I perch on the table and roll my eyes at her. “Please, I don’t care if you go through all of my stuff. I have no secrets, Em. But no more pills. Ever. You understand me?”
“Yeah. I told you, I’m not a fan of meds. I just wanted to sleep.”
She has no idea how much of a relief that is for me to hear. “I know you’re still getting used to it, but you’re pregnant. You have to be extra careful now. We have to.”
“I know,” she says, taking my hand and squeezing it gently.
I pull away and shift my weight on the table. “Now…talk.”
“About what?”
“The shit you’ve been keeping bottled up about Bryan’s attack. The shit that’s causing these nightmares.”
“Dan, I don’t think—”
“Em, tell me,” I command.
She meets my gaze. I can see her reluctance to do so and I’m not sure why. She knows she can talk to me about anything.
“It’s not just him. It’s…you.”
“What?”
“The look I saw in your eyes, Dan. I can’t get it out of my head.”
Fucking hell. I feel like she’s just knifed me straight through the damn heart. Her nightmares are about me? I’m the one who’s been keeping her awake?
“I would never hurt you. Ever.”
“You lost control. You were out of your mind.”
“With him. Not with you.”
She shakes her head sadly. “That look I saw in your eyes? It was the same look I’ve seen from him, Dan. The night he attacked me and that day in the hotel. That…animal. I know you have a temper. I’ve seen it plenty of times. And I know the way you fuck—right on the edge and wild—like an animal. And now…the sedatives. You told me how strong they are. If it takes something that strong to calm you down…shit. I’m worried you have some sort of beast in you. What if, one day I piss you off and you can’t keep it leashed? I’m not a weak little woman. I fought off a two-hundred-pound man before, as you know. I know how to defend myself if I need to. But having to? Knowing that it might to come to that one day…it terrifies me.”
I fight not to pull away from her and shut down. I feel sick to my stomach, like something is twisting inside me. Hearing her say these things, hearing her basically telling me that she’s afraid of me, it’s killing me. And comparing me to that asshole ex of hers? I can’t believe it.
I inch closer to her and take both of her hands, holding them tightly in mine.
“I agree that I do have a temper. But there’s no beast, Em. If there was, do you think Isabella would still be walking around right now?” I know it’s harsh, but I need to make her understand.
“I…I guess not,” she says, taking my words in.
“I’m highly-strung. Things get under my skin. I’ve always been this way. The sedatives? They’re not to put me down, like some out of control animal, as you surmised. I can’t sleep when I’m really worked up and it takes a lot, babe. That’s all. Their purpose isn’t to curb some violent impulse. They’re used to numb my overactive mind. That’s the extent of it.”
She nods and I see some of the tension leave her body.
“Now…regarding what happened with that piece of shit in the hotel. I’m not gonna lie…I did lose control. For the first time, Em,” I say, my eyes boring into hers, driving the point home. “The first time ever. I don’t lose control. You’ve seen me, babe. You know how intense I am about exerting control over every stupid situation.”
“Then…why? How did you lose it like that?”
I reach out and cup her face in my hands. “Because, angel, he had his hands on you. He was threatening you, scaring you, touching you.” I stroke her hair softly as I draw her gaze to mine. “Because, when I say I love you, I mean it. You’re in my heart. My head. I can feel you in my fucking bones. You possess every part of me. The idea of someone threatening that, of someone taking you from me…it’s…it’s beyond comprehension. When I walked in and saw him hurting you, there was no rational thought, Em. I had to protect you, no matter what it cost me.”
I see the realization in her eyes. Her relief. I’m upset that I had to lay it out for her and that she would even think to compare me to that asshole. But I get it. After her experiences with her ex, she’s sensitive to male aggression. She automatically tars us with the same brush. But I’d rather walk through the fires of hell than even entertain the notion of hurting her. My angel.
“I’m sorry, Dan. I’m sorry I compared you to him like that. I just…I have to be careful.”
“I know, but he’s gone. Out of the picture. For good, Em. I made sure of it with the Chief. It’s all in the past. You’re my girl now. The mother of my child. You belong here with me.”
“I love you, Dan.”
“I love you, angel. Do you feel better now? Like you can conquer those nightmares?”
“I think so. Yeah.”
“Good. And babe? Next time…just fucking talk to me, okay?”
She chuckles. “I promise.”
“We could have avoided the entire bathroom incident.”
She screws up her pretty little face and mutters with distaste, “Yeah. That was disgusting.”
“Understatement.”
“So, you don’t make a habit of shoving your fingers down a woman’s throat then?”
“Just my cock, babe.”
For a few seconds, I see her shock. She can’t believe I just said that.
And then she bursts out laughing, taking me with her.
Chapter 21
~Emma~
As I carry the maple syrup to the breakfast table, I catch sight of Dan leaning against the kitchen door frame, his arms folded, watching me curiously.
“What?”
“You made breakfast?” he asks, clearly not sure what to make of it.
“Yep,” I say proudly. “Pancakes.”
“Damn, I need to sleep over here more often,” he says, walking to the table and settling himself into a chair.
I shake my head at him, disapprovingly. “Sitting at the kitchen table shirtless and wearing only your boxers. Shameful, Mr. Alder.”
He laughs. And then he looks me over and cocks an eyebrow. “And how is you wearing nothing but my shirt any different, Miss Spencer?”
I fiddle with one of the buttons, feeling myself blush under his intense gaze. “It covers all the bare essentials.”
“Really?” he scoffs. “If you bend over, even just slightly, I’ll have a mighty fine view of that juicy ass of yours.” He snatches up a pancake from the pile in the middle of the table and shovels it into his mouth. He swallows and looks up at me. “If you don’t sit down soon, I’m gonna eat you for breakfast. The sight of you in my shirt is already making me hard.”
Laughing, I slide into the chair opposite him.
It’s been a couple of weeks since Jason and his guys finished up their work on my roof. But I’ve spent more time sleeping at Dan’s lately. Last night is one of the only times that we’ve slept here at my place. It has just made better sense for us to stay at his apartment, because it’s closer to his work. Location doesn’t matter to me, because I can work anywhere, as long as I have my laptop with me.
“I like this,” I tell him.
“What’s that, angel?” he asks, between mouthfuls of pancakes.
“You being here,” I say, grinning like a lovesick teen.
The corner of his mouth turns up and he answers coyly, “You do, huh?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Well, maybe we should make it more of a permanent thing,” he says, flashing that cocky grin at me, before he returns his attention to his food.
I, on the other hand, can’t just ignore that bombshell. I push my plate aside and reach across the table, clasping my hand over his. He looks up and grins. “That’s right. You heard me correctly, angel.”
“Dan, this is a big step.”
He scoffs. “I think we’ve already vaulted over that hurdle, babe. You’re pregnant with my ch
ild.”
I can’t help but laugh. The situation is just too comical. “Everything’s ass backwards with us, huh?”
“I like it.”
“You do?”
He pushes back his chair and gets to his feet, rounding the table towards me. “Yeah. I hate all that conventional, normal shit. I’m glad we have our own unique way of doing things.” He grips the back of my chair and leans into me as he says, “Even if some of it wasn’t planned.” His hand snakes down to my belly and he rests it there.
I lean my head back so I can look up at him. “Does this hatred you have for the conventional have something to do with your mom?”
“Maybe.”
“Let me guess, because of your high station, the family money, high society and all that, there are certain expectations? Like 2.4 kids? A white picket fence? Those kinds of things?”
He laughs. “You’re good. Yeah, that’s right.”
“Is that why you hate her so much?”
“Hate is such a strong word, babe.”
“Dan!” I whine.
His hand leaves my belly and he pulls away. I turn in my chair as he leans against the kitchen counter with a grim expression on his face. “She introduced me to Isabella.”
“Wow. That’s…wow. I’m sorry.” Holy shit. I can’t even imagine how hard of a pill that must be for him to swallow. That his own mother brought that bitch into his life. There’s one question on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to ask it. I don’t want to keep that expression on his face.
He must sense my hesitation, because he says, “No, she didn’t know what Isabella’s end game was. She barely knew anything about her, except that she came from a wealthy family. She was a society brat. Well, she thought she was anyway. It turned out that was all a lie too. She was as white trash as they come.”
“Dan,” I say, wrapping my hands around his neck. “So, what do you want?”
His demeanor changes instantly and that cocky grin of his is back. “You.” His hands rest possessively on my belly again. “This.”
“You already have us.”
“Hmm…not entirely.”
I raise my eyebrows. What does he mean?
He smirks when he sees the curiosity on my face. “I’ve put the penthouse up for sale.”
I jump back in shock. “What? When?”
“A few days ago,” he answers, matter-of-fact, like it’s not a big deal.
“But you love that place.”
“I love you more,” he says. “And I don’t like us being apart.” His hand strokes over my belly. “Especially not now, with this recent development,” he says, with a wry grin.
“But—”
“The penthouse is a bachelor pad, through and through. It’s not a real home, Em. Especially not for you and the baby.” He gestures around the kitchen. “This is.”
He pulls away and makes his way out of the kitchen, examining the house as he goes, his eyes sweeping every inch of it.
I follow him out into the living room.
“You want us to move in together? Here?” I ask with disbelief. “This is the farthest thing from all that lavish luxury that you’re used to with the penthouse. And…don’t forget how much you hate my couch.”
He cocks an eyebrow in surprise. “What?”
“You don’t remember?”
He folds his arms across his chest, curious to hear what it is that he doesn’t remember.
“That night you came here drunk, you insulted my couch.”
“I did?”
“You begged me not to make you sleep on that thing trying to pass for a couch,” I tell him, throwing his words from that night back at him.
“Wow. I’m surprised you didn’t kick me out after that one. Sorry, babe.”
I burst out laughing. “I’m just messing with you. It didn’t bother me. You were right.”
“Then why—?”
“It was amusing to watch you squirm.”
His eyes darken. “Oh, babe. I think it’s time for some payback.”
Uh oh. I know exactly what that means. I hate being tickled. It’s torture. “No, Dan,” I say, shaking my head vehemently.
“Yes, Em,” he says, stalking across the living room towards me.
I dart behind the couch, shrieking as he vaults over it and captures my waist. He hauls me onto the couch and wrestles me beneath him.
“No, no, no!” I squeal as I manage to twist my body out of his clutches so that I’m on my front. I scramble to my knees, intending to escape over the arm of the couch. But then his hands are on my ass, gripping each cheek firmly.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he chuckles. “You can’t tease me with this sweet ass and then just walk away.”
I attempt my escape again, but he holds fast. He spreads my ass cheeks. A trail of moist heat startles me and a foreign sensation stills me completely, shocking me. He’s licking me there. Oh my God.
“Dan—” I move to protest.
His tongue trails between the crease of my cheeks. It circles my virgin hole, teasing the sensitive opening. I suck in a sharp breath. No one has ever touched me there before. It’s so forbidden. So dirty. I’m conflicted. My head is spinning. I’m completely exposed to him in this position with my ass in the air, my shirt pushed up to my hips. He can see everything. And his tongue is rimming my ass for goodness sake!
On the one hand, the good girl in me wants to tell him to stop. But my inner bad girl is loving this. She wants to explore this unchartered territory. It feels so good. Why have I never done this before?
His hand slides down between my legs and cups my pussy.
“Mmm…doesn’t seem like you want me to stop, babe. You’re drenched,” he whispers in my ear.
I manage a tiny whimper of a response.
His talented fingers brush my clit, coating it in my own arousal and sending sparks of pleasure through me. He’s everywhere, touching every part of me. He brushes the sensitive hood, teasing my clit and grazing my folds, before dipping two fingers inside my entrance. All my nerve endings are on fire. He’s building me up so quickly that I can barely breathe from the exquisite rush of sensations.
“Ah…Dan. Oh God,” I cry out, bucking against his hand, needing to drive his fingers in deep. I can’t bear it any longer. I need to feel him filling me. Now.
“Tell me what you want, Em,” he goads, his voice hoarse with desire.
“Your…your fingers,” I pant.
“Where, babe? In your pussy, fucking you?”
I nod my head vigorously.
“Say it,” he commands, his voice a low sexy rasp.
He wants me to beg for it. Right now, I have absolutely no shame. I’m too far gone. He could ask me to do anything and I’d do it. I’m beyond desperate. “Please…fuck me…with your fingers.”
“Good girl,” he breathes.
And then he plunges his fingers inside, driving deep, filling me to the hilt. He pounds into me hard, his fingers moving in a scissoring motion, stretching my walls, driving me to the brink of insanity. His other hand plays with my clit, exacting their sweet torture.
I’m right on the edge. I’m gonna come!
He pulls out suddenly and I whimper at the awful loss. He pinches my clit with his other hand, reminding me that he’s in control here. I cry out at the delicious medley of pain and pleasure. He reads my body perfectly and does it again.
I’m vaguely aware of his fingers between my ass cheeks, gently brushing the valley there. I’m too focused on what he’s doing to my pussy. The ache is so great, my release imminent.
Something prods my asshole. Wet and warm. His finger!
I immediately tense up, my whole body jerking to attention.
He steps up his assault on my pussy. “Relax. No thinking,” he murmurs softly.
He doesn’t give me a choice in the matter. His hand on my pussy is basically vibrating now, driving me closer and closer to the edge.
His finger slides further
into my ass, gently pushing past the tight ring of resistance. It burns at first, protesting the unfamiliar intrusion. He stills there, letting me adjust.
“Good girl. You like having my finger in your ass, don’t you? You love just how dirty and erotic it feels.”
“Yes,” I mewl.
He moves then, his finger sliding slowly in and out of my ass. “Do you want me to stop?” he teases.
“No,” I gasp.
As he moves, the burn subsides, becoming a delectable sensation. “More,” I plead.
He gives me what I want and starts pumping faster, his finger fucking my ass. As his other hand works my pussy, I’m awash in absolute bliss. I can hear myself screaming, thrashing and bucking against him, wanting more, more, more. I am out of my mind. I’ve never felt this out of control before. I’m drowning in it. I’m utterly consumed and I love it.
He drives me higher and higher. A wave of ecstasy crashes over me, hitting me so hard that my entire body stills, struggling to take it all. All I can do is scream like a wild animal.
He doesn’t stop until I collapse onto the couch, completely spent and moaning quietly as aftershock after aftershock courses through me.
He wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly. “That was sensational,” he whispers.
Chapter 22
~Emma~
I peer through the curtains of the living room window at the empty fields that seem to stretch for miles in the distance. There’s nothing there. No houses. No animals. No trees. No sign of life. Normally, that would be a relief to me. Seeing how still the world is just beyond my house. How peaceful. No threats for miles. No people.
But I’m not just thinking about me now.
It’s just after two in the morning. Dan is still asleep in my bedroom upstairs. I’ve been tossing and turning all night, unable to fall asleep. A case of insomnia brought forth by my recent worries.
It’s been about six weeks since Dan and I found out I was pregnant. I know it sounds crazy, but I’d barely had a reaction. I’d been a little shocked, sure. But, really, I’d just accepted it. It was what it was.
DIRTY ALPHAS Page 57
