He loved her with a fierce passion and a deep need. He loved her. So what if people saw? He wanted all the world to know. He loved her and would marry her and spend the rest of his life making her happy.
“Lilith,” he breathed, his voice hoarse with desire.
She pushed against him, separating them.
“We don’t want to miss the boat race,” she said in her huskily velvet voice.
Good Lord. She looked thoroughly tumbled, though they had only shared a kiss. Face flushed, braid frizzed, and lips swollen. Exquisite.
For the second time, he had forgotten about Jasper who tugged at the hem of her dress, hoping for another game of chase. Peeking around the tree, Walter checked for onlookers. Those at the top of the hill had not yet made it this far, and those by the lake were tucked safely around the corner out of sight.
Still, he berated himself. Reckless. Careless. Thoughtless. Caught up in the moment. They had enough of a scandal to battle with her history at the orphanage and questionable lineage. Shaking his head, he offered his arm and walked her sedately to the lake, the puppy following.
It was not as long a walk as he remembered. Soon, they found the crowd gathered about the lake, ready for the entertainment of the boat races. No one paid them any mind other than a few sidelong glances.
Berating accomplished, he now mused at his behavior. Had this been London during the Season, and had she been a young girl like so many he met each year, he never would have acted like this. He would have courted with flowers, drives through the park, teas with her mother and friends, and dances at parties. Never would they have had a private moment together. Never would he have pulled her behind a tree for a salacious kiss. Never would he have gone into her house alone for a lascivious fondling against the wall.
Good Lord. What had come over him?
Well, as far as he was concerned, they were as good as betrothed. It was only a matter of a few words and an announcement, and it would be done, giving respectability to their behavior.
They found a spot on the edge of the lake, slightly separated from the crowd. The race was not the type of rowing Walter had imagined. Five boats lined the bank. Five partners climbed into each. Two people per boat, one oar per person.
There was not a dry eye on the bank as the crowd doubled over in peals of laughter watching the partners try to coordinate their oars to reach the other side of the lake where Sir Gene and Lady Graham waited to declare a winner.
Mr. and Mrs. Turnbow managed to make three full circles before synchronizing their rowing. The young lady who worked at the orphanage—was her name Miss Tollkens? Walter could not recall—lost her oar to the lake, leaving Mr. Sands to row with only one oar. One couple went the wrong direction, piloting their boat to the deeper end of the lake. One girl gave up rowing and left the gentleman to finish the race, forfeiting their win.
Had he not been so stuffed from the baking contest, he might have asked Lilith if she wanted to give it a go. He could not recall if he had talked to her about the lake at Trelowen and his love for rowing. Since she loved the ocean, would she equally love the lake? He imagined them rowing together in the mornings, cooling off with a swim, though on a day such as today, the sound of diving into the water gave him chills.
And just as he thought it, one of the boats tipped over, a young man laughing at his partner flailing in the water. From what he could tell, it was a brother and sister pair. They reminded Walter of Roddam and Lilith. What must it have been like to lose a sibling, Roddam by thinking his sister dead, and she by thinking her brother and parents abandoned her? Did she want children someday, maybe a boy and girl of her own? After seeing her with Freya, and now with the children at the orphanage, he knew she would be an amazing mother.
“Have you ever wanted to find your mother?” he blurted out.
She picked up Jasper who had fallen asleep at her feet.
“No. I didn’t know she existed until Sebastian and Lizbeth arrived at my doorstep. My memories of a mother are of Jane Lancaster, the countess, Sebastian’s mother. She raised me and is the only mother I’ve ever known.” Her tone was matter of fact.
“But once you learned she existed, didn’t you want to find her? Ask her why she left?”
“I know why she left. She was an unmarried woman with a child. She would have been kicked out for her condition, and she wouldn’t have been able to find employment, not in that state, much less with a baby. I don’t blame her for abandoning me. She had no choice. As a midwife, I see this situation far more than you can imagine, especially with servants of the tenantry. Before you think them loose, know that many of them don’t have much say in the matter when the unwanted attention is from the lord of the house or his sons. You may not see the tarnish of your world, but I do. I see its underbelly.”
Walter rubbed the back of his neck and remained silent as Mr. and Mrs. Turnbow took the win. The crowd applauded their good luck and dispersed. Most were eager to return home to relax and change before the dance, others returned to work.
“It’s not that I don’t see the tarnish, Lilith. I do, or at least I know of it. I see it from the other side, and while you can help the women, I’m helpless to listen to my peers boast their conquests, fair out their scandals, or hide their secrets until someone exposes them. Is village life any less tarnished? Are the parishioners of Allshire wearing halos?”
“Hardly.” Lilith scoffed. “But it’s different. Their sins are their own, not what’s forced on them by those with wealth and power.”
“Do you think, then, that your father used your mother?” Walter was not altogether sure he wanted that question answered.
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. There were letters. That’s how Sebastian found me. She wrote letters to our father. If they’re to be believed, she was in love with him and thought he felt the same.”
“Ah.”
Yes, he understood that situation well. He knew any number of gentlemen who carried on affairs with their staff, though he had no way of knowing how many were consensual dalliances, how many were love matches, or how many were forced.
“If you could find your mother, would you want to reunite? Family is the most important thing in this world, I believe. Surely, you’d want to meet her.”
Oh, why had he asked? He did think family was important, but he did not want to open this door. His whole intention was to find her mother to ensure there would not be a conflict should Roddam introduce his sister as legitimate. The plan was already set in motion, having begun at Sir Gene’s dinner. If Lilith wanted a relationship with her mother, it could ruin everything.
No. No, that was selfish. He would support the reunion if she wanted it. All it would mean is that they introduce her as the illegitimate sister. And so what if everyone knew he married an illegitimate?
Even as he accepted this mindset, he heaved a sigh of relief when she answered.
“I have no wish to reunite. What purpose would it serve? It would complicate both our lives. She birthed me, yes, but she is not my mother nor my family. Family is comprised of the people who love you and who you love in return, not blood relations. Your world bases itself on bloodline, but it’s wrong. Family is about love, not lineage.”
She followed the crowd around the lake, everyone heading back to the village.
“I’m surprised you say that, Lilith. If you truly believe that, why do you define yourself by your birth when your family is at the castle, wanting you to be part of their lives?”
She sighed. “I don’t define myself that way. It’s a fact of life. It’s not who I am, but it is what I am.”
“And what of those who love you for who you are?”
She turned to answer, but her eyes lit on something over his shoulder. “‘Bastian!” she called out.
Roddam jogged up behind them, having approached from the hill. He clapped Walter on the back th
en swung around to Lilith’s other side, tucking his hand under her elbow since Jasper had already claimed her arm.
“I can’t believe I missed the boat race,” Roddam said. “Did I at least make it back in time to reserve the first set tonight?” With a quick look to Walter, he added, “Assuming it’s not already taken.”
“It’s yours,” Lilith said. “I now have two sets reserved. I won’t be a complete wallflower at my first dance.”
Though she laughed, Walter was shocked by her words. Her first dance? Had Allshire never held a dance, or had she never been invited? He squeezed her hand.
Chapter 19
The door opened to reveal a dashing and dark Sebastian, grinning devilishly with a box in his hand. When Lilith saw Walter standing behind him, she stepped aside to let them into the cottage.
“Ready for the ball, Lil’?” her brother asked, unceremoniously thrusting the box into her hands.
“For over an hour, I’ve been practicing dance steps. I only hope I don’t stomp on toes,” Lilith said, eyes riveted on the box.
It was small, rectangular, tied with a ribbon.
“What is this?” she asked, looking from Sebastian to Walter and back again.
“Open it and find out, goose.” Sebastian chuckled.
Releasing the ribbon, she lifted the lid and gasped. A sapphire pendant with a solitary diamond lay nestled in the box.
“Oh, ‘Bastian. You shouldn’t have! I can’t accept this.” She shook her head, nervous to be holding something so precious.
“Nonsense. Turn around so I can clasp it. If it helps, I’ll guilt you into wearing it. If you don’t wear it, you will have me in the mopes all evening.”
He pulled out the necklace and nodded for her to turn.
“But it must have cost more than I’ve earned in my life! I can’t possibly wear it,” she continued to protest, even as he laid the cold gem against her throat and drew the chain around her neck. Gooseflesh covered her arms.
“Don’t you know ladies aren’t allowed to talk about money?” he responded. “And besides, I have more money than Croesus. What else am I to do with it than adorn the ladies in my life? Now, turn so we can see how it looks.”
Lilith reached up to touch the pendant, anxious to be wearing something worth more than her life. The consolation was Walter’s expression. He admired her from head to toe with languid, half-lidded eyes of fathomless green. His grin was diabolical, a heady combination with his angelic looks. Her stomach flip-flopped.
“Yes, I think that’ll do,” Sebastian said, turning to Walter with an arched brow.
She watched Walter swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He licked his lips, the tips of his ears turning ever so slightly pink.
“Uh, yes, I believe it will. I mean, uh, no. That is, it’s missing something.” And then he, too, thrust a box at her.
“This really is too much.” Her breathy reply belied her anticipation for another gift.
She never had considered herself materialistic, but then, she had never received gifts before. For all she knew, she did enjoy gifts. The second box was square, tied with an identical ribbon. Making short work of it, she lifted the lid to reveal a matching sapphire bracelet.
Oh!
They had outdone themselves.
She blinked the blur from her sight as Walter clasped the bracelet about her wrist. He smiled an irresistible, knowing smile, one that echoed the beat of her heart. She smiled back.
With such an auspicious start, tonight was to be a grand evening!
Between the fête that morning and now, she had rested, and then prepared a bath. For most of the bath preparation, she had longed for Hannah. By the time she filled the basin, she needed another rest, though it did feel good to have a thorough cleaning, even if the water was icy and made her teeth chatter. Dressing had likewise been a chore, just as it had been for the dinner party.
She wore the blue dress and matching slippers she had purchased with Hazel and attempted another updo with her hair, though it was far too long for styling. How Hannah had managed, she could not guess. The gloves she owned did not match the dress, but they would have to do. Her shopping adventure with Hazel sprang to mind. The dress alone had been an extravagance. Why could the slippers and gloves not come with the dress? Ah, but no, they charged separately for each item. Madness.
When she looked in the mirror after dressing, she had been pleased. Though she was more handsome than pretty, and though the dress was simple and plain, she knew herself to be looking her best, at least as good as she could without a lady’s maid or modiste. Unlike the dress she had worn at the dinner, this dress was high waisted and of the latest fashion. Oh, yes, she was quite pleased with how she looked and vainly hoped Walter agreed.
Standing now before Walter, she flushed to know herself attractive and wanted.
Walter was dressed for London, she observed. He wore a formal frock coat this evening, something she had never seen him wear. He was breathtaking. The embroidery, echoed in every piece of his ensemble, including his shoes, was intricate and plentiful, displaying a floral motif, colorful against the black and gold silk brocade. Even the buttons on his waistcoat had embroidered flowers.
Sebastian, too, wore a handsome ensemble, but she had eyes only for Walter this evening.
With a farewell to Jasper who had to stay home for the evening, much to his disappointment, they left for the inn. Though Sir Graham had offered to host the dance in his ballroom, the consensus was that the villagers would feel more comfortable in the upstairs assembly rooms of the Black Bull Inn.
The walk was short, but Walter managed to use the time well.
He leaned close to whisper, “You take my breath away.”
The irony? His words stole her breath. She barely had a chance to regain those breaths before she stepped into the ball and had them stolen all over again.
Oh! She thought, not for the first time in the past half hour.
Never had she been in the upstairs rooms of the inn. Her first thoughts were of the room itself. The sheer size astounded her, the room long and wide with open windows lining the top half of the one-and-a-half-story walls. The chilly air sweeping in from the windows made her shiver. But then she took in the ballroom and was awestruck.
Oh.
Oooh.
Hundreds of candles lit the space, a dazzling display of flickering glitz. Chandeliers glittered, sconces sparkled, candelabras guttered. Promenading about the room, standing before mammoth mirrors, or sitting on settees were the guests, dressed in the finest silks and satins Lilith had ever seen. Their jewels danced in the reflected light. Their feathered headdresses nodded from towering heights.
Her jaw must have hung down to her bosom, for Sebastian said, “What do you make of it?”
“Oh, ‘Bastian. How could you possibly dislike dances?” she asked. “This is divine!”
Though no one looked directly at them, the hush in the room signified all noted their arrival. Sebastian and Walter were, after all, the guests of honor.
Her earlier preening dulled. How had she thought herself looking her best when such glamor filled the room? Touching the sapphire at her wrist, she raised her chin and pulled back her shoulders. She did look her best. Who cared if her dress was store bought and snugger around her hips and looser around her bosom than it ought to be when the finer figures of the room wore bespoke dresses custom stitched to their forms? Who cared. She felt pretty in the dress, and that was all that mattered.
Her hand on Sebastian’s arm, Walter on her other side, they approached Sir Graham and Lady Graham with bows and nods.
His quizzing glass raised to a discerning eye, he took in her appearance. “Lovely, lovely, Lady Lilith.”
“Thank you, Sir Graham. I’m honored by the invitation.” She afforded a nod to the baronet.
“Sir Gene, my lady, please,
” he said with a stiff lip and slight exasperation.
She repeated his name before exchanging greetings with Lady Graham. At some point, she really would have to better acquaint herself with the rules of etiquette if she were to continue such liaisons, but it would take time. Even now, she was unsure to whom to curtsy and to whom to nod. Living a life as Miss Chambers was far different from living as Lady Lilith, and she was not altogether decided on the latter.
There were more people here than she knew, most landowners from around the parish, not people she encountered in her small world. The few faces she recognized were former patients or the wealthier tenants. She had expected to see more villagers, namely the shopkeepers and farmers. Was that not the point of holding the dance at the inn? For them to attend? There were a few, to be true, along with Harry and Miss Tolkey who pointedly ignored her, but nowhere near the attendance she expected.
She was out of her element and feeling insignificant. The more she smiled, the more people frowned. Nothing would rain on her first dance, she decided. Her chin raised another fraction of an inch.
Sir Graham promenaded them around the room for introductions. Each time he said Sebastian’s title, his chest puffed, as though the earl were there by his request. Each time he introduced her, he hesitated before saying Lady Lilith. More than a few curious faces assessed her following the introduction, though no one returned her smile.
The Carmichaels stood in one corner, encircled by a group of haughty women, their noses in the air, their mouths grim lines. They refrained from approaching, much to Lilith’s relief. How they could look bored in such a stunning setting she could not understand.
Some gentlemen solicited dances, and others found the card room. Though Walter did a round about the room to request a partner for each set, Sebastian promised no one a set except Lilith, and Lilith herself was not asked except by the host. Three sets in the whole of the evening. She was relieved. The last thing she wanted was to make a cake of herself on the dancefloor. The only dancing experience she had was from Mrs. Brighton’s lessons. The repertoire at the orphanage had been as limited as the number of partners. More often than not, the girls had to pair with each other.
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