by A. Zavarelli
He looks away. And I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I want to ask him if he cares. If it bothers him at all. But that would be stupid. Because none of that matters. I need to leave. To get away from this life before I lose the few marbles I have left.
He climbs to his feet without any sort of response.
“Are you going?”
“Aye.” He still won’t look at me. “I have to go feed the dog.”
“Dog?”
“Let me know if ye need anything, Sasha.”
And with that, he disappears down the hall.
I wait until the front door shuts and then move to the bathroom to get cleaned up. The woman staring back at me in the mirror looks like shit. And I feel like it too. No matter how much I tell myself it’s the right thing, I can’t bring myself to get excited about leaving.
But it is the right thing. That’s what I need to believe. And there’s no better time than the present to talk to Lachlan about it. But when I walk out into the parlor, the only one still here is Mack.
“Good morning,” she says from the kitchen. “I had Conor buy donuts. I tell ya girl, I’m really getting used to this. Did you know I can send them out for me any time I want? Seriously considering changing my name to the Queen.”
I laugh and sit down at the kitchen table, grateful for the coffee she shoves in my direction. I cup it in my hands and let the warmth spread into my skin.
“Are you with me for the day?” I ask Mack.
She nods. “You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”
“Then I hope you don’t mind running errands with me, your highness,” I tell her. “I’ve got to go to the funeral home. Pick out a casket. I have a ton of phone calls to make…”
“Sasha.” Mack reaches across the table and grabs my arm to stop me. “It’s all been taken care of.”
“What?”
She smiles at me softly. “It’s been paid for. Everything is taken care of, you don’t have to do a thing but show up.”
“By who?” I ask.
“I highly suspect you already know that.”
There’s pressure behind my eyes again and I push it away. “God, I’m such an awful person.”
“Why because you slapped him last night?” Mack asks. “Don’t worry about it, they need to be put in their places every now and again.”
“It was a really nice thing to do,” I say.
“It was,” Mack agrees. “Just when you think he’s another bastard, he has to go and do something nice like that.”
I nod, because I know Mack is all too aware of how I’m feeling right now. But I can’t let it sway me. I can’t let this world suck me back in, and especially when I don’t even know how Ronan really feels about me.
“There is something else I have to do,” I tell her. “I think that I should talk to Lachlan. The sooner the better.”
“Okay,” Mack agrees. “But I have a big favor to ask you, Sash.”
“What?”
“Lachlan and I are getting married. Next week.”
I’m dumbfounded, and my face shows it. Though it shouldn’t come as a surprise, but she seems happy.
“Stay until after the wedding,” she begs. “I can’t get married without you there. You’re the only one I’ve really got, besides Scarlett, and it would mean a lot to me if you were there.”
“Of course.” I give her a weak smile. “I wouldn’t dream of missing it.”
Chapter Nineteen
Ronan
When I walk into Crow’s office, I notice straight away that something is off. He’s sitting at his desk, staring at a manila envelope when he gestures to the chair across from him.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Someone delivered this to the diner,” he says. “Asked Niall’s sister to give it to him.”
“And?”
“And Jaysus, Ronan.” He throws a stack of grainy photos across the desk. “Did ye really fucking kill Blaine?”
Tension springs up inside me, and all I can think of as I sort through the photos is Sasha. Wondering if there is anything in here that will implicate her in any way. I need to be sure that doesn’t happen.
“Aye,” I admit. “I did.”
He stares at me and sighs. He’s getting married next week, and this is the last thing he wants to sort out.
“I’ll take whatever punishment you see fit,” I tell him. “Whatever the cost.”
“Care to tell me why?” he says. “Or is that all I’m going to get?”
“He was hurting her,” I say. “So I stopped him.”
“For good, apparently,” Crow replies dryly. “Niall knew something about that wasn’t right. He’s suspected it, Fitz. He wants answers. Whoever sent this is likely to have more copies.”
“Probably,” I agree.
“Are ye even aware of the fact that he could have you killed for this?” Crow asks. “Or do ye really just not give a shite about any of it?”
“I do,” I answer. “I told you I’m prepared for whatever punishment you see fit. So long as none of it falls on Sasha.”
Crow leans back in his chair and appraises me. “So that’s what this is all about.”
“She had nothing to do with it. I won’t stand to see her harmed in any way.”
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Crow grins. “Now who’s gone mad?”
“I’d have done the same for any woman in the same situation.”
“Ah, sure,” Crow replies. “Of course.”
I don’t like his tone, but I’m in no position to argue at the moment.
“You let Donovan of all people see you,” he says. “I can’t even fathom how that occurred.”
“I was distracted.”
“By?” Crow presses.
I clear my throat and look away. I don’t want to tell him about this. But perhaps it will make him understand.
“I fucked Sasha after.”
His brows raise and he’s holding back a grin. He covers his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing.
“Ye’re kidding me.”
“I wish I was. I took her on the floor next to her dead boyfriend.”
“That’s quite a way to lose your cherry, Fitz.”
My cheeks burn, and I ball my fists up. I feel like he’s laughing at me, and I don’t like it.
“I understand now,” Crow says. “Ye don’t have to say anymore.”
“I had no intentions to.”
“Leave it with me,” he says. “I’ll find the best way to bring it up with Niall. In the meantime, I suggest you start shaking some of Donovan’s trees and see what kind of vermin falls out.”
“I’ll handle it.”
“And, Fitz, I’ll still need to speak with Sasha.”
My eyes snap up to his, and he holds up his hand before I can argue. “I just need to know I can trust her,” he says. “She won’t be harmed. But Ronan, you need to be aware that with this kind of evidence floating around out there and her as a potential witness, ye could do far worse than being killed at the hands of the syndicate. You could be looking at prison.”
“You can trust Sasha,” I tell him.
“We’ll see.”
“If you threaten her…”
Crow narrows his eyes at me and cuts me off.
“What, Ronan? What are you going to do if I threaten her?”
“Don’t,” I warn him. “I fecking mean it. If you even so much as scare her, you’ll have me to contend with.”
The air between us thins as we stare at each other across the desk. Crow and I have never had a problem. But things with Sasha are different. And I need him to understand that she isn’t like anyone else that he can say whatever he wants to. In my mind, she already belongs to me, even if I can never really have her. And I will protect her, no matter the cost.
“I have to admit, Fitz,” he says. “You’ve jacked this whole thing arseways. But if there’s anyone who can understand, it’s me. So out of respect for you, I will not threaten her.
But I just hope your loyalties don’t prove to be wrong.”
Chapter Twenty
Sasha
The burial is a small affair. My Ma didn’t want a big production, and I respected her wishes. The flowers and the casket and everything Ronan picked out is perfect. And I have to admit I’m surprised when all of the guys show up in their nicest suits. Even Ronan himself.
“Thank you for coming,” I whisper to Mack as she stands at my side.
“I’ve got your back, Sash. You’re just another fruit in this big fucked up family of ours. And that’s what family does.”
Her words make me smile, even though it feels wrong. I’ve always told myself these guys were never on my side. But she’s right. It is like one big fucked up family. Sometimes it takes being at your lowest point to see who’s really there for you. And they’re all standing right beside me now.
The service is short and done at the burial site. Mack remains beside me the entire time, and when it’s over, she insists I ride with them.
We end up at the diner that Niall’s sister runs. The same one I used to work at. The place where it all began. When Sally sees me, she kisses me and gives me a hug that’s entirely too tight. Despite the family business, I really do think she has a heart of gold.
She feeds us and allows us to sit and drink and talk until the late hours of the evening. And when it’s time to go, Lachlan offers to drive me.
“I’m heading back to the house,” Mack says. “But just call me if you need anything, Sash. Anything at all.”
“Okay.” I nod. “Thank you again, for everything.”
Ronan turns to escort her to his car, and I reach for his arm. “And thank you too.”
He nods and then hesitates. I hope he will say something. Anything.
But he doesn’t.
***
The drive with Lachlan is quiet.
I know he plans to talk to me, so when he follows me up to my apartment, I don’t argue. I set down my keys and bag and then gesture to the kitchen.
“Would you like a drink?”
“No, Sasha,” he says. “Thank you. Why don’t ye just have a seat so we can chat for a few moments.”
I nod and take a seat, wringing my hands together. I know Lachlan fairly well. I’ve never known him to be hot-headed or unreasonable, but I also know he will squash anything he perceives as a threat without batting an eye. He does it for his brothers. For the syndicate. And with the obvious tension in his shoulders and voice, I can’t help but thinking he views me as a threat somehow too. He clears his throat, and I look up at him.
“I understand why ye want to leave,” he says. “But I’m sure you can understand there are a few things we need to go over first.”
“Of course.” I give him a shaky smile.
“All the same rules would apply as if you were still working for us, Sasha. No speaking to the cops. Ever. And I do mean ever.”
“I won’t,” I assure him. “You have my word.”
“You’ll be given some new ID’s, and you’ll need to use them for your safety and ours. As far as the club is concerned, you never worked there. Do ye follow?”
“Of course.”
“And the MacKenna family?” he asks.
“I don’t know who they are.”
“That’s good,” he says. “Very good, Sasha.”
He stands up, and I think he’s going to leave. But instead, he paces towards the window and looks down onto the street, his back turned towards me.
“There’s just one more thing,” he says.
“Okay.”
“I need ye to tell me what happened to Blaine.”
All of the blood drains from my face, and I pray that he won’t turn around and see it. Because I’ve been hiding this secret for the last two years, but not from someone like Lachlan. Not when asked directly.
When everything went down before, Ronan took care of it. I didn’t have to do a thing. I don’t know how he did it, but they were convinced that Blaine had left town. When they questioned me about it, I told them exactly what Ronan told me to. He told me he was going home for a visit and I didn’t know when to expect him back. And that was it. They didn’t question it further. Blaine was always a bit flaky, and they thought he’d come back, but he never did.
And I had sort of just hoped that it meant he’d fallen off their radar. But apparently that isn’t so.
Lachlan turns around and pins me with his gaze. He sees right through me. “I know he didn’t leave town,” he says. “I need ye to tell me what really happened, Sasha. That’s all you have to do. And then you are free. You can leave. Do whatever it is you please.”
My chest is heaving like there’s a giant cement block resting on top of it. It’s getting harder to breathe. My eyes dart around the room seeking out objects to ground myself. I can’t lie to him. He’s going to know. But I can’t give up Ronan. Correction. I won’t give up Ronan. He did what he did for me. And he’s carried that secret for these last two years knowing that I could be a threat to him.
He could have killed me at any time, but he didn’t. Because he trusts me. And I trust him. And I won’t betray that trust, no matter what. Lachlan is his brother, but Lachlan is also loyal to the syndicate and all of the rules that come with it. I don’t know what he’d do in this situation, and I’m really not willing to find out.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you.” My voice comes out shaky. “But I don’t know what happened to Blaine. I already told you…”
“What you told me was a lie,” he says. “We checked flight records. Blaine never went back to Ireland.”
“Well, then I don’t know,” I say quickly. “Maybe he went somewhere else. Maybe he’s still in the states. I don’t know what he’s doing.”
Lachlan narrows his gaze and stalks closer, kneeling down until he’s on my level. He’s a lot scarier when he’s this close. And I know he senses my nerves. I’m all over the goddamn place. I’m shaking. My eyes are watering. And I think he really might kill me now.
But I won’t give up Ronan. I wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for him.
“Sasha,” Lachlan says, his voice softening. “If somebody hurt him, and it wasn’t you, you have nothing to be concerned about. All ye have to do is tell me. And I will take care of it. Hell, I’ll even give you some extra cash to disappear with.”
My bottom lip trembles, and I bite it to keep from telling him to go fuck himself. Because that’s all I really want to do. He’s pushing me, and I don’t know why. But I can’t handle it. Not right now.
“Look, I don’t know anything!” I yell at him. “You’re barking up the wrong fucking tree, okay? I don’t know what you want me to say. Blaine is gone. I haven’t seen him. Haven’t heard from him. That’s all there is to it. Nothing you do or say is going to change that.”
Lachlan rocks back on his heels and rises up to his full height. And then he just nods and walks toward the door. I’m left completely stunned when he pauses with his hand on the knob and turns around.
“I have to admit, Sasha,” he says. “I really thought you might break. Ronan was right about you.”
“What?” I whisper in confusion. “He told you?”
“Aye,” he says. “Because he had no other choice. And you’d do well to stick to the same story whenever anyone asks about it.”
He leaves, and I fall back against the sofa in a state of disbelief. Ronan told him. And didn’t even warn me. He just let him come here and test me, and there probably would have been a very different outcome had I told the truth tonight. He could have killed me.
It pisses me off. But worse than that, it hurts. I can’t believe Ronan did that to me. I pull out my phone and debate calling him when I realize there’s no point. This is the way it is.
So instead, I pull up my calendar and count the days to Mack’s wedding. Five more days. And then I’m gone. For good.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sasha
It’s the day before Mac
k’s wedding, and I’ve spent the entire week packing up the apartment and helping her with wedding things.
It’s not going to be a big event. Mack says she doesn’t see the point in going overboard on everything. That’s just part of the reason why I love the girl. I haven’t spoken to Ronan or Lachlan since the day of Ma’s burial. And that’s honestly the way I prefer it.
So when Lachlan’s name flashes across the caller ID of my phone, I debate on ignoring it. But then I think maybe they need me to help with something else for the wedding, and my guilt gets the better of me. So I answer it.
“Sasha,” Lachlan’s voice filters through the phone. “Are you there?”
“Yes.”
“Look, Kaya twisted her ankle. She’s going to be out for a couple of weeks. I know ye’re leaving on Monday, but we have a special event booked on Sunday and I really can’t do without another dancer.”
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip and glance around the apartment, looking for any excuse to keep me from going back to the club. I don’t want to see Ronan again. I don’t want to get sucked back in, and I’m afraid that’s exactly what will happen if I go.
After a minute of hesitation on my part, Lachlan sighs on the other end of the line. “I know ye have a lot going on right now,” he says. “But I’m getting married tomorrow, and I just need everything to go smoothly.”
“Ugh,” I groan. “You just had to play that card, didn’t you?”
He laughs, and it eases some of the tension between us from our last visit.
“Okay, fine alright,” I agree. “One last shift. That’s it though, I mean it. Come Monday morning, no matter what, I’m out of there.”
“Absolutely,” he says. “Ye’re a lifesaver, Sasha, truly. Mack and I will both be eternally grateful.”
He hangs up the phone and I flop down onto the sofa, staring at the barren apartment. Everything is in boxes now. Ma’s stuff is in storage until Emily and I can go through it and figure out how to divide it up. I’m really only planning on taking the necessities with me, especially since I don’t even know where I’m going. I decided California was off the table after my spat with Em. We both need this time apart to deal with things in our own ways.
