by Christa Lynn
The orderly pushes me down the hallway, oxygen tank in hand, and I watch the nurses and doctors scurry down hallways and gurneys pass by us in a frenzy. It’s then that I realize I’m okay, I’m alive, and now is the time to start living my life as others being rushed through these halls may not be so lucky. I resolve to start living my life, and not re-enter that bubble that I sheltered myself in. It’s time to free the bubble!
I have to giggle internally as I don’t dare laugh out loud at my own insane thoughts. The orderly stops outside a door. Ray pushes it open, and there he is, lying there on the bed with all sorts of machines beeping and singing. I can tell instantly that he’s uneasy, his head moving back and forth and his fingers twitching. He’s having a nightmare like the one he had at my house last night before the fire started.
I feel guilty that I got upset over whoever this Jade person is, or was to him. He has her name tattooed on his arm, and he talks about her in his sleep. Whoever she is, I have some hard competition for his affections. Or maybe I should just move on and let him go back to this Jade person. It’s obvious he has or had strong feelings for her, and either I’d be competing with another woman, or I’d be competing with a ghost. Either way, that may end up being too much for me.
The orderly wheels me in and stops me at his side, his dream getting deeper and deeper. His eyes move rapidly behind his eyelids and his arms jerk. I rest my hand on his hand, and he instantly calms. His breathing settles and the beeping slows down. His fingers curl around mine and his eyes slowly open. His eyes settle on me, but at the same time, they look like they’re looking past me, or through me. He looks so weak lying there, defeated. I know he’s stronger than this and I chalk it up to the injuries sustained in the fire. Where he was trying to save me. Now I need to do what I can to save him, even if it means letting him go. Good grief, my mind is spinning; first I want to keep him around, now I’m considering letting him go. I need to get my shit together.
“Jade?” he croaks from around the tube in his throat. I freeze at the thought that he thinks I’m Jade. I look at Ray, and he nods, encouraging me to go with it.
“I’m here,” I say, my throat closing up as I try to swallow. He doesn’t say anything else, just smiles a subtle smile and closes his eyes. I continue to hold his hand, and he squeezes my fingers gently and reopens his eyes. This time they’re focused on me.
“Is that you?”
“Yes, Nash. It’s me.”
“I thought … I’m sorry, I tried to save you.”
“I wasn’t inside, one of your brothers had already gotten me out. We tried to stop you from going in—” I cut off, thinking what could have happened but didn’t.
“Wait, I’m not dreaming?” he whispers as he tries to sit up, but his face curls up in pain.
“Relax, Mr. Bennett,” the nurse in the corner says. His facial expression changes in an instant from pain to relief and tears pool into his eyes as he lays his head back against the pillow.
“Fuck,” he groans in pain.
“Easy, Nash, it’s okay. You need to rest.”
He nods, but I can tell he has something to say, so I sit quietly and watch his face as a barrage of emotions cross his features. He looks tormented and scared, but I don’t say anything while he comes to terms with whatever is terrorizing him. I’m not sure if he realizes who I am at this point until he speaks again.
“I love you, Jade,” he whispers as his eyes close and the machines go off. I’m quickly wheeled out of the room as doctors and nurses rush in and the door slams shut.
“What’s happening?” I ask the orderly as he rushes me back down the hall, my eyes on Ray standing outside the door, his head against the wall.
“He went into cardiac arrest, Miss Mansfield.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“Ma’am, I’m not a doctor,” he says as he pushes me back into the ER area, but a nurse hands him a slip of paper, and we turn the opposite direction. “You’ve been given a room on the third floor, ma’am. I’ll take you there. Your doctor will be in to see you soon.”
We ride up the elevator in complete silence, my heart beating fast and my mind spinning. As we arrive at my room, a nurse is in there setting up the oxygen. I climb into the bed and tug the covers over me and sink down while she attaches the oxygen. “No, I don’t need that,” I huff out, my throat tight and squeezing. I’m fighting back the tears, I don’t want them to see me cry.
“Doctor’s orders.” She smiles as she inserts the re-breather in my nose. “You need rest,” she says as she inserts a needle into my IV. I try to stop her, but the medicine takes over, and my body relaxes.
My heart is bleeding right now, as he told me he loves me. But he thinks I’m Jade. He’s in love with Jade, not me. But I try and shake it off, he’s injured and possibly … “Oh, fuck, Shelby. Get your head out of the dirt. Right now, Nash needs you, even if he thinks you’re Jade,” I say to myself as the harsh reality hits me. He doesn’t love me, he loves Jade. The medicine fills my head, and I close my eyes, the darkness enveloping me. I try and fight it, but it’s no use. The medicine is stronger than I am. And with that, I’m sucked right back into my bubble. Only this time, it’s much darker.
Chapter 16
My body feels heavy and weak, but I blink my eyes open and the bright sunlight filling the room causes me to squint. It takes me a second to realize where I am and to confirm that all of this was not a dream. I’m alone in the room, and it’s quiet aside from the sound of something rolling down the hallway outside. I reach down and find the button to lift the bed a little and the door opens. I see Sarah peeking in through the cracked door.
“You’re awake,” she says.
“Yeah, hey,” I say as she walks in.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a bus.”
“I bet, any idea what happened?”
“Ray told me it was a lightning strike.”
“Ray?”
“Yeah, one of Nash’s co-workers. Speaking of, have you heard how he’s doing?”
“No, was he injured?” she asks as my visit with him earlier comes rushing back.
“I saw him this morning, but I was rushed out when he went into cardiac arrest.”
“This morning? You’ve been asleep since yesterday.”
“Fuck, what day is it?”
“Tuesday,” she says.
“Holy shit, I need to get out of here.”
“Shel?” I hear from the doorway.
“Hey, Mom,” I say as my mother comes rushing to my side. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“I’ve been here since yesterday, I just went down for a cup of cardboard coffee.” She makes a face as she sips her coffee. “This stuff is nasty.”
“You want me to run get us some real coffee?” Sarah asks my mom.
“Oh, would you, dear?”
“Sure thing, and I’ll try and find out about Nash, okay?”
“Thanks,” I say as she kisses me on the head before giving me a sympathetic smile.
“Oh, Mom,” I say as I start to bawl my eyes out. “Have you heard anything about Nash?”
“No, baby. I haven’t. A friendly fireman stopped by earlier to check on you, said he’d be back after you woke up.”
“That must have been Ray,” I say.
“Yes, that was his name. Sweet boy.” She smirks.
“Stop, Mom,” I say, her cougarish ways rearing their ugly head.
“What? I know a hunk when I see one.” She laughs.
“Yes, Mom. But you don’t stop at just seeing one. They’re a conquest for you.”
“Oh, stop, Shel.”
I let it go because I’m too worried about Nash to think straight right now. My eyes keep cutting to the door, hoping Ray will come back and update me. Mom and I make small talk, mostly me talking about what happened during the fire and talking about Nash.
“You love him, don’t you?”
“What? No. I mean, I
don’t know. He seems to be stuck on his ex.”
“His ex?”
“Yeah, someone named Jade. Or maybe she isn’t his ex, maybe he's unfaithful to her with me.”
“Oh, Shel, you need to stop that.”
“I know, and I will. Once I know he’s okay. I won’t try and compete with someone that is so engrained into someone. I’m no homewrecker.” I sneer at Mom; she’s the homewrecker in this family. She grabs the remote control and turns the TV on, the news going straight to the fire at my townhouse.
“Turn it up,” I say, sitting up and trying to focus on the TV without my glasses. “Damn it, I can’t see anything.” So, I get out of bed and walk to the TV, pulling the IV stand with me. The camera pans over the building, and I see my home is totally demolished. I realize then I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my home, my car, and possibly my man in the span of only a few days. I still have my job, and it looks like I’ll be living in my office while my place is re-built. It’s all so overwhelming, and I collapse onto the floor, pulling the IV stand down with me, the metal crashing against the tile floor.
“Shelby?” my mom cries as she gets up. A nurse comes in, and they both help me get back into bed. I totally lose it, deep gut wrenching sobs that cause my whole body to shake. I can’t control it, so I let it take me over.
“I’ll give her something to calm her,” the nurse says.
“No! No more drugs!” I say as I rip the IV out of my hand, blood spurting over the white sheets. “Shit!” I cry out harder and harder as the nurse wraps my hand to stop the bleeding.
“You need to calm down, Miss Mansfield,” the nurse says.
“I will not calm down, I’ve been through hell these last few days, just let me break down and get it out of my system,” I shout. “Please go, both of you. I’m sorry, Mom, but I need to be alone.”
“Shelby …”
“No, Mom, go! Please?”
“Fine, but I’ll be right outside.” I don’t argue with her, I just need space. I need to cry this out and get my shit together before they let me go home. They think I’m a basket case now and they’ll probably send me to the asylum to cry out my last days.
The room is finally empty and quiet, except for Mom whispering to Sarah outside my door, probably telling her what a crazy person I am. I lost it, and I need to find it quickly before it’s gone forever.
I hear a male voice outside, probably the doctor. I ignore it and bury my face into my pillow. But no, someone has to come in, and I’m about to shout at them to leave when I realize it’s Ray. “Ray?” I ask, sitting up and wiping my face. “Is it Nash? Is he okay?”
“He’s okay, Shelby. What’s going on with you?” he asks, his eyes scanning the room. The IV stand in the corner, then his eyes catch on my bandaged hand.
“He’s fine? What happened?” I ask, trying to get myself together.
“His heart rate sped up, but he didn’t go into full blown arrest. He’s resting comfortably. But …”
“But what?”
“He’s asking for you.”
I huff out a laugh. “Is he asking for me? Or is he asking for Jade?”
“I know that hurt, Shelby. But this time, he’s asking for you.”
“I can’t, not right now. I’m a hot mess, and I don’t want to see anyone until I’ve gotten it together. As long as I know he’s okay, I can rest now.”
“Okay, but he’s asking for you. You’re all he can talk about.”
“But what about Jade?” I sniffle. He takes a deep breath and sits down next to me.
“That’s what he wants to talk to you about.”
“Great, let me down easy while we’re both still in the hospital. No thanks,” I say, leaning back. “I’ve been through enough these last few weeks, and I don’t need to get dumped in the hospital. Tell him I’m glad he’s feeling better and improving, but …”
He nods in affirmation, but I know he’s hesitant. “Thank you for updating me, but I’d like to finish my alone time before the doctor comes in and tries to commit me.”
He laughs. “They won’t commit you. Everyone is allowed to break down once in a while,” he says as he hands me a piece of paper. “Call or text me if you decide you want to see Nash.”
“Okay.” I take the small piece of paper from him and lay it on the tray table just as the door bursts open and in comes a lady in scrubs, carrying food. She sets it on the tray and walks out without saying a word.
“Eat, get your strength back up. And call me,” Ray says as he leaves the room, the door closing behind him. The smell of whatever they’ve brought me makes my stomach lurch, and I push it away.
“You need to eat, Shel,” my mom says as she creeps back into the room.
“I’m not hungry, not for this shit, anyway.”
“Well, the doctors say if you can calm down and eat something, they might let you go home today.”
“Might?” I ask, wondering if I want to chance my tender stomach on the chance I might get to go home. “If they confirm that yes, I will go home today, I’ll eat it. But I’m not going to be bribed into eating when they have no plans to send me home,” I say then and then start to cry again. I don’t even know where home is, my place is in rubble.”
“You can come to the beach house until your place is re-built,” my mom says.
“Or you can stay with me,” Sarah says as she comes back in, followed by the doctor.
“So much for being alone,” I mumble as Sarah scoots the tray toward me.
“We’ll be outside,” Mom says as she stands up and tugs Sarah by the arm so the doctor can check me out. Hopefully, he’ll send me home.
“I understand you had a little episode earlier, do you need me to find you a therapist for you to talk to?” he asks.
“No, I’m not crazy. Just in a bit of a rut, I’ll dig out of it.”
“Well, the offer is open if you change your mind.”
He takes my blood pressure, which of course is elevated. But he takes the nose piece out and turns the oxygen machine off. “If you can get your blood pressure down, I’ll let you loose this afternoon. And if you eat,” he says, eyeing the tray of sludge that has permeated the air.
“You’re not really going to make me eat that, are you? Can’t Sarah bring me a burger or something?”
“I don’t mind, just let her know to sneak it in. The nurses get a little testy when people sneak food in here.”
“Deal,” I say, a small smile curling my lips.
“Just relax and get that pressure down, I’ll be back in a few hours and check you over again.”
“Thanks, Doc.” I hear him talking to my mom outside before she comes back in, though Sarah is gone.
“Sarah went to get you something decent to eat. Doc says you can leave this afternoon if you get your blood pressure down.”
“I know, he told me,” I say, my mother being my mother as always.
Sarah comes back a few minutes later with a brown paper bag, the grease staining the bag. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” I say as she cleans the try off and sets the plates on the other table before dumping out the burger and fries from my favorite place. My stomach rumbles at the smell, and I manage to scarf the burger down in about four point three seconds.
“Damn girl, eat much?”
“I guess I haven’t lately,” I say as a wipe the grease off my mouth.
“Well, I’m going to head home and make up the guest room, so you have a place to go when you break out of here,” Sarah says as she throws away the trash.
“You aren’t coming to the beach house?” Mom asks. I remember the last time I was there, just a couple of days ago with Nash. I can’t go back there right now, not yet.
“No, Mom, it’s too far from the office. I need to stay around and monitor the rebuild and deal with the insurance company. I also need to return the rental car and buy a new car.”
“What happened to your old car?” she asks as I realize I never told her about the car accid
ent. I decide to not tell her, as she’s had enough to worry about.
“It died on me, so I sold it. I meant to go buy a new one, but things got kind of out of control.”
“I’ll take you in a few days if you want,” Sarah pipes up.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll come visit soon, Mom, but that’s your house. You can head back once I’m out and get yourself settled. Or are you going back to Tampa?”
“I haven’t decided yet. Phil and I needed some time apart, so I’m not sure yet.”
“You never told me what was going on with you two.”
“There wasn’t really time, Shel. I’ll fill you in when you’re better. Since I know you’re going home, I’m going to head to the house and get some rest. I want to make the two-hour drive before it gets too late.”
“Okay, drive safe. Call me when you get there,” I say. “Where is my phone anyway?”
“I assume it burned up in the fire,” Sarah says. “We’ll stop by the cell phone store on the way to my house, get you a new one. I’ll be back in a little while,” she says as she follows my mom out the door. Finally, I can try and rest and get to a point where the doc will release me. A nap should help my body relax, and then I can get out of here.
Just as I was sleeping good, the doc comes in and brings me my release papers. Both Ray and Sarah walk in behind him, and I get ready to leave. “Nash is still asking about you, can I wheel you down there before you leave?”
I nod, though I’m not sure this is the best idea, I can’t leave without checking on him. He did risk his life for me, even though it was futile. “I can walk,” I tell them as a wheelchair is pushed in.
“You know the rules,” Sarah says, smirking.
“Damn it,” I groan, but follow procedure and get into the chair. Ray pushes me, and Sarah walks beside us, talking like I’m not even there. It doesn’t matter, though, because I’m barely listening. I can’t help but wonder what this is going to be like, seeing him again.
“He’s heavily medicated on pain meds due to the broken ribs, but he seems to be okay. The heart issue wasn’t anything major, just a combo of all his injuries.”
