Everything is heightened—Seb’s touch is electric, his eyes hooded with lust and desire. Being at his mercy is where I find my freedom.
Seb hasn’t moved. His self-control is firmly in place, but my orgasm is building deliciously, albeit too slowly for my liking. “Sebastian, please, I need…”
“Shhh… Just feel me.” He punctuates with a slow, lazy grind of his hips, giving me just enough friction to make me pant. He stills and then repeats, each time moving slowly, controlled. No thrusts, no pumping, just methodically winding me up and opening me to everything he wants.
“Please!” I sob.
“Mine. You’re submitting to me, Isabel.”
“Yes.”
“I give you your pleasure, push you to realise your beauty.”
“Mmm.”
“Does it feel good? Being helpless under my control?”
“Yes. God, yes.”
“Yes, it fucking does!” He finally lets go, pulling me down hard onto his cock while he flexes his hips. My head falls back, completely lost.
“Ahhh!” My stomach starts to quiver.
“Yes,” he growls at me, thrusting harder, driving me up and down in a punishing rhythm which only has one ending.
“Yes. Yes…” I cry as he rips my climax from my body, the sheer ecstasy causing me to lose control. My back arches and my weight shifts wildly in his lap.
“Fuck!” His curse and painful grip signal his own release.
Seb pants in my ear, his breath warm against my flushed, damp skin. I feel open to him in a way I haven’t before. “Did you feel that, Isabel?”
“Yes,” I purr. He lifts us both and I cling to him as he walks us to the bedroom and we collapse into bed. I snuggle into him, wanting to get closer.
“What time do you need to leave?” His question surprises me.
“Leave? I don’t have to, do I?”
“Well, you don’t want to move in. This is what it could be like.” He kisses down my neck and across my collarbone as he murmurs to me. “Do you want this?” His question pulls at my heart. Of course I want this. Tonight has been wonderful—everything I’ve wanted, plus the veil of guilt that used to surround me has finally lifted.
Can I simply jump into moving in with Seb? I’m not divorced. I’m barely separated. I can’t. It’s not right. I need to do this right.
“Tell me what you’re thinking? I can almost hear your brain whirring.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Seb, but…”
“But what? I want you in my bed, Izzy. Not just as a date.”
“I don’t want to mess things up between us, to spoil us. I’ve only just got you back. Are we ready to go from hardly seeing each other and catching slivers of time to living together?”
“Yes, and we won’t. I don’t care that you’re still married. You’re mine. Our story, remember? I want you in my house with me. I’ve waited too long for you already. I couldn’t stay away even when you were still with your husband. Why do you think I’d worry about it now?” I don’t have an answer for him. I’m being stupid. I had an affair with this man and fell in love with him. I should be jumping at this chance. I need somewhere to live, and if I’m honest with myself, the thought of having a happy ending with Seb makes me giddy.
He lifts my arms above my head and stretches me out before him, kissing me softly, reverently.
“You know how I could solve this for you. I could simply order you to move in. You’d obey… Look at me. You’d obey, because you want to please me and make me proud.”
“That’s not fair, Seb. You know… You know that’s what I want.” His peppering of kisses makes it hard to concentrate.
“Isabel, you will move in with me.”
“Please, Seb…”
“That’s not what I want to hear, baby.”
I look up at him, at his beautiful aqua-coloured eyes, and I’m flooded with all of the good we’ve shared so far in our relationship. I should have done things differently from the start, and I don’t want to make a foolish decision that is based on my lust-fuelled emotions rather than what is best for me. Yet a bigger part of me, the part of my heart that belongs to Seb, wants nothing more than to succumb and agree to what we both want.
I light up from within at his praise and pleasure. I’ve been lost without him these past few weeks. By saying yes, I can ease both our woes.
The tension radiating from Seb’s body tells me how anxious he is to hear my next words. I smile up at him and his eyes give way to a slither of doubt at what words may fall from my mouth. My smile spreads and he finally catches my meaning. I give a tiny nod of my head before he crashes my lips to his in a punishing kiss.
The next day, hope protects me from any negative thoughts. After I agreed to move in with Seb, I stayed the night. His presence was the soothing comfort I needed. The decision had been made, the weight lifted from my shoulders. I could move in with Seb, make both of us happy, and silence my doubts.
I convince Seb to drop me back at Jess’s house and he finally relents.
“Are you going to tell her you’re moving in with me?”
“Yes, of course. I agreed, didn’t I?” It hurts to think that Seb doesn’t trust me to see this through.
“Okay then. I’ll see you later. I’ll be happy to pick you up.” I can see his enthusiasm, and his eagerness is heart-warming.
“Thanks, but it’s not necessary. I have a car. I don’t have a lot of my things, just a few possessions from the house. No furniture or anything like that.”
“You don’t need anything else, and I want to help you move your things over.”
“Really, Seb, I can manage on my own. Also, I want to pay towards the bills. I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re moving in with me at my invitation. How is that taking advantage?”
“You know what I mean. I’ll pay for food, something. I won’t be kept. I’ve always paid my way.”
From the scowl on his face, he’s far from happy with my response. I get out of the car and offer a tentative wave. I hadn’t considered that being with Seb will mean he’ll want to control areas of life outside of the bedroom. My wish was to submit sexually. What about Seb?
I leave him stewing in the car and head on into the house. “Hi, Jess. I’m home.”
“I’m in the kitchen.” I walk through to find her and Greg sitting at the table with cups in hand. “Morning. How did everything go last night? I didn’t hear from you after you left.”
“Fine, thanks. Sorry I didn’t text you again.”
“Don’t be daft. I’m not your mother. I just wanted to check you’re alright, and I’m guessing you are as Seb’s back.” My face breaks out in a flush in answer to her question. Seb is back. I hear a dull thud and see an innocent-looking Jess staring up at me.
“I’m just going to go and put the TV on.” Greg makes a sharp exit from the kitchen. He’s rubbing his shin. I’m not convinced turning on the TV was his idea.
“And…?” She’s waiting on me to say something more. She drums her fingers on the table in a rhythmical pattern. I busy myself with my own cup before sitting down and joining her.
“And I agreed to move in with him.” I hide behind my cup, the tea too hot to gulp down.
“When? Why? Are you sure? You were looking for flats. You wanted to have something good for you?” Her hands are flying around, animatedly.
“I know, I know. But that’s changed. I do want to move in with him. This is just a little sooner than I had originally planned.”
“Izzy, think about this. Are you ready to jump straight into living with this man? You said you wanted to find your own place, your own independence?”
“I love him and I want us to be together.” I knew that Jess would start with the reasons why this isn’t a good idea, but hearing them makes me want to fight for my happiness with Seb. Starting with moving in with him.
“You’ve sprung this on me. The las
t I knew you were looking for your own flat. If Seb hadn’t asked you, you would have been perfectly happy to move out on your own. This isn’t about you. It’s about Seb.” She has a point. This is more about Seb wanting me to move in with him. I had wanted to wait.
“Please, Jess. This is what I want. It might not be the ideal timing, but I want to be with him.” She gives me that same look as when I chose Seb’s side over hers in the coffee shop. I’m taking his side over hers again.
“You’ve really made up your mind? You won’t reconsider, or at least give it a few weeks?”
“No, I want us to be together.”
“I do, too. I’m thrilled you’re with him, but I don’t understand why you need to move in with him straight away.”
“Please don’t be mad at me. I’ve loved staying with you and I don’t want to leave in this way.”
“I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m just looking out for you. You had an affair with him, then you broke up and I had to try and drag you out of the house.” She stands up as if she’s indignant about my choice. “He broke you, and it’s been hot and cold since then. You shouldn’t be moving this fast.” She storms out of the room. Her elephant feet thud loudly through the house, followed by her bedroom door slamming shut.
I know that Jess has her own qualms over commitment, and I understand why she’s sceptical. But I love Seb and I want us to be together. I don’t want to negotiate seeing him. I want to wake up with him next to me.
I’ve told her. Izzy
Good. When do you want to move your stuff over? Today or tomorrow? S
Perhaps tomorrow would be best. Can I let you know? Izzy
His home. I play around with the words in my head. Can I make it our home? Will he let me? We haven’t talked about anything like that, but I am happy to move in. Will Jess accept me back if it goes horribly wrong again? Stop thinking like that.
I’m sorry Jess. I love you x
I hope she has her phone with her.
I am getting restless at home. Izzy has been texting me through the day, which helps, but I want her here with me. She didn’t respond to my offer to move in as I hoped she would. I won’t take any more chances with her. Hearing her scared and knowing that Phil can get to her makes me see red. She belongs with me and that’s final. No way I’m letting that arsehole anywhere near her again.
You owe me an explanation. Face to face. Text me your address. Jess
Shit! I should have known that exchanging numbers with Jess has left me open to a best friend attack. But I needed to get those flowers to Izzy for Christmas. Jess is fiercely protective over Izzy. That was evident at our first meeting at the bar when Izzy, thankfully, agreed to work things out between us.
I type out my response and wait for the inevitable. It seems that Jess will be playing the best friend card on me again. I should be thankful that Izzy has such a good friend looking out for her.
I think back to the Christmas party and to taking the job in Manchester. It was my job to be in control of our relationship, to set the pace and guide Izzy through her sexual awakening. She turned that on its head when I realised I’d fallen for her. Finally, I had found a woman who matched my desires, not just a sub, but a woman who I could foster a relationship with, who I could finally be myself with and have her care for me in return.
That is what I want more than anything else in the world. Izzy is what I want more than anything else in the world.
I pace to the kitchen and pour myself a drink. I’m sure Jess isn’t going to make this easy on me. I need her on my side. I certainly don’t want to be the new boyfriend who steals Izzy away from her friends.
The intercom buzzes sooner than I anticipate and I go to buzz her in. I leave the door open for her and go back to the sitting room. If she thinks she can come here and change my mind about Izzy, she’s sorely mistaken.
“Hello?”
“Come on in,” I call out to her.
She approaches with no hesitation or apprehension. She is serious. Her body is tense and she doesn’t look happy.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing asking Izzy to move in with you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard. You vanish and leave her in an emotional mess. Again. Then swan back and whisk her off. Again. I’m sick of picking up the pieces of your mess.”
“Hold on a minute. I did not leave her. She left after I asked her for a relationship. I didn’t leave. I went to Manchester to work. I’d suggest you get your facts straight before you throw around any more accusations.”
“You’re splitting hairs, you did leave. What I want to know is why are you rushing this? She’s only just getting things together and you just change the game again.”
“I can assure you, Jess, nothing is a game when it comes to Isabel.”
She pauses, seeming to assess my statement. I stare her down and prepare for her next barrage.
“Well, if you feel that way, why are you rushing things?”
“I’m not rushing anything. She needs a place to live, a home, and I want her with me. Plus Phil knows that she will be with you. She was terrified. I won’t have it. Especially when I can help. She’s just being stubborn about moving in. It shouldn’t matter how long we’ve been together. I love her and she loves me. You need to get used to me being in her life, because I’m not going anywhere.” She flops down on the chair and crosses her arms. She reminds me of a young child throwing a tantrum.
“There’s no need to be so romantic about it,” Jess pouts.
I take a seat at the other end of the room.
“Look, Jess, we both care about Izzy and want what’s best for her. It’s my job to look after her and care for her. I can’t do that properly while she’s with you.”
“You don’t mind that she’s still married?”
If she thinks Izzy’s marital status would stop me, she really is delusional. In response I raise my eyebrows and stare at her.
“I only ask because she said something that suggested that you didn’t like that she was still married.”
“What did she say?” I rack my brains for anything that would have given her that impression.
“She said that you wanted more from the relationship and that you didn’t like that she was still married.”
I know what conversation that was—the one that crushed every part of me. Admitting that I wanted all in wasn’t hard. The risk that she wouldn’t choose me was the biggest gamble of my life, but Izzy didn’t understand. I needed her to choose me and stop retreating back to her marriage. I wanted her to admit her true feelings and have the courage to stand up for herself.
“What I said was that I wanted more from our relationship than currently existed. I wanted her exclusively and I wasn’t willing to settle for the moments she could squeeze me in only to watch her retreat back to Phil.”
“So you don’t want her to get a divorce?”
“Oh, hell yes, I do. But her not having one isn’t going to stop my relationship moving forward with her. She’s made her choice and it’s me.” Jess has a lot of guts to challenge me. Not a lot of friends would do that.
I wonder what Natasha will say when she finds out. As my mentor, she’s probably going to be mad as hell that I haven’t spoken to her sooner. I’m going to have to tell her everything. At least she can stop trying to set me up with her ‘take’ on an appropriate sub for me.
“Look, Jess, I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’ve waited a long time for Izzy to walk into my life. She means the world to me, and I finally feel that I’ve found the right woman. I don’t care that she’s married. We started our relationship in an unconventional fashion. That doesn’t stop me loving her or wanting to start my life with her.” Things will be a lot easier if Jess just accepts that we’re not on different sides. I can tell that the honesty has helped. Jess’s body language has softened, and with luck, so has her opinion of me.
I sit and wait. I don’t know what her game plan for tonight was, but if
she thinks to drive us apart, she’s going to have to change it. I won’t change my mind about Izzy.
“You really love her. It’s not just an affair?”
“Of course not.”
“Okay then.” She stands and starts towards the door, our conversation over and her mind made up.
“I’ll be outside tomorrow morning for her. Make sure she’s packed up,” I say as Jess walks out.
She doesn’t answer. I hear the bang of the door closing behind her.
I hardly sleep all night, worrying about how I will leave Jess when she’s clearly still mad at my decision. Being up at the crack of dawn means that I’m all packed and ready to move my suitcases.
I hear a gentle knock at my door and Jess’s voice. “Knock, knock. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I drop a folded shirt into my suitcase.
Jess slips inside the room and waits by the doorway. She looks a little unsure of herself, which is completely out of character.
“Are you okay?” I say.
“Yes, I’m… I just came to say I’m sorry, and to ask if you needed any help packing?” She grins up at me from under her lashes.
“Really?”
“Really. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, and I might have been a little hasty with my judgement. I want you to do what is right for you. If this is it, then I’m good with it.” Relief crashes over me and lifts my spirits. I should have been ecstatic about moving in with Seb, but my fight with Jess put a damper on my buzz.
“Thank you, Jess. It means such a lot for you to tell me that. I promise you that this is what I want. I’m just getting there a little quicker than expected.” We giggle a little, relieving the remaining tension between us.
“For the record, you said you wanted to take control of your life by moving out on your own. The next thing, you’re moving in with him. Try and see it from my point of view. I just want you to be happy. I don’t want to have to see sad Izzy again.”
Forever More Page 8
