I settled into the armchair by the front window and looked up expectantly.
Beth shuffled to a more upright position, taking care not to awaken Lottie. ‘I wanted to start by saying a huge thank you to you and Samantha for everything you’ve done for us this month.’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Thank you doesn’t seem enough. You’ve shown us so much kindness and been there for us when we both know we don’t deserve it.’
She looked towards Dad who gave a gentle smile and a nod.
‘I don’t think I’ll ever find the words to show our gratitude but I think the least we can do is try to offer some sort of explanation for the appalling way we treated you and give you a chance to do what you want to do – shout, swear, laugh. We deserve it all. I’m sure you’ve got questions. I would if I was you. We thought we’d be best to get it out in the open now rather than have it hanging over us.’
I nodded. ‘I have loads of questions but the main one is why? Why me? Why both of us at the same time? That’s pretty si…’ Sammie’s words rang in my ears – stay calm and listen – and I stopped myself but not quite in time.
‘Pretty sick?’ Beth suggested. ‘If someone I knew told me our little tale, I’d be all like “ew, that’s gross” so I hear you. Why you?’ She shrugged. ‘When you found me crying that day, it wasn’t a set-up. I wasn’t trying to snare you or anything like that. What I told you was the truth. Paul and I had split up. I had given him an ultimatum to leave Connie to be with me and he wouldn’t do it so it was over and I was devastated. I’d lost the love of my life and I’d lost my way. My friends didn’t approve and they’d gradually pulled away from me so I was all alone after five years in a relationship that seemed like it was never going to go anywhere.’
Dad shuffled over to the sofa and took her hand in his, presumably feeling the pain he’d caused.
‘You were so kind to me when I needed a friend,’ Beth continued. ‘I never meant for anything to happen, especially with you being Paul’s son. I kept thinking that, now that I’d carried out my threat and ended our relationship, Paul would see sense and end things with your mum. But he didn’t.’
‘So you figured what the heck?’
She lowered her eyes. ‘Something like that but you have to know that, as far as I was concerned, it was over with Paul when you and I got together.’
‘So when did things start up again?’
They exchanged looks. ‘We bumped into each other a couple of weeks before Christmas,’ Dad said. ‘We went for a drink and admitted our feelings hadn’t changed but absolutely nothing happened. Beth told me she was seeing someone else and she wasn’t willing to end that while I was still with your mum but I still couldn’t bring myself to leave your mum.’
I frowned. ‘I’m confused. Beth dumped me two weeks before Christmas because her married man was back on the scene. Are you seriously telling me you didn’t get back together then?’
Beth nodded. ‘As Paul says, he was still with Connie. I couldn’t put myself through that once more but, seeing him again, I realised how much I still loved him. It wasn’t fair to you so I ended it with you but I didn’t get back with Paul at that point.’
It was a surprise to hear that. Not that it gave me much comfort because they had got back together eventually and Beth had definitely been two-timing us. ‘So what happened next? When did it start up again?’
‘I kept thinking of Beth all alone in that flat over Christmas,’ Dad said. ‘I went to see her between Christmas and New Year. She told me to get lost but I turned up on New Year’s Eve and promised to end it with your mum that week. I meant it.’
‘But it didn’t happen,’ I said flatly.
Dad sighed. ‘Your mum came down with the flu and then her Auntie Sonya died and there was never a right time.’
‘It felt like excuse after excuse,’ Beth said. ‘I’d had enough and I wasn’t going to let him do that to me again. Besides…’ Her cheeks coloured as she looked at Dad. ‘Being apart from you over Christmas, I realised I’d fallen in love with you as well. I told Paul we were never going to be able to try again – not while Connie was still on the scene – and I came to see you.’
I thought back to that January evening in the torrential rain. I’d assumed that it had all been lies. Another move in her twisted game. I fixed my eyes on Beth’s. ‘So the first few months you didn’t two-time us but how long was it before you started seeing us both?’
‘I never saw you both at the same time.’
‘Bullshit!’
‘I didn’t. I swear.’
‘BULLSHIT!’ Stay calm. Listen. I lowered my voice again. ‘So what was Archie? An immaculate conception? I know we split up several times but we were together the whole of that summer.’ The words were low but they were still angry, bitter.
‘You and I had an on-off relationship but so did Paul and I.’
My gaze flew from one to the other. ‘So you’re telling me that every time you pulled away and ended it with me, you were shagging my dad?’ The volume was back again but I couldn’t help it.
‘It wasn’t like that!’ she cried. ‘We didn’t go back to how things were before between us. We never…’
‘You never what?’
‘We didn’t…’
‘Didn’t what?’ I yelled.
‘We weren’t sleeping together,’ Dad shouted. Archie let out a wail and Dad quickly picked him up and hugged him. He lowered his voice. ‘Obviously we were before but this time it was different. I knew it was you who Beth was seeing by then and I couldn’t do it to you.’
‘But you were still together?’
‘Yes.’
‘Just not having sex?’
‘Yes.’
I ran my hands across my face and shook my head, trying to squash down the mounting rage at their blatant lies. ‘Your honour, I’d like to present exhibit A.’ I pointed to Archie and glared at them both, my expression matching my sarcasm.
Beth sighed. ‘It was one time. It was—’
‘It was my dad’s seventieth birthday,’ Dad interrupted, his voice soft. ‘Or it would have been if he’d still been with us. I had a couple of drinks and reflected on the mess my life was in. I thought about how disappointed Mum and Dad would have been in me for lying to Connie and to you and for not pulling my weight at the practice. I worked myself up into a bit of a state and Beth was there to pick up the pieces. We never meant for it to happen.’
Beth took his hand and they exchanged a look full of love and understanding. I knew how much Granddad meant to Dad. I could imagine the pain he’d have felt at Granddad not being around for that milestone birthday and remembered feeling low about it myself. But that one night of passion didn’t excuse all the other times they’d been together while Beth was still my girlfriend, albeit an on-off one. I wasn’t sure whether or not I believed their no sex claim but did it make any difference if they had abstained from full-on sex when there were other things they could have been doing?
‘Okay. So let’s say I believe you about it being on with you two when it was off with us two. And let’s say I even believe the abstinence thing until Granddad’s seventieth. What’s your excuse for you seeing us both, Beth?’ I then pointed to Dad. ‘And what’s your excuse for going along with that?’
Beth lowered her eyes. ‘You’re not going to like the answer.’
‘I don’t like any of this so you might as well tell me.’
She glanced towards Dad but he had his head lowered. ‘Because Paul still wouldn’t leave your mum so I wouldn’t leave you.’
‘You used me as a bargaining chip?’
‘No! Yes.’ She shrugged. ‘Maybe.’
‘Oh my God! That’s it, isn’t it? You were seeing who’d break first and me and Mum were stuck in the middle.’ I pointed to Beth. ‘You wouldn’t have sex with him again until he left Mum but he wouldn’t leave Mum until you left me.’
Tears tracked down Beth’s cheeks. ‘It sounds so bad when you say it like that.’
Dad exhaled loudly. ‘I’m so sorry, son. Yes, you’re right. If we strip it back to the basics, that’s what it was. I loved Beth but I still loved your mum. We’d been together since we were thirteen. It was so hard to walk away and I know how weak that makes me when I look back. We can’t undo what happened, though. We can only give you the truth.’
‘You really didn’t have sex the whole time I was with Beth? Even when Beth and I were on a break?’
‘I swear we didn’t. The one and only time was the night…’ He nodded towards Archie.
‘It’s true.’ Beth sniffed and wiped her cheeks. ‘You have no idea how confusing it was for both of us. I’d never understood Paul when he said he loved me and Connie. I didn’t believe it was possible to love two people at the same time. Until it happened to me.’
Sammie looked up from the hoglets as I entered the barn half an hour later feeling a mixture of exhaustion and relief. It was all out in the open now. No more secrets. No more speculation.
‘How was it?’ she asked, concern creasing her brow.
I dropped onto the chair beside her and sighed. ‘Awkward. Emotional. Frustrating. But you’d be proud of me. I managed to stay calm, even when I felt anything but that. Well, most of the time. And I listened.’
She gave me a warm smile. ‘Even if you had lost it, I’d still be proud of you because it took guts to sit down with them and have that conversation. Could you use a hug?’
‘More than ever.’
‘Can you hold that thought for two minutes while I finish feeding? Then I promise you the biggest hug ever.’
‘That sounds like something worth waiting for.’
I wandered over to the Happy Hog Board and spotted that she’d named the triplets. A lump formed in my throat as I clocked their names: Ray, Charlotte and Lottie.
She must have followed my gaze. ‘I didn’t see why you should miss out just because Beth bagged your grandma’s names first. And Ray may not be great for a baby but it’s not a bad name for a hoglet, don’t you think?’
‘It’s perfect.’ My words came out husky. ‘Thank you.’
A smile, a touch, a few words from Sammie and she could instantly lift me, no matter how low I was feeling. I glanced at the triplets’ names again and smiled, thinking about my grandparents and the positive influence they’d been throughout my life. They’d have loved Sammie so much, especially Grandma. I turned back to look at her whispering to the hoglets about how much she loved them before she settled them back in their crate. I knew what I had to do – what Grandma would have wanted for me.
‘Enormous hug on its way,’ Sammie warned, rushing over to me, arms outstretched. As she held me, the discomfort of the past hour or so ebbed away and all I could think about was the amazing woman in my arms who didn’t play games and didn’t let people down. I suspected there weren’t many people who’d open up their home to their boyfriend’s ex, bounce back after being attacked twice, and still feel kindness and empathy towards a parent who’d treated them with such cruelty. She made me laugh, she made me feel again – a full spectrum of emotions instead of only anger – and she filled me with excitement for the future.
We sat on the sofa bed and, over coffees, I relayed the conversation. ‘I don’t know what I expected,’ I told her when I’d finished. ‘I suppose I was hoping for some lightbulb moment where I could go “yes, that makes sense” but it never came.’
‘So you’re no further forward?’
I shrugged. ‘Yes and no. I suppose I am in that it’s now out in the open. Some gaps are filled in but was I ever going to understand the scenario? Doubtful. They were adults who made bad choices and continued to make those bad choices with absolute disregard for anyone but themselves. Even if I believe everything they said about being apart when Beth was with me and abstaining from sex until Archie’s conception, it’s still not right is it? He was my dad and she was my girlfriend and they lied.’
Sammie sighed and stroked my arm. ‘I’m sorry, Josh. I’m disappointed for you. I hoped there’d be something more than that although I’m not sure what it could have been.’
‘Towards the end, Beth started wittering on about her dad walking out when she was two and her mum paying more attention to a string of no-good boyfriends than she did to Beth but it all sounded a bit psycho-babbly.’ I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. There could be something in it but it felt like an excuse thrown in there when I wasn’t appeased by the rest of it. Probably makes Beth feel better to be able to blame someone else for her bad behaviour.’
‘Where have I heard that before?’ Sammie rolled her eyes at me. ‘You said her mum’s in Crete. Is Beth in touch with her now?’
‘I think they text each other once in a blue moon. Dad said she’s never met Archie and it’s pretty telling that she never flew across when Beth was in hospital. What sort of mother does that?’ I winced when I realised what I’d said. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be. Not a very good mother is the answer to that. At least Beth’s mum had the excuse of living in another country. Mine was even offered a lift to the hospital.’ She sighed. ‘So how have you left it with them? Is there an atmosphere?’
‘It was all very civilised. My shouting days are behind me. I told them there was a lot to take in and I might have further questions but I want to take the same attitude as Mum – it’s done, it’s in the past and we need to draw a line and start afresh.’
‘If you do need to shout and scream, there are plenty of fields and outbuildings where you can vent. I bet there’s a brilliant echo in the cow shed.’
I hugged her. ‘I might do that. Or I might come and find you for hugs. You always know what to say and do to calm me down.’
‘That’s because I’ve been let down. Hurt recognises hurt.’
I cupped her face in my hand and gently kissed her. ‘You’re not still hurting, are you?’
She smiled. ‘Not since I met my forever.’
60
Samantha
The next few days were busy at the rescue centre with three new arrivals – Morpheus, Forrest and Moneypenny – all with various stages of flystrike. We had four releases too. Frodo was collected and Hermione, Barnum and Snoop Hoggy Hog were released on the farm. I still felt sad at each goodbye because I couldn’t help but become attached to all our patients, but it was easing. After all, the whole point of what we did was to get them ready to return to a normal life in the wild.
There were no more new hoglet admissions but fourteen was more than enough to keep me occupied for the moment while I was in and out of the farmhouse checking on Beth. She was pretty much confined to staying upstairs during the day as she couldn’t manage babies on the stairs with her injuries. They’d unpacked their kettle and mugs and Josh’s office had become a makeshift kitchen with a mini fridge and their bottle steriliser. She could probably have struggled through the day on her own but I could tell she appreciated the help and the company.
I was surprised to find that I enjoyed being around her and could even see us becoming friends which was perhaps unexpected under the circumstances. That vulnerability that I’d detected the first time she turned up at the farm was definitely there and it was endearing.
On Thursday morning, I met with Jeanette Kingston from Terry’s village. I showed her the pictures of Arwen tangled in the netting and she was shocked. She claimed that Terry always had a bee in his bonnet about something so she’d assumed that this was his latest crusade and he was making it up. No convincing was needed and she vowed to have the nets removed immediately. She was keen to learn more and asked if more members of the committee could visit later in the month to explore what they could do in the village to make it more hedgehog-friendly.
Hannah visited at lunchtime that day and we sat in the garden with Amelia, Archie and Lottie to give Beth a break. Amelia and Archie were so cute together. They kept prodding each other which sent them into fits of giggles.
‘How are
you finding it with a house full of babies?’ Hannah asked. ‘Any more thoughts on what we discussed?’
‘A massive tangle of them. I’ve been rushed off my feet but it’s always there at the back of my mind.’
‘It’s bound to be. It’s a big thing.’
‘Archie and Lottie are adorable and watching Josh with them tugs on my heart so much. He’d make such an amazing dad and I can’t help thinking it would be unfair of me to take that opportunity away from him.’
She gave me a stern look. ‘And it would be unfair of him to have a partner who agrees to having babies when she doesn’t want them. Unless you’ve accepted that I’m right about you being sod all like your mum.’ She raised her eyebrows in question.
I couldn’t share what Dad had revealed about Mum’s past. I didn’t like keeping secrets from Hannah but it wasn’t my secret so I needed to pick my words carefully. ‘My head’s still in a mess about that. A combination of what you said, something my Dad told me about Mum before they were married, and a bit of homework from Josh all scream at me that I really am nothing like her. But I just can’t seem to shake the fear.’
‘Are you saying you want kids?’
I looked towards Amelia and Archie still giggling at each other and at Lottie fast asleep in the Moses basket beside them. I thought about the past few days when I’d helped bathe and feed the siblings, and how wonderful it felt to give them sleepy hugs. I couldn’t deny the pull.
‘I do,’ I whispered. ‘It’s just…’
‘I know,’ she said, gently. ‘It’s been tough. But remember you have time on your side. You’re not even thirty yet. It’s not like your baby-bearing years are nearly behind you. Why don’t you spend some time working on your fear instead of feeling you have to make a decision right now? And keep talking to Josh. He needs to know where your head’s at.’
New Arrivals at Hedgehog Hollow Page 32
