'So why don't you?' Lauren urged. 'You're not still hankering after Neil, are you?'
There was an awkward silence around the table at the mention of Sam's father and Sheila and Lisa shot Lauren reproachful looks.
'Course she's not!' Lisa said staunchly as Dee drained her glass and reached for the bottle.
'Then what are you waiting for, Dee?' Lauren said undeterred. 'Is there someone else?'
Dee bit her lip. 'No.'
'Then why not, love?' Sheila said gently. 'He'd make you so happy, you know he would.'
'Because,' Dee said softly, 'he never fucking asked me, okay?'
The women sat in stunned silence as Dee got up from the table and made her way through the restaurant.
'Shit,' Lauren muttered.
'Why did you have to push her like that?' Sheila said.
'I was only having a bit of fun. Anyway,' she nudged Sheila, 'you joined in.'
'I'll just go and make sure that she's okay.' Lisa stood up and hurried out to the loo after her friend.
'Well, well, well.' Lauren sipped her drink thoughtfully. 'I wonder what's going on there.'
Sheila shook her head. 'I don't understand it. I got the impression he was mad about her and she was the one holding back.'
'Maybe Conor doesn't want to be saddled with someone else's kid.'
Sheila's eyes widened. 'Oh, no, he's not like that and Sam's a great little lad.'
'Yeah, but not his little lad. Some men can't get past that.'
'I don't believe Conor's like that.'
Lauren shrugged. 'He hasn't asked her to marry him, have you any better ideas?'
'Should we go after them?'
Lauren shook her head and topped up the glasses. 'No. The best thing we can do is pretend it never happened and get her totally pissed.'
'Dee, are you okay?' Lisa rapped on the loo door again. 'Please come out.'
After a moment the door opened and Dee emerged, red-eyed and sniffing. 'Sorry.'
'Don't be silly, what have you to be sorry for?'
'Making a scene and spoiling the evening.'
Lisa grabbed some hand towels and shoved them into Dee's hand. 'You haven't spoiled anything. We shouldn't have been winding you up.'
'How come Lauren was going on at me about Conor and not you about Ger?' Dee protested.
'I would have been next,' Lisa assured her. 'Would you like to marry him?' she asked gently.
Dee sniffed. 'Of course I would.'
'I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he asks you because he is definitely mad about you. Has he ever used the L word?'
Dee shook her head and dabbed half-heartedly at her eyes. 'No. Maybe he's just staying with me until someone better comes along. Or maybe he already met her. All of those years he spent in Clare, Lisa – what if he met the love of his life down there?'
'Did he have a girlfriend down there?'
'I don't know; all he ever talks about is his mate Aidan, the farm and Aidan's mother's wonderful cooking.'
'I doubt if he lived like a monk when he was in Clare, Dee, but even if there was anyone special, he's not seeing her now, he's seeing you.'
'But he could be settling for me,' Dee insisted.
'Rubbish, the man is mad about you, it's obvious to everyone but you. Is he the right guy for you, though?'
Dee considered the question. 'I didn't think I'd ever be happy with another man after Neil left but with Conor everything's so . . . easy. Oh, lord, that doesn't sound very romantic, does it?' she chuckled.
Lisa shrugged. 'Ger isn't exactly 007 but he's mine and I love him.'
Dee nodded. 'Conor's like my other half. He understands me, we like the same things, have the same values, and, of course, he's great with Sam. We fit, if you know what I mean.'
'Have you told him you love him?' Lisa asked.
Dee shook her head vehemently. 'No way!'
Lisa grinned. 'You're so old-fashioned.'
'No, I just don't want to feel a total prat when he doesn't say it back.'
'Maybe you need to let him know you love him, without actually saying it,' Lisa suggested.
Dee wrinkled her nose. 'That sounds very complicated.'
'Well, we're not going to think about it any more tonight. It's a girls' night out, let's go and have some fun.'
'I can't go back out there,' Dee protested.
'You can and you will,' Lisa said, steering her towards the door.
'Sorry about that,' Dee murmured, taking her seat. She was relieved to see that their food had arrived and Lauren and Sheila were tucking in.
'Nothing to apologize for.' Sheila smiled. 'Eat up, the food is gorgeous.'
'Want to try some of my fish?' Lauren smiled at Dee. 'It's really good.'
'Thanks.' Stretching across she took a forkful of fish from Lauren's plate. 'Oh, yes, that's lovely,' she agreed and then bent her head over her pasta.
'How's your lamb?' Sheila asked Lisa.
'Very good, although not as good as Dee's,' Lisa said loyally.
'I had the shepherd's pie in Better Books last week and it was gorgeous,' Sheila agreed. 'You should open your own restaurant, Dee.'
'Too much work,' Dee replied.
Lisa laughed. 'And you have such an easy life at the moment!'
Dee shrugged. 'It's not so bad, really, and I can work my hours around Sam. I wouldn't be able to do that in a restaurant.'
'He seems to be much healthier these days,' Sheila remarked. 'I haven't seen him with a rash in months.'
'Would it not be better to expose him to more things?' Lauren asked.
'Sorry?' Dee looked up.
'I mean, you'd probably find that he'd get used to animals and foods if he was around them more.'
Dee thought for a while before answering. Her instinct was to tell Lauren that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but she'd already had one outburst tonight and she didn't want to ruin the evening completely. Anyway, Lauren didn't really mean any harm. She always shot straight from the hip when she drank and she'd made it clear in the past that she thought Dee was way too over-protective.
'It's an interesting theory, Lauren,' Dee said eventually, 'but I think I'll stick with the preventative strategy for now.'
'I think you've done an amazing job with Sam,' Lisa said, supportive as ever. 'You're a great mother.'
'Brilliant,' Sheila agreed. 'Do the twins eat well, Lauren?'
'So much goes all over them and the floor, it's hard to tell. I need a cigarette.' Lauren pushed back her chair and headed for the door.
'She's a bit prickly tonight,' Lisa observed.
'No more than usual after a few drinks,' Dee said with a grin.
'Now, now, ladies, no bitching on our night out,' Sheila warned.
'I think it's healthy to speak your mind,' Lisa said, slurring her words slightly. 'Much better than keeping it all inside.'
Dee and Sheila exchanged an amused look.
'I'm going to the loo,' Sheila announced. 'Order me a coffee, will you?'
'Not dessert?' Lisa asked.
'Oh, no, I'm stuffed,' Sheila said, patting her flat stomach.
'You'll have something, Dee, won't you?' Lisa said, signalling to the waiter.
'No, I'm fine.'
'Oh.' Lisa's face crumpled in disappointment.
'But you have something,' Dee urged. 'I believe the desserts here are really good.'
'Oh, okay then,' Lisa said, her eyes devouring the menu.
Lauren returned as the waiter came back to take their order.
'Oh, there you are, Lauren, want some dessert?'
Lauren shook her head. 'Just coffee for me.'
Lisa rolled her eyes at the waiter. 'Just the one cheesecake then, please, and I'll have a cappuccino.'
She looked around the table. 'Now, where are we going next?'
Chapter 7
Dee was very grateful that Conor had taken Sam out for the day. Her head ached and any time she bent down, the room went into a
spin. After all her protestations she had ended up drinking as much as the other girls and had been more than a little unsteady when Phil dropped her off in the early hours. Despite the upset in the restaurant which she really didn't want to dwell on, Dee had rather enjoyed her night out. Once she and Lauren had hit the dance floor they'd forgotten their differences and let their hair down. Neither of them got the opportunity to do it very often and when they did they usually came home hoarse after singing their hearts out. Last night was no exception and despite her hangover, Dee was glad she'd gone.
Lauren drove her round the twist at times and they had totally different views on raising children but she was great fun. Long after Lisa had got maudlin about Ger and Sheila had started to yawn, Dee and Lauren were going strong.
'You're unbelievable,' Sheila had complained when she'd finally got the two of them to get into Phil's car. 'You never want to come out and once you're out, you never want to go home!'
'That's why I don't go out often,' Dee had told her, closing her eyes and snuggling up against Lisa.
Now, with a very delicate stomach and at least four hours of cooking ahead of her, Dee wished she'd stuck to water and come home early but then it was good to break the rules occasionally. All that dancing and singing was surely good for her stress levels, if not her feet and throat.
She took a couple of aspirin and swallowed them with a strong cup of tea before making a start on preparing the vegetables. Hopefully the pills would have kicked in by the time she started cooking and the smells wouldn't be too hard to handle. She had just finished peeling the potatoes when the doorbell went. Who on earth was that at this hour on a Sunday, she wondered, wiping her hands in her apron as she went to answer the door. Immediately her thoughts went to Sam, although, if there was a problem, Conor would phone. Still, she hurried through the house to the hall door and threw it open.
'Hello, Dee.'
Dee stood staring, her mouth opening and closing again like a startled fish.
'Aren't you going to invite me in?' Neil said gently.
'I'm not sure,' she said eventually, her voice barely a whisper.
'That's understandable.'
'Why are you here, Neil?'
Neil didn't reply but instead held up the newspaper with the photo of Dee and Sam.
She sighed. 'You'd better come in.'
Neil wandered around the kitchen as Dee went through the motions of making tea. She wondered why she was being so polite to this man; this man who had stolen from her and left her in a foreign country without a thought or a care for her well-being. She went into autopilot and tried to come up with a plan. What could she say about Sam? Could she convince Neil that he wasn't his father? No, she realized, he'd never buy that. Sam had his dad's lopsided smile, thick mop of dark, curly hair and grey-green eyes; there was no doubt that they were father and son. Perhaps he just wanted money and thought that because Dee had her own business she was rich. He was in for a shock. Still, it would be great if she could just pay him to leave them alone. She didn't want Sam to meet Neil; it would be too unsettling.
'I've interrupted you,' he said, indicating the chopping board and vegetables.
'Yes.' Dee carried two mugs of tea to the table. She watched him as he stirred in sugar and added milk. He looked well. His hair was shorter and he was wearing dark jeans and a heavy cotton shirt in a moss green shade that brought out the green in his eyes. His shoulders were broader than she remembered and he seemed in good shape. There were a few wrinkles around his eyes – laughter lines? – but on the whole, for nearly thirty, he looked good.
'You look great,' he said.
She realized that while she had been studying him, he'd also been studying her.
'That's a lie,' she said bluntly, knowing she looked her worst. Her face was pale, there were bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, her hair was in an untidy knot on the top of her head, and she was wearing yesterday's crumpled T-shirt and jeans. It annoyed her that he should catch her looking so unkempt. When she'd imagined this confrontation – and she had, often – she was wearing a suit and heels so she could look him in the eye and show him that she was confident and successful. But the reality was very different. She felt lousy, looked lousy and her confidence was shaky at best. In contrast, Neil looked great and relaxed, which was very annoying. He had no reason to feel comfortable.
'You've grown up,' Neil said, ignoring her irritation.
'Being robbed and deserted in a foreign country has that effect,' she spat.
His eyes held hers. 'I can't tell you how much I regret doing that to you. It's tortured me every day we've been apart.'
'Not so much to make you come back or return the money. You're only here now because of Sam.'
He produced a small envelope from the back pocket of his jeans and set it down on the table next to her hand. 'That's what I owe you, with interest.'
Dee stared at it. 'It still doesn't make it all right, Neil. It's been nearly five years!'
'I know that and you're right; I probably wouldn't have come if I hadn't seen the photo. But the only reason I stayed away, Dee, is because I knew you were better off without me.'
'Oh, right, you were doing me a favour, is that it?' she said angrily.
'Yes, Dee, I was,' he said, holding her gaze.
'Well, you did the right thing then. I didn't need you then and I certainly don't need you now and neither does Sam.'
'I can understand that you're angry—'
'Can you? Can you really? You know what, Neil, I don't think you know or understand anything about me and I certainly don't think you care.'
'You're wrong. I treated you very badly and that's haunted me since we parted.'
'That's bullshit and you know it!'
He sighed. 'Okay, it's true that when we split, all I could think about was the next bet. But once I stopped gambling, I fully realized how terribly I'd treated you and how much I must have hurt you.'
'Don't flatter yourself, I was better off without you,' she said again. 'So are you back in Ireland for good now?' she asked, wondering exactly what he was after.
He kept his eyes on the newspaper in his hand. 'I'm not sure yet but when I saw the picture' – he smiled slightly – 'I had to come.'
'You can't see him,' Dee said hurriedly. 'He's not even here today—'
'It's okay, I didn't expect to meet him. I just wanted to talk about him and about you. I just wanted to catch up.'
'So what do you want to know?' she asked, thinking that the sooner she told him what he wanted to hear, the sooner she could get rid of him.
Dee was startled when his face split into a huge smile.
'Everything, every little detail,' he urged. 'When did you find out you were pregnant? You must have been so frightened. I wish I'd been here for you but I would have been more of a hindrance than a help.' He smiled at her again. 'I bet you were beautiful when you were pregnant.'
'I was big, awkward and I suffered badly with wind,' Dee said sharply but in fact he was right. She had blossomed when she was pregnant and she'd revelled in her round, ripe body and loved the sensation of her child moving within her. 'I was only home a couple of weeks when I found out I was pregnant. I did consider abortion because the last thing I wanted was your child,' she added, hoping to hurt him.
He winced but nodded in understanding and waited for her to continue.
'But they did a scan and I saw this tiny heart beating and I knew I couldn't do it.'
Neil smiled.
'I had a relatively easy pregnancy,' she continued, 'although Pauline was a thorn in my side at the time. Do you remember Pauline?'
'The aunt from hell, how could I forget? She hated me. Wasn't she at least happy that you came home without me?'
'She'd have been happier if I wasn't carrying your baby. Finally she'd thought I was getting my life back on track and going to college, and bam, I'm pregnant. She totally lost it with me. My Uncle Jack had to almost drag her out of the house. She screamed at m
e that I had destroyed my life but I'd made my bed and now would have to lie on it.'
'Good old Aunt Pauline,' Neil shook his head, 'she was always so supportive.'
'She improved once Sam was born,' Dee admitted, 'and he still sees her and Jack regularly. She's not the maternal sort but she does seem to have a soft spot for Sam.'
'Good, I'm glad he's had some family. My mother will be furious that she's missed out on a grandchild all these years. I don't think she'll ever forgive me.'
Dee stood up and went to put on the kettle again. She didn't really want more tea but it gave her something to do. 'Have you seen your mother?'
'Yes, I'm staying with her.'
'Oh!' Dee kept her back to him so he couldn't see the shock on her face. 'So how long have you been back?'
'A couple of months.'
Dee digested this piece of information. 'She must be pleased to have you back.'
'She seems to be but, like you, she's not sure if she can trust me. I suppose it's up to me to prove to her, to both of you, that I have changed.'
Dee said nothing, simply made more tea and sat down again.
'Go on with your story,' he urged, 'please?'
She sighed. 'Sam was born on the 18th of December.'
He frowned. 'So that was 2002?'
She nodded. 'He was seven and a half pounds, was completely bald and cried non-stop for the first seven weeks of his life.'
Neil chuckled.
'You wouldn't have been laughing if you'd been there,' Dee snapped. 'I was incredibly tired, very depressed, and I blamed you for everything.'
'I can understand that.'
Dee wished he'd stop being so reasonable. She couldn't believe that he was here in her kitchen and that they were calmly discussing his behaviour over a cup of tea. She should be screaming and shouting at him and throwing him out of the house, telling him he'd never get his hands on his son. She should be telling him about all the times that it was so hard to be alone. But now as he sat here opposite her, all she felt was sad.
'So he was healthy?' he prompted.
'Yes, he was at the beginning.'
'What do you mean?'
'He has asthma and eczema. Not badly,' she added hurriedly when she saw his eyes darken in concern. 'If he avoids cats and dogs and sticks to a healthy diet, he's fine.'
It's All About Him Page 6
