?”
“Your turn,” I say.
Zack lowers himself onto the bench, and I stand over him, spotting. He starts off strong, and I check his form in the mirror. He’s arching his back. Lifting more weight, out to prove something. The next rep, when he shoves the bar up, I grab it from him.
“Hey!”
“Hey, yourself.” I remove five pounds from each side.
He narrows his eyes but doesn’t argue. This time, his back stays flat. I catch someone familiar in the mirror and curse.
“Who?” Zack asks under his breath.
“Karly Lawton, six o’clock.”
“The podcast groupie?”
I nod. I met Karly last month at a StarBust show we were promoting for the Loud Lizard, and she’s since showed up at two other places. By “accident.”
Zack shakes his head with a low chuckle. “For someone who doesn’t like the limelight, you sure do attract a lot of attention.”
“Maybe she’s coming for you.”
Zack looks down at his rainbow-striped knee socks.
“Hey, Luke! I thought that was you!” Karly is all sunshine and sweetness, but I just can’t today.
“Heeeeey, Karly.”
“What is this, like the third time this month? What are the odds? Do you work out here?”
“Ah, not often, no.”
Karly beams. “Well, then, this is fate.”
Zack stands and extends a hand. “More like teachers’ in-service day. I’m Zack, Luke’s best—”
“Man. He’s … my man.” I finish, feeling hot. He’s gonna murder me. And then Cullen will murder me. And make fun of me forever. “This is Karly. She’s a, um, loyal listener.”
“I thought Cullen was dating Zack,” Karly says. Because she is, in fact, a loyal listener and my brother has mentioned Zack in every conversation we’ve had for two years.
“He is,” I say, wincing. “Sorry, I don’t know why I said it like that. Zack’s my best friend. And you have an excellent memory.”
Zack raises a brow and opens his mouth, but Karly interrupts. “Oh my gosh, were you pretending you were gay?”
“Er…”
Karly’s face flushes a bright red. “Wow. That’s … that’s super humiliating. I was only saying hi, Luke. Don’t flatter yourself.” Karly spins on her heel and marches back across the gym to where a few other girls are looking at us strangely, and I turn to Zack.
“So, my turn?”
He shoves me at the bench, replacing the weight and adding some. “That was pathetic, Greenly.”
“I choked.”
“You could politely decline her advances.”
“I did. In a way.” I lift off the press bar and grunt. Zack raises a brow but doesn’t say anything. Fuck, this is heavy.
“Nah. You didn’t.”
I replace the bar after five, lowering my arms and letting the blood rush back into my fingers.
“Do you think she meant she was humiliated, or I should be?”
“Definitely both.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to use you.”
He raises his brow again.
“Fine, I absolutely meant to use you. I’m sorry I purposely used you.”
“Better,” he says. “But since it backfired, it’s fine. You owe me Iris’s turtle brownies.”
I grimace, though my mum makes brownies for Zack every week anyway, so it’s not like it’s a big deal. “You came up with that fast. Almost like you’ve been waiting for me to owe you. Basketball?” I ask. I need to get out of view of the fitness floor.
“Basketball,” he agrees.
* * *
After he soundly trounces me on the court, we head to Chipotle, and I check my phone while we wait for our orders. Cullen posted our latest podcast link this morning, and we have the usual three first commenters: Phil, Zack, and Vada.
Phil Josephs @PHILtoCHILL
The only Teen Wolf worth talking about is the Michael J. Fox version. I’m ashamed to know you.
9:07 AM
Zack Granger @ZackAttack
I’m way hotter than Derek. No contest.
10:11 AM
Vada Carsewell @Vader18
Yeah but who keeps someone else’s @bestbuy order? Stand your ground, Luke!
10:15 AM
I snicker and tap to respond.
Luke Greenly @TheLukeGreenly
*nods* THANK YOU. It’s sacrilege. What are we living, The Purge?
12:31 PM
I look up to see that Zack had grabbed our food. “What are you smiling about?”
I dig in, not bothering to wait. “Vada.”
He pauses, burrito halfway to his mouth, and I swallow. “I mean, something she tweeted at the podcast. She agrees that I can’t just stream Teen Wolf and forget my missing orders.”
“That’s stupid, for the record.”
“It’s not. It’s the bloody principle.”
“That no one cares about but you!”
“And Vada. That’s two. We’re practically starting a revolution.”
Zack smirks. “And while you have your little two-person revolution against the United States Postal Service, someone else is watching your DVDs, and you could have already streamed the episodes five times over.”
I ignore him, standing to fill my drink.
When I get back, my phone lights up with another notification. “No way!” I say after scanning it. “Vada tagged Best Buy in her comment, and they are in my DMs asking what happened!”
I forget my lunch as I type out a message to them. “That’s amazing,” I say, picking up my fork. I drop it again. “I need to tell her.”
I type out a quick text message.
LUKE
I owe you! Thanks for tagging Best Buy! They are resending my TW order!
I set it down and pick it up.
LUKE
*TeenWolf gif*
I pause, smiling to myself.
LUKE
YouTube: Duran Duran “Hungry Like the Wolf”
“Okay,” I say, dropping my phone at last. “Now I can eat.”
Zack blinks at me, his burrito gone.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He shakes his head.
“Okay.” My phone lights up with Vada’s reply, and I forget my lunch again.
12
VADA
The following Thursday, I’m sitting in Red Robin waiting for my dad. I glance at my phone to check the time, and Luke’s last message pops up. He’s working the bar with Kazi tonight and cracking me up. Apparently, Kazi has to leave early again because of his shift at Whole Foods, and we’ve been hypothesizing for the last two hours about what he does there. After another glance around, I type:
VADA
Whole Foods called, Kazi, and they’ve got an opening in soy candles.
Gray dots, then …
LUKE
Gluten Digestives is looking for a tester, Kazi, and we think you’re our man!
I snort. Luke hasn’t worked there long enough to know, but Kazi honestly calls off at least once a month due to gluten contamination. But for real, Celiac is a mother effer. My mom went gluten free once and I had to eat at Meg’s every night for a whole week.
VADA
We need someone to trim our organic herb gardens on Saturday afternoons from 1–4. We pay in dried pomegranate bookmarks.
LUKE
But you can only wear 100% locally sourced cotton or that’s an auto fire.
VADA
But for the love of Whole Paycheck, don’t cut your glorious dreads. Your scalp is our aesthetic.
LUKE
We offer room for job advancement. If you don’t suck, we can promote you to wine and cheese pairings. But only at the farmers’ market.
VADA
We offer valet to elderly rich people who have nothing to do but grocery shop every day. Would that interest you? You’d need a hairnet.
LUKE
YouTube: Rusted Root “Send Me On My Way”
VADA
HOLY SHIT GREENLY YOU LYRICAL GANGSTER.
I pull up my YouTube app, scrolling for something perfect. Rusted Root. Damn. He’s good. But I’m better. I grin, hitting Send.
VADA
YouTube: Grateful Dead “Touch of Grey”
“Sorry we’re late.” I glance up, startled. My dad’s snuck up on me, and he’s not alone. He’s brought my stepmom, Jane, and the twins, Haven and Margo, who are barely a year old.
I’m furious, and I can’t show it because it’s not their fault he’s an asshole who hides behind his sweet family.
My dad walks over, leaning down to hug me, and I pat his back before standing to hug Jane. Margo raises her chubby hands at me, and I pull her into my lap, scooting back into the booth. I love my sisters. Growing up, I hated being an only child. I always wanted to be a part of a big family. Margo bangs the silverware on the table in front of us. I easily pry it from her fingers and smack a kiss on her soft cheek. She reaches for my hair, playing with it and babbling mostly nonsense words. My red hair is a constant source of entertainment for the twins.
Jane orders an iced tea, shifting Haven to another arm, and smiles kindly at me. “How’s life, Vada?” Jane’s lovely. Sweet tempered and patient and pretty and blond. Jane even remembers my birthday, which is amazing. A lot of people dislike their stepparents. I’d trade my dad to keep mine.
“Fine,” I answer over Margo’s babbling. “Just … fine.”
She shifts again as Haven starts to fuss, and the server asks if we’re ready to order. We always get the same thing, so in no time, the server leaves, and Jane is trying again.
“How’s the club?”
“Great,” I say. “Phil’s letting me close on Sunday nights.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“Does it come with a raise?” my dad interjects.
“Yeah. A little one,” I hedge, even though Phil’s probably paying me too much. No need to tell Marcus that. He’ll either, one, think Phil is showing off, or two, use it as an excuse to make me pay for dinner and learn “responsibility.”
“Good.”
Margo grabs for the silverware again, and I deftly manage move all of it except for the spoon, which she scoops up and immediately starts to smack on the table. Which, whatever. Me too, kid.
Our food comes, and I place Margo into a high chair and start to break up her food so Jane can still eat while she feeds Haven. My dad doesn’t move to help. I honestly don’t know how she lives with him.
“How’s the college search going?” Jane asks between bites, focusing on me earnestly. “Still looking at UCLA?”
My eyes flicker to my dad. Of course he didn’t tell her. “Yeah. I got into the music journalism program there, which is an amazing opportunity. I’m looking into funding now.”
“I wish I could’ve gone to college in California,” my dad grumbles around his burger. “Must be nice.”
“Well, I mean, it’s the best in the country for what I want to do.”
“You want to write for Rolling Stone, right?” Jane offers with a smile.
“Or something similar. Yeah.”
“That’s amazing, Vada. So driven,” she says. “Particularly for your age.”
“Thanks—”
“Find any scholarships?”
My eyes cut to my dad. “I’m applying for several, yeah. And filling out my FAFSA.” I swallow hard, my food forgotten in front of me. “I’ll need you to fill one out, too, Dad.”
His eyes narrow, and he stops chewing. “You do?”
“Well, yeah. You and Mom both have to. It’s how they base my financial aid.”
“Listen, Vada, I have two kids and—”
“Three,” I remind him. “You have three kids.”
He puts down his napkin. “Right. But it’s not like I have extra money lying around. I’m sorry, but babies are—”
“Expensive. I know. But so is college, Dad.”
Jane gets up, adjusting a squirming Margo and the diaper bag. “I’m gonna go change her. Marcus, I’m leaving Haven.”
He waves her off. “Vada. I’m sorry, but I thought you and your mom had this all worked out. I’ve been very clear. I’m done paying.”
“What about the child support? Can’t you—” I take a deep breath, feeling desperate. “Can’t you keep sending that while I’m at school? Like, for food and stuff?”
He’s shaking his head. “That money’s spoken for. As soon as you turned eighteen and I didn’t have to pay it anymore, I joined a country club. Dues are expensive.”
“A country club,” I repeat dully.
“For work. It’s good networking. Maybe you need to think of someplace closer. Community college, even. California is expensive.”
“I can’t! It’s … I can’t. Phil sa
ys if I’m serious about music—”
“Oh, well, if Phil says.” My dad’s tone drips with sarcasm. “How’s that college degree working out for my old friend Phil? He brokering record deals? Producing? It’s a wonder he keeps that dumpster of a club afloat, if you ask me.”
My vision suddenly blurs, and I’m so flustered I can’t think. He’s making me sound like I’m spoiled and that’s so … like him. I push my food away. “I have to go.”
“You haven’t eaten, and Jane is still in the bathroom.”
“I forgot. I have to work,” I lie. “And you were late.”
I scoot out of the booth right as Jane returns with Margo. I kiss Margo and hug Jane before pressing a soft kiss to Haven’s sleeping face. Pulling my purse across my shoulders, I reach into my wallet and toss a ten on the table. “For the tip,” I say. “I’ll see you around, Marcus.”
I get in the car and pull out before I can accidentally see them leaving. But I don’t go far. Instead, I pull into the mall parking lot and hide in a sea of minivans.
I have a million great reasons why my dad should help me with college and why I’m not selfish but goal-oriented, and fuuuuuuck, it doesn’t matter because he’s not going to listen. I feel hysteria clawing at the back of my throat because what if I can’t afford college and what if I need to go to junior college? It’s not the worst thing. People do it all the time.
But it’s not even school that bothers me. It’s the not leaving here. It’s still living in the same town with him and coming in second or even third place for the rest of my life.
I can’t. I can’t be only that. I’ve worked too hard. I have to get out.
My phone buzzes, and I swipe at my eyes, pulling it out to see a random email notification and the response Luke must have sent earlier.
LUKE
I’m not worthy! The Grateful Dead. Are you serious?
Despite myself, I grin. It’s stupid how happy that stupid text makes me.
VADA
Sorry, I was at dinner with my dad.
LUKE
Rescheduled from a few weeks ago?
