by JD Dutra
Her husband began to stir and she tossed the magazine aside, stood up and walked up to stand next to his bed. She wondered if she should hold his hand; it had an IV needle in it. She stared at the wedding ring on his finger and was reminded of her vows, back when they were so young and actually in love. Life was so much simpler then, when they had nothing but each other. Now they had everything but one another.
When he opened his one good eye, it was almost 12 P.M. He tried to move, but his entire body felt stiff and sore. His head hurt as if he were 1000 yards underwater.
“Hello Barry, how are you feeling?” The familiar voice of his wife filled the room; she was the last person he wanted to see.
It took him a few moments to realize where he was. His room smelled not only clean but disinfected, and the medical equipment that was hooked up to him filled the air with beeps and chirps. He tried to speak but when the words came out they were dry and weak.
“Ok…” Was all he could manage, his voice hoarse.
“You’re in pretty bad shape for someone who had an accident exercising, Honey. Your secretary said you tried to lift up a 25 pound dumbbell over your shoulders, and it slipped and fell on your face. Could that possibly happen?”
It took him a few moments to answer; the throbbing pain in his head was clouding his thoughts. When he managed to touch his head, all he could feel was the fabric of the wound dressing over one of his eyes and half of his face.
“It looks like a 100 pound dumbbell fell on your face, Barry. The doctor said you broke your ocular cavity, snapped your nose and had some hairline fractures on your skull. You’ve been out for days.”
“Water… Please” he said, regaining his senses.
“Sure Mr. President,” his wife replied. There was an edge of amusement to her voice to let him know that she wouldn’t be his server for long.
The pain in his head mixed with the sound and tone of her voice made him decide here and now to unload on her some of the burden he had been carrying for years. He drank just enough to wet his throat.
“Turn the TV on and come here, Robyn, I need to tell you a few things,” he said in a commanding voice more of his old self.
His wife looked at her wristwatch as if she were pressed for time. It was a fine gold Rolex he had given her after he made it into the presidency. That was her one wish from their early community college days. She sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed and tossed him the TV remote. He turned it on and raised the volume on the random show that was on.
“Look at me Robyn.”
“What Barry?”
“There was no accident. I need you to take very seriously what I am about to say. I know you don’t like the ugly side of politics, but what I’m about to tell you is far worse than that.”
She froze for a moment, trying to read his face, which was swollen and smelled heavily of medication.
“What happened? Tell me.”
“I am the President of the United States, but I’m not the one who presides over the United States. I don’t make the decisions, I don’t run the country. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?”
She looked at him for a few moments, wondering where he was going with this; the loud TV was doing all the talking. She gathered her thoughts and answered.
“Well, there is the Senate; they make the decisions with you, right?”
“Robyn, I am a puppet - a marionette. A teleprompter reader. I don’t make deals with foreign leaders, I don’t lead this country. I do as I am told and so does the Senate. Others lead this country. It’s all lies Robyn. Everything about it is just a theater, full of illusions.”
His wife looked at him with suspicion.
“Why are you trying to scare me? Where is this coming from?”
“Robyn, look at me. Have you ever seen me lifting 25 pound dumbbells over my head? What you are seeing is the consequence of me not going along with some things that will begin to take place in this world.”
“Where were your security guards? Your special agents? Barry, what you are saying is insane!”
“I can recall very little of what happened that night, but the last thing I remember is my neck almost breaking from me being hit in the head by something… something that scared and terrified me before it hit me. I think I tried to dodge it, and I guess it only hit one side of my face. I don’t know exactly how this happened to me… but I will find out.”
She pressed the back of her fingers to the side of his face and nodded slowly.
“Barry, you’re burning with fever, I think I better call the doctor. You are a little delirious.”
His wife tried to stand up and he placed a hand on her lap, making her stay.
“Robyn, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how much I’ve aged since I took office. I have been doing this for seven years and I looked like I’ve aged 20. Why do you think that is? There is a very dark side to the American government, which spreads to almost all governments all over the world, but it’s something that no one ever sees.”
She stared at him in silence, trying to judge how much his medication was affecting his mind.
“This darkness is something hard to comprehend, but it’s there. Things have gone way too far and I have no idea how to deal with it and I’ve come to realize I’m beyond shouldering this burden alone. I need your support. I want to tell you everything, maybe we can think of a way out of this together, like the old times.”
“And what darkness is this? Aliens? Satan? Vampires? Oh, Barry, please…”
He didn’t know how much he should really tell her. If she was already thinking he had gone insane, what he really wanted to tell her would make her put him in a straitjacket and lock him in a mental institution. In that moment of hesitation, she stood up and began to walk towards the door.
“I fear for you and the kids. I fear for our lives, Robyn.”
The sound of her son and daughter being in danger made her stop. She turned and walked slowly towards him. She leaned down and whispered.
“If you think you can scare me with this nonsense, if you think you can spook me into leaving this life I built with you, you are sadly mistaken Barry.”
He turned and gazed at her, directly into her dark eyes. He wished he had enough strength to choke some sense into her.
“Just because you don’t like to bother yourself with the unbearable things this office brings, that doesn’t mean that terrible things can’t happen to you or our children. Please Robyn, I am begging you. Put your anger towards me aside and listen - for the kids’ sake!”
“No, you listen to me, Barry. I know exactly why you are doing this; you want to push me away. Now that you have it all you want me to pack up and leave, and when you are out of this office you’ll live the high life with one of your lovers. I came from too far to let you do this to me Barry. You’re not going anywhere, I’m not going anywhere. I deserve this just as much as you do.”
“You will only know I am telling you the truth when we are all dead Robyn and I’ll give you a sign, when people start to die off by the hundreds of thousands, by the millions, you will know I‘m telling the truth.”
“Oh stop your nonsense Barry!” She said, almost spitting in her disgust. “Let me tell you a secret of my own. I know you’re gay. I have known since college. I’ve seen the looks you and your favorite Secretary give to each other. The way he looks at you, sometimes even in front of the children. You two make me sick!”
“Oh, get out. Now! Get out of my face Robyn!”
She stood up slowly, her face was the mask of disgust and anger. Without saying a word she just left, like an apparition who came to haunt him, but then was suddenly cast out. He was left alone in his room.
The President sank into his hospital bed, hating his wife, hating himself, hating what he got himself into. A familiar feeling washed through his entire body, the one of regret.
“How did I get myself into this?” He said to himself.
Life was much easier wh
en he was a community organizer, before his first mentor Francisco Marciel walked into his life and promised him a political career that would exceed his wildest dreams.
He flushed out this agonizing feeling by trying to remember what happened the night he was sent to the hospital.
“What happened to me?” What exactly happened that night?” He said weakly to himself, trying to dig deep into his memory for answers he didn’t think he had. He took a few deep breaths and waited for the soothing waves of his medication, to gently pull him back into a sea of dreams.
Suddenly, dark images flashed in and out of his mind. Frustration and anger gave way into a sudden fear that immediately overwhelmed him, like a suppressed memory that stirred in him the most primal and dreadful sense of panic. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and the medical equipment around him came to life, sounding alarms and flashing warning lights. Seconds later a doctor and a team of nurses rushed into the room. They found him on the floor, gripping one of the legs of his hospital bed, kicking, shifting and stirring uncontrollably, his one good eye moist with tears, glaring into nothingness and his breathing out of control, as if he was being tormented by a horrendous nightmare while still awake.
Chapter 2
Phoenix Suburbs, Arizona
Tuesday, October 20th, 2020
1:34 P.M.
What he hated more than anything about his job was that he had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. He could count on one hand how many weeks he’d spent at home over the last few months, enjoying life with his family in their brand new home in the suburbs of Phoenix Arizona.
After a one-hour session of bodyweight calisthenics and an ice cold shower, he started to get dressed, and stared into the mirror. The face that looked back was that of a man who looked a lot older than he really was. He noticed a few more white hairs among the black and some of the spots on his face appeared darker. He was in his early 30s, but he could see and feel that what he did for a living was taking a heavy toll on him physically and also emotionally; or so said his wife almost every day he was home.
The call to leave had come in right after lunch and he hadn’t told his wife yet. He’d been promised ten days at home and today was only the third. If she was going to be upset anyway, she might as well be upset while he was gone, he didn’t want to spend the last few hours of his time at home arguing with her again.
Sometimes he wondered if he had made a mistake asking her to marry him, knowing his career of choice. She’d have to spend most of her days alone and it wasn’t fair to leave her to take care of everything while he went on his trips, each and every time not knowing if he’d come back. That last part of course, she didn’t know; he wasn’t allowed to tell her anything about his clandestine activities.
I guess that’s what you get when you make vows that contradict one another… if only I could get used to it.
After putting on his favorite pair of tactical pants, boots and a polo shirt, he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He stopped for a moment to admire a new picture his wife had hung on the wall near his daughter’s bedroom. It was a lone wildflower resting in a fancy vase and the black and white picture looked nice, but maybe a little sad, in an elegant way. His wife was doing a good job of turning their new house into a comfortable home.
As he walked into the kitchen she smiled, and then her face dropped.
“Why are you dressed for work? Don’t tell me you have to leave again already. How long will you be gone for this time?” There was an annoyed edge to her voice, she was fed up of his work trips.
“I do… I’m sorry. This time I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone for, but as soon as I find out you’ll know… I promise.”
She turned her back on him, her hands showing off her frustration while washing the dishes. He kissed the back of her head and embraced her for a moment, resting his cheek on the crown of her golden hair, breathing her perfume and, for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his body against hers. Even though their emotional connection was almost non-existent these days, her sensual body still aroused him easily.
“Nathan, I really need you to find something else to do. I need you around more; we need you. I’m tired of living like a single mom for weeks, sometimes months at a time. It’s not fair.” Her voice was quivering on the edge of crying.
“Honey, you knew I’d be gone a lot when we got married. I’m sorry this puts a lot of pressure on you, but the kind of work I do is unique, it’s not like I can walk into anywhere around here and get them to hire me.”
She finally turned around, but didn’t return his embrace, as if the heat of anger could sear shut the bleeding wound of abandonment.
“I know that but you travel too much; you are gone too much. I need my husband. When I married you I thought you’d marry me back. I didn’t think you’d stay married to your job!” She stepped out of his arms and away from him, not wanting to be touched.
“I serve my country, your country. If you watched the news more and read less romance novels, you’d know that what we have here is sacred, it needs to be protected. Why are we having this conversation again? I don’t want to leave you and the girls in this kind of mood.”
If he admitted it to himself, he was half sad to leave his daughters, but half glad to leave his wife again for a few weeks. They had been married for ten years, but it was only after the birth of his second daughter that his absence really started to get to her.
“Isabella… I need your support, please. It’s not easy for me to leave either. Don’t you think I hate being away from you and the girls too? Look… after I come back from this assignment I’ll take some time off, we’ll go on a vacation, the four of us, I’ll take two weeks off or more, and we’ll have a great time together. Then we can talk about maybe me finding something else to do. What do you think?”
She laughed in disbelief, wondering how many times he’d give her the same speech. His absence was destroying his marriage, and it had made his wife do things to hurt him that could not be undone.
Isabella was still crying when their youngest daughter Emily came into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. She was three, a little blonde with dimples; a small clone of her mother.
“Can you play with me dada?” she said with a wide smile, running into Nathan’s arms. He held her tight and her little embrace was like a healing balm to his soul.
“Yes my princess,” he said as he embraced her tightly. It hurt to know he’d be without her hugs for a while.
Isabella was done arguing. She spun on her heel, grabbed her phone and began to walk towards the bedroom. He stood like a statue, not really knowing how to handle his wife’s anger towards him and his job anymore.
What happened to the promise of standing by me in good or bad times?
He felt a small, warm hand pulling him along.
“Let’s go play in my room dada.”
Their daughters’ room was a pink place full of teddy bears and dresses, perfect for his younger daughter, maybe too outdated for his oldest one who was in bed, doing homework. She was a 10 year old girl who avoided boys and did her homework right after school.
“Hi Dad,” said Julia cheerfully and then she noticed him dressed up for work.
“You’re leaving today already? Will you be able to come watch me get an award in school tomorrow?”
He paused before replying, another nail sank deep into his heart.
“I don’t think so sweetie, I’m sorry, but when I get back we are all going on a nice, long vacation, I want you to help your mom pick a place for us to go… How about Disney World?”
The look on Julia’s face clearly told him that she couldn’t care less about Disney World. It was a look that wondered why her dad was never around. Nathan sat on the edge of the bed and hugged his oldest daughter and kissed her cheek softly.
“I’ll make it up to you when I come back, I promise.”
Julia said nothing. The sadness in her eyes was all he’d get from her. Emily was occupied with h
er doll, her request for him to play seemingly forgotten. He stood and reached out an expectant hand to Julia.
“Come help me, I’m going to hang something new on our special wall.” She ignored the hand and still didn’t move.
Nathan walked out with a sigh, wondering as he went into his den how long his family could be held together. His sacrifices to afford the comfortable lifestyle his family enjoyed was destroying it at the same time.
The Greene Family Wall always made Nathan smile and his mood lifted momentarily. His father had left its contents to him after he passed away. It was a wall full of pictures and awards, medals from his father, from some of his uncles, his grandpa and great grandpa, and more grandpas going back several generations. All of them had fought in one war or another for the United States.
The oldest on the wall was Nathaniel Greene, the man he was named after and he had fought in the war that separated the United States from Great Britain. Serving as a Major General, his example had made almost all male family members of the Greene family join the American military. It was a bond that transcended generations and filled him with pride and purpose.
He quickly pinned a new medal on the wall, one of his own. It was blue with yellow and red stripes and had a golden eagle dangling from it, a symbol of his devotion, skill and sacrifice. He would have to figure out a way to make his marriage and his career workout somehow. He couldn’t be with one and without the other.
“I’m not going to be the one who can’t make my call to serve and my family work,” he said to himself as his eyes passed from one of his ancestor’s pictures to another.
Nathan walked into his bedroom, to try and make peace with his wife before he had to leave. She was sitting on their bed, tears still fresh in her eyes, searching for something to watch on TV.
“Isabella, I love you so much and I will take the time off when I get back. Please… Let’s work on our marriage. Just be patient a little while longer. You and the girls are everything to me.”
She didn’t acknowledge him as he sat in bed next to her and leaned in to hold her tight.
