“I’ve already solved three pages of puzzles,” Mark told her.
“You’ve got a great brain,” she said, smiling at my son. “Now, what can I get you for breakfast?”
“Daddy,” Sarah said pointedly. “Aren’t you going to ask Sarah to dinner?”
“Ah, yes.” I cleared my throat. “The children and I wanted to take you out to dinner,” I said, feeling more than a little foolish.
“You can choose any place you want,” Sarah added, “but Mark and I like Chinese.”
“Sarah!”
“Mexican is okay, too.”
Shay grinned. “You don’t need to take me out.”
“We want to,” Mark said. “To thank you for our gifts. They were awesome.”
Shay looked to me for confirmation. “Would you consider having dinner with us?” I asked.
She nodded, took our order, and then left the table.
Another one of the servers approached us, an older woman who wore a name tag that said SADIE. She glared at me with what I would call an evil eye, as if looking straight through me.
“That girl is a gem. Don’t you be leading her on, you hear?”
“No way,” I promised, amused by the older woman’s censure.
“Good,” she said, and nodded before she left the table.
“What did she mean, Daddy?” Sarah asked, cuddling close to my side.
“Nothing, pumpkin. She’s just a friend of Shay’s, too.”
The thing was, I’d done a lot of thinking about Shay since our little shopping expedition. I’d enjoyed being with her and been impressed by her thoughtfulness, buying gloves for her homeless friend.
I wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship, but I liked Shay and was comfortable with her. Perhaps it was time to consider dating.
This dinner with Drew and the children wasn’t a date.
I was forced to remind myself of that a dozen times as I dressed for this evening six days after Drew had shown up at the café with the children. I’d hesitated before buying the children Christmas gifts, afraid Drew would feel bad because he hadn’t gotten me anything. My gut had been right. The only reason he’d asked me to dinner was out of a misconstrued obligation to reciprocate. Even knowing that, I’d eagerly accepted.
I’m sure if I’d have mentioned my feelings about this dinner to Lilly she would have been all over me. This was that little girl inside me who sought love and acceptance, popping her head out and seeking attention. I’d done my fair share of beating her down in the last year, but every now and again she’d escape me and I’d give in to her whims.
Tonight was one of those times. Here I was doubting myself. Doubting Drew’s intentions. Struggling with my insecurities.
Drew let me know he’d be by to pick me up at about six. I was ready an hour before that, fussing with my hair and makeup and then berating myself for worrying about how I looked. Repeatedly I had to remind myself, This is not a date.
Watching out the window, I saw him pull up to the house and automatically reached for my coat and purse. I had the door locked before he reached the porch.
“You didn’t need to come out. I would have come to the door,” he said.
“That’s all right. I was ready and waiting.”
The gentleman that he was, he opened the passenger door for me and I slid into the front seat.
“You smell good,” Sarah said, leaning over from the back, where she sat with Mark.
“Thank you,” I returned. “It’s a new perfume.”
“Was it a gift from a boyfriend?” Sarah asked.
“No, but a friend gave it to me. It’s from Lilly Palmer. She was my counselor at Hope Center. I was with her family for Christmas.”
“You weren’t alone,” Sarah said with a relieved sigh. “I was afraid you were. I wanted to invite you to come with us to the Kincaids’, but Daddy said you couldn’t because it wasn’t our place. I wish we had, though. It would have been a whole lot more fun if you’d been there.”
“Thank you, Sarah. That’s a sweet thing to say.”
“It’s true,” Mark added.
Looking over my shoulder, I smiled at both children.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Sarah asked.
I mulled over my answer, thinking about Richard, who had become a real friend. “Sort of.”
“What’s his name?”
“Richard.”
The ever curious Sarah continued with her questions. “Do you go out on dates?”
“Sarah,” Drew grumbled, “it isn’t polite to ask personal questions.”
“I don’t mind,” I assured him. “Richard and I have coffee every morning, but that isn’t really a date.”
“Oh,” Sarah’s voice dropped as if she was disappointed.
“I haven’t had much time to date between work and my classes. That’s why your dad had to wait almost a week for us to have our dinner.”
Drew pulled into the restaurant parking lot. I’d chosen Chinese on Sarah’s recommendation. As it happened, I was fond of Chinese food myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d tasted almond chicken.
Drew came around and helped me out of the car. The kids joined us and Sarah slipped her hand in mine as we entered the restaurant.
“Doesn’t Shay smell good?” she asked her father.
Drew grinned at me. “She does.”
I think I must have blushed, and as a distraction I asked, “Who knows how to eat with chopsticks?”
“I do,” Drew said. “What about you?”
“I try each time but it’s been awhile.”
Once we were seated inside and placed our order, we all tried practicing using chopsticks. Drew did amazingly well. Mark was pretty good, too, but Sarah and I were hopeless. By the time the food arrived, we’d all dissolved into giggles.
“I’ll starve if you make me eat with these,” the little girl protested.
Leaning close, I whispered in her ear, “I bet they have forks, too.”
“Good.”
The meal was a lot of fun and we ate until it felt as if our stomachs would burst wide open. Both Sarah and Mark leaned back in their chairs and planted their hands over their middles. I was stuffed and Drew declared that he was as well. He had the server package up the leftovers.
As we headed toward the parking lot, Sarah looked up at me and claimed, “This was the most fun ever.”
“I think so, too,” I told her. In truth, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had an experience like this. I’m sure we’d gone out to eat as a family before my mother died, but if we had I didn’t remember it. What I recalled was the yelling and the fighting and then later the hitting and the verbal abuse heaped on me by my father.
My thoughts automatically turned to my brother and all I’d done to protect him over the years. It made me sad to think about him. I had no idea where Caden was now or even if he was alive. My fear was he was in prison, dead, or an addict living on the street the way Richard did. I’d mentioned Caden to Richard and Richard told me he’d ask around. I said that wasn’t necessary, but Richard insisted that he might be able to help him. This was his way of thanking me for the coffee I brought him, I suspected.
To this point, Richard had nothing to report. I didn’t like to think about Caden because any thoughts of him invariably weighed down my heart with feelings of anger and resentment, although I’d been working on letting go of those emotions.
Drew drove me back to my house. When he turned off the engine, I placed my hand on his forearm. “You don’t need to get out.”
“Sorry, manners say that I do. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my mother by not escorting you to the door,” he teased.
I knew it was important for Drew to demonstrate to his son how to properly treat a lady, so I quietly sat until he came around to my side of the car and opened the passenger door.
Drew walked me to my front door.
“I had a great time,” I told him, and it was true. “Thank you.”
> Drew looked down at his feet and then glanced up. “Maybe we could do this again sometime?”
“Sure,” I said. “I’d enjoy that. The kids would, too.” If we used chopsticks often enough, perhaps Sarah and I would eventually get the hang of it.
I assumed Drew would hurry back to the car and was surprised when he lingered. “Without the kids.”
“I’m sorry?” I didn’t understand what he meant.
“I mean the two of us having dinner or lunch or whatever and not bringing along Mark and Sarah.”
To say I was stunned would be an understatement. I opened my mouth and closed it when no words came out. I’m rarely at a loss for words, but Drew had me tongue-tied. The oddest sensation came over me, and emotion whirled around me until my throat thickened. I’d never dated as a teenager. I’d hung out with guys, but they didn’t take me to dinner or pay my way into a movie. We did drugs or smoked pot and did other things that I was ashamed of now.
“Unless, I mean, you mentioned this guy you’re seeing,” Drew said, rushing the words together as if he was as nervous as I was. “The one you have coffee with in the mornings. I wouldn’t want to intrude on that relationship.”
That made me smile and the tension eased from between my shoulder blades. “Richard is a homeless man, old enough to be my father. He sleeps outside The Corner Café. I bring him coffee and we talk.”
“Is he the one you bought the gloves for?”
“Yes.”
Drew smiled then and his gaze held mine. “How about Friday night?” he asked, sounding more confident now.
My heart fell. “I can’t. I’ve signed up to go to a Search & Rescue event with the Seattle Gospel Mission. We hand out food to the homeless. Have you ever gone?”
“No, but I’ve wanted to. Kevin has invited me several times.”
“Then join us,” I said, having a hard time disguising my enthusiasm. “I’ve gone before.”
“I’d like that,” Drew surprised me by saying. “Kevin claims it’s an eye-opening experience.”
“It is.” I’d been with the group twice now and always came away feeling blessed by the gratitude and humility of those we helped.
“What time should I pick you up?” he asked.
My heart was doing jumping jacks, and I was happier than I could remember being in a long time. “The van leaves at seven-thirty, so seven should work.”
“Dad.” Mark rolled down the car window and shouted at his father. “What’s taking so long?”
Drew looked toward the car. “I’ll be right there.”
“Are you going to kiss Shay?” Sarah shouted from the other side. “You should.”
“I better go,” Drew said. “I’ll be by to pick you up at seven on Friday.”
I nodded, excited to the point I wanted to do a happy dance on my top porch step. Drew started toward the car when I stopped him. “Be prepared, Drew. We often don’t get back until after midnight.”
“Good to know.”
He left then. I stood in the doorway and watched him pull out. He glanced my way and smiled. I grinned and waved.
I couldn’t argue with myself. I had a date. A real date. The first one in my entire life.
—
The next morning I met Richard, bringing him his morning cup of coffee.
He took it from me and held it with both hands. I noticed he had only one glove. “Did you lose a glove?” I asked.
He avoided eye contact and shrugged.
“Richard,” I said, squatting down so he couldn’t help but meet my gaze. “Did someone take that glove from you?” I knew theft could be a real problem among the homeless.
“No one took it,” he assured me, but he kept his focus on the coffee cup and not me.
“Then what happened to it?”
“You gonna be mad if I tell you?”
I came up with the one scenario that would upset me. “Did you sell it?”
“No.” He seemed offended by the question.
“Then tell me.”
“Got a friend. Chuck. A veteran like me. I gave him one glove so he could keep his hand warm. One is better than nothing, right?”
“Oh Richard. How could I possibly be angry about that?”
“Didn’t want to upset you.” He sipped his coffee. “I was afraid if you got mad you wouldn’t bring me coffee. I’ve kind of gotten used to this. I told Chuck what you do and he said he might come by some morning. Don’t worry, I’ll share the coffee with him. Wouldn’t want you to have to buy two cups.”
“I’m not going to withhold your coffee,” I said, hiding a smile. “And if Chuck joins you I’ll get another cup. Frankie hasn’t been charging me anyway.”
Richard’s eyes brightened. “I’ll tell Chuck, then.”
“Okay.”
Richard sighed. “Wanted you to know I’ve been asking around about your brother but I haven’t heard anything yet. Don’t you worry, if he’s around, I’ll find him and let you know how he’s doing.”
“That isn’t necessary.”
“I know.”
Caden was bad news and I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up in his troubles again.
Richard grinned, something he didn’t do often, and I could see he was missing several teeth. Then, because I was excited, I mentioned my date. “I’m bringing a friend along with me Friday.”
“You handing out sandwiches again?”
“Yup.”
“Hate to tell you this, Shay, but that’s not much of a date. What’s a matter with this guy, can’t he afford to take you to dinner? A fine girl like you deserves a man who will treat you right.”
“He’s one of my best friends.”
“You like him?”
“I do.” More than I probably should, but I didn’t say that.
“You gonna be at the regular stops?” Richard asked.
“Think so.”
Richard nodded. “I’ll come by and check him out for you if you’d like.”
“Sure,” I said. I didn’t tell Richard, but I had the feeling Drew wanted to check him out, too.
“If he’s sober, I’ll bring Chuck with me.”
“That would be great. I’ll see what I can do to get him a pair of his own gloves.”
Richard gave me another spotted-tooth grin.
“Hope this date of yours knows you’re a good person.”
I had to wonder that myself. “I believe he does.”
“If he doesn’t, you be sure to let me know.”
“I’ll do that,” I promised, smiling at the thought of Pastor Drew Douglas being checked out by my homeless friend.
I got the call on Wednesday from Joan Sullivan, the wife of an old friend. Joe was dying. It looked like he had only a few weeks left to live.
“Come now,” Joan urged. “He wants to see you.”
Glancing down at the weekly calendar Mary Lou put together for me, the only day I could manage would be Friday.
My heart sank.
I had hoped to go out with Shay in a Search & Rescue van that night. No way could I drive to Spokane and be back in time to be with her. Not if I planned to make the five-hour trip in a single day, and really that was what I would need to do. Ten hours on the road and I couldn’t guarantee I’d be back before seven to pick her up.
“I’ll come Friday,” I assured Joan.
We chatted a few minutes longer before ending the call. I hadn’t seen Joe in eighteen months or longer. At seventy, he’d been a good friend to my father and a mentor of sorts to me. Joe had been a constant encourager in the bleak days when Katie had been so desperately ill. I knew he had cancer and we’d kept in touch via email. Not wanting to burden him, I let him assume all was well in the darkest days following her death. Thankfully, I’d been in a much better frame of mind lately.
I had Shay to thank for that, too. I had a lot to thank her for.
Sitting back in my chair, I exhaled, saddened to hear this news about my friend and mentor. I’d hoped he would rebou
nd, but clearly that wasn’t to be the case. Thinking it would be best to break the news to Shay personally rather than over the phone, I decided to stop by The Corner Café for lunch.
“I’m taking a lunch break,” I told Mary Lou as I headed out of the office.
“The Brownes are coming in at one for marriage counseling,” my assistant reminded me.
“I’ll be back in plenty of time,” I promised, and glanced at my watch to make sure that was true. Timing should work out fine. I decided to walk the six blocks, feeling the exercise would do me good. The thought of losing Joe filled me with sadness, and at the same time I dealt with the disappointment of needing to break my date with Shay.
It might be for the best, though. It’d been years since I’d last dated and I felt rusty. Even now I wasn’t sure it was a good idea for me to get involved with Shay. My fears were wrapped up in what others would say or think about her. Certainly, she wasn’t like any woman my church family would expect me to date. Still, this was my life and I should be comfortable dating anyone I wanted.
The thing was, I liked Shay and the way I felt when I was around her. She was good for Mark and Sarah, too. Sarah, especially. With Mark it was harder to tell. He kept his feelings bottled up most of the time, which was another concern. I could laugh with Shay and I was comfortable around her.
I knew people would talk. There would be questions about how appropriate she was for me and my children. Worries bounced around inside my head like a ping-pong ball gone wild. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Given the chance, I would like to know her better.
The long drive to and from Spokane would give me the time I needed to mull over these doubts about what I was doing. My life and ministry had become complicated in ways I hadn’t anticipated since I’d lost Katie. How I wished I could talk to her about our children and how to be the best parent possible. A good majority of the time I felt inadequate, lost as to what was best for them.
When I arrived, The Corner Café was busy, and once again the only option available to me was a stool at the counter. Thankfully, Shay was stationed there and bustled about taking care of her customers with an ease and friendliness that drew me in immediately.
When she noticed me, she paused and a big smile came over her as if she’d been waiting all day for me to arrive. I told myself that her smile was for every customer and not just me. I wasn’t successful because I wanted to believe that I was the one she’d been looking for. Me.
Any Dream Will Do Page 10
