by Colt, Shyla
“You don’t look solid.”
“Then you must have something wrong with your eyes.”
His face lines with irritation. He always wants to be touch feely, it’s like we don’t come from the same gene pool. He’s never had to deal with the harshness from Dad, not as the baby. That’s an honor that falls solely to me. The bitterness wells up, turning my mouth sour and I take another drink. This is all the medicine I need. My soul is weeping. But I can’t let it show, it’s not the Wesson way. I can’t be a pussy on top of being a failure. My father’s words haunt me. This is on you. My hand clutches the bottle tighter.
“You need to talk to—”
“Danny?” I meet his gaze. “Get the fuck out.”
He opens his mouth again to speak.
I bare my teeth. “Did you fucking hear me?”
“This isn’t you, this is Dad.”
It’s the wrong thing to say. My mind goes blank. The bottle explodes against the wall beside him before I even register I’ve thrown it.
He jumps back. “Jesus Christ, Dallas! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I stare him down.
“Fine…shit.” He backs out of the room and slams the door behind him.
Exhausted, I fall back on my bed, remembering all the things Torch and I shared over the years. The liquor is kicking in, making my head spin. I close my eyes and let the darkness creeping up to take me. The next few days are a blur of alcohol, arguments and reliving the moment I lost one of my best friends. In the silent darkness of my small room with no windows, I wish I’d joined him.
The door slams against the wall and I groan. “Go away,” I croak. My mouth tastes like something died inside it and my head feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice. I can hear movement in my room, but moving is not an option. Ice cold liquid explodes over my head.
“What the fuck.” I jump from bed, and stumble over my boots, ready to murder someone. I blink my eyes and the fuzziness fades, focusing on the pissed off woman in front of me.
Cora stands in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. Her dark eyes narrow at me and her full lips purse. “You had your time to mourn. Now, you’re going to pull your shit together and move forward.”
“What the fuck—?”
She holds up her hand while shaking her head. “We all lost Torch and we’ll spend the rest of our lives missing him. It doesn’t mean you stop living. Frankly, I’m shocked. It’s not like you.”
“Maybe it is. I had one job to do and I couldn’t get that shit right.”
“Hey, this is not on you.” She furrows her brow.
Cora has a way of seeing the things I don’t see. I call it her own personal window into my soul.
“Now, I get it.” She walks forward and cups my face.
I want to pull away, but I can’t when her eyes are boring into mine and she has that soft, loving look. I’m fucking melting on the inside. The fucking Belle to my beast, she soothes the monster that lives inside me.
“You don’t get to take this onto yourself. This is our life. These are the risks taken. We all know it.”
“I was the one he followed.”
“And it could have just as easily been you. Is there so little to live for you’d drink yourself into oblivion?”
I see the hurt in her eye and I flinch. When she hurts I bleed. “Fuck, I can’t stop hurting you, Cora. I don’t want you to be another item on the list of shit I wrecked. I couldn’t take that.”
She places her hands over my mouth. “Save the speech for someone who gives a shit. We’re in this for always, right?”
Her words squeeze my heart. I inhale her sweet scent and allow myself to soak in her goodness. A brief moment in heaven before I call off the one thing I cherish most. I won’t let my poison infect her and drag her down.
“You’re stuck with me now, Wesson. You told me I was your soul. Then, doesn’t my will overpower your own? I know P pinned this on you, it’s what he does. Delegate the blame. You trust me, you always have. So, believe me when I say, shit happens. You claimed me for your own, Dallas Wesson. You gave me everything I spent my life dreaming for and more. Don’t you dare think for one second, you can take all that back.”
My heart races. She’s fighting for me. My body trembles.
“This is about more than just us now, biker. Time to get your shit together.”
“What?” I say against her hands.
She lowers them to her side. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. But you got what you wanted.”
Excitement builds up, pushing the darkness away as hope peers up into the blue skies that live within her space. The world is a better place simply because she exists. I think I always knew that. “You telling me you got my baby growing inside you right now, Cora?”
A wide grin spreads across her lips and she nods.
The world rotates once more and suddenly, the only things that matter are here in front of me. I wrap my arms around her and press her body the length of mine. In that moment she saved me, gave me something else to live for. A new person to strive to please. I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in, focusing on the steady beat of her heart against my chest. Maybe my dad is right about me and the club… But if this is this is the only thing I get right my entire life, my years will be well spent.
Present
“Can I help you, Sir?”
I focus in on the clerk who’s finally come out form the back
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “I’d like to rent a room for the night.” Food can wait until morning. The only thing I need is the bliss of oblivion sleep provides.
Changes
Rowan
Cora stops in front of her black SUV and pauses. “It’s okay. You don’t have to babysit me. I’m not going to fall apart. I have R squared to think about.” Her eyes are hardened and there’s no warmth in her voice. She’s like a robot.
Alarmed, I glance at Danny.
He gives a slight shake of his head.
“Honey, you’re not okay.” I run my hand down her arm.
“No, but I will be. I need to be alone right now, Ro. Please, I can’t.” She grips the door handle tight, like it’s the only thing keeping her on her feet. “I refuse to go back to the woman I once was. While you were gone, I learned to swim in the big waves alone. I can’t lose that skill when I know I’m going to need it. ” Her eyes widen and her voice shakes. “You understand?”
“Cora, we’re your family,” I say feeling wounded by the wall I’m watching her place up—brick by brick.
“Yes, you are, nothing will change that.” She swallows and exhales slowly. “A lot has happened and priorities are shifting. You guys have to turn your attention to other things and that’s how it should be.”
Her words feel like a rip in the seams of our relationship. For so long, it’s been the four of us, and now we’re down to three with her back peddling so fast, I can only describe it as running.
Cora reaches out and takes my hand. Her eyes soften. “Right now, we all need to play our parts. Wesson comes first. It’s the man priority. I can manage. Besides, Danny needs you now more than he ever has.”
“I’m fine,” Danny says immediately.
I look into his dilated eyes and know she’s right. Damn you, Dallas. I want to strangle him, but I know deep down, he too is a victim of circumstance. You can only expect a man to shoulder so much weight.
Cora smiles sadly. “No, you’re not. None of us are and we won’t be for a while, Samson.”
The use of his road name makes Danny stand a little straighter.
“We know you never wanted this. Life has a funny way of forcing us into shit we want to avoid most.” She snorts. “Trust me on this. Thing is, you’ve always been good at fixing things.”
She shoots me a knowing look. It’s like that with us. No words need to be spoken aloud. Danny’s holding on by a fragile string. I’m his lifeline. The very future of the club depends on it, so I suck it up, like
we’ve all done time and time again. I wonder once more, what happened while we were away at college. Its clear, Cora has taken to keeping secrets and I want to know why. How could so much change in a year?
I watch helplessly as she climbs into the car, starts it and pulls out of the parking lot.
“Meeting.” Reaper’s rusty voice cuts through the noisy crowd like a hot knife through butter.
“I gotta do this Ro.” Danny bends down and kisses my head. He hasn’t said a word, but his eyes are wild.
“I’ll be waiting at the bar when you’re done, Samson,” I say placing my palm flat on his chest. His heart is beating a mile a minute and I know Cora is right. This is where I need to be even though I want to go back to before we unraveled.
He wraps an arm around my waist and we walk back into the club. I never knew I’d miss that two bedroom apartment and the small town where we attended so much. For the first time in our lives, we were allowed to put ourselves first. While we go inside, he heads to church and I head to the bar. I feel a divide the size of the Gulf of Mexico stretch out between us. The club has swallowed us whole again and this time, I wasn’t sure we would come out on top. I sink down at the bar and time rewinds. Are we paying for the happiness we found away from the club? I don’t have the answers, but I cling to the memory of those happy days, because right now, it’s all I have to keep me from bawling my eyes out at this bar like a little bitch.
Past
A few months into the first semester things are great. The freedom took some getting used to. There were no phone calls at all hours, no rides, minimum danger and silence. I never realized how quiet things could be when there were just two people in an apartment. Without the constant traffic from the club along with baby R, Cora and Dallas, a strange calm fell. We had a sanctuary. I filled my cup to the brim with black coffee and wander out onto the patio to greet the day.
Danny’s already in class, early bird that he is.
I hate to rise before eight or nine, if I can help it. Unless it involves the little man. When baby R came, it brought us joy, partially wiping away all the sorrow that came after the hit on Wesson.
Things had been quiet as they recouped, bulked up and did recon. New prospects were brought in, the club reinforced, security tightened while they watch everything like hawks.
The Rolling Bones went ghost, anxiously awaiting the payback they knew must be coming. The boys were out for blood, but Rule put his foot down. He wanted everyone to get their heads on straight, protect the families better and plan things. They hadn’t said so officially, but I got the feeling the payback was coming sooner rather than later. The relief in Dad’s eyes when I left convinced me of that.
A buzz drew my attention to my black phone resting on the kitchen table and I hurried inside. I picked it up off the table and smiled at the text.
You awake yet, sleeping beauty?
I rolled my eyes. Yes, not everyone can be early risers, Samson.
Want to make a lunch date, Irish?
I rolled my eyes and laughed. I could hear his baritone in my head and picture his coy smile. He has no clue how adorable he could be. Not that I’d ever say that out loud. The man has a rep to maintain after all.
Name the time and the place.
Danny texts me the address of a brunch place we’d been eyeing, and we agree to meet in thirty minutes. God, it feels good to just be a normal couple. I lock the door to the patio and pad through the house to the bathroom. The warm water feels amazing on my tense muscles. School is going well, but being on a constant schedule and having responsibilities felt new, therefore draining. Never realized how good I have it. I thought of the pile of dishes in the sink, missing the ability to pick up the phone and call a prospect to help out. Jesus, you know it’s bad when you miss prospects. Laughing to myself, I finish up. I dry off, throw my shoulder length red hair into a high ponytail, then put on a pair of worn jeans and a Wesson t-shirt. The first few weeks of school, our affiliation caused a stir, but now no one gave it a second glance. The perks of going to school in a small town.
I walk in the restaurant and immediately see Danny. One of the best things about having a giant for an old man, he’s easy to spot in a crowd.
He catches my gaze across the room and nods.
He looks different in this setting, relaxed and happy in a way I hadn’t seen in years. While the MC was a huge part of his life, he didn’t live and die for it like Dallas. I could easily see us out of the life, living a civilian life, completely content if it’d been an option. With Cora and R still in—it wasn’t. Dallas would be fine. Like a cat, he always manages to land on his feet, no matter what distance he fell from. Some people might think it’s stupid, but for MC family it’s ride or die. You grow up with only one another for company and the shit you see is fucked up. It bonds you closer than most people will ever experience in their entire lifetime.
“Hey, babe, how was your first class?” I ask, sitting down.
“Mathy.”
“Smart ass,” I mumble, grinning. The man could get away with murder with me after all this time.
“I’d hope so, since we’re in college and everything.”
“You’re really asking for it this morning,” I warn.
“Oh, I would’ve if I hadn’t needed to be up before the fucking sun.”
I laugh. “You’re the one who opted to take the classes from six to nine. I think you’re insane.”
“I just wanted to get as much as I can out of the way, so we can get back home in two years, less if we power through summer courses online. It’s nice to be away now, but I have no illusions that the newness will ware off.” He leans over the table. “This isn’t our world, and I don’t want either of us to fuck ourselves by forgetting that and having to go back.”
“You’re worried about that, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Things are uncomplicated here. It’s easy. A cakewalk compared to what we’re used to dealing with. We both know you if get slow in our business, lose your edge…all your caution and you’re going to start fucking up.”
I narrow my eyes at him. It wasn’t normal to see him so frantic. “What’s going on?”
“We’re getting older. They’re going to start expecting more of us. People will start stepping down and training. The way we’ve lived before is over. Hell, Cora’s already got one kid. And if Dall has anything to say about it…I’m sure two will be coming soon. It’s a lot to wrap your head around. And to top it all off, war is coming. I don’t think for one minute, they sent us here in a nice ass apartment, just so we can…” Danny shook his head. “…No. they’re planning ahead. They way they always do, wily fucks. If shit gets bad, Cora and R are coming up here with us.”
“Did someone say something to you?” I ask, suddenly suspicious. It sounds like something my father would do. Give Danny just enough information to let him figure out on his own what might be coming down the pipeline and he’ll prepare.
“They didn’t have to. I can see the signs. Dad’s gotten gruff and quiet. Church is being held more and more, while the council has been cooped out in their room at least once a week. They’re going to fuck those Skull wearing bastards to hell and back, and they’ll deserve every minute of it.” His eyes darken with anger.
For a moment, I got a glimpse of the biker he hid so well most of the time. We all have blood lust in our DNA, but some wore it like a badge. Danny and I tempered it to be manageable while straddling that line between civilian and club member for all it was worth. “We’ll be fine. Aren’t we always?” I say, searching his face for a sign he believes me.
“Yeah, but this…I just have a bad feeling about it.”
“Don’t do that,” I whisper.
“Don’t do what, be honest?”
“Don’t do that prediction shit. Leave that to Prophet.” I shudder, thinking of the wiry man with gray threaded into his chocolate brown beard and hair.
“Writing on the wall, Irish.”
“Yeah, well,
fuck the wall and the people writing on it,” I sneer. We’d been through enough.
“You know I’m not telling you this to piss you off, right? I just want you to think on it, store in the back of that big brain and be ready.”
“Yeah, I know.” We have an agreement. No lies. If we couldn’t tell one another something we’d keep it to ourselves, but not outright lie. My mind shifts to Cora and Dallas.
A blonde waitress with wicked yellow-green eyes and a bright smile approaches the table. “Good Morning, my name is Pam, and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you started off with something to drink today?”
“Yes, I’ll have a water and coffee,” I reply, glancing at Danny.
“Same for me.”
“Excellent, I’ll be right back with those for you.” Pam spun on her heel and strode off.
“We should figure out what we want before she gets back. The place is starting to fill up and I don’t want to be behind the rush.”
“Truth.” We pick up our menus and when, Pam, the waitress returns, we were ready to order. The thought of the strawberry and bacon waffles has my mouth watering. They literally made the bacon inside the waffle. Could you get better than that? My mind drifted to those still at home, as we wait for our food. “You think they’re okay?”
“Dallas and Cora?”
“Yes. They were on shaky ground.”
Danny sighed. “I know. I want to tell you yes, but Dall has this uncanny ability to stick his foot in his mouth every other day. I do know us being there was preventing them from dealing with their shit as a couple. It’s long overdue.”
“You’re right. I just can’t help but be concerned.”
“He needs to get his head out of his ass and work on making things right with her, instead of following my father around like a lost puppy.”
I cringe. It’s no secret they were grooming Dallas to take over for Rule one day, which Danny didn’t have a problem with. What he hates is the way Dallas allows it to consume him, until it’s all he is inside. A Pres in training, waiting to take over the MC, Dallas leaves a lot of people neglected in the wake of the way he lives.
