I spent years struggling with where I fit into everyone else’s lives. The weight of feeling like a guest in my own home pressed down on my chest, growing heavier and heavier with each passing year until the desire to escape and build a life of my own, a life where I didn’t constantly fear abandonment, became all I could think about. The only time I ever felt a reprieve from that pressure was when I was with Eliza. She was gifted at making me forget I was unhappy. I was happy when I was with her. I could confess everything I was feeling to her without risk of judgment, and she would just make everything… better.
And it was for those reasons that I ran.
Because I knew, I knew that she was the only person with the power to make me stay. She was the one thing I’d give up my dreams for, and that fucking terrified me. She was my best friend, the one person I depended on above everyone, and I found myself considering giving it all up just to stay close to her. Before I knew it was happening, I’d begun contemplating all the what ifs.
What if I didn’t enter the draft?
What if I gave up football?
What if I stayed in Pembrooke with her instead of taking off to start my own life?
What if, what if, what if.
So I ran. And I never looked back.
The sound of Harlow’s voice pulled me from my musings. “I can’t. I need to go pick Evan up from Chloe’s before he drives her to drink. Between him and her girls, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already halfway into her second bottle.
I wanted to ask so badly what she was talking about, but after years of consciously avoiding any topic that could have potentially led to the mention of Eliza, Noah and Harlow had eventually stopped mentioning the Anderson’s altogether. I knew they had two girls and that Derrick Anderson had been elected into the position of Sherriff, but that was about the gist of it.
And I knew that if I gave into that desire and asked, Harlow wouldn’t have bothered to tell me anyway. She’d have withheld information as punishment just for the fun of it. I loved my sister, but she could be a little sadistic at times, especially if you’d done something to piss her off. And to say she was mad at me would have been putting it mildly.
Harlow left a few minutes later. Lucy was in her room, avoiding me, and Noah was tucked away in his office going over the playbook and practice schedule for the following week, leaving me alone in a house that was too quiet, with nothing to do but think about what a shitty brother, uncle, and friend I’d turned out to be.
I eventually grew restless. My own company strongly lacking, and boredom having set in, I needed to get the hell out of there. The door to Noah’s office was partially open, so I chanced a knock before pushing it the rest of the way.
“Hey man, what’s up?” he asked, lifting his head from the thick binder on his desk.
“Nothing. I was just wondering if I could borrow your car for a bit. I’m going a little stir crazy and thought it might be a good idea to get out for a bit.”
He looked at me skeptically for several seconds before finally asking, “You sure you’re good to drive?”
“Doc cleared me just before we left Denver,” I assured him. “I’m good to go as long as it’s not a long distance or manual transition. And seeing as how Harlow’d track my ass down and drag me back if I made a break for it, I think it’s safe to say I don’t plan on driving very far.”
I tried to keep my tone casual, but I knew he picked up the underlying tension when he sat back in the chair and released a heavy sigh. “Look, I know she’s been riding your ass pretty hard, but it’s just because she’s missed you. Just give her a bit. She’ll get over it and be back to her usual crazy self in a matter of days.”
I braced myself on my crutches and reached up to rub at the back of my neck with one hand. “I get it. Really. Bailing and never coming back was a dick move, but I had my reasons—”
“And that’s the same bullshit excuse you’ve been using whenever we’ve brought it up to you for the past six years.”
“Well, bullshit or not, that’s the truth of it. They might not be the best reasons, but they’re mine, okay. I’m not saying I went about it the right way. I know I didn’t, and I’m sorry for what I put you guys through. But I just needed…” I let out a breath as I struggled to find the right words. “I just needed to get away. I never expected it to be for so long.”
I could tell from his expression that he wanted to pry. Years of living under the same roof had taught me that my brother-in-law was a fixer. He wanted to dig into my issues until he came up with a solution. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t in much of a sharing mood. How did you admit to a person who’d busted his ass to give you everything that, irrational as it might be, he was just one of many issues I had that pushed me to leave?
I never claimed it was a sane line of thought, but there it was. I was resentful of what Noah and my sister had with each other. They were had love, a family of their own, a place to belong. It was everything I’d ever wanted, but kept coming up short of achieving. I loved them both to death, but I resented that they had each other when every time I started to feel secure something happened to take that feeling away from me.
Before he could question the motives that had kept me away for so long I spoke. “So you gonna let me borrow your ride, or do you want to play chauffer to me the entire time I’m here?” I gave him the carefree grin I’d perfected over the years, the grin that screamed life was good and there were no problems in the world. That grin was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “I’m all for the whole Driving Miss Daisy thing. I can even sit in the back seat to help you get into character.”
With a roll of his eyes, he shifted in his seat, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his keys. “Try not to wreck it,” he said, tossing them to me. “Your sister’ll have my ass if you get hurt again, and with you here, I’m no longer the one in the hot seat. I’d like to keep that streak going as long as possible.”
My smile became more genuine the moment the cool metal of the keys touched my palm. “I’ll do my best.”
As I shifted my crutches and started for the door, he called out from behind me. “Curfew’s midnight, shit-head.”
I kept going as his laughter followed me down the hallway. I couldn’t wait to get rid of those fucking crutches so I had a free hand to flip him off next time he made a smartass comment like that.
I DROVE AIMLESSLY, following the dirt paths made by years of tires through the mountains I’d grown up in. I let my mind clear of everything as I soaked up the landscape surrounding me. Being in nature like this was the type of solitude I didn’t mind. With so much beauty all around me, it was difficult to concentrate on the downward spiral my life seemed to have taken.
By the time I made it down the mountain and back into town, the sun had set. The streetlamps all through the downtown area lit up, giving Pembrooke a quaint glow as I slowed the truck to a crawl and took in the changes to the town I’d grown up in. There weren’t many really — the auto body shop on the corner of Main and Sycamore had been replaced with one of those chain pharmacies, there was now a Starbucks on the outskirts of town, and Hal’s Hardware had become Hal & Son’s Hardware. But despite the fact that everything appeared to be the same, it felt different. I’d grown up here, so much of this place used to be engrained in me, yet as I made my way down the roads with the wooden boardwalk sidewalks, I felt like little more than a tourist.
And something about that realization sat like lead in my stomach. I couldn’t remember wanting anything more than to escape this place, but now that I was back, taking it all in, there was a sadness creeping in that it was no longer a part of me.
It wasn’t until I pulled in front of one storefront in particular that I put Noah’s truck into park and cut the ignition in order to fully absorb what I was seeing.
What used to be Sinful Sweets Bakery was now Sinful Sweets Café. And it was… bigger. Much bigger. From the looks of it, they’d added a restaurant that more than doubled the size of
the original bakery. The lights inside were turning off, like it was closing down for the night, and as I watched from across the street I couldn’t help but wonder when Chloe had decided to expand.
Then the glass front door of the café opened, and I completely forgot what had caught my attention just moments before. Because I recognized who’d just stepped through and was now locking the place up. Everything inside of me froze solid at the sight of her. The last time I saw her she’d been a girl growing into a woman, but the beauty I was suddenly staring at was all woman. All hints of the girl were completely gone, and that pang at the sight of her hit my chest again. The loss so acute it almost stole my breath.
Christ, she’d grown up. I didn’t know why that thought surprised me so much, but it did. I guess I always imagined her looking exactly like she had the last time I saw her. I’d never stopped to consider what she would look like as an adult, but what I saw just then left me completely stunned.
Not having seen me, she turned and began down the boardwalk in the opposite direction, and something inside of me revolted at the thought of letting her get away. It was as though my body had a mind of its own, not bothering to communicate with my brain as my hand opened the door to the truck. Before I knew it, I had a ball cap pulled low over my eyes and my crutches beneath my arms. I was limping after her at a slow pace, making sure not to draw her attention. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to achieve with my little stalking expedition.
All I knew was that I wasn’t ready to let Eliza out of my sight just yet. Now that I’d actually laid eyes on her something told me it would be impossible to stay away.
Past
Eliza
DAD WAS STILL raging. I could hear him shouting and cussing from his and Chloe’s bedroom before I had enough of his anger and her sad, watery eyes and took off to the back deck. I knew they were both upset for me, but that didn’t mean I wanted to deal with it just then.
“Thought you might be out here, kiddo.”
The unexpected sound of Ethan’s voice startled me. I had just enough time to reach up and dash the tears off my cheeks as he rounded the side of the house before coming and taking a seat next to me on the deck stairs.
Too embarrassed to face him now that he knew I was sitting outside crying, I kept my head bent and let my hair act as a curtain between us. Ethan and I were actually starting to become pretty good friends lately, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to see me crying like a baby out here all by myself. “What are you doing here?”
“Chloe called Harlow.”
“Of course she did,” I replied angrily, wiping at my still wet face since the tears refused to stop. “I’m fine, you know. I don’t need you to sit out here and babysit me like I’m some dumb kid.”
I knew I was being rude to him for no good reason, he wasn’t the one who’d hurt me after all, but I couldn’t help it. Even knowing it wasn’t his fault, I wanted to lash out in the hopes of making someone else feel just as badly as I did.
“Hey,” he said in a soft voice, leaning close so he could bump my shoulder with his. “Look at me for a sec.”
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to see my face all red and splotchy from crying. Even though we were becoming friends, I still had a little bit of a crush on him. I knew nothing could ever happen, he was nineteen and I was only thirteen, but he was still the cutest guy I’d ever seen. And right at that moment I looked like a gross mess. When I refused to meet his eyes, he used his fingers to gently lift my face to his. His beautifully strange yellowish-green eyes smiled down at me, and just like always, I thought they had to have been the prettiest eyes I’d ever seen before on a boy or a girl. Depending on what color he was wearing, sometimes they actually looked gold.
“There she is,” he grinned at me, “still as pretty as always.”
Despite the fluttering in my belly, I still rolled my eyes, because I knew there was no way I looked pretty just then. I was a very ugly crier. My nose got red and swollen and it looked like hives had broken out around my eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that he was just trying to cheer me up.
“Liar,” I sniffled, wiping at my face with the back of my hand. “I probably look horrible right now.”
“Nah. Not possible.”
The flutters in my stomach got stronger as we fell into silence, gazing out at the trees that surrounded my dad’s house. I normally loved to stare out into the forest, but at that moment, I wasn’t seeing much of what was in front of me. I was too sad.
“You want to talk about it?” Ethan asked a few minutes later. “You don’t have to if you don’t want.”
I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat all of a sudden. “I called my mom today,” I whispered in a tear-filled, scratchy voice. “Dad didn’t want me to at first, but Chloe talked him into letting me. I figured that since it’s been three years she might have missed me or something.” I squeezed my eyes closed and bowed my head, sucking in a stuttered breath. “It was stupid.”
He bumped me again, only this time he didn’t pull away from me. “Wanting to talk to your mom isn’t stupid, Eliza.”
I sniffled again, quickly losing the fight on keeping my emotions at bay. “S-she said…” My voice broke on a hiccough, and I began sobbing uncontrollably. “She said she doesn’t want anything to do with me. That if she’d never had me, then her life wouldn’t have turned out so messed up, and that she wishes she’d have just had an abortion like my Aunt Lilith told her to do. She said I was the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she never wants to see me for as long as she lives.”
Each word spoken was like a stab directly to my chest. Reliving those hateful words my own mother had spit at me through the phone was just as painful as the first time I’d heard them. By the time she’d hung up on me, I was an inconsolable mess. When I was finally able to get the words out, Dad as so angry he punched a hole right through the wall and cut his hand up.
Ethan’s whole body went stiff beside me after I finished telling him what she’d said. He remained that way for so long I started to worry. Finally, he turned to look at me and the fury in his eyes looked an awful lot like I’d seen in my father’s earlier. “No offense, babe, but your mom’s a total bitch.”
A surprised laugh bubbled up from my throat. “Yeah. She really is.”
“And she’s totally wrong.” My gaze jerked up to his at the unexpected harshness in his voice. “She’s so wrong. You’re the best thing that ever happened to her, and if she’s too fucking stupid to realize that, then it’s her loss. I hope she spends the rest of her miserable life bitter and alone.”
“Uh…” I breathed, unsure what to say. I figured he’d have been upset on my behalf when I told him what went down, especially considering we were friends, but I hadn’t expected his reaction would be so strong. “Thanks, I guess?”
At my response, some of the hardness in his face softened and he smiled at me. “You’re sweet and funny, and a great person to be around. She should have felt blessed to have someone as great as you in her life.”
His praise, while heartwarming left me feeling a little awkward. “You have to say that because our families are, like, best friends. You’re just being nice.”
“When have you known me to say something I didn’t mean just to be nice?”
That question gave me pause, because in all the time I’d known Ethan Prewitt, I’d never known him to say anything he didn’t mean.
At my lack of response, he smirked. “See? I’m not saying it just to be nice. I’m saying it because it’s a fact. And I know it’s a fact because you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I know your bitch of a mom should feel lucky because I feel lucky that I get to know you.”
My jaw dropped opened as I stared into his earnest expression. “Really?”
With a chuckle, he threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me against him. “Really, kiddo.”
It was that day, that very moment that solidified Ethan’s place as my best friend.
And that friendship only grew stronger from there.
Eliza
MY PHONE CHIRPED from my back pocket. Pulling it out, I smiled at the text I just received.
Lilly: EMERGENCY! We’re out of wine!
I chuckled under my breath as I typed my response.
Eliza: Then you should have taken your lazy ass to the store. You’re right upstairs!
Lilly: But my bestest friend is just now getting off work, and I’ve already taken my bra off for the evening. Don’t make me put it back on! Pretty pleeeeeeease?
I rolled my eyes and gave in, just like I always did.
Eliza: Fine, since I’m such a nice person I’ll run to the corner store. But you owe me.
Lilly: Ooh! Pick up those new mega-stuffed Oreo’s while you’re there! And those Oreo churros! Oh! And some chips and salsa!
It was obvious someone was suffering from a major case of PMS. I didn’t bother responding back, because honestly, everything she’d just listed off sounded pretty damn good to me. And the bonus was I didn’t have to cook any of it.
Flipping the switch to the remaining lights, I walked out the front of Sinful Sweets Café and locked up behind me. Usually, I’d have just taken the back staircase up to my and Lilly’s apartment, but since I was her errand bitch for the evening, I hit the boardwalk along Main to stroll the few blocks to Mabel’s Corner Market.
The sun was down and the streets were emptying out for the evening. Only a few people were left on the wooden sidewalks. I got a couple friendly “hellos” and chin tilts from the few familiar faces still out and about as I pulled the door open and stepped out of the brisk fall air into the small, quaint store.
“Evening, Eliza.”
My head turned toward the front counter where Mabel stood, just like she did every day for as long as I could remember. Well into her seventies, Mabel herself was probably just as much an institution in Pembrooke as her Corner Market was.
Coming Full Circle (the Pembrooke series Book 2) Page 3
