by Alice Moore
Or the ‘what else’ William had done to me. I could only faintly remember being on his lap, his harsh voice ringing in my ears. Everything else was a blur until I woke up the next morning in my bed.
“Erh- you’re welcome… What do you mean by ‘urge’? Like-… sex? Or…” Heat nestled in my abdomen even as my words failed me, and William gave a shrug.
“Both. I’ve been celibate for nearly 10 years… although it wasn’t always the case. I’m the one that introduced Nash to BDSM. I stopped right before I got my first Eastern European contract… thought it was just a part of my past. But with you, Risha, I find myself doing and wanting things without even realizing it.” William spoke like we were discussing the weather while I was drowning in embarrassment. Our age difference was glaringly obvious, and I shoved my fists between my thighs to find they were hotter than the air blasting from the vents.
“I- I mean… I’m flattered… I think? I dabbled a little in college, but then Cynthia got sick and there was no time anymore for anything like that. She couldn’t drive, so I had to bring to all of her appointments and stuff. I ended up dropping out because I missed so many classes. But- anyway… I guess now I know why you’re dating Anna and not surrounded by kids and grandkids.” Pursing my lips together to keep myself from rambling, I rubbed my arms awkwardly against my sides in the hopes that William didn’t notice the goosebumps that rose on my skin. “I’ve always wanted a dad. I’ve always resented my dad for not being around, but I don’t and will never know if it’s because he doesn’t know or he doesn’t care. You would probably be a great dad, William.”
“That’s not what I expected you to say considering I am old enough to be your father and just told you I’m sexually interested in you, Risha.” William chuckled lowly, and I let loose an embarrassed, weak giggle before he sighed heavily. “Where’s your interview again? I don’t know where I’m going.”
“Oh- erh…” Digging into my purse, my hands trembled lightly at the sudden switch in conversation. Pulling out the letter I’d been sent, I scanned the tiny print before opening my mouth again. “Holden Enterprises. I sent out my resume to a bunch of publicly listed, corporate e-mails, and they actually got back to me.”
“… Anna really didn’t tell you anything about me other than I was rich, did she?” It took a long time for William to speak, and the dark, condescending tone caused a lump to form in my throat. Disgust rippled across his features, and his arms flexed under his shirt as he adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. “Who’re you interviewing under? Did you get a name?”
“Er- erh-h…” Turning back to the page, I blinked hard to clear the confusion from my vision. “Samantha Runwald. She’s the regional customer service manager. I’ve only done secretary work, but customer service is pretty much the same, right?”
“Not really. If you want, I can try to get you into a secretarial position. I know a couple upper management are always having trouble finding good people.” Scrunching my face at the idea, I immediately shook my head.
“No- no… I really don’t like working. I have enough in my savings for years since I split with Cynthia. I just… I don’t want to be lazy.” Carefully tucking my letter back in my bag, I pulled my lower lip between my teeth to frown. “I hate the idea of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my mom in my reflection. She was handed everything in life because she was pretty an-“
“I understand, Risha.” Reaching to grasp my hand, William laced our fingers together to squeeze comfortingly. The action shot straight to my heart, and my breath hitched in my throat. “You don’t have to tell me. So… heavy topics aside… why do you love dinosaurs so much?”
My pulse skyrocketed at the question, and blood filled my head. Groaning softly, I reached to twirl a lock of my hair as the streets became more crowded. We still had a 10 minute drive to Holden Enterprises offices, and I waited a moment to get my heart rate under control.
“I always have. I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was younger. They’re just so fascinating… there’s so many different kinds… It’s like space exploration for me. Endless possibilities.” Sighing dreamily at the very idea of it all, I let go of my strands with a smile. The fact that I didn’t have a chance to do my hair didn’t phase me, and I pulled the long mass over my shoulder before William spoke up.
“When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. I think every little kid wants to do that, though. It wasn’t until middle school that I really realized what a big world this is, and that I wanted to see it all. I’ve been to a lot of places.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to a bone bed… to get a real dinosaur fossil of my own. There’s a bone bed in Utah that’s famous for its Allosaurus fossils- I want one so bad.” Excitement blossomed in my chest, pushing away all of the other feelings that had been unleashed on this car ride. “I imagine it feels a lot like seeing a new place for the first time.”
“Maybe… but I can always go back any day I want. I doubt it’s that easy to find a new fossil. When Cynthia told me you had lizards, dinosaurs wasn’t exactly what I pictured.” Humming softly, I turned out the window as my mind went to my friend. Cynthia’s image bubbled up in my mind’s eye, and William stopped at the back of a long line of cars waiting at a light before speaking up. “Does she always answer the door without a shirt on?”
“Yeah. She’s so beautiful, but not having her breasts anymore… it was like more than just those were taken. Her oncology doctor told her she’d get used to it and learn to love herself again, but she’s still struggling with it. Any chance she gets- mostly with delivery guys- she won’t wear anything to help her build her self-esteem.” Glancing down at my own chest, I took a big breath to watch the mounds strain against my bra and blouse. “It happened three years ago now. They offered Cynthia implants, but she didn’t want them. If she couldn’t have real breasts she didn’t want any at all.”
“Martin is good for her, you know. I financed his first movie after a friend of mine e-mailed me about him six years ago. He became an actor after his mom’s first bout with breast cancer because he didn’t have the money to support her.”
“You don’t think he’s just being sympathetic?” Carefully voicing my fears as we inched forward, I nibbled my bottom lip. Cynthia had never been in a real relationship; not that I was one to talk. I had a boyfriend in high school, but not since. Across the cabin William shook his head, leaning back against his seat with a soft groan.
“I doubt it. Greatly. He’s not the kind of guy to date someone out of sympathy, especially if he knows exactly what’s going on. Even if he did, he’d be very straightforward about it… Not to mention I didn’t take him to be the type to have pity sex with a woman. Despite knowing him for so long, we only really talk during social events we attend. Ever since I first called him he’s a straight-laced, no nonsense type. He comes off as humble, but it’s really just a strong sense of direction.”
Silence filled the car, broken only by the soft squeal of the brakes whenever William laid off them to roll forward. Staring out at the city, I let his assurances ease the uncertainty in my gut. Martin came over often, but to me his and Cynthia’s relationship seemed a bit fast.
Glancing at William, my field of vision narrowed as my heart started to beat harder. Tonight was going to be a disaster, I knew; every time I worked up the courage to call him, I somehow chickened out. I was in too deep with him, but even that excuse didn’t settle well with me.
“You know… about Anna… I don’t want you to break up with her because of me. I never wanted to hurt you… the exact opposite, actually. I’ve done it before- warned guys about her, but they usually ignored me until they realized for themselves that she only wanted their money. You’d be surprised at how they thought that because I know her, I’d do something with them to cover her debt… or maybe not.” Speaking slowly, clearly, I held my breath as anticipation wormed its way into my gut. Tilting his head, William watched me through narrowed eyes as his expression blan
ked out. Just like at the theater, he gave nothing away. That’s not good, right?
“I am breaking up with her because of you. Not because of some silly ideology that I wanted you from the moment you came up to me at that auction. You’re beautiful, refined, but it’s not necessarily those qualities that draw me to you. You went out of your way to help me, a man you didn’t know, because you knew Anna was trouble. I told you before- Nash and Natalie are having a baby after 4 months. They knew. Just like I know… just like I suspect you know.” He was so certain, so straightforward, that my throat clogged and my mind stalled. Staring at the seriousness etched onto William’s face, I could only force a nod. His compliments went over my head, focusing instead on his last, impactful words.
“I- I know.” Stuttering lightly, I licked my lips heavily as a hard throb beat through my body. “I know…”
Risha
Staring at the back of Cynthia’s head as she cuddled with Martin on the couch, I drew my brows together sharply. Sipping my seltzer water through a straw, my lips dragged in a frown as I watched through narrowed eyes while my best friend paused her movie.
“Staring at me like that won’t get you out of going to this dinner, Risha. Martin agreed to carry your ass to the car, so just go get ready. You’re going regardless if you wear a nice dress or those t-rex pajamas you got on.” Groaning loudly, I dropped into a kitchen chair to cross my arms over my chest like a child that didn’t get what she wanted.
And what I wanted was to not go to this dinner; that desire had only strengthened after this morning.
“It’s almost 5:30… and I’m not lying about dragging your ass to the car. This is your fault because you couldn’t grow the balls to tell William. Now you have to fix your mistake.” Cynthia drove her last nail into my coffin, and I simmered over my mistakes since meeting William. Every opportunity I took trying to tell him who I was had been a dud, and now my mother’s introduction dinner was precious minutes away. In a half hour I’d be leaving, and I glanced down at myself with a scowl. These T-Rex pajamas were my favorite, but I would never wear them to a restaurant like the Wendel.
“Ugh! Fine!” Pushing myself up roughly, I stomped towards the stairs while Cynthia put her movie back on. Anger and shame heated my face, and I silently cursed my weak will as I stormed up the stairs. “But I don’t like it!”
“I don’t care!” The sing-song quality in Cynthia’s voice irritated my ears, and I grumbled under my breath just to release some hot air.
Time seemed to fly past me, and I touched up my eyeliner before my best friend’s reflection appeared deep in my mirror. Frowning at her, I set my pencil back in its case to rip the zipper shut with a jerk. Slowly her eyes scanned my form, and she let out an appreciative hum as I straightened.
“Your tits look great in that dress. Hell, you look great in that dress. I bet William will be too busy drooling to remember you lied to him.” The assurance did nothing to untie the knots in my belly, and I smoothed the black fabric absently. Nibbling my bottom lip, I took one last look at my curled hair before stepping away from my vanity. Cynthia smiled pleasantly at me, and I only offered a weak upturn back before taking a deep breath.
“I really don’t like you right now, Cynthia.” Even as I spoke I realized Cynthia was wearing something nice, and I arched a brow in question. “Where are you going? I thought you were going to stay here and watch movies?”
“We decided to come with you. For moral support.” Her bland answer caused goosebumps to rise on my skin, and her smile turned wicked as she pushed off the door frame. “Plus, I want to watch your mom get totally humiliated in front of really rich people.”
Keeping my mouth shut, I didn’t bother to delve any deeper into the subject before grabbing my purse. My steps were stiff, and I slid my bare feet into a pair of low heels that rested by my door before turning off the light. Watching Cynthia’s form-fitting dress sway as she wandered down the hall, I focused on the movement instead of the nerves tingling my palms.
In the time it took to blink we were stopped in front of a valet, and I scrambled to find where the time went as I climbed out of the back seat. My mind was in tatters, and I clenched my jaw tightly when I glanced at my phone. We were five minutes late, but any hope I had that William decided to ditch and dump my mother by phone vanished when I caught sight of him through the giant picture windows. Taking a moment to admire his clean, pressed suit, I couldn’t help but frown at the tense set of his shoulders.
My mother sat across from him, and judging by the content smile on her face she didn’t suspect what was going to happen.
Relax. Smile. Hope William doesn’t hate me. Relax. Smile. Hope William doesn’t hate me… Repeating the mantra over again in my head, I squared my shoulders before Cynthia practically yanked me through the front door of the restaurant. Instantly I could see why William didn’t like this place; everything was so formal, so black and white. Linens covered the small, intimate, square tables, and there weren’t even any booths. This was a restaurant for special occasions, but this was anything but special.
Relax. Smile. Hope William doesn’t hate me.
Wandering deeper onto the floor, I weaved past couples and businessmen alike before my mother caught sight of me. Her make up was flawless, and if her smile didn’t hide a monster I would say she was pretty. Pushing herself up, she smoothed her cream-colored dress before opening her painted lips.
“Marishka-“ Right before my eyes William twisted, his face a mask of confusion that tightened my chest. Sucking in a shallow breath, I forced a smile on my face even as my skin crawled from his roaming, narrowed gaze. “I’m so glad you made it. I want to introduce you to-“
“William.” So carefully I tried to mask the pain that rushed into my lungs, making it hard to breathe. Standing at the edge of the table, I had a clear view of the betrayal that rippled across William’s face before he masked his expression. “I know who he is.”
“Have a seat. We were just about to order some wine. You drink white, right?” My stomach roiled at the idea of food, and I slipped into an uncomfortable chair before shaking my head. Next to me my mother laughed, high pitched and nervous that she’d made a mistake. “I wanted to formally introduce you. William, this is my daughter Marishka.”
Effortlessly my mother launched into some else, glossing over her error as if it didn’t matter. Flickering to her, William’s gaze narrowed into fine points as his jaw swiveled under his beard. The air was heavy, threatening to suffocate me, and it seemed to stretch on forever until he finally spoke up.
“I’m breaking up with you.” Whirling to my mom, my wide eyes took in her shock as William’s words slowly settled on the table between us all. My heart raced in my chest, and I clutched my bag tightly in my lap as I held my breath.
“Wh- what? What do you mean? Wi-“ Holding up one hand to silence her, William frowned deeply while dizziness began to spin my vision.
“I said ‘I’m breaking up with you’, Anna. I’m done. You never once mentioned you had a daughter. That’s something you bring up on the third date. Now, leave.” The pure power in William’s voice could shatter glass, and it rattled up my spine to rest at the base of my skull. Holding myself very still, I watched in slow motion as my mother debated trying to salvage this situation or do as she was told.
A long, heavy moment passed by on pins and needles before she huffed, pushing herself out of her chair with a wiggle. Red bled into her face, and I pursed my lips together at how clownish she looked with her makeup.
“Fine. If that’s how you want to be. Come on, Marishka.” I didn’t move; I couldn’t bring myself to even bat an eyelash, but my mother didn’t notice when William waved her off.
“You go. She stays. If you want to make a scene, I have security standing by to escort you off the premises. I won’t tell you to leave again, Anna.” Turning to William, I held my breath as I really looked at him. His expression was fierce, his posture screaming dominance, and I locked my thig
hs together under the table. The difference in him now compared to this morning was immense, and he downright glared at my mother until she started to shuffle away.
Even after my mother had left the building we were silent, and I desperately tried to come up with something to say. The lump in my throat stopped all words, leaving me staring at William through unblinking eyes. When his gaze met mine, my heart skipped a beat at the fire I saw there, and I leaned back when he reached across the narrow, longish table. Finally blinking when his fingertips brushed my chin, I shivered as he caressed my cheek.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Risha?” William’s voice didn’t break, but the thread of betrayal in it was thick, and I shook my head silently. Blinking hard, the actions combined caused thick droplets to fall from my lashes, and he pursed his lips together to catch one on his fingertip. “I’m sorry. Maybe it would’ve been easier for you if I came on weaker. You did try- I can see that.”
“I- I am so- so, so sorry, William.” Squeezing the apology out, I clenched my jaw together before William effortlessly transferred himself to the seat directly across from me. Gently taking a thick, cloth napkin, he cupped my chin before carefully dabbing away the few tears that had escaped my eyes.
“I wish you had told me the truth from the get-go, but- I’m not angry with you, Risha. Don’t cry. I can understand why you did this the way you did.” My surprise must’ve been written on my face, and William smiled tenderly before pulling away completely. Left cold, goosebumps rose on my arms and across my chest as I struggled to calm myself. “I have been in a few relationships, and I can’t say I would’ve done differently. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m twice your age. That means twice the life experience.”
“But I lied…” A mere whisper, my admission crushed my chest, and I reached shakily for the glass of ice water sitting in front of me. All the while William didn’t take his eyes off me, and I took a few deep gulps before he spoke up.
