by Nivia Borell
“Because I can’t and won’t. That simple. If I have to give you my own heart, you’ll die of old age surrounded by a loving family.”
A shiver goes through her as she sinks her head and shakes it in a frenzy. Seeing her like this causes me physical pain. I dart toward her and wrap my hands around her slender waist. She pants but softens around me. “I had my chance for a family. I craved you to be my husband and to give you babies and for us to grow old together. So, you’re wasting your time. I don’t wish another one. Are you delusional? Do you think now that I feel again I want to throw myself at the next best man I can find? Damien, I might be feeling now, but there is no guarantee I will feel anything by tomorrow. And if by some miracle they repair my heart, what happens afterward? Because it seems you have all the answers.”
In my wanton ears, it sounds like a basis to start negotiations. It is my playground, and I am prolific in it as experience has taught me well. I bury my head in her silky hair, my lips curving into a small smile. My grip on her tightens at the prospect of a win.
“Whatever you choose and desire, Bria. You just have to look at it, and I’ll give it all to you, even things I know you don’t need but simply desire.”
“Damien, you have no idea what you’re talking about. What I want stopped existing seven years ago. Can you give me all of it back? If so, I swear you can take me to the nearest hospital, and we’ll face whatever comes.”
I shift her in my arms. Our chests brush, falling and rising as in perfect synchrony. Her breaths tickle my neck. My lips find her forehead, and I murmur against it, “I can’t go back in time, Bria. I would do anything to change and erase everything that happened that night and afterward, but I can’t. It kills me to know I can’t offer you the one thing you covet the most. But you’ll find love again, and you’ll have another baby.”
The instant the last word escapes my mouth, she shoves me off and slaps me so hard, my head reels. She rises to her tiptoes, shouting, “How dare you, you moron! Did it work for you? No, because then you wouldn’t be here trying to stop me. Why do you assume it will work for me? I loved you until I snapped, literally. My heart and mind split at the same time, Damien, and something more broke in me, the remnants of our unborn baby. Well, glad to know I have your support when another man fucks me. Sound good enough to you? Well, maybe I’ll try it tonight just for the sick sensation of it.”
Fury clouds my vision. So much for self-control and trying to be the better person here. In an instant, I cage her shoulders between my flexing arms. She is right, I can’t. I don’t deserve her, but I am too weak. She is my drug of preference, and I have denied my addiction for too long.
“Never say something like that, Bria. You are mine!” My roar echoes with my ruptured aggravation, rattling the walls.
She puts her hands on her waist and says, “Oh, so now I’m yours. Who gave you the right?” Her voice drawls with challenge, and I cradle her face, my eyes boring into hers.
“You just did, Bria, and now I’ll show you how it feels to be mine, love, and only mine. You will take everything I have to give you. I may be your slave, but you are also mine. And now, shut up and feel me.”
BRIA
My body ripples with his passionate cries. I can’t snatch my eyes away from his blazing ones, his stone body alight with something I have witnessed so often over time—a raw and unapologetic possession. The visual rocks my core and awakens a battalion of butterflies. He pants as his wide chest expands until his buttons threaten to burst open. The muscles in his ripped arms spasm. I stare at him, blue eyes swallowed by dilated pupils, and liquid fire melts any coherent thoughts I may have. My body goes submissive under his domineering gaze. He reaches me in one strong stride, my body flush against his ample chest, heat spreading through me. Lava is flowing through my veins. The way he holds and carries me to the bed as if I weigh nothing… the determination, lust, and love I detect in his penetrating eyes… his musky, potent scent is intoxicating me. And I want—no, I need—to feel him inside me again, for one more time, one last divine feeling. I long for him in me consuming me from the inside as the last memory of my life.
I don’t even deny the truth anymore, I have always been, and always will be, his. Why should I withhold from him what is rightfully his? My body clothed in a frenzied desire for him should be proof enough anyway. Tomorrow is another story, but for now, I yearn to feel what it’s like to be loved again by the only man I’ve ever loved. The past and the future are of no significance at this moment. The power of the now is what the past and the future bow to. In an instant, we have something we either wish to put in the past or build a future toward. But we have neither. We just steal in our desperate need to feel another, a moment in time.
“Are you ready, Bria? Because I will make your world spin, love.”
He flops me on the mattress, and a yelp flees me. If my quivering body is any indicator, I believe him. Boy, do I believe him.
His winner signature lopsided grin pops, and it knocks my breath away, “Well aren’t you overconfident, mister. Give me your best shot.”
Damien positions himself between my legs. He’s so infuriatingly beautiful with his perfectly straight nose and carved jaw and high, diamond-cut cheekbones and those perfectly shaped, brazen eyebrows. His magnetic steel blue eyes size me up, and under his sparkling stare, I diffuse and become one with the covers. His husky voice makes me grab the sheets as my legs squeeze him to my heated body.
“I’ll give you more than that, Bria. I’ll give you myself again, and I will leave my heart inside of yours, so you’ll have a reason to want to live and will come back to me so we can both be whole again. You’ll return to the place you were born to occupy in my arms and by my side. I’ll pour in you everything I have. It’s a promise!”
I peek at him in stupid fascination as I swallow a non-existent lump that’s caught in my throat. My heart soars. I require all of what he said and more. I quiver like a leaf under him.
He yanks my shirt and goes for my black leather pants, peeling them off until I’m spread out for him in my black lace underwear. The craving in his eyes flushes my skin and goosebumps spread all over my sizzling body. He grabs my hand and presses it on his hard, thick erection, and I moan as shame evaporates.
“The way you look at me, Bria. How you completely surrender yourself. It’s my aphrodisiac. Do you feel how hard and ready I am for you?”
I shudder again. My body longs for his touch, and I can’t wait for him to stretch me. It’s been too long. My hand darts to undress him, but he stops me. “No, no, baby. Not so fast.”
I pout, and through a pant, I say, “You just like to torment me.”
He winks at me, and my skin prickles in anticipation. “This way, it’s so much more intense, baby, and you know it.”
He unclasps my black lace bra. I stiffen, knowing this time he won’t just see a tattoo but also a scar, and this time I can’t deny his touch. He always loved my immaculate skin as he called it. Last year he couldn’t scope it, hidden under the shadows of the paint, protected, without a source of light, and I forbid him to touch this area. But now it stands up under his watchful eyes, and I can’t hide it. The room is bathed in artificial lights, and I crave his touch too much to forbid him from touching me. And still, my hands rush to cover my chest as I shut my eyes.
“Bria, baby, open your eyes,” he pleads, and I obey incapable of denying him. My stupid, damaged heart still beats for him and only him.
He wraps his hands around mine, his gaze never leaving mine. “Just stop it. I know from the look in your eyes what you’re thinking, but hear me out, and I swear I’m not lying to you. I will never lie to you again. You are perfect on every level, Bria. Your body is beautiful, lean, and smooth, and your skin is breathtaking. You have the most gorgeous breasts, round and made to fit my hand. And I love your perky, pink nipples made to be licked and bitten by me.”
Before me stands something more than a monument of a man. Years upon years of
comfort, love, friendship, and laughter gazed back at me through thick, black lashes, and my body relaxes as he nods.
“Look at my hand covering your breast. It fits perfectly in mine, and when I do this…” he grazes my nipple with his thumb, “… you begin to writhe underneath me, and I go wild. So, of course, I do what then, Bria?
I don’t know what he’s trying to achieve except for making me explode from lust, and when he places one hand over my right breast, I moan.
“Please, Damien, you… you…” But coherence eludes me as he increases the tempo and then pinches it. I can only form unintelligible noises, pleasure on the verge of pain. He knows how to coax the lust from me. Always so damn persistent when it comes to subduing me to the pleasure he offers me.
“I know your body in and out, Bria. I could make you come just by playing with your tits.”
He puts his mouth on one nipple suckling, biting, and then nibbling on the other, rough and gentle with a slight sting, all to bring me to a high we both thirst for. I grab the sheet in my fists and slam my eyes shut. My toes curl… I am so close. With his other hand, he traces the line of my black thong. I can feel him hard against me. He peels the thong off me before I even realize what he’s doing. I tremble and cry out as he finds my aching pearl and conquers me with his mouth and fingers. I tug at the ends of his hair, and I feel his lips curve into a satisfied grin on my sensitive and aching skin.
I am a mumbling mess of sensations, the orgasm so intense, stars pop into my vision, and I shout his name again and again. There is nothing except Damien, complete adoration glinting in his eyes, and blood rushes to my cheeks. From between my legs, his two pools of steel stare at me, glossy lips curving into a smirk. Now this is a sight for sore eyes.
“Did I say how I love the slight blush you have every time I put my mouth on you. The way you let yourself go, Bria. My name purring out of your tempting mouth, baby, is the sexiest thing I have ever heard. And now you can undress me because I have to get inside your heat and make you come again.”
I slap his hard-as-a-rock abdomen and drink in the sight of him. “Do you have to be so coarse about it, Damien?” I try to sound irritated, but it’s impossible when I peek as his lush lips arch into a dazzling smile.
“I know you love my dirty mouth. You just have a problem accepting it. But so you know, baby, in the bedroom it is only about us and letting the animal in us enjoy freedom for a while.”
He is right, but I don’t confess it, so I dart to my knees, straddle and press him to the mattress, fingers bouncing on his chest, and then unbutton his shirt as I bite on my lower lip. I give him a look that says, “Payback, honey.”
“Baby, take all the time you want. Delay it as much as you want.” He puts his mouth to my ear and whispers, “If you play dirty, Bria, I’ll play even dirtier and make it last even longer. But I’m sure you’ll love it either way.”
His words rock my body, awakening an uninhibited part of me as I throb under his brushing fingers on my collarbone. When his immaculate shirt slips to the floor, I take his face in my hands and feast on his plump lips, slow at first, and ravenous with every sweet taste. When I end the kiss, we both moan. I lick his earlobe and hum against the sensitive spot on his neck, and his jaw spasms.
“Two can play this game,” I say and give his earlobe a little nip.
“This will be the game of our lives, then, you little minx.”
I trail kisses along his pulsing neck and from one well-defined shoulder to the other. I kiss his heart where his tattoo is inked, and my heart expands with love and happiness.
Catching my smile, he whispers, “I’m glad you like what you see.”
“Oh, I don’t like it, Damien. I love it,” I say, stroking its lines with my fingers as emotions try to choke me as I swallow them down. He raises my fingers to his sexy mouth, lust flashing in his eyes. I palm his six-pack. He has a great body, all firm with well-defined muscles. My core salivates, and my insides melt into a puddle of desire. When I reach his elegant trousers, I unzip and jerk them off. I have other things in mind. When he is wearing nothing but his black designer underwear, I take him by surprise pushing him on his back. When his head hits the pillow, he looks like a Greek god, and his deep blue eyes pierce my soul. He lies there, all self-assured and self-confident, a full smirk in the corner of his mouth. I have trouble finding any relevant thoughts, at all.
“And what are you going to do next, Bria? Admire me all night?”
To emphasize his point, he crosses his hands at the back of his neck, and I grin like a fool. This is exactly who he is, and I love every aspect of him. I am lost to his charms and whims and am bound to be his. Like a feline, I slide between his legs. The look on his face when he realizes what I am going to do is priceless as his eyes widen, and his smirk freezes. I make eyes at him, and in an instant, I see his love for me shining so brightly it warms me and makes me whole again. This man is still in love with me. Everything else vanishes except for him, and for the first time ever, I feel truly free and at ease.
With one hand, I fondle his member, and I promise with my tongue a pleasure unbound. Damien buckles under me. He is right, this is only about us, so every barrier disappears, and I let the moment take me in. I love the moans my hungry mouth unleashes in him.”
His hands grip my hair and hisses. “If you stop, I might die.”
His words and cries of pleasure excite me.
“Baby, stop. I can’t hold it anymore! Fuck, baby, you have four seconds tops to decide.”
His frenzied roars follow his potent release. Euphoria blossoms inside me. Damien collapses on the mattress, a grin plastered on his face, catching his breath. He gathers me in his arms and nibbles on my lips. “You minx, I loved every second of this, but now, if I don’t get inside you, I’ll go nuts.”
He shifts us, and the next instant he pins me under him, and with one thrust, he tears me open leaving me gasping for air.
As he speeds inside me, my body ignites. A voice inside whispers this could be a beginning rather than an end, but I lose the thought as I writhe under him. I forget everything else as I moan his name.
“I am not done yet, Bria, but you’ll take all of me, won’t you, my sweet baby?”
I just nod and bobble my head, not knowing where I begin and he ends. We become one as we climb the peak of pleasure together. He thrusts into me shattering and raising me until I am on the brink of another rocking orgasm.
“Let yourself go, baby.” And I do. We both do.
We tumble on the bed, out of breath but grinning at each other. Somehow, Damien finds the energy to press my head against his beating heart.
“I didn’t think something like that was even possible,” he says, surprise lacing in his voice. “We reached some out-of-the-world kind of fucking territory.”
There is one thing I desire right now—to lie here in his arms with a wide smile plastered on my face for eternity.
“I don’t think I can move, Damien.” A sweet soreness stretches in my entire body. I am so ready for the next round. I thank God for the private thoughts in our minds, and still, I feel heat poking at my cheeks.
“It’s okay, love. I’ve got you.”
“But I have to take a shower.”
“Let’s sleep for a while, okay?”
“But we’re naked and sweaty, Damien,” I complain as he dares me with his eyes to defy him.
“A reminder of what we did, and I’m sure I’ll have some blissful sleep due to the visual and smell.” His eyebrows waggle and then, he winks at me. I smack his chest and suppress a giggle. The conversation is over as sleep overtakes him.
In a few hours, everything will change. I shove the thought into a corner of my mind, too tired to consider it as I thread my fingers through his thick, dark hair. Minutes later, I join Damien in slumber.
***
Something pokes and nudges me awake. My heart flutters as I spot Damien wrapped around me. Warmth spreads in me as I meld myself to him. Sensin
g I’m awake, Damien stirs too. We are that linked.
When I see his soft lips arch into a smile and sultry eyes, warmth envelops me. His lips graze mine, awakening tingles all over my body. “Did you sleep well, baby?” His hoarse voice and sweet gesture melts and ruins me altogether.
“Let’s say I can’t even remember if I dreamed anything, so I must have been exhausted.” I grin innocently.
“Wearing you out could be my new hobby.”
I poke him on his stone-solid chest while his grin widens, and he settles himself on top of me. “I love to wake up to you. Here you are all naked and at my disposal.”
I have no time to say a thing because he seizes my lips, fondles my body, and makes love to me. Our eyes lock and maintain contact. We both know without words we can lie all we want, but we are deeply in love with each other.
This time when we climax, it doesn’t feel like a release but more like binding us together forever. I sing his name and he praises mine, an I love you hanging in the air.
We lie suspended in our bubble before he props on his elbows, his eyes probing. I know he’s about to do something. His eyes always betray his intentions, and the moment his hand palms my heart to the place where my scars are covered by the tattoo, alarm bells go off in my body. He silences my nonverbal pleas with light kisses and assuring words, but I keep my eyes shut.
“Hush, baby. It’s okay. Open those beautiful hazel eyes, Bria, and look at me, please.”
I pant but comply with his request.
“What are you afraid of?” His soft voice gives me the courage to try to explain.
“It’s ugly, Damien. The scars show damage, and the tattoo may cover them, but I know they are there.” My voice trembles. “They show my weakness and what’s wrong with me. And I don’t know if I can take it if I see compassion in your eyes… or worse, disgust.” I move my head to the side, too afraid of recognizing such feelings on his face, glad of the shield my hair provides. He cranes my face toward him, and his eyes shine with warmth.
