“You in love with one of those preacher guys?”
“I am. How did you know?”
For the first time since we’d started talking, my brother smiled. “Don’t think he could hide it. Protects you like a wolverine. The other guy had to hold him back when I mentioned you were lucky I didn’t take the knife to you.” He glanced up, guilt written on his face. “I…I do crazy stuff when I’m high. I don’t mean for it to happen, but it does.”
He didn’t need to explain, I’d seen the evidence.
He snickered softly and shook his head. “You and a preacher? Really? I find that hard to believe.”
“Believe it, Caden.”
“You going to marry him?”
“It’s too soon to say.” I hoped that was where the future would lead, but I feared we were about to enter a rocky road in our relationship. Time would tell.
My brother released a long, slow sigh. “I’m happy for you, Shay.”
I smiled, warmed by his words. “Thank you.”
For the first time since he’d walked into the room, Caden showed evidence of a grin. “You look good.”
“Thanks.” I felt good, too, better than I had in years. I was in control of my own life and when I looked at the future, I could do it with a smile and not cringe with pessimism at what I feared awaited me.
“I mean you look really good.”
My brother wasn’t one to freely hand out compliments. “If that’s the case, then you should know this is the way someone looks when they don’t shoot drugs or drown their sorrows in the bottom of a bottle.”
“Is that a dig?” he asked.
“Not intentionally. It’s a statement of fact.”
My brother let those words soak in for several minutes. “I’m clean now.”
“Stay that way,” I advised. “No high is as high as being clean and sober, brother.”
He nodded. “It isn’t easy.”
I knew that, too. “Nothing of value ever is, but I’m here to tell you that you can break completely free with help from your Higher Power.”
Caden’s forehead folded into a thick frown. “Are you attending one of those twelve-step groups now, too?”
“No.” Drugs had never taken control of my life, and for that I was eternally grateful. Shooter had been disappointed when I wouldn’t use with him. It’d been a constant source of conflict between us. Occasionally, I’d give in to his demands, but drugs had never given me the same high they did others. In retrospect, I believed this had been God’s protection in my life.
“Guess three years in prison did that for you.”
It would be too hard to explain and so I didn’t try. “I got word about Shooter,” I said.
Caden’s head shot up. “The police found him?”
I nodded. “They caught him in Oregon. He’s being transported back to Washington state.”
My brother paled. “He’s the reason I needed to see you. Shooter will kill me if he gets a chance.”
“Which is why you decided to change your name to Shane?”
Caden nodded. “Always liked that name better anyway. Don’t know what Mom and Dad were thinking naming me Caden.”
“It’s a good name.”
“So is Shane.”
I wasn’t going to argue with him. Caden, Shane, or whatever else he chose to call himself was fine by me.
“I don’t feel I have the right to ask you for anything,” Caden said.
He didn’t, but I would do what I could to help him. “I’m listening.”
My brother exhaled, as though he found it difficult to speak. “It’s not asking you for money, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Good, because I’m not giving you any.”
“Would you talk to my attorney for me?” he asked.
It seemed my brother thought I had some influence with the prosecutor. I didn’t. “About…?”
“All I want is to be sent to a different prison than where Shooter is. If they can’t do that, then it will be a death sentence for me.”
Seeing that I’d already had one nearly disastrous run-in with the drug dealer, I could understand Caden’s fears.
“I’ll ask,” I assured him, “but don’t expect miracles.”
“I’d appreciate whatever you can do.”
“No promises.”
“I understand.”
I nodded. Now that we’d arrived at the reason he’d asked to see me, I was ready to go. It surprised me when Caden continued the conversation. It was almost as if he was looking for an excuse to keep me close.
“What’s the name of that preacher…the one you like.”
“Drew.”
“He’s the taller one, right?”
Both men hovered around six feet, but Drew was definitely taller. “Yeah, what about it?”
“He’s been to see me a few times.”
Drew hadn’t mentioned it, but it sounded like something he would do. That Caden would be willing to talk to Drew surprised me. Knowing that, Drew probably thought it was best that I not know.
“You been listening to what he has to say?”
“Not really,” Caden said with a shrug. “I like the other guy better. He knows street life. Your Drew, he just wants to be sure I understand that I’m to leave you alone. If you tell him I asked to see you, then you’d better explain why, otherwise he might make things bad for me. Worse than they are already.”
“Drew wouldn’t do that.”
Caden snickered. “He’s real protective of you. I’m glad of that.”
Nothing could have hidden my smile. When push came to shove, I knew that Drew wouldn’t doubt me about that missing money. We hadn’t spoken of it, but the conversation needed to happen and we both knew it. It felt like a dark cloud hung over my head while I decided what I was going to say and do.
“You’ve got a couple white knights in your corner.”
“I know, Drew and—”
“Not them,” Caden said with a snort. “Those homeless guys. Dumb and Dumber.”
“Hey, those two are my friends.”
“You’re telling me? They look at themselves as some kind of guardians, watching out for you.”
Keeping a smile off my face would have been impossible. These people were my family now and I loved them. “You should be so lucky to have friends like those two, Caden. Perhaps one day you will.”
He gave me a funny look and then shrugged. “Maybe you’re right.”
I already knew that I was, at least in this instance.
“Shay, can we talk?” I asked her Monday afternoon. I’d waited until she was back from an errand she’d run.
“Of course.” I suspected that we both knew where this conversation was headed. I saw her tense up. That did little to settle my own nervousness. I was certain Alex hadn’t mentioned the missing funds to anyone other than me. The only way Shay would know about it was if she’d taken the money herself, or if she knew who’d done it. I couldn’t make myself believe that she would risk her future for less than two hundred dollars.
She sat at my kitchen counter while I took the time to brew us each a cup of coffee. When I’d finished, I turned to face her and handed her the first cup. I held my mug with both hands, letting the heat warm my palms, deciding how best to start our conversation.
We stared at each other for several moments before I spoke. “Shay, is there something you’d like to tell me?” I asked her.
I could see the hesitation in her eyes. “You’re asking me about the missing money, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “What do you know about it?”
Shifting uncomfortably on the stool, she avoided eye contact. “Do you think I took it, Drew?”
“No.”
Immediately her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you for that.”
“But you know who did.” It wasn’t a question. She had to know.
“I’m not at liberty to say.”
Disbelief flooded me. “Excuse me?”
&n
bsp; “You have perfect hearing, Drew. You don’t need me to repeat that, do you?” she asked.
Dumbfounded, I continued to stare at her. “Do you have any idea of what’s at stake here?”
She lowered her eyes and nodded. “Yes,” she whispered, “I do.”
I ran my hands through my hair. “Help me to understand, then, because the consequences for you could be beyond my control. I’ll do what I can to protect you, but, Shay, there’s only so much influence that I have.”
“I understand.”
“I need more. We can’t leave it like this. You can tell me.”
She closed her eyes as if struggling within herself. “I promised I wouldn’t.”
Unbelievable.
“We all make mistakes,” she told me. “This person is sorry and intends to make it right. I promised I would keep this knowledge to myself until they could do that. It makes me feel good knowing you believe I wouldn’t steal from the church. Thank you for your trust.”
I set the mug on the counter and tossed my hands in the air. “Shay, you’re not listening to me. I believe you, but that doesn’t mean the elders will have the same confidence in you. As your pastor and as the man who loves you, tell me who took that money.” My patience was reaching its limit and my voice rose as I spoke.
She paled and I noticed how her hands went white holding on to the mug with such force; it was amazing the ceramic didn’t crumble, allowing coffee to spill over the kitchen counter. “I gave my word,” she whispered. “This isn’t easy for me, either. I’ve talked to Lilly about it—”
“Were you willing to give the name of the offender to her?”
“No. I’ve kept my word and I fully intend on keeping it. All I have is my word, Drew, and it has to mean something.”
The frustration was getting to me and I rammed my fingers through my hair. “What did Lilly tell you?”
“She said the decision was mine, and I’ve made up my mind. I don’t mean to be evasive, but my word is my word.”
Holding her look, I tried again. “I’m absolving you from whatever promise you made.”
For what seemed like an eternity, she said nothing and then slid off the stool. “I’m sorry, Drew.”
She started to leave. I couldn’t let her do that, not without giving me the answers I needed.
“Shay, please, don’t go.”
For a second I thought that would stop her. Her steps slowed and she seemed to hesitate, but then continued to the door without looking back.
I watched her leave, caught between shock and disbelief.
—
Although I didn’t have an appointment with Kevin, I showed up at Hope Center on the off chance he would have time to talk me through this situation with Shay. I was stunned that she wouldn’t tell me what she knew.
Once at Hope Center I walked, almost in a trance, down the hallway to Kevin’s office. The door was closed and I let myself in. His assistant looked up, surprise written on her face.
“Pastor Douglas? Do you have an appointment? Did I miss something?”
“No. Is Kevin available?”
My friend must have seen me through the glass partition because he stood up from his desk and walked around the enclosure. “Drew? What’s happened? You look like you’ve just lost your best friend.”
“Seeing that you’re my best friend, I’m glad to report you’re still alive and kicking,” I said in a lame effort to crack a joke. “You got a few minutes?”
“Sure. Come on in.” He ushered me inside his office.
Depressed and deeply discouraged, I slumped down in the chair across from his desk.
Kevin didn’t waste any time getting to the heart of my visit. “What’s the problem?”
I found it difficult to speak. “It’s Shay.”
“Did something happen?” His eyes revealed his concern.
It looked like he was ready to stand when I motioned for him to remain sitting. “Something happened at the church. Shay was counting out the donations and making the deposit slip. Money has turned up missing for the last two weeks.”
Kevin looked as stunned as I was when Alex first told me. “You don’t think Shay is responsible.”
“No. No way.”
His shoulders sagged with relief. I would never come to him if I had even a hint of suspicion that Shay might be responsible for the missing funds.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“She knows who’s responsible and refuses to tell me.”
Mulling this over, Kevin leaned back in his chair. “Who told you about the theft?”
“Do you know Alex Turnbull?” I asked, knowing he probably did.
“I do. He’s a good man.”
“Alex came to me on Sunday. Lloyd Kincaid had surgery to correct a bunion and will be out of commission for a few weeks. While he’s recuperating, Linda asked Shay to count the offering for Lloyd and get it ready for the bank deposit on Monday.”
Kevin gestured with his hands, as if that shouldn’t be a problem.
“Alex knows Shay was in prison for embezzling and worried that Lloyd had put her in a position of temptation. He decided to count the cash offering before handing it over to her.”
Sitting straighter in his chair, Kevin sighed audibly. “And money turned up missing.”
I felt the heavy burden of what I was about to tell him. “Twenty-five dollars the first week and a hundred the second.”
Making a steeple with his fingers, Kevin rested them beneath his chin and frowned. “She’s willing to keep her silence, even knowing what it might cost her and you?”
I feared Shay didn’t fully understand the consequences of what she was doing. If the church believed she was the guilty party, then they would never accept her as my wife. Even if we were to marry sometime in the future, there would always be speculation and doubts about her. About us.
“She refused to tell me. She gave her word and insists the person who took the money wants to make it right. She promised to give them that chance.”
“Second chances,” Kevin whispered.
“What?” I asked, not quite hearing him.
“Shay was given a second chance and now she feels obligated to offer that same opportunity to someone else. I understand why she’s doing it, but I have to believe she has no idea of what she’s risking.”
“I know she doesn’t understand what this misplaced loyalty could cost her, otherwise she’d listen to reason.”
Kevin’s shoulders sank as the weight of my words settled on him. “This makes me sick at heart.”
I couldn’t begin to tell Kevin what it did to me. I’d barely slept Sunday night stewing about how best to handle this situation. I’d wanted to talk to her first thing that afternoon, as soon as she was off work, but she hadn’t returned to the apartment. I’d kept an eye out for her and was certain she’d purposely stayed away, avoiding me.
“What are you going to do?” Kevin asked me next.
That was the million-dollar question. I had no clue. “Alex hasn’t wasted any time. Just before I drove here, I got word that he has called an elder meeting tonight.”
“Will the elders want to press charges?”
I hadn’t considered that. They were likely to charge Shay, especially if she refused to name the person responsible. Naturally, I’d fight that and hope that I had enough influence to prevent that from happening.
“Seeing as it isn’t a major amount of money, I’m hoping I can get the elders to agree not to get the law involved.” I’d refund the money myself before I’d let that happen. No way would I let Shay be charged.
“What about allowing her to continue living in the apartment?”
That was another thing I hadn’t considered. “It’s possible that will be a consequence. Again, I’ll do what I can to prevent that, but I don’t know if I can.” My heart sank. The ramifications of this were hitting me like hail, falling from the sky and crashing against me. Unavoidable, damaging, and painful hits, one right
after another.
My fears compounded with every heartbeat. “They won’t believe her. What is it people say?” I asked the rhetorical question. “Once a thief, always a thief?”
“I know you’ll do everything within your power to protect her.”
That went without question. Of course I would. I loved Shay. This misplaced loyalty she had toward the thief was going to hurt us both. I’d already tried once to get her to understand all that she was putting at risk but to no avail. I wasn’t certain that I would be successful in a second try, either.
Several moments passed before Kevin spoke. “This has badly shaken you, hasn’t it?”
Rather than respond verbally, I nodded. The only thing I could even think to equate it to was when Katie was first diagnosed with cancer. We knew the road we were about to face and that there would be struggles ahead. It hadn’t ended well for my wife and my fears were rampant when it came to my future with Shay.
“Who could it be?” I asked, knowing Kevin had no more clue than I did. I rubbed my hands down my face. “I fell in love with her when I thought it was impossible to ever love again.”
To complicate the situation, I wasn’t the only one who’d come to love and trust her. My children loved her, too.
“Sarah,” I whispered, without realizing I’d said her name aloud.
“What about Sarah?”
Caught off guard, I looked up. “Just the other day she asked me if Shay could be her backup mother.”
Kevin grinned. “She always did have a wonderful way of expressing her thoughts. Did you come to me looking for advice?” Kevin asked.
“Please.” If my friend had a solution, I was more than willing to hear it.
“You’ve endured worse. You and Shay will get through this, too.”
I wanted to believe that was possible, but doubts had started to creep in, strangling my hopes for the future. If the person responsible didn’t step forward and make it right, I didn’t know what would happen between Shay and me.
Before I left his office, Kevin patted my back. I was grateful for his advice and encouragement.
—
Following my visit to Hope Center, I returned to the office and stayed late. Mary Lou left at five and I made a quick trip to the house to make sure Mark and Sarah had dinner, but I had nothing to eat myself. My stomach had been in knots ever since my talk with Alex, my appetite nonexistent. I hadn’t eaten more than a sandwich all day.
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