by Kiki Howell
I’ll never see Endymion’s emerald eyes as vibrant as this forest.
Fire licks my flesh, blazing a fury of spasms in the pit of my stomach. I gasp, faltering into Pan. My hands grasp onto his shoulders and I cling to him for dear life.
I cling to my last few moments on earth. Pan’s stark pungent scent hits my nostrils. I close my eyes, breathing heavily.
I will never smell Endymion’s aroma again.
My fate has officially been sealed, I am forever to be the only the moon goddess. Nothing more.
I whimper, “More.” On command, Pan comes up for air and crushes his mouth against my own. His tongue slides right into my mouth, not waiting for an invitation. His hand grabs the back of my neck and jerks me right up against his massive chest. His hardness presses against my stomach.
“Open up for me,” Endymion’s words whisper around me. I can taste him, feel his tongue teasing the outside of my lips.
Pan tightens his grip on my hair and deepens the mad kiss filled with teeth clashing and an ample exchange of saliva. He pulls on my hair, tilting my head back, and nips down on my bottom lip. I suck in a pained breath, gazing into his fierce ice blues.
“I want more of your precious tears, Calista.”
“Do whatever pleases you,” I answer with a dull ache gnawing on my heat, my sex throbbing fervently.
What I want, I can no longer have.
A deep, aroused growl emanates from Pan’s throat. “Music to my ears,” are his hot words against my lips. Releasing my scalp, his hand doesn’t go far. Pan latches onto the length of my neck and his other hand roams between my thighs. His blunt fingers find the wet folds of my sex and my hips thrust forward.
Pan rubs against the already sensitive clit. He adds pressure to my neck with his fingers around my throat and palm pressing against my collar bone.
Pan pinches my hard nub and ice overtakes my flesh, and fire breathes my veins. I buck against his hand, withering. More tears spill through my lashes as his dominating hand tightens around my neck. I begin to feel tingles and light-headed.
Pan's fingers tighten a little more, while he rubs my clit, wringing out the intensity. He twists and winds out the budding orgasm on the blinding brink. He’s owning me like he has always done. Claiming my body for his own pleasure.
I allow him to take me, feeling both ashamed and relieved. One last caper before goodbye to earth, to Pan and End—
I can’t even conceive his name.
“Come for me, Calista,” are Pan’s haunting words.
I shut my eyes, imagining it was the mortal standing over me, with one hand at my throat and the other coercing my orgasm. With aching muscles, I tense right up against Pan’s merciless fingers. An ecstatic, buzzing bliss overtakes my entire body, from my head straight down to my sex.
Every part of my skin is humming from the inside out, and I let out a shaky overwrought scream. My legs feel like mush and when Pan withdraws his hands from me, I drop to the thick, green foliage.
Sitting back on my legs, my head bobs from side to side with the bittersweet orgasm Pan had stolen me. My stomach churns, despite the pleasure.
Always conflicting sensations.
I assume now that I can no longer return to earth it will end.
I want it to end.
Or will I forever be broken?
Opening my eyes, Pan grabs my head, guiding me forward. The head of his cock pushes into the entrance of my lips, and I kiss him on the tip of his cock. I don’t feel like my lips are my own—that’s how light-headed I was feeling.
He draws in a breath. “Calista...”
I dart out my tongue, lavishing it over the head of his hardness, and he lets out a guttural growl. Pan holds my head more firmly as he invades my mouth. He pushes past my lips, suppressing my tongue until my mouth is full of his thick desire.
He pulls out just enough, with the tip of his cock hidden within the entrance of my lips. On a heavy breath, he thrusts forward, touching the back of my throat. I gag, my eyes tearing up as Pan does that a few more times, and each time he picks up the pace. With more speed, he pounds into my mouth and his breathing becomes ragged. Salacious growls blend into Arkadia’s lively ensemble and there is only a split moment of recognition, before his hot cum spurts on face. His juices mark my lips, cheek, and chin, and it drips down into my chest.
Large fingers smear his cum all over my flesh, forever marking me as his.
Mine is Pan’s dominating word, and I can’t help but think that he’s right.
Endymion may have my heart, but Pan has proved time and time again that he will always own my physical body.
Chapter Eleven
“SELENE.”
I hear the familiar voice but don’t respond.
I’m lost in thought, lost in memories.
Lost in what could have been.
“Selene.” There it is again, but I don’t answer.
I feel different, more than before.
More than ever.
I feel lost.
“Selene!”
With a sigh, I turn to the voice and find Pan staring at me with a frown. I’m sitting in a river, cleansing myself after what happened. I can’t return home with a torn chiton and smelling like sex. Not just any sex—Pan has a distinct sharp scent. It’s not a bad smell, just overpowering.
After what happened, Pan had picked me up and carried me here. Since my chiton was already torn because of him, there wasn’t much undressing. I sat in the river with my knees drawn up to my chest.
Why do I feel lost?
Staring into his gaze, I feel broken. “Yes,” I answer and Pan was the one who broke me.
“You didn’t hear me calling?”
Slowly I shake my head, tracing the pad of my thumb. “Sorry.”
“You were lost in your thoughts.”
The deep words resonate inside of me. For as long as you’ll have me, I will always bring you back, was what Endymion had said.
I choke back a sob.
Turning away from Pan, I look out on the river and my surroundings. The river is enclosed with beautiful plants of all sizes and colors. The smell is wonderful, the sight absolutely breathtaking, but in the mood I am in I can’t appreciate it.
I say to Pan, “I will never be yours,”
“It makes no sense to fight the inevitable,”
“I hate you,”
“The mortal has you confused,”
I shake my head, “You can blame the mortal all you want.”
Pan extends a hand to me ignoring my words, and I slap it away. I stand up on my own. In the distance I see an orange glow coming toward us and when the nymph reaches Pan, she hands him something clearly thick and white. Pan speaks to her in their language, then the nymph disappears.
When she is no longer in sight, I ask, “What is that?”
“I got a present for you, Calista,” He holds up the gift—a hooded white dress. “It’s made of the purest wool.” I notice the fine golden details on the chiton as well. “Lift your arms.” His voice vibrates against my wet flesh. I comply, feeling the instant warmth of the fabric as it graces my shoulders and loosely hugs my body.
Pan fixes the hood over my head while I turn back and stretch my arms through the wide sleeves.
“The only reason why I am wearing this is that I cannot return home naked.” I make sure to tell him that, so Pan understands that he is not forgiven.
With a scowl Pan bites out, “Selene, this will mostly likely be our last night together.”
The fact that he actually said my name has me stalled, and I’m staring at him like his words weren’t English. “I mean what I said, Pan.”
Upset, he saunters away from me and runs a hand through his long, black hair that reaches down to his collarbone. He pivots on a hoof. “Seriously, over a human!” he all but yells at me, running my blood ice cold.
I flinch with his sudden temper. “No, it’s because of you.”
“Selene!” Another roar a
ttempting to intimidate me, and he narrows his predatory glare.
I equal his stare. “Pan.”
“That damn mortal has that much of a hold on you?”
Stepping toward the god, I argue. “Your jealousy destroyed whatever was between us.” I don’t even have the slightest clue what was ever between Pan and me.
Pan charges toward me with sheer rage blazing in his eyes. I pace backward, frightened. He stops maybe a foot away from me. His massive body towers over me as he glares down. I can feel his heat, I can feel his fury at my words.
“You will always be mine, Calista.” There’s a sliver of hurt and I’m shocked when his voice softens. “You stopped seeing me,”
Breathing unevenly, I manage to speak. “I did not mean for that to happen.” I didn’t mean to stop seeing him altogether. It just happened.
The creases on Pan’s forehead deepen. “The mortal would have never made you happy.”
He does. I feel safe like Endymion is where I belong. “You do not know that.”
Pan laughs loud with a damnable undertone. “I do, Calista. I know every inch of your body. Does the mortal?” He steps into the little space between us. My neck reclines as I gaze up at his full height, my heart thundering. His imposing bronze horns are lethal. “He’s what you want, but does he know what you need? Does the mortal know how you love to be kissed and where? Does he know how to touch you just right, to have your sweet little cunt sweltering?”
My thoughts are in a haze, and I’m on a grief-stricken cliff teetering on the edge. I’m trying not to think about Endymion, trying my hardest not to let myself get lost in the sadness of never seeing him again. “That is far from the point,” I tell Pan.
“Your pretty little cunt is by far not beside the point, especially when another man—a mortal—wants to take my place.” Using the back of his hand, he caresses down my cheek and I draw back.
“Besides,” Pan continues, “You honestly think that a mortal would want a goddess? You’re simply a notch on his majesty’s belt. He needs a mortal woman within his reach, not within the heavens.”
I step further back. “You do not know Endymion.”
“He’s a fucking man, who is a king. Mortal or immortal, all males like to fuck, Calista.”
Having about enough, I snap back. “And you’re a man, who is a god of the wilderness and has a horrible reputation on Olympus.” His pale blues gleam dangerously and his lips curl back in a snarl. I don’t know a lot about his reputation—Zeus had only told me one thing about Pan—and yes, I took that one thing and fucking owned it. “Yeah, I heard the rumors,” I say to taunt him, like how he’s been crawling under my skin. “You like to fuck just the same and fucked the wrong goddess, who turned herself into those reeds that you we—”
I’m not able to finish my sentence because Pan has his fingers around my neck but not in a sensual way. My toes are barely touching the ground beneath me as he seethes. I can’t breathe. I grasp at his hand, fighting for him to let me go, but his grip is fierce and unyielding.
Without dropping me, he leans right in my face and with a tense jaw murmurs, “Do not talk about what you do not know.” Then his grip loosens, dropping me. I fall to my feet, which collapses beneath me while I try to inhale deeply and fast.
“Selene, you are my gift. It’s not every day that an exquisite goddess decides that a mere mortal is worth spending time with.”
Endymion’s face flashes before my mind’s eye and the next thing I know, I am no longer in Pan’s presence. I am no longer outside amongst the foliage but in a room, sitting on a carpet. The same position when Pan had dropped me and had me gasping for air.
“Selene?” I hear Endymion behind me.
Chapter Twelve
STILL ON THE ground, I turn toward his voice. Across the room, the first thing I see are Endymion’s luscious jades, as green as the thick, dense forest of Arkadia. Relief blossoms inside of my stomach. My heart flutters, elated to be here, within his presence.
I smile small and meek, as his eyes are always the first thing that captures my attention. From the very first time, I fell in love with his emerald pairs, so beautiful and full of life. But now, his eyes have darkened with worry and his brows are drawn together.
Behind him morning light spills in from the tall windows, lighting up the spacious area. Endymion stands from behind a desk and walks around it, his eyes locked on my own.
“What has happened to you?”
“I-I wanted to say hi.” My voice is a whisper.
With the light shining from behind Endymion, it creates this radiant glow outlining his physical form.
He asks, “What are you doing here?”
“I shouldn’t be here.” I drop my eyes, knowing that this was a mistake.
“Selene, you’re here to say ‘hi’ when I know that something is clearly wrong.”
Coming here was a horrible slip because the Erinyes will come after me.
“This was a mistake,” I murmur.
They are coming.
Endymion offers a hand to me, which I take. Upon pulling me up his eyes are staring down at me, and he wipes away the dampness from under my lashes. He’s talking to me but I’m not hearing his words. I see his mouth moving but the sound isn’t reaching my ears.
I was feeling a concoction of raging feelings. I am more than happy to be within his presence, but I am terrified now. If I avoid the Erinyes, the Horai without a doubt will stop me from returning home. I will be punished and this time there will be no Pan to save me.
I will suffer one hundred lashings.
Endymion lifts my chin, and I finally hear the urgency laced within his words. “Selene, you need to tell me what is going on.”
Instead of answering him, I throw myself against his chest. “Hold me,” I beg, and inhale deeply, filling my lungs with his familiar aroma. Closing my eyes, I cling to his shirt knowing that this is likely the last time I will ever see him again.
I will never get a chance to see his face again or feel his warm embrace. Hear his voice and smell him. My fingers tighten on his shirt, as if the tighter I hold, it would guarantee that I would never leave Endymion’s presence.
I wish it worked like that.
At first, I don’t feel his warm embrace—it’s only for a second or two, and in that time it felt longer, more dragged out. It felt like forever waiting for Endymion to wrap his arms around me.
I sob into Endymion, hiccupping, and in another heartbeat, he closes his arms around me. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it flutters; when he squeezes only a fraction tighter I sink into him. If it were possible, I wish he could absorb my body. To hide me from the Horai and Erinyes. With my luck, they would mistake Endymion for me and he would be whipped.
He rests his chin on the top of my head. “Tell me who hurt you.”
“No one hurt me,” I lied.
Withdrawing from our embrace, he steps back and grasps my face, making me look up at him. “You’re disappearing on me again.”
My heart aches. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Yes, you should have.”
“It’s too dangerous.”
“Selene, I swear I will call upon the wrath of Zeus if you do not start talking.”
The wrath of Zeus will only get you punished.
I shake my head. “I need to go.”
“No, you need to start talking.”
At that moment, there is a knock on the door and Endymion calls out to whoever is on the other side that they should go away. The door opens regardless, and a woman with long blond hair enters the space.
“I doubt that was meant for me,” she muses, and upon seeing Endymion and me, she pauses. Brown eyes study what she had walked in on, but when she attempts to speak Endymion cuts her off.
Endymion commands, “Leave.”
His arms hug me closer to his body.
“Leave?” she asks, insulted. “Endymion, who is she?”
His voice is a boisterous demand
. “I said to leave!”
The woman flinches with a frown. “That’s her, isn’t it? She’s the reason why you disappear at nights.”
“Arianna, do not let me tell you again.”
Glaring, Arianna holds her chin high. “Do not think for a moment this ends here.” Then she turns on her heel, leaving the room but slamming the door behind her.
Exhaling, I ask against his hard, masculine chest, “Who was she?”
His fingers combed through my hair. After a moment of me listening to his heart beating, Endymion replies cautiously, “I am to wed Arianna.”
My body freezes and my breath hitches. “She’s the beautiful damsel that waits in your bedchambers.”
“We are to be wed in a few days.”
Days... I pull away from him. “You lied to me.”
And you lied to him.
Endymion does not try to stop me from withdrawing. “I had not denied there was anyone; I only told you that I wanted you in my chambers.” Which wasn’t a lie, but still.
You were with Pan, moments before coming here.
The god had touched your pussy and had you screaming. You had Pan’s cock in your mouth and his hot juices on your face. He smeared his cum on your flesh, branding you as his.
“I’m sorry, this was a horrible mistake.”
Who am I to judge?
Endymion shakes his head. “It is not a mistake.”
“No, how do you figure that?” I snap. Then I feel instantly horrible because look at what happened between Pan and me. I don’t have the right to feel displeased, but those feelings are nonetheless present.
What would Endymion say if he found out about Pan?
I can’t imagine that he would be pleased.
With an ache gnawing on my heart, Endymion continues. “Selene, it’s a wedding of convenience, nothing more. Arianna has influence in other areas in which I do not. I don’t love her, but I love you.”
