by JD Dutra
“While you’re out saving America, I think about leaving you all the time Nathan and now I’m more than ever sure I need to, I don’t want me and my daughters eating food or wearing clothes that were bought with someone else’s blood!”
Her words cut through her own fears, she had to know how he’d take it once she went through with it. She needed to see how far he’d go to keep her from leaving him. If she and Danny were to be together someday, she had to know the price she’d have to pay. She felt like she didn’t know the man who sat in front of her. The loving, caring husband she had early in her marriage was maybe gone forever.
Nathan placed his elbows over the table, covered his face with the palms of his hands and began to cry.
“All these years I have sacrificed myself to give you and the girls the life I never had. I love you so much so please don’t do this, Isabella. Don’t leave me and… don’t ever take my girls away from me.”
She watched him for a moment as he sobbed. He wasn’t angry or looked like he was about to burst with violence. This was the saddest she’d ever seen him in over 10 years of marriage. Her heart raced and her feelings of guilt almost seemed as if they would drown her. She stood in silence.
“I don’t want to lose my family, please Isabela…” Large tears rolled down his cheek despite his attempts to hide them.
“I don’t know, Nathan. I don’t know if we can fix ‘us’. Maybe it’s time we parted ways. I still love you but… but things aren’t the same… “ Her own light blue eyes now shone with tears.
“Please, let’s take this time off to figure things out, Isabella. I love you so much, let’s stay together, please…”
She couldn’t be here anymore. She felt so conflicted about their marriage, her feelings… And then, there was Danny.
“I need to run a few errands before I pick up the girls from school, they’ll be so happy to see you. Let’s talk about this tonight.”
He knew the truth would be too much for her, but if she needed space to process everything, he would give it to her.
“Ok, I’ll go home, get on the internet and see what I can find for Disney, maybe tonight we can surprise them.”
She smiled at him and got up, her food now cold and untouched on her plate.
“You aren’t going to eat?”
“I just need to go. I’m sorry…”
She simply turned and walked away, heading towards the exit and Nathan watched her, wondering what would happen next. Just as she was about to push the door open, she reached into her purse to pull out her phone.
The waiter came over, wondering if something was wrong with the food and Nathan simply shook his head. Once the waiter had left again, he pulled out a money clip from his jeans pocket and left a $100 bill on the table. More than twice the cost of the meal that they never ate. When he got to the parking lot, his wife was already on the phone with someone, the sight gave him a further uneasy feeling as he wondered who she was talking to.
Her parents? An attorney? A lover?
Once he got home, he left his luggage unpacked apart from locking away his gun and knife and went to his home computer. He opened his browser and began to search vacations spots, looking for a place to possibly reconnect with his family and keep Isabella from leaving. After a few searches, he read and advertisement for an all-inclusive resort.
The outdoor adventure package is for active families who like to feel one with nature. Includes hiking through the mountains, waterfall baths and zip lining through the woods.
“Zip lining,” he said aloud to himself and the image of the black hard plastic zip tie disappearing into the patriot’s neck filled his mind. Nathan could still hear the clicks, one by one. The gurgling sound he’d made when his windpipe was crushed would never leave Nathan’s memory, just like several other nightmares that haunted him day and night.
He remembered Nazeer. That sadistic grin and the cloak of deception he seemed to wear. He felt like he was being lied to by the very government he swore to protect.
Could I be this naive? If my wife could lie to me about Chad, anyone could lie to me about anything.
He ignored the results of his vacation search and went looking for something else instead. He keyed his way into the root of his hard drive and soon his monitor filled with a list of all the web pages that had been erased, several every day, while he was away, the great majority were visits to Facebook. He continued to type and then got a piece of paper and pen so that he could write down an email and password.
He opened Facebook and logged on using the information he had written down. There was a blank profile, no pictures, no posts, just the name Bella on it. There was a message waiting, from a young girl called Summer Cross. The message had arrived only minutes ago.
“Hi Isabella, dad called this morning and said that you came by this week and that you were going to come see him again. You really cheered him up. He hates the food there and I think he is losing weight. He is so stressed out and now the other inmates are giving him a hard time. The attorney said he is trying to speed up his hearing but there isn’t much he can do. Dad talked a lot about you, how you two have plans for the future and I know I only just met you but I think it would be cool to have you as a mom. My dad really loves you. Nick and I are getting by, that 1000 bucks you let us borrow went straight to the power company. If it wouldn’t be too much to ask, could we borrow some more cash? I’m sure as soon as dad gets out he’ll pay you back. Just a few of the clients that are left are paying their bills now that they know dad is in Tent City. I can’t wait until he is out of there and things can get back to normal. Hope to catch up soon and meet your little girls - Summer.”
Trying to put aside the churning in his stomach and the ache in his heart Nathan searched Summer Cross’ Facebook page and soon found the guy who must be her father - Daniel Cross. His profile said the guy owned a landscaping business, but there were no pictures of him that Nathan could see - all the information was only available to friends.
He opened another window and went to corrections.az.gov and put the last name Cross into the search window, first initial D. The mug shot of a white man with long blond hair came up. He was about Nathan’s age, maybe a little older and he was locked up at the Tent City Jail in Phoenix, not far from Nathan’s own home. He logged into that database using his CIA credentials, and saw under the guy’s visitor’s log that he had been seen by Summer Cross, his daughter, Mr. John Saucedo, his attorney, and Isabella Greene… his friend.
Nathan erased the history on the browser, the name Daniel Cross, boiling in his mind as he shut down his computer. He then went out into his garage to make his punching bag pay for his blindness.
Chapter 18
Tent City Jail, Phoenix, Arizona
Friday, October 23rd, 2020
2:41 P.M.
Daniel was hanging around in the shade by the visitation office by 2pm, the time she’d said she’d come, but it was almost 45 minutes past the hour before he heard his name through the speakers. He felt like a teenager all over again, as if he were about to do it for the first time. He walked into the visitors section of the jail, escorted by a friendly old Hispanic officer. They stopped by a door that looked like it belonged in a cockroach infested motel.
“Now don’t you have too much fun in there okay? Remember this is a jail!” said the old Hispanic officer with an impish grin framed by an oily gray mustache.
“I can’t promise that, Sir,” Daniel said with a light chuckle to hide his nervousness.
“Well she is a pretty one and you’re a lucky man. Just make sure you don’t do something stupid to stay here long or another man will take her from you okay?”
“I won’t,” said Daniel, trying not to think of Nathan.
“The rubbers are in there already, okay?” Said the old man while pushing the worn door open.
The conjugal visit room was poorly lit, badly arranged with old formica furniture from ages ago, the dirty yellow foam mattress had no sheets.
The dull linoleum floor was worn out and stained. Daniel stepped into the room, the door was locked behind him. The table, chairs and headboard of the bed were all tagged with several gang scratches, some old, some fresh, and it looked like it had been painted over too many times. The air smelled faintly of cheap cleaning chemicals, and from the door-less restroom he could feel the familiar perfume of cinnamon spice, gardenia petals and citrus.
Will this uniform turn her on, or turn her off?
After a few moments, Daniel decided to play it safe when it came to his uniform. He took his black and white striped shirt off, tossed it over a chair and kept his pants on. He could hear someone in the restroom, getting ready.
“Hey, Isabella! I’m here,” said Daniel. He thought about going in there to see her, but decided not to interrupt her. He looked around for a sheet to put on the bed instead.
“Be right out, Danny,” said Isabella, and he detected a slight tremble in her voice.
“Alright… I’m nervous too.”
It wouldn’t be the first time they fooled around, it had happened on their second encounter. From their third date on, they spent less time talking and more time doing it, but he was quite sure it would be the first time either of them would make love in the conjugal visit cell of a jail.
Who would’ve known that crazy hook up app I downloaded would lead to all of this, he thought, his body already stirring with anticipation.
He couldn’t find a sheet, there was none provided by the jail and he wasn’t comfortable laying down in that stained piece of foam with his clothes off and he surely wouldn’t make her do it. His eyes went around the room, thinking of creative ways of using the other furniture and the space before him.
“Hi, Danny,” the soft voice interrupted his imagination and sped up the beating of his heart.
“Isabella? Is everything ok?”
“No…”
She was crying and she looked like she had just walked into the cell. She had everything on and her purse straps were in her hand as if she was getting ready to leave.
All excitement in his body drained suddenly, and his heart raced with worry instead of lust. The look on her face made him want to hug her tight, not to love her physically, but to help shoulder whatever pain she was going through. He did just that, but her arms didn’t wrap tightly around him like they always did, they just stayed lifeless by her sides, hanging like the dead limbs of a tree.
“I am so sorry, Danny… I… I can’t do this,” said Isabella, now burying her face in his chest. He felt her warm tears on his skin. He touched her hair, began to run his fingers through it, caressing her gently, processing the understanding that none of his fantasies would come true today.
“It’s okay, we don’t have to do this here. Part of me thought this would be kinky and fun, but actually going through it… it’s kind of sad,” he said, kissing the side of her strawberry blond hair.
“I can’t do this anymore, Danny. I am so sorry,” said Isabella in between sobs.
“Do what?” He asked, wondering if he had heard it wrong.
“Us.”
“Isabella, I’ll get out of here soon, just have a little patience. Let’s just put things on hold for a while, you don’t have to come see me like this anymore. I’m sorry to put you through this.”
“I can’t see you anymore, Danny, not ever.”
“Why?” Said Danny, stunned. His arms let go of her body to hold her gently by her shoulders, his eyes trying to read the expressions on her tear stained face.
“I can’t throw my marriage away just because I enjoy your attention, Danny. My girls deserve better than this and I can’t do this to the father of my children,” she said, gazing deeply into his eyes. Even while crying she was stunningly beautiful.
“I am sorry, Isabella. We’ve talked a lot about your relationship with Nathan, I think it’s only a matter of time until he hurts you again. Take some time off, but don’t break things off with me. I will get out of this rough patch soon, then I’ll be ready to take our relationship to the next level, I promise,” said Daniel, trying to use logic to navigate her uncontrolled sea of emotions.
She shook her head from one side to another, trying to hold her tears in.
“You saw him this morning, now you are seeing me, your emotions are too raw Isabella. Go home, rest, think. Let me call you in a few days, just to check on you. Give yourself time to make a decision so drastic as to end our relationship. Come see me when you have thought things through,” he said as he cupped the side of her face and brushed away her tear with his thumb.
“Danny, let’s face it. We sleep with each other, but we hardly know one another. I can’t keep lying to myself and call that a relationship.”
Daniel’s blood froze in his veins. He was ready for anything but this.
“Nathan is very unstable,” she continued “I need to focus on him, get him the help he needs, I need to give my marriage a real try, if only for my girl’s sake.”
He held her face up slowly, and turned his own face aside and leaned into her cheek for a soft kiss, but she pulled away. Before he could even process what happened, she stepped away from him, letting his hands slip away from the smooth skin of her face.
“I’m so sorry, Danny. I know you need someone right now, but that can’t be me anymore.”
“I’m sorry too, Isabella. Please don’t leave me like his, this can’t be our end, not like this,” he said before turning and walking towards the chair his shirt hung on.
“I brought you what you asked,” she said, ignoring him. “I fitted what I could in a hidden pocket of my purse. It’s sitting on the bathroom sink. I hope it helps you here,” she said, placing one strap of her purse onto a shoulder, her fingers carefully picking the last of her tears from the corner of her eyes.
“Thank you, Isabella. I am sorry you had to see me like this, that you felt like you had to risk bringing this stuff in here to help me… But I appreciate you doing it,” said Daniel, trying to meet her gaze.
She nodded at him, and the eyes that stared back at him where the eyes of an acquaintance, not the eyes of a once passionate lover who couldn’t keep her body away from his.
“Good luck, Danny, I’m so sorry again… for everything,” she said, before on the door three times as she’d been instructed.
After a few seconds of silence, the door to the conjugal visit room opened, and Isabella stepped out, not looking the old Mexican guard in the face. Daniel could hear the click of her heels going down the corridor; even her walk sounded sensual.
He picked up his shirt and had started to put it back on when a familiar voice came from outside the conjugal visit cell. That voice was interrupted by that of the heavy accented Mexican guard.
“Officer DeLeon, please escort the inmate back to his tent, I’ll go process the lady out.”
Before the old man was even done speaking, Daniel snuck into the restroom to hide the only happiness Isabella had left behind. The restroom was small, outdated, and the arousing perfume Isabella wore was now gone, the strong acidic smell of old stale urine burned his nostrils and irritated his throat. He reached for the first pack of cigarettes and put it in his oversized jail issued briefs, then the second, and third. They felt somewhat loose in there.
“Danny?” The lightly accented voice he knew very well filled the small room from the doorway where she stood. There was something different about hearing his name from her lips again, and the wound Isabella had left open in Daniel’s heart stopped bleeding almost immediately.
“Hi, Jen!”
“Who’s the blonde huh?” Asked Jennifer, arching an eyebrow over her chocolate brown eyes.
“A friend…”
“A friend in the conjugal visit cell? A friend with benefits maybe?”
“No benefits there,” said Daniel, he shook his head and she motioned for him to come out. On his third step, still inside the conjugal visit cell, he stopped and looked at her with wide eyes. Suddenly a pack of cigarette
s fell down his pants, bouncing off his blue slip-on shoes and onto the torn up floor.
“Daniel Cross! Did she bring this to you? Why are you trying to smuggle that down to the tents?”
Jennifer folded her arms and glanced down the corridor to make sure no one was coming, “This isn’t like you!” She hissed.
Daniel crouched down to pick up the first pack, and the second fell down the same way. When he got back up, he had one pack on each hand. He placed them on the graffiti carved table, and sat down. Jennifer stood with her arms still crossed, her dark eyes seeming to analyze his every move.
“You’re right, this isn’t like me. Jail isn’t like me. I had to ask her to bring this stuff to me because of Whitey. He tricked me, now I owe him and if I don’t pay up, I am as good as dead in there. He is mentally deranged, I don’t know why you guys would put someone like that with normal inmates.”
“He is a normal inmate…” She let that hang in the air for a few seconds, and Daniel wondered how many other Whitey types were in there.
“Although I’ve heard stories. A psychiatrist evaluated him months ago after a fight in the yard and he was labeled fit for jail life. Tell me what happened between you two,” she asked, looking down the corridor again. She also made sure the nearby surveillance camera would record her standing outside the conjugal visit cell.
“He started off welcoming me into his group, supposedly teaching me about jail life, then I lost a game of poker, trying to play a round with him. Now he thinks I owe him something for disrespecting him. That night he put a shank to my throat, threatening me. I had to go from tent to tent, begging for an empty bed to sleep on, no one who was white welcomed me. They all turned against me. Now I am sleeping in the tent of the Native American inmates, they won’t bother me, but they don’t speak with me either,” he said while rotating the cigarette pack in between two fingers.
