by Kiki Howell
Caine nodded. “I cannot speak for Natalya, only myself.” Before he could continue, Natalya stepped forward.
“Mistress, he shall remain with me until you feel that he is ready to leave.”
“Just so, Natalya.” The Mistress’s eyes glittered as she looked at him, ignoring Natalya. There was something unsaid behind Mirella’s words, and Caine sensed there was far more to her pronouncement than he could fully grasp. But the sense of it was gone in a heartbeat.
“And when the time comes, we’ll find you a place to live...on your own.” Mistress turned her gaze back to Caine. He caught the odd inflection of her words, and he opened his mouth. But before he could pose the question on his lips, she continued.
“You do realize you’ll never be able to return to your village, your family...your old way of life?”
Caine went numb for a moment, then nodded slowly, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat. He’d thought about how he could return to his home, if he could return. Now, hearing the words spoken, his heart hurt. The remaining shred of his old life was pulled away from him. He’d hoped, but had been afraid to hope. Now that hope was gone.
Not trusting himself to speak, he looked at the Seethe Mistress, and bowed. Beside him, Natalya dropped into a deep curtsy.
“Thank you, Mistress. We are grateful for your wisdom, and advice.” Natalya’s voice came to him, muffled by the curtain of hair that fell across her face.
There was a moment of silence from Mirella. Caine raised his head a fraction of an inch, and found her eyes on him, her look opaque, unreadable. “You are free to go, my children.”
Chapter Five
NATALYA WALKED SILENTLY beside Caine on the way home. There were so many questions on his mind, flying like frightened birds in a cage. But one rose to the surface and he struggled to find the words to ask it.
“Back there...with the Seethe Mistress. Something happened between us. She did something to me.” He stopped on the path, looking down at Natalya.
“She did something to my mind.”
Natalya’s brows drew together, a look of confusion passing over her face. “She took control of your mind. Vampires can do that. It’s one of our powers. But you knew that, didn’t you? You’ve done that to me.”
It was Caine’s turn for confusion. “I’ve never done anything like that, to you or anyone.”
Natalya’s eyebrows rose. “Never? You’ve never tried, or you can’t?”
“I had no idea it could even be done.”
Natalya started down the path. “If she did something, I’m sure it was a test of some kind, of your abilities. Nothing more.”
Caine fell in step with her. “Why do you think I’ve done this mind control with you?”
He felt her tense in the dark, her step faltering. “That first night, the night you...in the cot. I though it wasn’t that you really wanted me, that you were seducing me with your powers. Trying them, testing them. Maybe that you didn’t even know you were using them.”
Caine scowled. “Do you still think that way?”
She was quiet for a moment, and in that moment, his heart broke a tiny bit. Then she stopped again, turning to him.
“No. I don’t, Caine.” She reached out, hand resting on his arm. He looked down into her eyes. Even in their dark depths, he could see she was telling the truth.
He pulled her against him, folding her into his arms. “I’m sorry I doubted you. You, of all, should be the one I can trust.”
“Caine.” She lifted her face to his, and he kissed her softly. They stood on the path, the sounds of the night surrounding them, the kiss deepening. Natalya pressed against him, and he felt her desire rising, matching his own. He slid his hands down her body, cupping her breasts. He caressed her slowly, fingers toying with her nipples, a rush filling him, as he felt them harden beneath his touch. She moaned softly, before pulling away from him.
“We shouldn’t linger in the forest.” She smiled, and took his hand, pulling him down the path.
The door had barely closed behind them before he had her in his arms again, hands returning to her breasts. She broke away, looking up at him, a delicate line forming between her eyes.
“Caine. What exactly did the Mistress do to you? What did you see?”
He stiffened in her arms. It was uncomfortable, but the sensations he’d felt in the Mistress’s chamber resurfaced, the heat of desire rushing through him. He shook his head.
“She...it was...she made me imagine doing things to her...I wanted her, very much, very badly.” He dropped his eyes, ashamed he’d allowed Mirella to control him, embarrassed now at his body’s response. Guilt filled him, and he felt as if he had done something to slight Natalya.
“Caine.” She reached up, her fingers caressing his face. “With her, it’s all a game, it means nothing. She’s adept at control.”
He barked out a short laugh. “It may be a game for her, but it was very real for me. Almost too real.”
“But she stopped short of following through, of actually making you do whatever it was she wanted. She was just toying with you.” Her fingers had strayed to the buttons of his tunic, slowly undoing them.
“She didn’t stop. I broke her control. I stopped her.”
Her hands stilled, and she looked up at him, her eyes wide. “You broke the Mistress’s control? Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure. We were...in my mind, she had me doing things, and then I forced the images from my mind, and they were gone. I could tell it was her. The look she gave me from the throne was pure hatred. I expected some kind of retaliation, but she let it pass.”
Natalya was still looking up at him, amazement in her eyes. Her hands dropped from the buttons, resting at her side. “I’ve never known anyone who could break the control of the Seethe Mistress.”
The amazement in her eyes changed, a subtle shift from amazement to something like awe, tinged with fear. She took a step back, and then she turned. Caine watched her walk away. He wondered just what he’d done, if it was something wrong. Or something right.
SEVERAL NIGHTS LATER, Caine leaned against a tree, the shadows gathered around him. He stared at the tiny cottage set back from the road near the edge of the village. The tallow candle sitting in the window was lit, casting a soft glow over the people in the room. But even by that dim light, he could easily see his grandparents sitting by the fire, his mother knitting in her rocking chair, the soft click of the needles reaching him. His father sat beside her, reading a book, squinting in the candlelight.
He longed to go to them, to open the door, and join that homely circle of his family. He moved forward, until he was standing by the shadows at the side of the window. Their voices came to him, softly. He lifted his head, eyes closed, and drew a breath.
And with that breath, with their voices, came the scent of blood. It was hot and heavy, and the smell of it hit him like a hammer. Hunger rose, sudden and overwhelming. He ran his tongue over his fangs, the sharp prick of them only fueling his lust. Turning from the window, he stumbled away from the house, crashing through the untrimmed hedge, and back into the forest.
No, he couldn’t let them see him like this. If they opened the door, the bloodlust would take over, and he wouldn’t be able to help himself. How would he be able to live with the guilt of killing his own family?
A branch slapped at his face, and he felt the sting as it cut his skin, but he didn’t care. He pushed through the underbrush, clothes catching on brambles, until he came to a clearing. His breathing was ragged, not from exertion, but emotion. He stopped, throat tight, staring up at the night sky.
“You made the right choice by deciding not to see them.” Caine jumped. He turned to find Natalya standing at the edge of the clearing. She stepped from the shadows.
“I know this is hard for you.”
His clothes were torn, his face scratched and bloody, but she smiled at him. But his emotions were high, temper at the surface, and it spilled over at the condescendi
ng tone of her voice. “What would you know of it, Natalya? Do you have any idea what it’s like for me to look at my family, and know that if I come near them, their blood will be on my hands? How can you possibly know what I’m going through?”
Tears shimmered in her eyes, even as they narrowed. She drew herself up, back ramrod straight. “I know something of it.” Her voice was low, but with a sharp edge. A knife’s edge. “I had to leave my husband behind when I was turned. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
He realized he was holding his breath, and blew out a sigh. Some of his anger drained away, replaced with a more tender emotion. “I’m sorry. I should have realized. Everyone has family.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Did you love him?”
“More than anything. More than my life, I thought.” She swallowed, and he watched as a tear slid down her cheek. “We’d only been married a few months. I had cut my hand on a scythe during the harvest season, and the wound became grievously infected. We didn’t have any money for the healer, so I hadn’t wanted to go, and by the time I finally did, it was too late. I was consumed by fever, wasting away.”
She wiped the tear from her face, and let out a sigh. “Darian, my sire, came to me, night after night. He fed from me, as I lay dying. Finally, in the end, he turned me.”
“He used you, then turned you into a vampire? Why on earth...”
Natalya shrugged. “I don’t really know. Darian was...strange. I always thought he’d grown attached to me somehow, possibly loved me in his own twisted way.” She shifted again, the memories flooding back, making her skin crawl.
“The first few months were the worst. I had very rare moments of lucidity, but mostly I was consumed with bloodlust. Darian kept me locked in a cage, like a feral animal. In the beginning, he fed me himself. Eventually, he allowed me to go out, and taught me how to hunt, but he didn’t much care who I killed. In those early days, many innocents died because of me.” She looked down at the ground, and he saw shame in her eyes. “The bloodlust subsided as I learned to control it, but I knew if I saw my husband, or got close to him, I’d kill him. I never saw him again.”
“What happened to your...what did you call him. Your sire?”
“Yes. My sire.” She shrugged. “He went out one night, and never came back. I never learned what happened to him. After a time, hunger drove me out. I killed...someone.” She spread her hands in a gesture that tugged at Caine’s heart.
“I packed what I could carry, clothes, mine, some of his—the hunting clothes you’ve been wearing—and headed west, wanting to get as far away from my village as possible. After a time, I ended up here, and Mistress Mirella took me in.” She lifted her head then, meeting his eyes. “It’s never easy, but the protection of Seethe rules makes it much more tolerable, and much safer, to be a vampire. I’m very grateful to her for helping me.” She took another step closer, close enough for him to catch the scent of her in the night breeze. It carried the faintest hint of her arousal. He wondered if she realized how acute his senses were, that he could tell when she wanted him.
“And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this easier for you, Caine. At least you have the luxury of being only a Nequam.” The trace of bitterness in her tone did nothing to dull his anger. It still lingered, smoldering, beneath the surface
“You say it’s a luxury being a Nequam.” He held his ground, even though he sensed she wanted him closer, ached for his touch. Longing and desire welled from her in palpable waves, but he remained where he was.
“How can you know what this is like? This in-between state I’m in? I’m not of your world, and certainly not of mine. I have the abilities and powers of a vampire, but the frailties of a mortal.” He swiped a hand across his cheek, then held it out to her, covered in blood.
“I bleed, Natalya, and I will continue to bleed. I ache for my old life, but I’m powerless to return. I also ache in this life, to be part of it, wholly, fully. Knowing I may never be able to.”
He voiced the unspoken suspicion he’d harbored since meeting with the Seethe Mistress. And watching Natalya now, the suddenly lowered eyes, the slight turning away of her face, his suspicions were confirmed.
“I cannot live with you forever, can I? I’m to be cast out, after I’m recovered. Nequams are not allowed to be part of the Seethe. Finding a place of my own, as your vaunted Mistress called it, isn’t just finding me a new dwelling to live in, but making sure that dwelling is as far away from here as possible.”
Natalya looked up at him, pain now filling her eyes. “There was no way to tell you before, or at least I didn’t feel there was. But yes, Nequams are not part of our Seethe. You will be asked to leave, to find a home that is outside of the Seethe lands.”
“And no longer under Seethe protection? Your pretty words of finding a home here ring hollow for me, Natalya.”
“But you don’t have to leave yet.” Natalya’s eyes glinted again with tears. “We have some time yet.”
“Why even bother bringing me here, seeing me back to full health? Why not leave me to rot in the forest? Why bother with me, Natalya?” His fists were clenched at his side, teeth bared. His anger was a living thing inside him, almost as powerful as the bloodlust.
“I...you were...I’m responsible for you. For how you came to be a Nequam.”
“I’m a charity case then, nothing more? A lover taken out of pity? Keeping me is a way to soothe your guilty conscience?” He almost spat the words at her.
“No, it’s not like that. I...it was the decision of the Seethe Mistress. If she’d found a reason...she could have made a dispensation, allowed you to stay. I had hoped she would...it’s why I brought you here, with that hope in my heart.” Her voice faltered.
“But she didn’t, and I will have to leave the Seethe at some point.” He turned away, hot tears of anger, of regret, of all he’d lost, gathering in his own eyes. But he would not let her see them. “I’ll be an outcast.”
She was behind him in an instant, her hand on his shoulder. “Caine. Yes, what you say is true. But the alternative? Would you rather be dead?”
He turned, and before he could speak, to tell her that yes, death would be welcome, rather than this living hell, she folded him into her arms. It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to argue, to fight her, to give voice to his anger. But instead, he buried his face in the warm wash of her hair, letting her comfort him, trying to calm his raging feelings against the softness of her body.
He was angry, hurt, but now, with Natalya in his arms, her rich scent in his nose, his bloodlust, and hunger rose up again like a wild thing, primal and untamed. It blinded him to everything else, clawed at him like a beast caged inside him, and all he wanted was to feed. And the only blood he wanted was Natalya’s.
She’d fed recently, and her scent carried the heady perfume of blood. Whether human or animal, at that moment, it wasn’t important. Blood was all that mattered, and Natalya’s blood was what he wanted.
“Natalya,” he murmured, nudging her silky hair away from the curve of her shoulder, exposing her pale throat.
She tipped her head back in silent agreement of his unspoken request, and he followed the sweep of her neck, first with his eyes, then with his lips and tongue. She shuddered beneath him, her desire for him as compelling as his for her blood.
“Take what you need, Caine.” His lips hovered over her skin for just a moment, teasing her, tormenting himself. Then he sank his fangs into her neck.
The blood exploded sweetly into his mouth, filling every sense with its rich taste. Natalya moaned, her body growing limp in his arms, as he drank from her. He felt her nipples harden, her breasts pressing against the bodice of her dress. Her arousal swelled, and he could actually taste it in her blood. It tasted of her desire, her essence, complex, warm, and heated.
He drank deeply, pulling more from her, sucking at her neck, as her moans grew louder, her body responding to his feeding.
As his bloodlust was sated, his anger ros
e again. But along with that was the desire to take her, to possess her, to control her body with his. He wanted her whether she wanted him or not. But he knew she wanted him, tasted it on his tongue, felt it in his bones.
“I need more than just your blood this time, Natalya,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Yes,” she repeated. “Take me. Take all of me.” Her eyes, heavy-lidded, black on black, looked up at him, reflecting just as much desire as he felt. He held her close, backing her up against a large, craggy oak tree.
He needed no further encouragement. Lowering his head, he kissed her, hungrily devouring her soft, wet, sweet mouth. There was still the faintest trace of copper on her tongue, a faint remnant of her earlier feeding, and he sucked it, wanting more. Her nails scored his back, as she pulled him closer, then her hands slid down to push up his tunic, fingers caressing his chest. After a moment, they slid lower, her hands brushing against his erection, as she tugged at the laces of his leggings. He shuddered in anticipation, aching to sink himself into her warmth, to take her right here on the forest floor.
“God.” He pulled her face to his, moaning against her mouth, as her cool fingers played over him. “Natalya.” He groaned, as her fingers closed around him, gentle at first, but her touch quickly growing firm. His hips jerked involuntarily to match her movement. He stood, head back, eyes closed, feet braced wide apart, as desire wiped away all remnants of his bloodlust.
Suddenly, she dropped to her knees, roughly tugging his leggings from his body. His hard cock sprang free of the confines of his clothes, and he inhaled sharply, cool air playing over his heated flesh. She leaned forward, her breath warm on his erection. The thought of pushing past those lush lips, anticipating the sensation of her soft mouth on his heated flesh, almost made him swoon. He opened his eyes, looking down in amazement, as she knelt before him, her eyes turned up to him, glowing in the dark, a single question posed in their depths.
