by Colt, Shyla
“Dad you shouldn’t have kept this from us. We’re family,” I say.
“Once he was stable, we didn’t want to alarm you. We took it to vote and decided to wait until the weekend and low and behold here you are saving me the trouble of calling.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and clench my jaw. I don’t agree with it, but dad’s word is law and I know better than to question it. There’s the downfall of having your father being the president. “Roger, P.”
Dad narrows his eyes at me and his nostrils flair.
I know he hates it when I get formal. It’s my own form of rebellion. The polite fuck you and he knows it. It’s the only disrespect I can get away with without having the taste slapped out of my mouth, as Cora would say. This shit shredded my nerves like gravel scraping across skin. Being held to a certain place in the hierarchy, forced to keep your true thoughts and opinions to yourself. I wasn’t a robot. I couldn’t be like Dallas and spend my life trying to be Daddy’s perfect little rider. There were times I resented my father so much, it made me sick to my stomach.
“You got something you want to say?” Dad asks.
I got years of shit I’d like to say right now. I flex my muscles, fighting down the urge to unload. Rowan leans against me and I glance down. She’s begging me with her eyes to stop. A knock down drag out on our first day back isn’t what we need. So, I swallow that shit down, the same way I always do. “No, P, I ain’t got shit to say,” I push the words out, clamping the lid down on my anger.
He steps closer and I wrap my arm around Rowan, squeezing her hip to keep myself grounded. Sometimes, I think he gets off on this posturing. Breathe in…breathe out. I focus on the simple bodily functions and meet his gaze. I’m pissed, but I’m not going to challenge you old man. The crown was an invisible object my father constantly defended at all costs. I think this fucker loves it more than he could ever love me or Dallas. Times like this, I can’t help but wish my mom were still around. Would shit be different if she were?
“Good, let’s keep it that way.” Dad nods.
“I’m going to go drag Dallas into the land of the living,” I say, turning with Rowan in my arms.
“Not so fast there quick draw. I want to spend some time with my girl,” Brain says.
“Meet you back here in a few?” I ask Rowan.
She nods and smiles…such a daddy’s girl.
I’ve always envied her close bond with her father. Brain had a softness about him that drew us all in. He knew how to give advice and tell you the harsh truth from a place of concern. In many ways, he was more of a father to me and Dallas than our own. Maybe something in my dad died along with our mother. They always looked so happy in the old pictures I’d seen. The imagery at odds with the road weary man I’d grown up with.
“Yeah, I’ll snag a car and come out in a few. I figure you and Dal will want some brother time.” She shrugs her shoulders.
“Is that your nice way of saying, you don’t want to referee?”
“Maybe.” She bats her long lashes at me.
I can’t help but chuckle. Dallas and I could be like soda and pop rocks, volatile and explosive when mixed. It wasn’t because of lack of love. We’re just made differently. “Later, babe.” I release my hold on her and walk for the door, intent on pumping Dallas for every bit of information I can get. He’s sitting on some heavy shit and I want to be prepared.
In My Veins
Cora
I want to lean on Danny like I always do. He’s always been the one who makes shit right when Dallas can’t, or won’t. My man is a stubborn asshole and while he bends for me as much as he can. It’s not always enough. That’s the thing about loving someone down to the core of your being. You take more than you should. I ball my fists and turn to glance back at Houdini, who’s been all but forgotten. “Thank you,” I mouth.
He gives a nod of his head and drifts away, blending into the crowd gathered outside. He’s like a fucking ghost.
I know I hurt Danny when I told him I’d be taking care of myself, but the rules have changed now. In the blink of an eye, you can be tossed aside and left to fend for yourself. I’ve been tested, and before, I believed it always worked itself out. Right now, I’m all out of faith. Silently, I mourn the loss of the man who’d been my champion. For so long, Danny had been my shelter. The shoulder I cry on when Dallas hurts me, because Danny understands what it is to be on the receiving end of Dallas’ hurtful decisions and sharp tongue. I don’t know how to give my heart out in half measure. Those I love have the potential to cause great damage, so I choose wisely…carefully. But Dallas never did take no for an answer. So, I imagine any attempt at guarding would’ve been useless anyways. I let him go once—I can do it again. I’m taken back to the day what seems like another life ago, when I was left to deal alone.
Past
“What am I going to do without my shield, baby?” I whisper into Danny’s ear, kissing his right temple. He smells like sandalwood and male, and I want to crawl inside him and live for awhile.
“Always a call away, Co, I will drop anything to get here.”
His husky response soothes me. With him and Rowan headed up north to school to earn their Bachelor’s degrees, it’ll be me and Dallas alone for the first time. I’m not sure how it’ll work, and it terrifies me. Disgusted by my needy selfishness, I pull the tattered edges of myself together and run my fingers through his hair, the way I know Danny loves. “Love you,” I say forcing back the sadness. When you grow up in a world where all you have is each other, separation anxiety takes on a whole new meaning. It doesn’t help that I’m the baby of the bunch and have always been treated as such. My club moniker is Baby Girl for Pete’s sake.
“Love you too, honey,” Danny says with a smile.
I can do this…I have to. I’m a fucking Curtis and the glue that bonds us. Time to accept my role fully. It was no secret Rule and my dad, Rufus were grooming me to be the next den mother. With the Pres, Rule, a consummate bachelor since his old lady died from cancer and my mother long gone after I hit five, when she decided she’d had enough of the life, I was the logical option. As the daughter of the VP, people came to me for the small shit already, anyways. Danny pulls out, and I’m already mourning his absence.
He rolls onto his side and slides his finger inside, stirring juices. “I want to stay inside you tonight, Co. Can I do that?”
“Dallas?” I whisper, quick to seek permission. I never want to do anything that’ll cause dissention between us. Our playing is a carefully orchestrated symphony. We keep things open, honest and structured. It’s rare that Danny or Dallas find their release inside the opposite partner, but tonight is a special occasion.
“Yeah, it’s okay. Let baby brother linger before he leaves.” Dallas’ voice rumbles in his chest.
I can hear the tinge of sadness that others might miss. I’ve always been the Dallas whisperer, able to hear all the words he can’t force past his voice box. Perhaps, that’s why I continue to forgive him. He had it rough being not only the President’s son, but surrogate father to Danny. My gaze locks with Danny’s and we have one of the silent conversations that tend to drive, Dallas crazy. Danny conveys one crucial message. It’ll be hard, but we’ll make it because together, we can do anything and he’d never leave me if he weren't one hundred percent certain I’d be all right.
As the baby of the group, I’m protected. Our relationship built upon and born from that one simple fact. You don’t fuck with me. It’s not that I can’t defend myself. I can put someone on their ass and cut you to ribbons with` my tongue if need be…I just never get the opportunity. I was twenty-one when I lost my virginity to Dallas, but I was the same age when he broke my heart the first time and Danny lost it.
Three Years earlier
It was Dallas’ first big ride since we’d been together. They’d be leaving for a couple of months. My stomach twists into knots. I shift my weight. Fears rush in and threaten to buckle my knees. Would he be okay? I
wasn’t sure what their business was, but I knew from the hardware they packed and the whispered conversations, it was heavy. Pussy on the road concerned me also. Dallas had a hell of a lot more experience than I did and I occasionally, wonder if he misses the whores and their myriad bags of tricks.
“What are you doing over there, Cora? Come kiss your man goodbye.”
Dallas’ voice drags me back to the moment. I force a smile as I bound over and wrap my arms around him, inhaling his masculine scent.
“Don’t worry I’ll be okay,” he says.
“I know,” I whisper, offering up the biggest smile I can muster. I never like it when the guys do runs. It’s a part of this life you never really get used to, but you learn to deal with.
“Maybe she should worry. Baby Curtis can’t please you right, and I know the stops you’ll be making along the way. We used to have some good times back then, didn’t we?” Jo, the bleach-blonde whore of Babylon purrs.
I grit my teeth, not about to let her get under my skin.
“Shut your mouth, bitch!” Dallas spits.
My confidence shrinks. I know she used to be a regular in his revolving door. It takes its toll being around all the women he’s fucked. They’re all so thin, pretty and seductive. I look down at my worn jeans and band t-shirt. I might as well be wearing a burlap sack.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Dan growls, stalking up with Rowan at his side.
Rowan glares at Jo who holds up her hands.
I’m grateful for their intervention. When it comes to this shit I’m out of my depth. I don’t do catty and I have no ammunition. Jo’s right. I haven’t spread my legs for the Wesson population, and I’m more than okay with that. Dallas claims to be also, but a woman worries.
“I just thought she should know.” Jo sashays off.
For a minute, my stomach churns.
“Oh, come on, Cora! I know you aren’t fucking listening to her. When are you going to put trust in me? I’m trying to wait for you to catch up, but you aren’t moving fast enough. You plan on being with me, you need to trust me and toughen up,” Dallas seethes. His green eyes flash with anger.
I know I just hit a sensitive spot. He wasn’t the impenetrable tank he liked everyone to believe he was. I knew this, but on the heels of the attack from Jo, his harsh words are salt in a fresh wound. I tense in his arms and pull away, mentally and physically. He lets his arms fall to his sides and he sneers. I’ve seen Dallas pissed plenty of times, but rarely is it ever directed at me.
“Stand the fuck down you asshole.” Danny steps in front of me and shoves Dallas back. “I told you she’d need a delicate touch. She’s fucking new to this. Unlike you, she hasn’t been through the paces with other men. There’s a gap there and it’s not her fault. You popped off on your whores, but I’ll be damned if you do the same with Baby Girl. ”
“Oh, you’re going to tell me how to treat my lady?” Dallas barks.
“When you’re fucking up, you’re damned right I will. Cora isn’t just yours Dallas. She’s been ours her entire life, and if you can’t take care of her I will. Use this ride to get your head together, ‘cause if you ever come at her like that again, I will break your ass in two before Reaper can get a chance to.” Danny wraps an arm around my waist. “Come on, baby.” He guides me out of the silent clubhouse.
I hold my tears back until he steers me into his room. The hiccups break free and tears run down my face, declaring me the child Dallas accused me of being. My chest aches along with my head. Dallas splits me in two. I want to lash out at him, wipe the smug expression off his face and go for the jugular. But I know he comes from a place of hurt and I don’t want to add to that. I’ve always been the one person he comes to for unconditional love. How can I stop that now?
“Shhh.” Dan places kisses on my face as Rowan rubs my back. “This ain’t on you, baby. This is my brother in his fucking head. He’s got self-hatred that spills over at the wrong time. It’s not you and you know it. We’ve seen it our whole lives.”
“H-he’s—right,” I whisper. “That’s why it hurts. I should trust him more. I know what this life is like. I’ve lived it, but being in it on a personal level is hard. Seeing the faces of the women he’s fucked and the way their eyes follow him. They’re sharks in the water, waiting for a sign of blood, so they can circle and come in for the kill.”
“You think he wants any of those bitches when he has you?” Danny asks, grabbing my arm.
“No. I don’t really, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.” I shrug. “No woman wants to feel like she’s second best to her man.”
“Fuck him,” Rowan seethes. She captures my face between her hands. “You are beautiful, fucking perfect. He’s lucky to have you. Right now, he’s not even fit to lick your boots.” She frowns. “This bullshit is why Reaper won’t give his blessing.” Rowan shakes her head and looks at Danny. “Your brother needs to grow the fuck up.”
“Oh, Ro.” I close my eyes tight. “I’m so—so stupid.” My body shakes with the sobs I’m trying to control and tamp down. “I’m fucking this up. I waited so long for this and I’m going to ruin it, because I have no clue what I’m doing.” I shake my head. “Or maybe, I’m really just not enough. God, we shouldn’t have started this. If this goes sour, we’ll ruin everything.”
At Dan’s growls, I jump.
“Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again, Cora.” He kneels down in front of me. “You and Rowan are my everything, I would do anything to see you smile and so would Dallas. For all his callous behavior, he loves you with everything that’s him. You know we’re all a little fucked up. He’s no different. This transition isn’t easy on him either. I’m not defending him. I’m just being real, Baby Girl.”
His words penetrate deep and I nod. I’d been so lost in my own adjustment I hadn’t given a thought to him. He’d never done serious either. “You’re right. This is new for him too, isn’t it?” The crushing weight on my chest eases.
“Exactly.” Danny smiles. “We’re going to take care of you while he’s gone and when he gets back you can decide if he’s worth it to you.”
“It’s not that simple,” I admit, ready to come clean with the secret that’s been eating away at me. It’s not something I’d drop on Dallas before he leaves and the secret has me on edge and touchy.
“Why not, baby?” Rowan asks, narrowing her eyes.
“Because he…” I swallow. “…I might be pregnant.”
The blood leaves Dan’s face and he goes stock still. “I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”
The roar of bikes outside wounds me. He’s not even going to try to patch this up.
“Honey, what kind of birth control have you been using?” Rowan whispers.
I hesitate. It sounds so stupid to say out loud. We know each other inside and out and I know any accident would be welcome.
“Cora.” Dan narrows his eyes.
I sigh. “Pull and pray mostly.”
“Dead!” Dan growls.
“It takes two, Danny.”
“How late are you, Cora?” Rowan asks.
“Just a few weeks, I thought maybe it was stress, but there was a time there wasn’t enough pulling and a lot of praying followed.” I shrug. In the heat of the moment, nothing else mattered but his skin on mine and the feel of him moving deep inside me. For the most part, things between us were amazing. Then, we hit these snags.
“Well shit,” Rowan says. “This isn’t like you, Cora. You don’t leave important things to chance.”
I bow my head and nibble my bottom lip. She’s right. But with Dallas it’s nothing more than inevitable. “I’m not leaving it to chance. It’s just, whether it happens now or in two years, I know this is where I’ll be with Dallas. We both have shit we need to work on, but there’s no one else for us. There will never be. That’s part of what terrifies me. Him too, I think.”
“Then…you’ve already made up your mind,” Danny says softly.
“W
hat?” I ask totally lost. I turn to look at Rowan.
She shakes her head, shrugging.
“About if you’re going to stay with him or not. You two are linked now, there’s no way he’s going to let you break that bond. I was stupid to suggest it.” He shakes his head. “Come on, we need to take a trip,” Danny says.
“Where? You’re being spastic,” Rowan says.
“We’re going to get a test. We need to know.” Danny’s eyes dare me to argue.
“But he—shouldn’t I wait?” I ask lamely. My palms are sweaty and my heart’s knocking against my rib cage. Nerves are misfiring and my body is shaking.
“Honey.” Rowan squeezes my hand. “Stop stalling.” Just like that, she is onboard with him. It’s uncanny how they team up to conquer and divide. Damn annoying too.
“If you aren’t, I promise we’ll get you wasted off the good stuff,” Danny suggests. He gives me that deadly, sweet puppy dog eyed look.
I’m instantly slain. Seeing this rugged man soften is a humbling thing of beauty. My lower lip trembles. “Patron?” I ask tentatively, extending the figurative olive branch. I don’t want to fight with them. Right now, they’re all I have and they’re right. So right.
“Yes, my pretty girl,” Dan agrees.
“O—okay. Let’s do this.” I take a shaky breath.
Thirty minutes later, I’m wrecked, gutted and I can’t stop crying. Hands on my knees, I sit on the lid of the porcelain toilet, knowing I dodged a bullet when the stick didn’t turn pink. What the fuck would I do with a baby right now? We’re still too new.
“Are you upset it’s negative?” Rowan asks.
“It feels like a loss. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was excited about the possibility.” I shake my head. “This is why I almost hate him at times. He wraps me up in him and I can’t see anything else.”
“When the time comes you’ll be an excellent mother, but that time can’t be right until you two get your shit together. You need to be more careful,” Danny urges.
