“It’s all so lowering,” said one voice.
“Everyone knows he’s an honorable gentleman. If she compromises him, he’ll have no choice,” said another.
“She’s desperate. No one else will have her. I don’t care who her brother is, she grew up in an orphanage.”
“It’s disgraceful how she’s putting on airs, as if she hasn’t been working, no better than a servant. He’s fortunate he’ll be dancing the next set with me. Ethel told me he’s been escorting her around town as a favor to the earl, but I wouldn’t put it past her to trap him.”
“That’s not what I heard. I distinctly recall hearing….”
Walter did not hear the rest for he turned to Sir Gene and excused himself. He bypassed Lilith to interrupt the group. They stopped talking as soon as they saw him. Fans and eyelashes fluttered. His dance partner stepped forward and raised her hand for him to take. He did not take it.
“I do beg your pardon,” he said to the young lady. “I must excuse myself from our dance.”
Without further explanation, he walked away, going straight to Lilith, formally bowing and raising her hand to his lips.
“Would you care to dance, my lady?” he asked.
She nodded, her smile dim.
Roddam returned with lemonade and a joke, unaware how much both were appreciated. As soon as the other couples took their place, Walter saw Lilith to the dancefloor.
He had behaved badly. He knew it. The ladies knew it. By now, the whole room would know it. And he did not care. He refused to stand by and allow them to berate her while she stood on the sidelines, a wallflower at her first dance, ignored by those she had considered friends and acquaintances. He also refused to dance with someone who would speak so ill of someone else, least of all the woman he intended to marry.
Two dances signified courtship. Three dances scandal. May their tongues wag, for he would marry Lilith regardless.
And so, they danced, Lilith none the wiser to the sins of etiquette he had committed.
Chapter 20
Perched on his mistress’ lap, Jasper reveled in the ear rub. Lilith scratched heartily all Jasper’s favorite spots, bemused by his thumping leg when she got just the right angle and pressure. For the first time since the ball, she was at peace. There was no place cozier or able to bring her solace than her cottage, though Jasper now contributed to that, however independent and somewhat obstinate he could be when she attempted a command.
If she could stay in her cottage and not face the world today, she would be content.
The assembly had begun with so much promise. Her first dance. Glitz and glamor. Walter in all his splendor. Then there was one cold slap in her face after another, all a brutal reminder she did not belong in that world. Walter enjoyed dinners, parties, dances, and the socializing that went along with it all. How could she be with him when she did not want to put herself through such misery? Belittled, insulted, the brunt of gossip. Even Walter’s name had been dragged through the mud in association with hers.
The dilemma now was how would she return to her idyllic life without him? She was not sure she could. She certainly did not want to, but neither did she want to be in his world. They could, perhaps, elope to Italy under an alias and start anew. What an absurdly wonderful idea!
With a smile, she hugged Jasper, who was growing out of puppy size far too quickly for her liking.
“Good morning!” Walter called from the other side of the open stable door.
Setting Jasper down, she turned to Walter with as cheerful a smile as she could muster. Her heart thumped a happy rhythm to see him.
His curls were unruly, his smile warm, his eyes bright. How, oh, how was she to sacrifice happiness with him for a life of contentment all to avoid the ridicule and discomfort of his world? But then, it was not only about her. Association with her would bring nothing but scandal to him and his family. She must think of that if nothing else. She must not be selfish.
“For what do I owe this early greeting?” she asked.
“I’ll be escorting you to church, of course.”
She laughed. “You’re much too early! You do realize my cottage is next to the church, don’t you?”
“I do. We shall walk at a snail’s pace to enjoy each other’s company.”
“I’ve not yet had breakfast, I’m afraid. Care to join me?” She opened the bottom stable door to invite him inside.
“Oh, no, you don’t. I’ll not have you slaving over the kitchen grate for my benefit. A far better idea is to break our fast at the inn where we may be served by the best.” He offered his arm. “Not to mention it will lengthen our walk.” He waggled his brows.
“You just prefer Mrs. Hill’s cooking to mine,” she chided, taking his arm after she gave a fond farewell pat to Jasper who woofed in indignation to be left behind.
Breakfast was far richer than she made for herself most mornings, but she would not deny its superiority. After the meal, they walked to the church where the parishioners were gathering to greet the Reverend Sands. Ordinarily, she would sit with the orphans, but Mrs. Copeland had relieved her of that duty so that she may sit with her brother. Sebastian, however, would not be joining them.
What she did not expect, though she supposed she ought to have been prepared, was that instead of sitting in the back pews, Walter walked her to the front padded pew where they were to sit with the Grahams. Nothing could have been more uncomfortable. After all her mourning over the whispered gossip at the ball, she was to sit alongside the local gentry. Her mouth grim, her chin high, she braced herself.
All eyes turned her way as she walked on Walter’s arm down the aisle and took her seat not far from the pulpit. It was not until they sat that she breathed.
A vision haunted a corner of her mind of members of the congregation pointing fingers and demanding they burn the imposter. However ridiculous the notion, she sat rigidly, her shoulders squared, her hands clasped in her lap, her eyes boring a hole in the pulpit.
Not long did they wait before Harry ascended in his vestments and Geneva gown. With a mischievous glint in his eyes and a nod to the congregation, he began with the reading of the banns.
“I publish the banns of marriage between Miss Tabetha Tolkey of the Tolkeys of Allshire and Mr. Harold Sands of the Sands of Wythburn. This is the first time of asking. If any of you know cause or just impediment why these two persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it.”
Lilith’s eyes widened, and her jaw slackened. Good heavens!
Miss Tolkey and Harry? She stared, incredulous. When? Why? How? All the times she had seen them together and heard their names paired came flooding back to her. How had she missed it? Oh, she knew how. He had been so busy trying to convince Lilith to marry him for her brother’s money she had not thought it possible he had his eyes on anyone else. But why make it official now? Why not continue to try for the grand prize, especially with Lilith’s brother in town to help with the convincing?
Well, however it was, it was done. And what a relief. Now, she did not have to worry about him pressing the matter. Perhaps this was one step in their return to an earlier friendship. Given Miss Tolkey’s harsh words, Lilith rather doubted that, but friendship would make living in the village easier.
As if sensing her shock, though he could not possibly understand the reason for it, Walter touched a finger to her wrist. With a half-smile, she concentrated on the sermon that had already begun.
Oh, for the love of teapots, she thought. Harry was on about the importance of marriage again. With so much to think about, it was difficult to concentrate on the sermon. Her focus waned. Harry’s voice filtered in and out.
How cruel and unfair for them to be of different worlds. If she were prepared to enter his world, or if he were from her world, it could be their banns read.
Though a slender gap sep
arated her body from Walter, she felt his heat and smelled his cologne.
“I warn you of the sin of carnality.” The rector’s voice boomed. “As we talk of the celebration of two souls joining in the holy union of matrimony, let it not be far from our minds those who partake in sin. An important element separates us from them—marriage. It is the element that ensures our place in Heaven while the others are condemned to hell. Let it not be far from our minds for it reminds us to live virtuous lives and shun the sinners.”
Lilith snapped to attention. Good grief. What was he on about?
“Deuteronomy 22:20-28 speaks of this. Sins will be discovered. Sinners cannot deceive the Lord. As the book says, should ‘the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel, then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly!’ The damsel has played ‘the whore in her father’s house.’” He paused from his recitation, his head bowed. “Let this be a warning to those who deceive and partake in the sins of the flesh.”
Lilith tilted her head to one side. This was quite the departure from his typical sermon. She was not at all sure why he would be preaching the sins of premarital relations, but she did not like it, not after Miss Tolkey’s accusation of Walter being her protector.
“‘If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found,’ let me encourage them to act honorably before the Lord or face the consequences, for both parties shall be brought first before the city for mortal judgement and then before God for the condemnation of their souls. Men, choose only the most virtuous of women. Women, be only virtuous. Children, obey your parents. Parents, hold fast to your children. As Leviticus 19:29 tells us, ‘Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.’ Among us are the souls of sinners, those who have sinned with the flesh without the bond of matrimony.”
The more his voice shook the room, the more unnerved Lilith became. It could not be of her that he spoke, for she had not sinned nor was it any of his business if she had. And yet, there was something disconcerting about the sermon. Short of breath, she clutched the fabric of her dress.
“Lest we not forget the fruit of such labor—illegitimacy. Forgive the children among us, for they know not from whence they came. All others who know the sins of their birth are guilty of deceit, for they have not repented the sins of their blood. Until they do, they wear a cloak of lies, doomed to repeat the sins of their mother. And I read to them Deuteronomy 23:2. ‘A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter the congregation of the Lord.’”
The blood drained from her body.
There was no doubt he spoke of her. But why? Why would he say these wretched things?
Her skin felt clammy. Her pulse raced.
If the sermon did not end soon, she may faint or vomit. Only when Walter placed his hand over hers did she realize how badly she was shaking.
How she sat through the remainder of the sermon, she could not say. After the briefest of civilities between Walter and the gentry, he led her outside and to her cottage, neither speaking a word until they reached the door.
What she did not think about was the sidelong glances from those they passed. She especially refused to think about young Harriette, who had been standing next to her new husband, Mr. Isaac Wimple, and had stared at Lilith with the paleness of shock until their eyes met. The girl had looked away, then. She had deliberately averted her eyes from Lilith.
Lilith felt queasy.
When she opened her cottage door, Jasper leapt at her legs. He whimpered, tail wagging. She could do little more than scratch his neck before she turned to Walter and threw herself into his arms. With a slight hesitation, Walter closed the door behind them.
Though her body shook, and her throat burned, she could not bring herself to cry. What would she cry about, after all? It may not have been a veiled attack. No one else may have connected his sermon to her. The reproachful and curious glances were all likely in her imagination.
Walter wrapped his arms around her. Warm, strong, protective arms. This was where she belonged. With him. And yet, she did not. She could not be a baroness. Oh, she could not.
Gripping the front of his coat, she lifted her head from his chest to stare into loving eyes. With an assertive tug to pull him firmly against her, she kissed him, a passionate kiss, full of desperation. She wanted him. In neither world did she belong, but in his arms, she felt complete, wanted, and valued. Sliding her arms about his neck, she pressed herself to him, gripping him tightly, exploring his mouth with her tongue.
It was he who pulled away, capturing her wrists in his hands and untangling her arms from his neck. Her wrists still encircled by his long fingers, he took a full step back.
“I’ll make some tea,” he said.
All she could do was nod. He studied her, long and assessing, then kissed the inside of one of her wrists before releasing her hands to go into the kitchen.
Jasper lay with his belly to the floor, his head on his paws, whimpering. She needed to pull herself together. Closing her eyes, she sucked in deep breaths to calm her spirit. She could not let the rector upset her. Feeling slightly better, she sat by the hearth and patted her lap for Jasper to join. His tail thumped all the way over.
When she had a moment to think, it dawned on her that Walter was in her kitchen. Did he even know how to make tea? She thought not. It would hurt his pride if she gave instruction, so she stroked Jasper and continued to steady her breathing.
After far longer than she should have had to wait for tea, Walter returned with the tray. He even poured the tea. Lilith observed in silence, eyebrows raised, the corners of her mouth twitching in good humor.
Taking the saucer and cup from his outstretched hand, she held the teacup to her lips and allowed the steam to encircle her nose before taking her first sip. A bitter, acrid flavor bit her palate. Grimacing was all she could do to keep from spitting it back into the cup. Walter was not so fortunate.
“Blech!” he said with a hearty laugh. “That is the foulest tasting substance I’ve ever had the misfortune to drink. Well, dash it all. There go my aspirations to be a parlor maid.”
She could not help herself. She laughed along with him. Jasper joined in with his baying bark. This was exactly what she needed.
Setting her saucer and cup on the tray, she said, “Dare I ask how long you steeped the leaves?”
He stared blankly. “I was supposed to time it?”
“Well, never mind. It was the thought that counts.”
He returned his cup alongside hers and leaned back in the chair. He crossed one leg over the other and propped an elbow against the armrest. “I’m sorry, Lilith. I’m certain today was my fault. I should have said something earlier.”
Now was her turn to stare blankly.
“The sermon,” he explained. “I believe it was directed to me. I think his calling me a sinner was his way of warning me against you. You see, he approached me the other day.”
“Harry? He approached you?” Lilith asked, surprised, though she was more surprised that Walter would think the sermon about him when it had all too clearly been about her.
Nodding, Walter said, “He wished to know my intentions and suspected they were less than honorable.”
“He said that to you?”
“Not in so many words. At first, he tried to bribe me with his silence should I be keeping you as my, er, companion, and then he warned me against using his cottage in sin. I was under the impression he believed you would not reveal the circumstances of your birth and that I would want naught to do with you if I knew. He’s a weasel, Lilith, and I hope you don’t mind my saying so.”
She was appalled and horribly embarrassed. This was just like the rector, though, and she resented his interference. Why was everyone trying to push her in one direction or another? Why could they not all leave her to sort things out for herself?
“What a dreadful thing for him to do,” she said. “I would never have thought him capable of such distasteful words or behaviors. When he was first appointed rector, he was all that was good and kind. He seemed truly to care for his parishioners and have an interest in the less fortunate. We were friends. And I confided in him as my spiritual advisor. It wasn’t until last year that he changed. After Sebastian found me. After I confessed both my low birth and Sebastian’s desire to set me up financially. If it was the greed that changed him or if he’d always been that way, I can’t say. I believe it was the greed.”
She heaved a breath, her words having tumbled out in a rush.
“I’m sorry to have put you in such a position, Walter. You’re already receiving censure because of me. This is just a taste of things to come, I’m afraid. You really ought not to have come here. I’m terribly sorry for everything.”
Uncrossing his legs, Walter reached over the tea tray and took her hand in his. He held it even when Jasper licked his hand.
“Come with us to Roddam Hall,” he implored. “We could be ready on the morrow, if you wish.”
Yes, that was exactly what she needed to do. When she returned, all would have settled down. Yes, she would make peace with her past by visiting the hall and return to the village after the dust settled.
Nodding, she gave Walter a half-smile of consent.
Chapter 21
The carriage bumped and jostled along the tired road. Walter grumbled to himself. Dashed road made a mockery of a well-sprung vehicle.
They approached Roddam Hall from the southwest, its gatehouse not yet in view. He watched her for signs of recognition. What must she be thinking? Was she nervous or excited to see her childhood home? Would it bring back bad memories or good?
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