Micah gave me space the next day, at least until the end of school. I had gone to the library to work on my homework, knowing Chloe wouldn’t leave me alone once I got home. I’d figured the library would be a safe zone from sisterly harassment. I hadn’t figured on Micah coming by.
“Hey,” he said as he slid into the chair across from me. I didn’t respond, simply glared at the page in front of me as my hand automatically ran the yellow highlighter along the words. “Can we talk?”
I flipped the page and started highlighting again.
“Lils, come on. I’m sorry I asked Chloe hang out without telling you about it.”
I finally spoke. “You were right, Micah. We were only friends. That was the agreement. We weren’t dating or anything. We never said anything about not dating other people.”
“Then why is this all messed up? Why won’t you look at me?”
I lifted my gaze to meet his. “There. I’m looking at you.”
“Don’t be like this, Lils. Please, I want my best friend back.”
The tip of my highlighter snapped to the side.
“Fine. Let’s be friends. Do you like her? Are you going to ask her out again? Did you kiss her? Did you run your finger along her cheek just before you kissed her? Did she kiss you behind your ear just like you like?”
“Lily...”
“I can’t be friends with you, Micah. Because I don’t want to know that you could be happy with her. I don’t want to know what you’re doing with her or anyone else.” I gave a chuckle that came out mixed with a sob. “I thought I was using you to forget and it worked. It did. For a while. But it was just an excuse, because the real reason I was with you was that I wanted you. I wanted someone who saw me for more than my gift, or as the poor little girl whose boyfriend killed himself.”
I grabbed my things from the table and shoved them in my backpack, ignoring the looks from the few students a couple tables over.
“You want to know why things are all messed up? Because I am. I am so screwed up I seriously thought you wanted me for me. Not as some body and definitely not as the sister of the girl you really wanted.” I stood and looked at him one last time. “Find yourself a new friend.”
Breaking up sucks. When I broke up with Dylan, it was hard to separate myself from him, to not constantly call him, or be with him. Yet there was also the freedom of knowing I didn’t have to tell him where I was or coming up with excuses when I wanted to be alone. Even though part of me had missed being with someone, I’d also loved how I was making friends with other people.
Breaking up when you’re not even really together sucks worse. There’s no friends picking sides, no understanding looks, or sympathy. There’s just a sudden void that you don’t know how to fill and every moment I was apart from Micah was a moment I missed him more.
I wanted my best friend back. I wanted to sit around on a Saturday afternoon and watch movies with him, but wanting something doesn’t mean it’s good for you. And Micah was definitely not good for me.
Friday night I sat in Phoebe’s desk chair listening to her and Tonya plan the birthday party. Somehow, Owen and I hadn’t managed to escape Phoebe’s grand idea to party plan and had been stuck in her room for nearly two hours. Owen was lying on his back on the floor staring at the ceiling and I figured he was either completely zoned out or on the verge of death. I was fairly certain he was dying of boredom. The first hour, I’d attempted to offer suggestions, but Tonya and Phoebe had shot down each one, probably because they both thought they had the best ideas. I gave up after the third “lame” from Phoebe. If Chloe had been there, she would have forced them to listen. But she was out. Maybe with Micah.
I didn’t really care much about the party anyway. Parties tended to be like the first day of school, only worse. Emotions would be on overdrive and cramped into a confining space where I had little chance of escape. There was no way I was going to get out of going to this one, but I didn’t plan on staying long.
Tonya and Phoebe debated on the kinds of decorations they were going to put up and I tuned them out. I pulled Phoebe’s pile of junk along the desk towards me and started sorting it out. I couldn’t believe she still had papers from last year.
“Stop that!” Phoebe swatted the papers out of my hand. “You’re supposed to be helping.”
“Is that what you call rejecting all of my suggestions?”
“Well, think of it as motivation to come up with some better ideas. How many people are we up to?” Phoebe asked, flopping onto the bed beside Tonya.
Tonya pulled up the list on her iPad. “Um, seventy-six. But that doesn’t include all the random crashers we’re gonna get. I’m so thinking of hiring someone to be like security or something.”
“Isn’t that a little excessive?” I asked. “Maybe we just shouldn’t invite so many people. Won’t your grandma be a bit upset when she finds out?”
“You mean, if she finds out. Which she won’t, because she’s gonna be gone all weekend. Besides, you try and find someone to cut,” she said and shoved the iPad at me. I scrolled through the names.
“Who is Phillip?”
“He’s a junior, but so hot. He has to come. I’m totally thinking he’s gonna be my next boyfriend.” Tonya sighed and laughed when Phoebe threw a pillow at her.
“He’s a sophomore,” Owen said, surprising us with the fact that not only was he alive, but that he was also listening to the conversation.
“So, I’m testing out my cougar abilities.” Tonya curled her fingers into a claw and gave a rawr sound.
I skimmed through the rest of the list. “What about Micah?”
“He’s not on the list.” Phoebe snatched the iPad from my hands and tossed it onto the bed.
“I noticed. Why not?”
“Seriously, Lils?” She gave me one of her are-you-insane looks, eyes wide open and brows soaring halfway to her hairline
“He’s the only senior you don’t have on there.”
“Not true,” she said. “We didn’t invite Vivian or her pimply new boyfriend, Eric.”
“You should invite Micah. He’s your friend,” I said.
“He is not my friend. Not after what he did.” Her eyes flicked to Tonya, before coming back to me. Well, apparently she’d managed to keep her mouth shut about something for once.
I rolled my eyes, because Phoebe’s lack of concern for others was usually a fleeting thing. “Fine, but he’s Owen’s friend, and Chloe’s, and Nathan’s. Everyone else on that list is his friend.”
“You gotta admit he’s hot, Phoebs,” Tonya said. “And that was the criteria we set for an invite. Only hotties and then a few girls we can stand. And we invited Andrew even though Chloe said she didn’t want him there.”
“Did you even hear yourself? Chloe asked us not to do something? That’s practically telling us to do it. She’s crushing on him still, so of course she’s gonna tells us not to invite him, because she totally wants him there. Lils, are you sure you want Micah there? You know we don’t give a shit if he’s offended.”
“I’m sure.” I nodded my head as she stared at me as if trying to see how serious I was. Maybe she thought I was a glutton for punishment and she was most likely right. Inviting Micah would only bring me down on what should be a fun night, but at the same time, I wanted him there.
“Alright. He’s invited, but he has to dress up as Mickey Mouse,” Phoebe said, referring to how she and Tonya had thought for the longest time that his name was Mickey. “Which reminds me, I bought my costume.”
She jumped up and rummaged through some bags on the floor of her closet, before coming out holding a wrinkled red and black pile of fabric. She started shaking it and gradually the material took the form of a dress and red cape.
“Oh, sexy Red Riding Hood. I like.” Tonya sat up and snatched the outfit from Phoebe, holding it up to herself. She twisted and gave pursed her lips in an exaggerated model face. “This would look so good on me. Maybe you should do something a little mo
re virginal. You should spend the night reminding Nathan of what he’s gonna be getting.”
“Don’t make me puke,” Chloe said, appearing at the door. She wandered into the room, stepping over Owen. Tonya gave her a nasty look before tossing the dress back to Phoebe. “I’ve already seen enough to give me nightmares.”
“Are you just trying to annoy us, or do you have a reason for coming in here? I thought you had a date.” Phoebe tossed the dress onto the bed and I automatically picked it up, smoothing some of the creases out. I didn’t want to know about Chloe’s date. Unless it was with someone other than Micah.
“I didn’t have a date. Bianca and I were going to go to see some band play at the amphitheater, but she bailed on me. She said something about being hot and sweaty.”
Phoebe snorted. “That’s Logan. Apparently, she picked him up at the gym last week and now she thinks she’s in love. More like she thinks once her parents get a look at him, they’ll stop bugging her about all the other guys she’s brought home.”
“Is he that bad?” I wondered what could be so wrong with him.
“No, not if you think tattoos, piercings, and eyeliner on a guy are good things.”
Micah had a tattoo and though I didn’t mind it, the fact it had to do with his ex-girlfriend didn’t make it particularly attractive. Phoebe’s dress crumpled in my hands. I uncurled my fingers, stood up, and walked to the closet to hang up the costume. If I didn’t do it, no one would, and by the time the party came, it would be hopelessly wrinkled. Phoebe would just end up asking me to iron it for her at the last minute. As I stepped into her closet, three more bags fell over, spilling their contents across the floor.
“Phoebs, how many costumes did you buy?” I asked, nudging the clothes with my foot.
“What? Oh, I totally spaced. I bought you your costume, too.” She came over and snatched up one of the bags.
“You bought me a costume? Did you consider that I might want to pick out my own?” I asked.
“Oh, come on. You know you never dress up, but you have to this time. It’s our party. Besides this is so totally awesome!” She pulled out the costume and my eyes bulged. It was a spandex black suit.
“What am I supposed to be? Cat Woman?”
“No. You’re gonna be - what’s her name from the Avengers movie, you know Scarlett Johansson’s character.”
“Black Widow?” Chloe chimed in.
“Yeah, well she has red hair and I figured it was that or the Little Mermaid.”
Thank God for small miracles. On the other hand how bad could a Disney costume be? Anything had to be better than spandex.
“Damn, that thing is gonna be skin tight.” Tonya grabbed one leg of costume and stretched it out. “You might actually look good for once.”
“Gee, thanks.” I was starting to realize why Chloe found Tonya so annoying.
“Shut up,” Chloe sneered at Tonya.
“Ouch, that hurt.” Tonya rolled her eyes.
“Here try this on.” A black cloud of cloth fell over my head, and I pulled it off to glare at Phoebe.
“I’m not wearing this,” I said and shoved the outfit back at her. She snatched it from my hand.
“Fine.” She stomped back to the closet and yanked out another bag. “Then here’s your mermaid costume.”
“I doubt she could pull it off anyways,” Tonya said, maybe in an attempt to pacify my sister. “Lily’s way too innocent to wear something like that. She should be the tooth fairy or something.”
Phoebe snorted and muttered something like ‘innocent my ass’. She thrust the bag at me. I took it from her and went down to my bedroom. In the bag, the mermaid costume didn’t look too bad, on me it was beyond horrific. The top was basically a bikini bra and the tail was a tight floor length skirt that hung about four inches beyond the end of my legs. I pulled it off then folded it before placing it back in the bag and tugging on my robe.
When I opened the door, Phoebe was standing there, the Black Widow outfit dangling from her outstretched hand. I snatched it and flung the mermaid bag at her, swinging the door shut in her face before she could say anything.
The second costume was much better than the mermaid and it was so not me. I could see Phoebe or Chloe pulling it off, but the painted on look made me feel uncomfortably exposed even standing there by myself.
“Does it fit?” Phoebe called through the door.
“Phoebs, I don’t know about this.”
My door flew open and Phoebe came in followed by Tonya and Owen.
“Wow. You look hot,” she said, forcibly spinning me around in a circle. She looked at her friends. “What do you guys think? Owen, you’re a guy. Don’t you think she looks hot?”
“Thanks for noticing.”
“Whatever. Come on, what do you think?” The three of us stared at him.
He seemed to be choosing his words very carefully and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Maybe he recognized how ridiculous I looked and felt. He glanced at Phoebe then back at me and any hope I had of him backing me up was gone.
“You should wear it,” he said, nodding his head, but not quite meeting my eyes.
“Ha!” Phoebe shouted at me. “You’re out voted.”
I considered arguing with her, but figured it wasn’t worth the effort. I’d only have to wear it for an hour or two and I could always find a hiding spot somewhere in Tonya’s house. Besides, not wearing it meant I had to go find another one and shopping was not one of my favorite activities. Phoebe pranced off with Tonya right behind her.
“You look good, Lils,” Owen said before trailing after them.
I closed the door and turned back to the full-length mirror that hung from my closet door. The girl staring back at me looked like a completely different person. I twisted around, trying to see how bad the back was. Not too bad. Maybe the costume wasn’t absolutely horrible. Besides, wasn’t the purpose of a costume party to dress up differently? I redressed in my regular clothes and hung up the outfit. I’d tell Phoebe I would wear it, but she was the one who had to get me past Dad while I wore it.
Chapter 14
Phoebe convinced me to go bowling with her and her friends the next evening. I wasn’t a great bowler, or even a mildly good one, but I liked that bowling alleys tended to be more relaxed and less stressful than the club in San Diego Phoebe had tried to talk Nathan into taking us all to. Which is how I ended up squished into the middle of the back seat of Phoebe’s car, with Bianca on one side and Owen on the other.
Maybe Phoebe hadn’t known Micah was going, or maybe she had and it didn’t register on her sensitivity meter to let me know before, but it was a bit of a shock to see him waiting outside the building when we pulled up.
“Crap. Sorry, Lils.” Phoebe glanced over her shoulder at me, before concentrating on finding a good parking spot. She pulled into one along the back row facing the front entrance. “Dang it. He saw us already. Who invited him?”
She glared at each of us, before settling on Nathan. He squirmed under her fierce gaze.
“What?” he asked, his eyebrows raising in question. “He called earlier and asked if I wanted to hang out and I told him we were coming here.”
“So he’s crashing our bowling night?”
“Well...I may have suggested he come.” His face softened and he gave her the sweetest, most innocent smile that I was surprised it took her almost ten seconds before caving.
“We can still leave,” Phoebe said to me.
Through the windshield, I could see Micah leaning against the wall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. His hair was a bit shaggy, longer than when he’d first moved to Beachgrove.
“It’s fine. Let’s go bowl,” I said, waiting for someone to move. Owen and Bianca seemed frozen in place, waiting for Phoebe to give the go ahead to get out.
“Okay, I have a plan,” Phoebe said and then smacked Nathan on the arm when he groaned. “Shut up, this is a good idea. Owen, you need to flirt with Lily. Make it l
ook like you guys are together.”
Bianca snorted. “Phoebe, seriously, you’ve seen Owen in action before. He can’t flirt. It’d be more believable if Nathan did the flirting.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Owen said, leaning forward to shoot Bianca a look across me.
“No offense, bro, but she’s right.” Nathan shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to pull it off.”
“Not a chance,” Phoebe said, staring Owen down in the rearview mirror. “Owen can do this. He will do it or he’s walking home.”
I sighed. “Phoebs...”
“This will work. You’ll see.”
“But what is the point of it?” I asked.
“Micah’s-you-just do it.” She got out of the car and slammed the door, leaving us all to follow before she locked us in.
“You don’t have to flirt with me,” I told Owen as we trailed behind the rest of the group.
“I know,” he said, but swung an arm over my shoulder as we joined everyone at the door. He squeezed me closer and rubbed his hand along my bare arm. “You’re freezing.”
Micah glanced at us and I realized that even if Phoebe’s obvious plan to make him jealous didn’t work, at least he wouldn’t see me as pathetically unwanted. I smiled up at Owen, suddenly glad that he was there.
Bowling, I decided, was boring and nowhere near as relaxing as I remembered. It was impossible to concentrate on the game when the crowd around us was so loose with their inebriated emotions. The place was mostly filled with middle-aged men and women who were chugging beers and letting frustration and enjoyment flow free. It wasn’t hard to pick out the sore losers, but I could also feel a soothing touch of the fun most of the people were having. The black strobe lights didn’t help keep me sane either. Along with the smoke and flurry of emotions they twisted my stomach into knots.
Heal Me (A Touched Trilogy Book 2) Page 18
