Fear rose, not just for herself but for her daughter. She was all Becca had. Now that Becca had cut all ties with her father, she had no other family members who could offer her support if something happened to Kayla, not even grandparents.
Kayla’s father had died of a heart attack when Becca was a little girl. She’d lost her mother to cancer three years later. When Becca had cut her dad out of her life, she’d done the same with his parents because they kept blaming the divorce on Kayla. The only other living relatives Becca had were Kayla’s grandmothers, both of whom were in their nineties and lived in nursing homes up north.
And then there was Nick. Kayla had just found him, had fallen in love with him. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye. They’d had so little time together. She wanted more.
Tears rose, but she hastily blinked them back, not wanting to upset him more than he already was. Because Nick was clearly torn up about it. Though he maintained a calm expression, those eyes of his betrayed his inner turmoil. “How long do they think I have?”
“There’s no way of knowing.”
“Long enough to see Becca graduate? Long enough to see her launch her career? Marry? Have kids?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Not likely.”
Shit.
“I’m so sorry, Kayla.” Releasing her hand, he draped an arm across her stomach and curled it around her as he leaned closer. “This is all my fault.” He continued to stroke her hair.
“No it isn’t. It’s mine.” When he would’ve protested, she cut him off. “If I hadn’t been in that accident, Richard Roubal wouldn’t have seen you at the hospital and none of this would’ve happened.”
His brow furrowed. “The accident wasn’t your fault.”
“And this wasn’t yours.” She held his gaze. “I mean it, Nick. If I hadn’t been in an accident, you wouldn’t have run into Roubal at the hospital. If I hadn’t moved in next door to you, you wouldn’t have cared enough to risk everything to heal me when I was in the accident. If my husband hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have divorced him and moved next door to you. If America hadn’t sent troops to Vietnam, you would never have met Roubal all those decades ago. If Roubal’s doctors had caught the cancer sooner, maybe he would have beaten it and wouldn’t have been searching for a miracle cure. If a vampire hadn’t turned you four hundred years ago, you wouldn’t have lived long enough to meet Roubal. Or me. So stop blaming yourself. That’s bullshit. What happened happened. It is what it is. Assigning blame won’t change anything.”
It sure as hell wouldn’t change the fact that her life had just been significantly shortened.
Knowing she could drop dead of a heart attack or stroke at any moment was terrifying.
Nick gave her waist a squeeze. “But there is something that can change things.” He spoke hesitantly, as though he feared her reaction. “At least… it can change how things play out from this point on.”
She studied him. “What?”
“You’re a gifted one, Kayla. I can transform you without any fear of your becoming vampire.”
Again her heart rate picked up. And she hoped like hell it wouldn’t send her into cardiac arrest as he continued.
“Seth believes the virus can heal what he was unable to. Some of my immortal brethren suffered severe brain injuries not long ago. And Seth and the other healers were only able to partially heal them. They worried the brain damage that lingered might be permanent. But the virus took over and healed the rest. They all made complete recoveries. It took a little longer with Ethan. But even he recovered. Seth thinks the virus can do that for your heart. He believes if you transform and become immortal, your heart will be fully restored and strengthened.” Moisture glimmered in his earnest amber eyes. “So you won’t die.”
She stared at him. “You want to make me immortal?”
His throat again worked in a swallow as he nodded. “I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted, his voice hoarse. “I’ve waited four hundred years to find you. But I love you too much to transform you if it isn’t what you wish. The decision is yours.”
Scooting over to the opposite edge of the bed, she held up her arms. “Come here.”
Nick didn’t hesitate. Swiftly settling his long frame beside her on the bed, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
Kayla burrowed her face into his chest, her thoughts whirling like a dust devil as he rested his chin atop her head and stroked her back. “Would I age if you transformed me?”
“No. And once done, it’s irreversible. There is no known cure for this virus, so you must be certain before you decide.”
If he transformed her, she would never grow old, never sicken or die, and would no longer have to worry about her heart failing. But… “I would outlive Becca.”
“Yes.”
Pain pierced her like a knife at just the thought of it, of losing her daughter.
“If you transformed, you would have more time with her, Kayla,” he murmured.
And she would get to experience all the things she would miss if she didn’t transform.
“But there’s something else,” he added, regret once more entering his deep voice.
“What?”
“You won’t be able to have more children.”
Drawing back, she peered up at him.
Such sadness filled his beloved features. “Even if you didn’t transform…” A muscle in his jaw twitched. “If you stayed with me, I couldn’t give you children.”
“Why not?”
“Immortal males aren’t sterile… but our sperm die as soon as we ejaculate. It’s why I can’t infect you with the virus through sex. The virus dies with the sperm. And no immortal females have ever gotten pregnant. We believe they can’t. But most take precautions anyway to avoid it because we have no idea what the virus would do to a fetus, if a child born with it would age or…”
Or if it would remain forever trapped in the body of an infant.
Kayla shook her head. “After my divorce, I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again, so I never really thought I would have more children.”
A glimmer of moisture entered his eyes. “I would’ve loved to have children with you, to watch your belly swell with my baby.”
And he had never had children of his own. “I think I would’ve liked that, too,” she confessed, sharing his regret. “But we would still have each other.”
He cupped the back of her head. “Would that be enough for you? Would I be enough for you?”
Enough to compensate for losing Becca? And for having to eventually bow out of her grandchildren’s lives? She would never grow old if she transformed. She might be able to share her secret with Becca but doubted she would be allowed to go beyond that and explain to her grandchildren and their grandchildren why she didn’t age.
She rested a hand on Nick’s jaw, drew her thumb across the dark stubble that coated it.
How she loved him. He brought her a happiness and contentment she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. A happiness and contentment she now believed she had never truly found until he had saved her life and changed it overnight.
The years she’d spent married to her ex couldn’t compete.
She and Nick never fought. They never ran out of things to talk about. Even just sitting together in silence on her back patio or planting flowers in his slowly transforming backyard was fun. He accepted her for who she was. He loved her for who she was, how she was, no makeup, no hair spray, no frills. And he showed it often.
What would it be like to spend eternity with him? To look forward not to days or weeks or months with him but to century after century of love and laughter, friendship and romance, teasing and tenderness, not to mention adventure. She doubted life would ever be boring with Nick.
She could see in his eyes that he longed for that. The fact that he didn’t pressure her in any way only made her love him more. “Just imagining having to watch Becca grow old and die while I don’t breaks my hear
t.” Some of the light in his eyes dimmed. “And yet the way I see it,” she continued softly, “I’m going to lose her either way. If I don’t transform, I’ll live the rest of whatever time I have left knowing I probably won’t get to see her graduate. I won’t be there to cheer her on and support her as she embarks upon whatever career she chooses. I will likely never meet the man she’ll marry, will never hold my grandchildren.”
Again she stroked his cheek, enjoying the way the rough stubble abraded her skin. “But if I transform, I’ll not only be able to do all those things I would’ve otherwise missed, I’ll also have the memories of them to see me through the darkness when I lose her.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “And I’ll have you. Through it all, Nick, I’ll have you.” She kissed him again, then narrowed her eyes playfully. “I will have you, right?”
“Hell yes, you will,” he vowed. “As long as you want me, you’ll have me.” He stroked the nape of her neck. “I love you, Kayla. I’ve known for some time now that I want to spend eternity with you.”
“You never said anything.”
One side of his lips quirked up wryly. “I was afraid to. I’ve loved you for years. You haven’t loved me for nearly as long.”
She smiled. “I’m not so sure about that.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Just think about it. Please. And know that I want to be with you either way. You don’t have to decide tonight.”
“I’ve already decided.”
He stilled. “You have?”
She nodded. “I want you to transform me.”
Relief blanketed his features before he drew her into a hug so tight it constricted her breathing. “Thank you.”
Patting his back, she wheezed, “Just don’t crush me to death before you do it.”
His hold immediately loosened. “Sorry.”
She laughed. “It’s okay.”
He stared into her eyes, his a brilliant amber now. “You’re sure you want to transform?”
“I’m sure.” She didn’t know how the hell they were going to explain it all to Becca, but she was certain this was what she wanted to do.
Much of the tension left his body. “Would it be okay if I asked Aidan or Roland to transform you?”
She frowned. “Why don’t you want to do it?” Should she feel hurt about that? Because she kinda did.
“I do. But Aidan and Roland are both older than me and far more powerful. They’re also healers. And we’ve discovered in recent years that gifted ones who are transformed by elder or ancient immortal healers always end up being stronger and faster than those who are transformed by younger immortals like myself or by vampires.” He slid his big hand from her nape to cup her cheek. “I want you to be stronger, Kayla. I want you to be faster and have greater regenerative capabilities. And if Aidan transforms you, you’ll likely even be able to spend more time in the sun than I can without it burning you, so you’ll be able to take your grandchildren to the playground.”
She arched a brow. “Would I be stronger than you?”
“Definitely.”
Incredible. Nick was freaking powerful.
But didn’t most men react badly to women who were stronger than they were, whether that strength was physical, intellectual, political, or applied to the woman’s position in the work force?
She studied him closely and could find no objection in his features, no hesitation whatsoever. Her grandmother had once told her that only a strong man could love a strong woman, that a weaker man would resent her.
Nick was strong. As far as she could tell, he bore no weaknesses at all.
“How much stronger would I be?”
He smiled. “A lot stronger.”
She drew a teasing finger down his chest. “So I would be able to… overpower you and make you do my bidding?”
His lips stretched in a wide grin. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to overpower me to get me to do your bidding. All you have to do is ask. I’m always up for it.”
She laughed. “Yes, you are. I just worried you might not like me being stronger than you. Some men wouldn’t, I think.”
He shrugged. “Only if they’re pussies.”
Again she laughed.
“Real men love strong women,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Real men admire them. Your strength is one of the many things that drew me to you, Kayla. Gaining more of it won’t turn me off. It will turn me on.”
“What doesn’t turn you on?”
He winked. “With you? Nothing. You’re a walking, breathing aphrodisiac. I love everything about you and want you constantly.” His smile faded a bit but didn’t disappear entirely. “I do wish I could give you children though.”
“Me, too.” She had been a mother for eighteen years. Nick had never had the chance to be a father. She wished she could give him that.
“We could always adopt,” he suggested hopefully. “Roland and Sarah adopted a little boy, a gifted one who lost his mother. I heard one of the other immortals mention that sometimes the network has a hard time helping orphaned gifted one children find new families because their abilities can cause problems when humans adopt them. Maybe we could do that. Maybe we could adopt an orphaned gifted one.”
She smiled. “Maybe we could. You’d make a great daddy.”
He smiled back. “You’re already a great mother.” He kissed her. “So are we doing this? Will you let me ask Aidan to transform you?”
“Yes.”
Again he hugged her tight. “Thank you.”
Nick stared down at Kayla. After sleeping for a few hours, the two of them had availed themselves of one of the network’s showers and donned clean clothes.
The only garb the network kept on hand was standard hunting blacks. Seeing Kayla in a tight black T-shirt that hugged her full breasts and small waist, cargo pants that molded themselves to her lovely rounded hips and thighs, and black boots made his body burn. She looked like a hunter. She looked like she was already one of them.
Damn, that turned him on.
Resting a hand on her back, he motioned to the couple that had joined them in the infirmary. “Kayla, this is Aidan and Dana O’Byrne. Aidan, Dana, this is Kayla.”
Kayla smiled at the couple and held out her hand. “Nick told me what you did, how you helped him find Oliver and me and rescue us. Thank you so much.”
Aidan bowed over her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “You’re very welcome. We always support our brethren, and Nick was damned determined to get you back.”
Dana nodded and shook Kayla’s hand. “I haven’t been immortal for very long but have come to understand that Immortal Guardians are basically one big, tight-knit family that would do anything for one another. And it’s clear that you and Nick love each other. So you’re part of that family, too, now.”
Aidan nodded. “Whether you transform or not.”
Kayla sent Nick an uncertain glance. “Did Nick speak with you?”
Aidan smiled. “About transforming you? Aye, he did. And I’d be happy to do it if you’re certain.”
She relaxed. “I’m certain.”
“Excellent.” Aidan leaned forward and clapped Nick on the back. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
Kayla bit her lip and sent Dana a cautious look. “Sooooo, you’re okay with that?”
Dana raised her brows. “With Aidan transforming you? Sure.” She sent her husband a sly smile. “I’m always up for a threesome.”
Kayla’s eyes widened. “Wait. What?”
Nick tried to keep a straight face. He really did. But the dismay on Kayla’s features was too funny to ignore. He burst out laughing.
Aidan and Dana did, too.
Nick curled an arm around her. “She’s teasing you, sweetheart. Transforming you won’t involve anything of a sexual nature.”
“Oh.” Wilting with relief, she smiled. “Good.”
Aidan dropped a kiss on Dana’s lips. “As if I’d ever want another woman.”
Sti
ll smiling, Kayla narrowed her eyes at Dana. “You’re evil.”
Dana grinned unrepentantly. “I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. Plus, I can tell you’re a little nervous, so I thought I’d try to lighten things up a bit.”
Kayla wrinkled her nose. “I am pretty nervous.”
Dana waved a hand. “That’s natural. Did Melanie tell you what to expect?”
She nodded. “The bite will make me loopy, then I’ll be sick for a few days.”
“Very sick,” Dana said. “I don’t remember much of my transformation. But I do remember feeling like I had the worst case of the flu ever. High fever.”
Aidan frowned. “Dangerously high.”
“Nausea. Vomiting. A pounding migraine. Even my teeth hurt.”
Aidan hugged her. “That’s because your fangs were coming in.” Then he smiled at Kayla. “But Nick will be there with you the whole time. And the rest of us will be nearby if you need us. I’m going to teleport the two of you to David’s place once I drain you, then transfuse you with my blood. David and Seth both spend a lot of time there and have had quite a bit of experience helping gifted ones through their transformations.”
Dana straightened away from Aidan and reached out to take Kayla’s hand. “Why don’t we find you a nice comfy bed to recline on?”
Nick caught Aidan’s gaze and tapped his temple as the women walked away. Are you reading my thoughts?
Yes, the Celt responded.
Did Seth tell you the poison weakened her heart?
He did. It may make the transformation a bit trickier, but I’m a powerful healer in my own right. If her heart begins to fail, I’ll know it in an instant and can keep it pumping for her. If necessary, instead of draining enough blood to carry her close to death, then returning it to her infected with the virus, I can do it in stages: drain less blood, return it to her, wait until she stabilizes, then drain blood again, return it to her, and wait some more. The blood exchange will take longer that way, but it may be safer in the long run.
Nick nodded. Thank you.
Aidan smiled. I won’t let you lose her. She’ll be healthier than she’s ever been in her life in a few days.
Broken Dawn Page 26
