by Con Template
“Oh shit,” Yoori muttered under her breath, ceasing with her running.
Of all the rotten luck...
It had to be her luck that her beret would tumble into an alley of all places.
Yoori considered running back to the grocery store and forgetting her beret. She reconsidered that immediately. Wouldn’t all that running be a waste if she didn’t at least try to get it back? She entertained the idea of going back to get Jae Won and having him accompany her to get the beret. But wouldn’t that be a waste of his time? She bit her lips, her mind venturing on. Who was to say there were gang members in the alley? Who would be out in this terrible weather?
I’ll take a peek and if someone is there, I’ll make a run for it, she assured herself. Inwardly nodding at the precaution she was taking, Yoori tiptoed to the right corner of the building wall that stood as a guard for the pathway into the alley. Once her hands reached the brick wall, she carefully tilted her head out to determine what was in the alley.
To her heart’s content, all Yoori saw was an empty alley that housed her teal beret. The beret sat motionless in the center of the long alleyway.
Run in, grab it, and leave, Yoori instructed herself. Plan set, Yoori threw herself out from behind the wall and raced into the alley. The resounding trot of her shoes and her heavily shrilled breathing could be heard as it echoed off the high alley walls.
Her sprinting was quick.
Too quick.
Too quick and too careless.
“Ahh!” Oblivious to the crack in the pavement that impeded her running, Yoori took a nosedive when she reached her beret. However, thanks to her quick reflexes, Yoori was able to avoid the collision between her face and the concrete.
Instinctively extending both hands forward and laying them flat on the wet pavement, Yoori swiftly repositioned herself so the landing was done on her kneecaps instead of her chin.
Her heart breathed faintly, its beats thankful that Yoori avoided another bone shattering accident. As she steadied her breathing, her brown eyes landed on the beret that rested on the concrete.
“This is because you’re my favorite accessory,” Yoori voiced, shaking her head at the teal beret.
Her kneecaps resting on the pavement, Yoori grabbed the beret. Her first inclination was to grab it and run out. Yet, when her fingers enclosed around the soft fabric, an urge to take a look around the alley clamped over her.
It was an odd urge that became the catalyst for what occurred seconds later.
Sprinkles of rain cascaded down on her, its damp touch accompanying her eyes as they bloomed with a sudden bout of realization.
There was something very familiar about this alley.
Why does this place feel like déjà vu? she asked herself, the sprinkles of the rain picking up. She continued to kneel on the concrete.
The answer to her question came in a roar of thunder that infiltrated the world beneath it. At the same moment, a string of voices and familiar images filtered through Yoori’s mind when she looked upward at the dark sky. The reflection of lightning coursed in her eyes.
Slowly, purposely and intentionally...the reminder as to why this alley felt so familiar came to her in a string of dream sequences that had been plaguing her since she arrived in Seoul.
"If I…" he began in a quiet voice. "If I do this, then I would lose you. I would never see you again." He averted his gaze away from her as bolts of lightning spilled into the sky. "There has to be another way. You don't want to do this."
This alleyway…this was the place.
This was the place in her dreams.
"There's no other option for me but this. If I don't die, then I have to live with what I did." She paused, taking a moment to exhale sharply. Distant sounds of thunder bellowed overhead while she spoke. "And I can't do that."
The siblings…
Then, like the cascading of the rain, the puzzle pieces began to fall right in front of Yoori.
He turned away from her and dug his hand into the pocket of his black jacket. He withdrew a small liquid vial. From there, everything seemed to play out in slow motion. He removed the cap and inserted the needle into the vial. Together, they watched with bated breaths as the clear liquid swam into the needle. Their breaths only returned when the needle was filled to the core.
He narrowed his solemn eyes onto her.
An Young Jae…Yoori thought mindlessly.
At this point, she had finally stopped shaking. Unable to hold his gaze and knowing what was to come, she broke eye contact. She merely lifted her right wrist to him. Things would be a lot easier if they minimized eye contact as much as possible.
An Soo Jin…
"Are you completely sure about this?" he asked one last time.
"I can no longer lead life as your right-hand soldier," she replied, ready to finalize it all. "It's time to end this."
The string of images in Yoori's mind journeyed onto another dream.
"You don't understand what I'm going through!" Pain, indignation, guilt, and shame were all present in her elevated voice. "I can barely breathe without getting sick to my stomach. I can't eat. I can't sleep...I can barely even look at my brother! All I can do is think about it...what happened...what should’ve happened and what I can do to make things right. I can't go on pretending that everything is fine. I can't. I can't live like this anymore."
She began to retreat again, her pace quickening by the second. She knew he would have a hard time accepting what she had to do, but she didn't think he'd put up such a fight.
Her pace was matched by her significant other's pace.
Lee Ji Hoon…Yoori thought, closing her eyes in dismay.
"Do you realize how selfish you're being right now? Do I really have no say in this matter?"
“If you're not going to support me, then that's fine," she uttered, stopping abruptly. She gazed at him unblinkingly, her determination never faltering on what she had to do. "But do not think for one second that you can change my mind!”
The puzzle pieces began to click together for Yoori.
An Soo Jin was never murdered, Yoori concluded with bewilderment.
She was never murdered.
Soo Jin had planned her death all along.
"Tonight is the night where he helps me make things right," she continued, her voice breaking. She held back the tears ready to stream out of her eyes. "Tonight is the night where I make things right. If you love me, then you'll help me make things right as well."
“No," Yoori whispered when the conversation she had with Chae Young, pertaining to the Queen of the Underworld, poured into her mind.
“What happened to her?"
Disappointment teemed in Chae Young’s brown eyes.
"That's the sad part. She went missing for a couple of days and her body was eventually found in the back of a known gang alley. Someone had shot her point blank in the head and disfigured her face. The ones who found her said she was not even close to being recognizable. She was only later identified when her brother confirmed a birthmark on her neck or something. After her body was discovered, fingers were pointed as to who was to be blamed for her death. Some people say that she got into a fight, got her face disfigured and ended her own life because of it. I, personally, think it's someone from the Serpents gang who didn't want the Skulls and the Scorpions to merge. But it's all speculation…”
“Oh God,” Yoori uttered breathlessly. She slowly stood up. Her knees were weak as they threatened to succumb to gravity. She ran her shaking fingers through her hair. Her mind was swirling.
An Soo Jin was never murdered.
She wanted to kill herself and she wanted her brother to help her do it…
Young Jae’s final words to his sister haunted Yoori’s psyche.
"Goodbye, little one," she heard her brother utter before she lost all consciousness. "I'm sorry for not doing what you asked me to do."
Young Jae never killed Soo Jin. Whatever it was he injected her with, it never kil
led her. It never killed her and he did something to her. He did something to her and turned her into –
Finally...it all clicked together.
Yoori covered her mouth in horror. Losing strength in her legs, she fell backward. The wall of the building behind her caught her fall.
Her.
An Young Jae turned An Soo Jin, into…her.
He turned Soo Jin into...Choi Yoori.
It was then and only then that Yoori realized how silly she had been, how silly she had been to keep denying her relation to Soo Jin.
Drops of crystal clear raindrops fell harder from the sky as Yoori stood there, her face pale from bewilderment, disbelief, and horror.
Her breathing grew rapid…violent.
No longer able to stand in the very alley where Soo Jin tried to kill herself, Yoori made a run for it. Her lungs gasped for breath as the inevitable truth tugged at her heart.
All these months…
Her legs took off like the wind.
These months of countless denial…
Her arms swung like a pendulum.
These months of purposely keeping herself from piecing the obvious together…
Her long black hair danced in the wind as rain poured over her.
These months of trying to separate herself from the guilt of being An Soo Jin…
She bit her lips, fighting the urge to scream out in the purest of aggravation.
These months of constant hatred for Soo Jin when deep down, she knew the inexplicable truth...
There was no more possibility – no more denial.
I’m An Soo Jin, Yoori declared in her mind.
Her shoulders shook and she fought to keep the tears from escaping her eyes.
“I’m An Soo Jin,” Yoori repeated out loud, her voice breaking at every syllable.
The truth shouldn’t hurt this much.
As she continued to run, a train of inevitable questions materialized in her mind. Nothing made sense. What happened to her? What did An Young Jae do to her? Why couldn’t she remember anything?
Why can’t I remember anything? she repeated in her mind. Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I –
“Boss!” Jae Won called, running out of the corner and catching Yoori after she sprung out of the alley.
“Huh?” Yoori uttered, slapped out of her trance.
“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you. I – ” Jae Won halted with his words when his eyes wandered into the alleyway. She knew when his eyes enlarged in shock that Jae Won recognized that this was the alleyway where Soo Jin’s “dead” body was found. Unwilling to say anything pertaining to that matter though, he composed himself, turned back to her and asked, “Boss, what were you doing in there?”
The irony of Jae Won calling her “boss” tortured Yoori. All this time, he called her “boss” with the belief that she was merely a lookalike, when in truth, she really was An Soo Jin. She had been An Soo Jin all along…
Resolved on maintaining composure, Yoori lifted up the beret. This newfound revelation wasn’t something she wanted to talk to Jae Won about.
“The wind blew this into the alley,” she answered easily. “I ran after it and went in to grab it.”
Though there was so much cycling through her mind, there was only one thing she wanted to do at that particular moment.
“I want to go back to the apartment,” she added at once. “I want to go back to Tae Hyun.”
Jae Won took note of the color that drained from Yoori’s face and nodded. “Let’s go,” he said, asking no more questions.
The rain picked up when they powerwalked through the sidewalk. Yoori shook while she walked – not from the cold, but from the tsunami of revelations that rained over her.
She couldn’t deny it anymore.
She couldn’t deny anything anymore.
The fracture in Yoori’s dam had cracked and Yoori knew that the inevitable was taking place...
She could feel the guilt of being Soo Jin taking form in her mind – her heart. She could feel the disgust for herself…She could feel the hatred for herself for merely breathing…
For Yoori, it had already begun.
The unbearable had already begun to plague her.
Despite being besieged with these unforgiving thoughts, there was one thing that overshadowed everything else: Yoori knew she had to tell someone about this.
She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Not something as big as this.
She couldn’t handle this by herself.
Her mind was resolved.
She needed to tell the one person she trusted most.
She had to tell Tae Hyun.
She had to tell Tae Hyun everything.
“There is revenge.”
09: The Thing About Boomerangs
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Jae Won asked when he placed the last of the grocery bags on the counter. His face was coated with concern.
Yoori feigned a smile and easily lied by saying, “Yeah. I think running in the rain wore me out. I’m feeling better now though. Thanks for asking.”
She finished that sentence with an even bigger smile of appreciation.
Jae Won took a moment to gauge her expression. When it didn’t appear to him that she was lying, he gave a relieved smile. “That’s good. Do you need help with anything else?”
Yoori shook her head, her fake smile remaining. “No, go have dinner!” she urged excitedly. She pushed him to the door. “Give everyone my greetings.”
“I will,” Jae Won said with a nod. “Give the King of Serpents my greetings as well, alright?”
Apprehension coursed through her when she was reminded of Tae Hyun and the talk she needed to have with him. “I will.”
“Alright then, boss. I’ll see you later.” Turning the doorknob, Jae Won gave one last wave and walked out the door.
Yoori’s tentative smile faded when the door closed. Her mind ran in circles, replaying what occurred earlier. She was nervous about what she had to tell Tae Hyun. She needed time to think.
Washed with an overwhelming urge to organize the groceries (along with her frantic thoughts), Yoori kneeled on the kitchen tiles. She pulled a grocery bag filled with fruits toward her and opened the refrigerator door. A warm glow illumed from the appliance while a breeze hovered around Yoori’s body.
The grocery bag elicited a small cackle sound every time Yoori reached in. Every grocery item she pulled out acted as a mirrored twin to all the thoughts she singlehandedly pulled out of her head.
It had only been 25 minutes since she acknowledged that her life had been a lie. It had only been 25 minutes since she rid herself of denials and accepted the fact that she was the one person she hated most: An Soo Jin.
She knew there was something wrong with the “family” that she woke up with because she never felt any connection to them. With her denial gone, it made sense that they had no relation to her at all. This begged the question: how did they end up with her? Yoori sighed and placed those thoughts in the back of her mind. She would deal with that later. Right now, she had more pressing matters to tend to.
I’m An Soo Jin, she dreadfully declared in her mind.
It had only been 25 minutes and the truth hurt more and more.
It all felt like a terrible nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she bit her lips and held her breath, she couldn’t wake up from it. The painful truth was that this was her reality. Her life prior to this particular moment was the dream. Yoori had woken up and now, she hated her reality.
The icy, concentrated air continued to murmur around her. She made room for more fruits in the fridge.
Yoori didn’t know if it was normal. She didn’t know if it was normal to tremble relentlessly as she grabbed the last of the fruits. Her stomach rippled with agony. She didn’t know if it was normal to struggle to breathe evenly – not from the lack of air, but from the lack of wanting air. She didn’t know if it was normal to
hold back her tears, not because she didn’t want to cry, but because she hated crying and she hated that she couldn’t control herself. Though her eyes began to water, Yoori refused to allow any tears to escape from her eyes. Taking a deep inhalation, she allowed the natural air to dry her eyes. Her shaking hands reached for the bag that held all the vegetables.
Yoori sniffled to herself, her lips trembling when she was reminded of Tae Hyun and the truth she would have to tell him.
In the course of the past 25 minutes, Yoori changed her mind more than a million times when it came to telling Tae Hyun the truth.
How would he look at her after this? Would he even believe her? Should she keep this to herself and continue to live in her dream world?
These questions lingered in her mind when she rode in the car with Jae Won.
She grabbed the last of the vegetables, wrapped the grocery bag into a ball and threw it into the corner. Her quivering hands then reached for the bag that held the drinks.
Though Yoori had changed her mind more than a million times, she also made up her mind more than a million times. This secret was too big to keep to herself; she couldn’t handle this herself. She had to tell someone and she knew it had to be Tae Hyun. Not only because she trusted him the most, but because he deserved to know the most. Apart from an argumentative relationship, Tae Hyun had truly become her best friend in this unforgiving society. After all these months of him taking care of her, he deserved to know. If anything, he deserved to know whom he kissed – even if the kiss itself was a mistake.
Yoori drew in a sharp breath. The vital questions now were: how would she tell him and more importantly, how would he react?
It wouldn’t be a pleasant reaction. Regardless, she hoped that he’d be able to look past everything and realize that she was still the same girl. She hoped that Tae Hyun would not disappoint her expectations of him as her friend—her best friend. She hoped that he wouldn’t let her down.
After placing the last of the drinks into the fridge, Yoori stood up and closed the refrigerator door. She approached the counter and reached for the grocery bag filled with cookie boxes and canned food.
