Cimmerian Shade: A Limited Edition Paranormal Romance & Urban Fantasy Collection

by Kiki Howell

  Quickly, I speak out. “I-I don’t know what happened.”

  “You need to give me more of an answer.”

  My brain goes over every event that has occurred. From the most recent to all the way back when Gaea had first shown my siblings and me the mortal realm.

  I can feel the emotions rising, thinking how everything got so messed up. I do not understand how I got to this forlorn point. I mean, I do in one sense but in another, I’m lost.

  Tears brimmed my bottom eyelids.

  Do not cry in front of Zeus. He’ll figure out how messed up you are.

  Not even the gods on Mount Olympus can cry—no gods cry!

  Zeus speaks more softly, but the hardness underlying his tone hasn’t gone away. “Selene, I need to understand what is going on with you.”

  “I want to be with a mortal,”

  “I am willing to fight for you and me.” Those were Endymion’s word.

  My lip trembles as I think about how I left earth.

  Was Endymion looking for me after Zeus and I disappeared?

  Did he really think that I was coming back?

  I hadn’t promised Endymion that I would, but why would he think otherwise? After all, I hadn’t explained to him about the ring and that it was gone, therefore... I can’t swallow past the hard lump in my throat.

  Endymion would think that I abandoned him if after a few days I don’t return. I never wanted to do that. I at least wanted to say a proper farewell, not disappear into a blinding white light never to be seen again.

  Zeus narrows his gaze on me. “Selene, what did you?”

  The tears fall through my lashes, “I would sneak to Earth to see a human.”

  Did I not fight for us every time I left home to see Endymion?

  He thought that I wasn’t fighting for him.

  Was I?

  I never wanted to fight for us, but not in a bad way. I only thought that I could never fight and win. I assumed that like everything else in my life there is a way to life, a balance, and it couldn’t work. But then tonight, Endymion had fought for me, despite telling him to let me go. Despite everything, he risked his life against the Erinyes to protect me.

  He fought for me and for our love.

  I’m a horrible goddess!

  I don’t do anything with the tears or wipe them away. I let Zeus see me in my saddest state because he caused this when he and Gaea came up with the decree to keep me away.

  My heart is throbbing so terribly, it’s actually hard to breathe. Every part of my body is aching and not just from the physical trauma I had suffered. My chest is crying, mourning its loss. A broken song that only I can hear and feel.

  “I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him that I wanted to stay on earth,” are my heavy broken words riddled with grief. “He never understood that it was a difficult decision to make.” Maybe we are better off, or maybe he just wanted to see you fight for him.

  On a frustrated breath, I turn away from Zeus and walk out to the side. I keep walking until the grass is tickling my bare feet, and I stop a few inches away from a cliff. I look out on Olympus, in all of its magnificent glory.

  It’s almost as wondrous as earth in the sense that everything here is flawless. Earth is without a doubt inferior to Olympus in every way, but it has its allure. It’s ugly and beautiful all at the same time.

  “Selene,” I hear Zeus behind me. “The mortal world has corrupted you.”

  Yes, thank you for being observant.

  “I know,” I snap. “It made me weak, I get it. Are you going to berate me for my mistakes?” More tears fall uncontrollably, but that is the least of my problems. Earth made me weak and confused with constant conflicting sensations. I do not know how mortals manage to live a life that way.

  “Selene, I would never berate one for expressing their emotions. Secondly, to feel doesn’t make you weak—in fact, that only strengthens you as a goddess.”

  His kind words draw in my attention, so I turn on my heel to face him. At first, I don’t say anything. I only stare at Zeus like I hadn’t understood every word he said. When my brain has enough time to confirm that what he said actually came out of his mouth, I reply.

  “How can you say that when you and Gaea have gone through harsh lengths to keep me here?”

  “Can I tell you a secret—and it has to stay between you and me.” I nod, afraid of his response.

  “I was only acting on Gaea’s requests,”

  “Then why did you pass the decree?”

  “I may be the king of all gods, but Gaea is the mother of all life. However, despite everything you still managed to what you wanted. Tell me, were you with Pan?”

  I shake my head, “He was lying.” Although if he asked me who got me the ring, what would I say? Despite everything that happened between us, would I tell Zeus that Pan was the one who got me the ring? Hoping that wasn’t the next question, I say quickly. “I did not mean to be disrespectful,”

  Zeus watches me, “No, you simply wanted to do what you wanted to do.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” I tell him, unable to look him in the eyes. My bottom lip trembles. “Do you not share the same fears as Gaea?”

  Zeus shakes his head. “I have never told you that I share her fears. But what I am about to tell you is because you have crossed an irreversible line.” He says the word ‘irreversible’ like I’m on a damnable path. “Selene, I am not standing here to only reaffirm what you already know. You’ve indulged, dipped your toes into the sacred pool of forbidden pleasures. Even you cannot change your path. Pain and suffering will always be present from now on, but happiness is there intertwined. You have to be willing to find and embrace it. Your mind’s eye has opened and you are now susceptible to knowledge like never before. Emotions will wage wars inside of you and you will need to learn to control the tides.”

  “What if I don’t want to deal with it?”

  “You should have never gone to earth.”

  “It can’t be reversed? What if I never return to back earth?”

  “Selene, you chose your path. Now you have to deal with consequences. You stripped away all of your innocence and you may decide to never return to earth, but you will forever remember the mortal world and all that happened. It will feel like a wound that has never healed, forever gnawing right here.” Zeus places a hand on his chest and for the first time ever, I start looking at the god of all gods in a whole other light.

  Zeus sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. He sounds like he may understand what I’ve been going through.

  “I messed up,” I said to Zeus.

  He shakes his head, “Selene, you didn’t mess up. Your eyes have been opened,”

  “That sounds like I messed up. I’m crying, gods don’t cry.”

  “The tears of gods are sacred.”

  “Scared, or did you mean confusing or weak? Or—”

  “That is not what I mean.”

  “Then please enlighten me, because these overwhelming sensations do not feel good. Simply thinking about Endy—”

  I stopped my thoughts, my words.

  “Selene, I do not mean that literally. If we share any traits with the mortals, it’s that there is a sacredness in tears, for it does not show one’s weakness but in fact the opposite. It shows power and speaks a thousand times more than the tongue. They are the herald of devastating sorrow, of deep contrition, and of indefinable love.” Studying me carefully, he adds, “Like the love you shed for the mortal Endymion.”

  “How do you know that name?”

  Ignoring me Zeus asks, “Are you honestly smitten with the mortal?”

  “What does it matter what he means to me? I can no longer see him again and I just want to forget. Since you brought me back here, all I am feeling is sick and all I want to do is cry. You say shedding tears makes one powerful, but it feels the opposite.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question.”

  “Yes, I’m more than smitten with the mortal.
I feel like he is where I belong, but apparently, I got that wrong.”

  Zeus takes me in. “Don’t worry about the Horai and the Erinyes.”

  Why would he say that?

  I have no need to worry about them because I cannot go back—wait. What?

  I watch him carefully, thinking that my ears are deceiving me. “What are you saying to me?”

  “It’s another one of our little secrets.”

  “Why would you withdraw your decree?”

  “The mortal would be your distraction. We cannot afford the balance to be disrupted because you miss the human. The dull ache will never cease, and it will upset you to the point of Gaea’s fears.”

  “Won’t Gaea be upset?”

  “Yes, at first. However, even Gaea won’t be able to deny the truth.” Zeus studies me for a moment and after a heartbeat, he says. “Selene, if this is the path you want. Know that it will not be easy and I should warn you of Pan’s flute,”

  I ask, “What about it.”

  “Remember when I told how it came to be?” I nod my head and he continues, “Pan can use it to control one's desire. I told you that Pan wants what he cannot have and he wants you. Always remember that,”

  Control desires are the only words swarming around in my mind. I hear the whisper of his flute, the harmonious melody as if Pan was here. But he wasn’t me.

  Mine, are Pan’s words.

  I close my eyes, I am not.

  Zeus is still talking, “He cannot be trusted. So you be careful,” he stares at me one last time, while I don’t say anything to mention Pan’s flute or awareness of his melody. But I am very aware of it. I love to hate it. Like whenever I’m with Pan, I am both scared and excited.

  No, I shake my head. It can’t be true.

  This is all too much to be dealing with now.

  “Selene you can leave. But remember, no matter what decision you chose there will always be consequences, good or bad. Never forget who you are; never forget it is not just you.” And with those words, Zeus lifts a hand and I am no longer on Olympus.

  I blink, realizing that I am back on earth.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ENDYMION.

  His name whispers through my mind as the sun beams down on me.

  I look up ahead and see a huge stone castle. I’m in the same spot where the Erinyes had dropped me. I hear people whispering around me and looking around, they are staring at me like I’m out of place. Maybe they do have a point since I appeared out of nowhere.

  I ask one of the male mortals, “Endymion, where is he?”

  The man informs that after the light had disappeared, taking the demon with it, Endymion had gone into the stables, saddled up his horse, and rode off. I will assume by “demon” he meant the Erinyes. I ask the mortal if he has any idea where Endymion was going but he doesn’t. I ask the others watching me with curious gazes; none of them have a clue.

  He’s going to Mount Latmus.

  It makes sense, because where else would he go?

  I had disappeared into a blinding white light and he had made it clear that he wants me in his life. Endymion had made it clear that he was going to fight for me, for us, and so he would not give up when I disappeared.

  Endymion is going to the only place we have always met in secret.

  Thanking the mortals, I allow my thoughts to drift to Mount Latmus. Within seconds, I’m gone from the castle. A cool breeze caresses my face, and the ocean aroma settles in my lungs. The towering mountain stands behind me. I walk toward it and inside, it’s dark. I can’t help it as my feet pick up the pace. Soon I’m running while my heart is drumming excitedly, to lay eyes on Endymion. To smell his aroma, to gaze into his captivating green eyes, and to have him hold me. I’ve been kept from his embrace for far too long, though it’s only been from this morning, it feels like forever.

  I slow my pace when I don’t see any lit candles in the distance. It’s dark and cold.

  “Endymion,” I call out and when I don’t hear anything I completely still.

  He’s not here.

  Where else would he go?

  I turn back on my heel and know that if Endymion is looking for me, he will return here if he hasn’t already. He has to know that I would never abandon him, at least not willingly. He has to know that.

  I WATCH THE BRIGHT sky turn an assortment of colors as the sun lowers. Inside of me, I feel the unavoidable pull. I need to assist with awakening the moon.

  Disappearing back home, Eos and Helios greet me upon my arrival.

  I smile hoping that my siblings would return the gesture and Helios is the only one. Eos doesn’t look too happy with me and I know it’s because of Pan. He worried her when he purposely told my sister that he couldn’t find, knowing that I was with Endymion. Eos tried to look for me and I wasn't anywhere to be found, she brought her worries to Zeus.

  Pan had tried to make it seem like he was being nice, taking my punishment but I saw through that. What did he honestly think that he was going accomplish?

  Was Zeus right, Pan’s flute can evoke desires?

  Why would he lie to me?

  Think about it, Selene. Every time you are with Pan, he plays his flute.

  Worry about Pan later, right now you have more important things to be worrying about.

  Helios gives me a hug and shortly after Eos. I don’t give my siblings a chance to ask me any questions. I hurry to the golden landing and I climb the steps, and the moment I reach the apex my body is overtaken with unyielding, rhythmic movements. My first stance and silver dust fall from the cosmos. My mind, body, and soul can’t help the silent call. Another graceful motion, and soon the orbs appear out of nowhere. Like Eos’ ceremonial dance, the orbs drift toward me in a dreamlike flow the more I move to silent music.

  I’m lost within myself, and a sense of calmness settles over me. A flurry of butterflies tickle my insides and I'm at peace. Embraced and safe. Like Endymion is holding me.

  When I open my eyes, I know that my ceremonial duties have been completed. Stepping back down the steps, I catch Helios’ gaze. He wants to talk, I can’t.

  Not at the moment.

  I leave my home and return to the mortal realm. I’m overtaken with remorse but I can’t deal that right now. Just like I can’t think about Pan. I need to see Endymion, I need to know that everything is okay.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I RETURN TO Mount Latmus and the radiant moonlight engulfs me. I bask under it for a short while, before I quickly turn and run into the cave. Halfway inside, I stop when I don’t see any candles lit. I turn back around, wondering where Endymion could be.

  He thought that you abandoned him, warns a small voice.

  I shake my head. No, how could he ever?

  Soon, I will see him riding on his horse.

  I wait.

  Still no sign of him.

  I wait some more.

  No Endymion, no horse.

  I still wait and half the night goes by, but I do not see my mortal.

  Frustrated, I think of his castle and I’m there. I’m at the same spot outside when the mortals were gawking at me. Currently, the area is empty—no staring humans—but loud music plays far in the distance.

  I follow the commotion, crossing over a bridge. I walk through an opening in a huge stone wall that looks like it would have circled the entire castle property. The farther I walk, the louder the sounds becomes, and I soon see mortals laughing and talking. Some are wearing masks and others not, but generally, everyone looks like they are having fun.

  Tonight is the night of the festival.

  Noticing that there is a man handing out masks, I stop in front of him and ask the mortal for one. He hands me a mask, which I place over my face. It covers my eyes and the half of my nose, leaving the bottom half of my face uncovered.

  I continue on my journey, searching for my king and taking in every part of this wild evening event. Finally, I notice a large crowd. Standing on a tall podium is Endymion; he�
��s talking to his people and thanking them for coming. The guards below the podium then throw silver trinkets out into the crowd. Everyone is lively and jubilant.

  Endymion continues talking about tonight’s event and when he brings up his bride-to-be, my ears perk up. Suddenly, I’m standing on the tip of my toes, trying to see over the person in front of me.

  That same woman who came into his room, the one with the blond hair, and struts onto the podium—Endymion had called her Arianna. When he extends out his hand she places hers within his. Endymion closes her hand around hers and pulls the woman toward him.

  My heart clenches and whispers, No.

  Arianna’s giggles are poison in my veins. Everyone around me starts chanting that Endymion should kiss her. Kiss his bride-to-be.

  “Kiss her!”

  “Kiss her!”

  “Kiss her!”

  I feel like shrinking into the earth. I can do nothing else but stand on the tip of my toes and stare as he does just that. Endymion dips Arianna and all I can think about is the last his arms were wrapped around me. Endymion kisses her and I swear my heart cracked right down the middle.

  No.

  I fall back on my heels as the crowd woos Endymion and his bride on. After he’s done, I hear the King tell everyone to enjoy themselves. Walking around the crowd, I reach to the side where Endymion and his bride-to-be had exited the platform. He’s now talking to the guards, their backs to me.

  Arianna turns and her brown eyes catch mine. “What are you doing here?” Her harsh voice sends a wicked chill down the ridge of my back.

  Endymion pivots as well to see who Arianna was speaking to and finds me. There is no expression on his beautiful face. “You should leave,” are his well-tempered words.

  I take off my mask.

  His thick, black eyebrows do not draw together. His body doesn’t tense with my presence, and his green eyes don’t flare with rage. Hadn’t he thought that I abandoned him? Everything about him is too calm.

  I say the only words that are able to come to mind. “I didn’t abandon you.”

  “It does not matter: you made your choice and I made mine.”

  I shake my head, not agreeing with his words. “Endymion, my choice has always been you. I may have been afraid to say it at times, but it’s the truth.” Stepping toward him, I take his warm hand within my own.