by Christa Lynn
I pull the sheer curtain away from the side window and peek out, sure enough, Sarah is there, hanging onto that dude like she doesn’t want him getting away. He doesn’t look amused, but she’s laughing her ass off.
“What the fuck Sarah?” I ask as I rip the door open, dropping my phone and the umbrella as the alarm starts blaring. “Shit,” I say as I trip over the umbrella trying to get to the alarm to push my code it. My fingers are shaking from being startled, and I press the wrong number in, the alarm still blaring. Then my cell starts ringing, so I take a deep calming breath and push the right number on the keypad, stopping the signal. I grab the phone but it’s stopped ringing, and as I glance at the screen, I see it’s the alarm company. I quickly dial the number to stop the police from coming, but blue lights are already racing down the street.
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck,” I groan as I shove past a laughing Sarah and onto the front sidewalk to let the police officer know everything is okay. I explain the fiasco to the police officer, and he leaves, but now my cell is ringing again, and I quickly answer it, finding the alarm company on the other end. After I get them off the phone, I stalk back inside and slam the door, only to see Sarah and her dude making out on my sofa.
“What in the hell, Sarah?” I scream, pissed off and ready to fight.
“That was fucking funny, Shel,” she says as he pulls her mouth of his neck.
“I know you don’t think this is going to be your fuck pad tonight,” I growl, my hands on my hips.
“Oh, lighten up, Shel. We just came by to see if you’re okay.”
“Well, now you know. Now you can leave,” I say, hoping her friend is sober enough to drive.
“Well, see there’s a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m toasted, and Dean’s car won’t start. Can you give us a ride to my place?”
“You’re kidding, right? It’s one a.m.”
“Well, you’re the only sober person I know right now.” She giggles.
“Uber, Sarah. Use Uber or a taxi. Here.” I hand her my phone, “You can even use my phone.”
“Oh, Shelby, such a party pooper.” She giggles again, and I’m losing my patience. I was disappointed in myself earlier for leaving my own party early, but now I’m just disappointed in her. I take my phone back from her and scroll until I find the contact info for Uber, and I call in for a ride.
“You’ve got fifteen minutes before your driver arrives, I suggest you guys take it out onto the front porch and wait,” I bark. I know I'm mean, but fuck, it’s one a.m., the alarm has gone off, and the police have come. I’ve had enough for one night, and she needs to go. “We’ll talk tomorrow after you’ve sobered up.” I calm a little.
Dean looks annoyed himself like he’s ready to shake her off. “I’m sorry for her antics,” he says, embarrassed.
“Not your fault,” I say. “Just make sure she gets home safely,” I say as he pulls her up into his arms, her legs weak, and I can tell right then, he’s not getting laid tonight. She’ll pass out in the car, he’ll get her inside, and they’ll fall asleep on the bed fully dressed.
He wraps his arm around her and they stumble out onto the front porch and sit down on the steps, her head leaning against his shoulder. I wait for the Uber driver to arrive and make sure they get into the car before I re-set the alarm and head back upstairs, though I know I won’t be sleeping anytime soon.
Chapter 18
Fuck is quickly becoming my favorite word. Sometimes it’s the only word that gets your point across, and I’ve said it way too early this morning as my cell rings. It’s four a.m., and I dream of throwing my phone across the room, but then realize I don’t want to have to start over on my contact list.
I ignore it, but it rings again. I glance at it and see it’s Sarah. “Good God, girl, how in the hell are you awake?” I ask as I answer the phone.
“I’m still drunk, actually.” She giggles.
“Oh lord, you do realize it’s four o’clock, right?”
“Yep, we closed down Sparkles, and now we’re at Freida’s Diner eating breakfast, trying to sober up before we go get my car.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” I yawn.
“I’ll hate myself later, but I wanted to call and apologize for earlier. I got a little carried away.”
“Just a little,” I respond.
“Anyway, do you want to meet us for food?”
“Um, no thanks. It’s way too early for me, but maybe lunch?”
“Fuck that, I’ll be passed out by then. How about dinner?”
“Okay, works for me. Just call me when you wake up later, and we’ll pick a place,” I respond, knowing she’ll sleep straight through and I won’t hear from her.
“Okay.” I hear her yawn herself on the other end of the phone. “See ya,” she says as she disconnects.
“Well, that was random,” I say to myself as I set the phone down and try to go back to sleep. But rest is futile, I toss and turn until five a.m. before finally getting up. I head straight for the coffee pot. “It may be Saturday, but it’s going to be a long day,” I say as the Keurig starts to make my coffee. Suddenly, it sputters and spatters and stops brewing.
“Now what?” I ask the machine as I press the brew button again. Nothing. “You’re kidding, right?” I moan, thinking how suddenly my luck has changed again. I don’t want to go back to the last few months where nothing went right. Things had just calmed down and now … fuck. There’s that word again.
I unplug the dastardly coffee pot and wait a few seconds before plugging it back in. I press brew again and nothing. “Fuck my life,” I say as I head to the shower to wake up. “I guess I’ll go out for coffee, since nothing in my life is going right,” I scream to myself as I trudge back up the stairs and into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, and boy am I a sight. Bags under my eyes that resemble luggage, my mascara from last night has my eyes looking like raccoon eyes, and my skin pale and sullen. “Oh, my God, is that a zit?” I cry as I spy the red spot dead center of my forehead.
“Guess that’s what I get for not washing my face before bed,” I say as I grab a washcloth and scrub my face until it’s pink. I shower and put on fresh makeup, using a hell of a lot of concealer on that zit. “What am I, seventeen again?” I groan as I shut the light off and head downstairs. Thankfully, the sun has come up, so I don’t have to venture out in the dark.
I grab my purse, and as my hand starts to turn the doorknob, I remember the alarm is set. I punch in my code, correct the first time, and slowly open the door, just in case.
I climb into my Charger and the engine roars to life while I reflect on how my world roared to life a few months ago. I pull out and head to the local coffee shop, but they’re not open yet. I sit in my car and wait for thirty minutes until the doors finally open, and I barge in and order a large latte with an extra shot of espresso. Hell, might as swell splurge and get something that will actually wake me up.
I sit down at a small table in the corner and sip my drink while staring at my phone. No one is up this early because I’m the only idiot I know. I check my email and scroll through Facebook; nothing of interest there so I move onto other apps on my phone. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday morning, but here I am.
I finish my coffee and order another one to go, snapping the to-go lid in place and pulling my keys out of my pocket. I push open the door of the coffee shop to leave and ran head first into a hard body, the lid to my coffee popping off and my most delicious latte spills down the front of a very tall man. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” I say as I stumble and back up.
“It’s okay, beauty.”
Oh, my God, I look up, and Nash is smirking at me, those turquoise eyes boring into me.
“Nash,” I say, my breath exiting my lungs on a rush. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s a public place,” he smarts.
“But …”
“Relax, Shelby. I’m not stalking you.
Not really, anyway. I’m at Station Four now, right around the corner,” he says as I realize he’s in uniform. “I got the coffee run this morning,” he says.
“Oh, well,” I say, my tongue apparently malfunctioning.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” he asks.
“Um, I suppose,” I say as he nods for me to follow him back inside the coffee shop.
“What are you drinking?” he asks as I stare into my now empty cup.
“I was drinking a vanilla latte,” I said, “but I’m awake now, I’m good.”
“Yes, you are,” I hear him whisper, but I ignore him. I’m suddenly feeling incredibly awkward, running into him like this after so long.
He hands me a latte and motions for me to sit at the same table I huddled at earlier. “Thank you,” I say, even though he apparently doesn’t listen.
“So, how’ve you been?” he asks.
“Good, just working and getting settled into my new place.”
He nods and we sit in uncomfortable silence for what seems like an eternity. I know I’m about to get pounded with questions, I just hope I can answer them with dignity.
“How come I never saw you again?”
And there it is, the question of the year.
“I didn’t want to get in the way of whatever you and Jade have,” I say it, I spill the beans on the first question, no point in dragging this out. I look at his face, and I see shock, then he turns ashen as he looks down at his coffee, an apparent struggle in his head.
“How do you know about Jade?” he asks.
“You don’t remember?”
“I don’t, I’m sorry. That night and the few days after are kind of foggy,” he says.
“Well, on top of her name being tattooed on your arm …” I stop, taking a sip of coffee. “You kept calling me Jade.”
“I did?” He asks, shocked, or faking shocked for all I know. He exhales a deep breath and his throat catches. “Jade was my sister,” he speaks, though the emotion in his eyes is gone.
“Your sister? You never mentioned a sister.”
“She died when she was thirteen, in a house fire,” he croaks out. “I ran in, but I couldn’t save her,” he says with tears in his eyes. I suddenly feel like a royal douche bag, but I try and shake it off.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Better yet, why didn’t Ray tell me when I left your hospital room in tears?”
“Why did you leave in tears?” he asks. I debate telling him that he told me he loved me, even though he thought I was Jade. Gosh, if only I’d known things would have been so different. “I’ve been wondering what happened, Shel. I knew your home had been rebuilt, but I didn’t know if you lived there or not until last night. Your office is empty, and no one was at your mom’s house.”
“You went to Fripp?”
“I did hope you were staying there while your house was being built. But the house was empty.”
“Mom went back to Tampa,” I say, and he nods.
“I should have told you about her, but after all these years, I had never come to grips with her death. Instead of dealing with my issues, I entered the fire academy as soon as I turned eighteen. I had decided then and there that I’d never let anyone die under my watch again.”
“Nash, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Oh, but I thought it was.” He pauses. “Our parents had gone to the Hospital Ball, and I was babysitting her. My parents had put me in charge, and I blew it,” he says with tears in his eyes.
“She was so beautiful, long blonde hair and bright-blue eyes. All the young boys followed her around, and I was so protective of her. And then I let her down.”
“No, Nash, you didn’t. You were just a kid yourself,” I say, resting my hand on his.
“I know that now, but then …” he drifts off again. “She was asleep, and the dog woke me up. He was panting and whimpering, so I thought he needed to go out. I hooked his leash up and took him out into the back yard for him to do his business. I didn’t even smell the smoke before I went outside.”
I sit back and let him get this out.
“Suddenly, the roof of the house collapsed, and the dog started barking, running in circles. I stood frozen watching the house go up in flames before I finally snapped out of the trance and ran back inside to get Jade. Only it was too late. The stairs were fully engulfed, and I couldn’t get up there. I called out for her, but she didn’t hear me. All I could do was run back outside and wait for the fire department, thankfully a neighbor had called.”
“Oh, Nash, I’m so sorry,” I say, knowing sorry isn’t what he needs to hear.
“I don’t know why I didn’t realize the house was on fire before I took Bo out, I should have known. But I was half asleep and being the son of a fireman, I figured we were exempt from anything like this happening. The house had been burning for some time, the dog woke me up to get us out, but I didn’t connect to it until it was too late. And Jade died, because of me.” He burst into tears, but they’re cleansing tears like he’s been waiting years to get this out. “When your place caught fire, I refused to let you die. I ran in there to get you, the past flowing all over me as I desperately tried to find you. Then your roof collapsed and so did I, a beam landed on my chest.” He pauses and looks up at me. “I thought I’d lost you. And I had, just not in the way my mind thought.”
Tears now crest my eyes, because his story is so sad. I don’t have words for him.
“When you never came back to the hospital, I didn’t understand. Ray wouldn’t tell me what happened, only that you’d been released. I think even he thought you would come back, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you come back?”
I take a deep breath because he’s spilled his heart to me and now it’s my turn. “The last time I saw you, you told me you loved me,” I say, watching his eyes. He smiles and nods. “But then you called me Jade.” His eyes drop. “I didn’t know who she was, but I knew she was important to you and I refused to get in the way of whatever you two had. So, I walked away.”
“I broke your heart,” he says. “I didn’t mean to, but if you’d come back, I could have explained.”
“And I broke your heart because I doubted you.”
“Where does that leave us now? Now that all of this is out in the open?”
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. “It’s a lot to take in, and it’s real early in the morning.” I chuckle. “Wait, you mentioned you found out last night that I lived in the same place. How did you know?”
“I have a confession to make,” he says. “I was at your party last night, Sarah found me and invited me. But I was too afraid to speak to you, not knowing what your life was like now and if there was room for me in it,” he confesses. “After you left and the party died down, I stayed on the patio and watched your place. I felt kind of like a stalker, so I headed home.”
“I saw you,” I say.
“You did?”
“Yeah, I didn’t realize it was you. It startled me, so I set the alarm and went to bed,” I say, remembering the fiasco that occurred after that. “Why didn’t I see you at the party?”
“I don’t know, I actually brought you two beers and you never even looked up. You looked like you were a million miles away.”
“I was.” It’s now my turn to confess. “I remembered the last time I was there, and how we met. And I was wondering about you, but then I would think about Jade and reassure myself that I did the right thing, walking away.”
“I wish you hadn’t. But I understand why you did, I’m just glad I’ve finally gotten the chance to explain,” he says as he stands and looks at his watch. “I need to get back to the station, will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? Start over and see where this takes us?”
“I’d like that,” I say as I stand up, my eyes catching the coffee stain on his shirt. “Sorry about that,” I say as I nod toward the stain.
“It’s okay, I have another shirt at the station I can put on. I’m just starting the second t
welve hours of my twenty-four-hour shift. I’ll call you tomorrow when my shift ends,” he says.
“I need to give you my new number,” I say as I dig a pen out of my purse and write it down on a napkin. I hand it to him and follow him out the door, the sun now high in the sky.
He looks down at me and brushes his hand against my cheek before leaning down and kissing the top of my head. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he says, his face relaxed and relieved, and that sparkle is back in his eyes.
“Okay, be safe,” I say.
“Always.” And he turns back toward the street toward the fire station. I get into my car and head home, my mind spinning and full of all sorts of emotions. I wonder though if I’m doing the right thing, as it seems when Nash is in my life, things start going wrong. But I beat that down. “Not this time,” I say to myself as I make a small detour and drive by the fire station and as I sit at a red light, I see Nash and his brothers washing the fire truck and ambulance, the lights flashing and rolling in test mode.
He doesn’t notice me, but I can see that his spirits are higher now than they were when I ran into him. Now that I know who Jade is, maybe we can start over. I just hope he can forgive me for walking out the last time.
Chapter 19
Sarah and I are meeting for dinner after all. I’m surprised she remembers considering how much she had to drink last night. I debate on telling her that I ran into Nash this morning, even though I should be lecturing her for inviting him to my party without telling me. I guess she didn’t realize that I was going to be a Debbie Downer at my own party. I know she did it to try and bring a little bit of joy into my life after all that’s gone down the past few months, but I can’t help but be a little ticked that she felt the need to meddle in my life again.
