‘No!’ Maggie didn’t even attempt to gloss over it, just rolled her eyes at Daniel who was sipping on a beer as well, his face dark and moody, absolutely refusing to look at Louise now. ‘Bastard!’ Maggie continued, utterly oblivious of the tension.
‘Maybe he got caught up at work,’ Louise offered. ‘Or maybe he forgot which night it was supposed to be.’
‘Maybe I should stop making excuses for his bad behaviour,’ Maggie said stoutly, nodding to Daniel, who gave a grim smile back. ‘He’s always late—if he shows up at all, that is. He takes for ever to buy a round of drinks and—’ As if on cue, her mobile phone rang and Maggie answered it, her eyebrows in her hairline as she listened to whoever it was on the other end. ‘No, thanks,’ she said finally. ‘No, thanks,’ she said again, and with a rather pained sigh went in for the kill. ‘I’m not making myself very clear, am I? When hell freezes over!’ And clicking off the phone, she stood up and laughed at Louise’s shocked expression. ‘Right, I’d better be off.’
‘You’re welcome to stay,’ Louise started, then snapped her mouth closed. It wasn’t exactly her place to ask and, anyway, she really needed to speak to Daniel. Maggie shook her head.
‘I’m off to a singles’ bar tonight!’
‘He might have just been caught up, Maggie,’ Louise said. ‘Give the guy a chance.’
‘He’s had his chance,’ Maggie said, picking up her bag and calling over her shoulder. ‘I’m holding out for Mr Perfect.’
‘There’s no such thing,’ Louise called back good-humouredly, but Maggie as always had the last word. ‘Say that again when we’re fifty, honey, and I’m lying by the pool with some bronzed god massaging body oil into my liposuctioned body…’
‘That he paid for!’ They said it in unison—the same conversation replayed each time one of Maggie’s romances ended.
Normally it made Daniel laugh—she’d expected a thin smile at least—but when Louise glanced over he was still sulking in his corner with a big black stormcloud gathering over his head. They’d lived in practical silence for two weeks now. Long, long gaps in conversation, more than a few hundred uncomfortable moments, but when the tornado that was Maggie had left the building Louise knew that this time it was different, the tension in the room so palpable Louise felt as if it was choking her. Daniel quietly watched her every move as she sat down and crossed and re-crossed her legs.
‘How was Declan?’ Louise asked, trying to break the silence, trying to lift the mood before she broached what was really on her mind.
‘Fine.’ Daniel gave a tight shrug. ‘He’s just gone down.’
Which took care of that!
‘Something smells nice!’ It did. A delicious herby aroma filled the tense air and for the first time Louise noticed the beautifully laid table, a bottle of wine chilling in the bucket, a beautiful arrangement of Australian native flowers filling a bowl in the centre, everything in place for a romantic evening—everything except the ambience.
‘Daniel!’ The note in her voice caught them both by surprise and Louise tried to reel it in, to defuse the urgency he must surely have heard. ‘I was hoping,’ Louise gave what she hoped was a casual shrug, ‘that perhaps we could talk, after dinner maybe—it’s nothing urgent.’
But it was urgent, a voice in her head reasoned.
Maggie was right to hold out for Mr Perfect—and yet she, Louise, had him right here in the living room, had their child sleeping a bedroom just a couple of metres away. But in a couple of days moments like this would be gone for ever, heated letters, followed by more heated letters and a day in court the only thing to look forward to.
No matter how difficult the mood, she had to talk to him.
‘How was your doctor’s appointment?’ Daniel asked, very slowly, very deliberately.
‘Long.’ Louise blushed.
‘And are there any problems I should know about? Anything you just didn’t think to tell me?’
He knew, Louise realised. Somehow he knew where she’d been.
‘Daniel…’ She tried to push out the breath she was holding but it was trapped in her lungs. She tried to think of something to say to douse the rage that was simmering within him, but Daniel got there first.
‘Did you tell her I was babysitting for you, Louise? That while you were at the gynaecologist, the bastard who did this to you was at home, looking after him?’
‘I didn’t mean to lie to you, Daniel.’
‘I’m sure you didn’t.’ He shook his head, his mouth twisting in contempt as he stared at her. ‘But you did it anyway. Again!’
Yes, she’d lied, yes, technically she was in the wrong, but this time when Daniel stood up and stormed towards his front door, Louise was right behind him. ‘Walk away, why don’t you?’ Louise shouted. ‘Again!’
Incredulous, he turned to face her, clearly shocked by her anger, clearly thinking he was in the right, but this time he wasn’t, Louise decided. This time he’d damn well hear what she had to say.
‘All I’ve ever done is love you.’ She attempted a shout but it came out as a rasp. ‘But every time I get close, you push me away. Every time I come close to measuring up, you set the bar higher.’ Her voice was returning now, her finger jabbing him with each and every accusation. ‘You dumped me, Daniel, and then you came here just a few weeks ago, made love to me, then walked out. You were the one who went to see a solicitor and now you are angry at me for doing the same!’
‘You said you’d wait!’ Daniel roared. ‘Of course I saw a solicitor. You forgot to tell me you were having my baby.’
‘Oh, I didn’t forget.’ Louise shook her head. ‘I decided not to tell you.’ Her fury was as great as his, David and Goliath perhaps, but in anger she matched him. ‘I chose not to tell you because without warning or explanation you dumped me, Daniel. And, yes, I might have screwed up today, yes, I might have lied a little, but I have every right not to trust you after the way you treated me—every right!’ White-lipped, she divided up all the guilt she’d taken for so long and placed his share firmly where it belonged. ‘You took all the love we had and threw it away, leaving me to pick up the pieces. Well, one of the pieces was six pounds three ounces and, like it or not, I have to sort out his future.’
‘Let’s do it, then,’ Daniel shouted, his face livid. ‘Right here, right now, let’s sort out his future. Marry me!’
It was absolutely the last thing she’d been expecting him to say and the complete antithesis of how a proposal should be, and she treated it with the contempt it deserved.
‘Us—married!’ She gave an incredulous, stunned, mirthless laugh. ‘Daniel, we can’t even go a couple of hours of being civil, so how the hell do you think we could make a marriage work?’
‘Because he’s our son, Louise,’ Daniel spat out. ‘Because he deserves to have two parents.’
‘Whether or not we’re married, Declan has two parents, Daniel,’ she countered. The anger in him faded then his eyes implored her to listen to what he had to say, but every word just lacerated her more.
‘Surely it’s worth giving it a go for his sake? I don’t want to lose him, Louise.’
‘So you scream a proposal of marriage at me?’ Wide-eyed, she stared at him as he balled his fists against his temples.
‘It wasn’t supposed to be like that.’ He gestured to the table, to the flowers and wine, then pulled a box out of his hip pocket and opened it. Sapphires and diamonds twinkled at Louise through her tears. ‘I was going to ask you properly and then your mother called—she left a message on the machine to see how you went at the solicitor’s.’
It would have been so easy to blame her mother for the mess—too easy, perhaps—but the problems they’d created were entirely theirs.
‘I walked back from the solicitor’s feeling sick, Daniel.’ Tears were coursing down her cheeks. ‘Feeling sick because I didn’t want it to end, feeling sick because I know you love Declan and, idiot that I am, I love you. I didn’t want to end it, and if Maggie hadn’t
been here, you’d have known where I’d been straight away.’
‘I want to believe you…’
‘But you can’t,’ Louise said for him. ‘And that’s the whole bloody problem. Can you answer me a question?’
‘Sure,’ he offered easily, but his eyes didn’t quite meet hers.
‘What type of cancer did you have?’
Which was perhaps the strangest answer to a proposal ever, but for Louise it was simple—his answer was the litmus test that would give her her answer, because if he couldn’t even reveal that, they hadn’t a hope in hell.
‘What on earth has that got to do with anything?’ Daniel answered, shattering some of the last pieces of hope that held her heart together. ‘Louise, just because I don’t want to go over things, it doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything. Maybe what you see really is what you get—and maybe, just maybe we could make this work.’
‘Do you love me, Daniel?’ Cutting directly to the chase, she stared right at him, every nerve taut, because never had she asked such a direct question and never had an answer mattered more.
‘I care about you,’ Daniel answered carefully, lacerating her with omission, smashing those last little pieces and crushing them completely. ‘And when we were together I adored you. Can’t that be enough to build on?’ He took the ring out of its little nest and held it up to her, and there was a stricken dignity to her face as she slowly shook her head.
‘Not for me.’ She stared back at eyes that had adored but never really loved her, eyes that had always held back that little piece of him that she really needed. As hellish as it felt right now, Louise knew that she was making the right choice. That even if it meant lying by the pool alone and putting on her own suntan oil, true love was better than the half-life he was offering—hell, she’d pay for the liposuction herself.
‘Please, Louise, just try it on.’
‘No—because I don’t particularly like sapphires.’ She stared at the beastly ring and again shook her head. ‘I’m sure it cost a fortune, I’m sure it will fit perfectly and that maybe in time I’d grow to be happy with it. I just never envisioned sapphires in my engagement ring.’
And he knew she wasn’t talking about the ring, and she knew he was talking about himself when he offered to change it, but again she shook her head, stopped talking about the ring and told him exactly how she felt.
‘No, because no matter what you say from this moment on, I’ll know that the only reason you’re really here is because of Declan.’
This time it was Louise walking away, heading to the bedroom and pulling out her suitcase. ‘You’ll hear from my solicitor in a couple of days.’
‘Is this what you really want?’
‘No,’ Louise admitted. ‘But I can’t do this any more. Maybe I’ve lived with Maggie too long, maybe I’m chasing that stupid pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but I want it all, Daniel. I want someone who loves me, someone who’s open and honest with me, and no matter how hard you sometimes try, you’re simply not prepared to give it.’
‘It?’
‘It.’ Louise nodded. ‘Whatever it is that keeps holding you back. I watched my parents’ marriage fall apart and I’m not going to put Declan through it.’
It took for ever to pack—nappies, toys, bottles, sterilizers. She whizzed through his flat and scrubbed away all the jumble of mess a baby created until it lay in the boot of her car. But the hardest part of all was lifting Declan out of his warm cot and clipping him into the car seat as Daniel watched. ‘You can see him on Sunday,’ she said firmly, but something died inside as she stepped into the car and finally closed the door, not just on the car but on hope itself.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
OUTPATIENTS was actually fun.
Well, maybe fun was an exaggeration, but despite the gloom in her personal life, Louise found herself enjoying the busy atmosphere: the rapid turnover in the clinics and variety of specialities, along with the chatter and endless stream of patients. For someone whose nerves were rather fraught, the absolute lack of drama was a surprising bonus—any emergency was swiftly dealt with and parcelled off to Emergency!
Though Daniel’s name was plastered on many walls and patients’ notes, very rarely did he grace the worn carpets of Outpatients, leaving it to his registrar and interns. On the rare occasion he appeared, invariably either Louise found out after the event or was able to avoid him completely.
Though she saw him regularly on the home front.
Twice a week he saw Declan, picking him up from the crèche and bringing him back to her by eight p.m., or for a few hours at the weekend, when he’d arrive at the door and collect his son, along with a nappy bag. But there was no attempt at small talk, no polite conversation or inviting him in.
It was the only way she could survive.
‘Amanda!’ Louise smiled in happy recognition as she called the name and a familiar face stood up, with a beaming Harry by her side. ‘How are you?’
‘Fantastic,’ Amanda replied, looking nothing like the pale, anxious woman she had seen last. ‘I was actually going to go to the surgical ward and see you after this check-up. I’ve been over a couple of times but you never seemed to be there—now I know why!’
‘How’s he doing?’ Louise asked, as she guided Amanda through to one of the vacant examination rooms and did her observations, writing them down on her notes and placing them on the desk for the registrar who was taking the clinic.
‘Really well. He’s still upstairs but he’s in the nursery now and breathing by himself. He just needs to put on a bit more weight and in a couple of weeks we can take him home.’
‘So what did you call him?’
‘Harry!’ Amanda said shyly, looking up at her very proud husband. ‘After his father.’
Luke Evans, the registrar, came in and shook the Bennetts’ hands, before running through some questions with Amanda about her post-operative recovery then asking her to lie on the examination couch so he could assess her wound.
‘Healing very nicely,’ Luke observed. ‘We won’t need to see you again, Mrs Bennett. A follow-up letter will be sent to your GP, who you should see if you have any concerns, but I don’t envisage any problems.’
But as kind and as professional as Luke had been, once he left the room Louise could tell from their slightly downcast faces that they’d been expecting to see Daniel. That was confirmed when Harry pulled out two beautifully wrapped presents.
‘We got this for you, Louise,’ Amanda said. ‘You were wonderful during the labour. I must have given you such a fright.’
‘You did,’ Louise smiled as she opened a large box of chocolates, able to admit it now that Harry junior was doing so well. ‘Thank you so much—that’s really thoughtful of you.’
‘Is Mr Ashwood around?’ Harry asked hopefully, but Louise shook her head.
‘His registrar’s taking the clinic today,’ she answered. ‘I’m not actually sure where he is.’
‘Well, could you see that he gets this. Please?’ Harry offered the other parcel and Louise thanked them on Daniel’s behalf. ‘We might run into him over the next couple of weeks, given how much time we’re spending at the hospital, but just in case we miss him, can you be sure to tell him how grateful we are? To you, too, Louise.’ Harry coloured a little bit as he continued, ‘And not just for how well you handled the delivery, if you know what I mean.’
‘I certainly do!’ Louise blushed, too, and not just with embarrassment. Waving them off, as pleased as she was for the Bennetts, their togetherness only exacerbated her own loneliness. The fact she’d been able to help the two of them work things out, and not Daniel and herself.
‘Oh, my, look at you!’ Any morose feelings were quickly quashed when Louise called her next patient. Expecting a sickly young man to put up his hand for her to wheel him through, or at the very least escort him, Louise was genuinely stunned when six feet of suntanned good looks stood up. And he wasn’t alone. A pretty blonde girl fussed over him as he mad
e his way over, and his smile was wide as Louise gaped in admiration. ‘You look fantastic!’
‘I feel fantastic.’ Jordan grinned. He walked with just a slight limp and his speech was only a touch impeded. ‘Do you like the hair?’
‘Hmm,’ Louise grinned at his bleached, waxed spikes.
‘This is Ashley.’ Jordan couldn’t keep the pride out of his voice as he introduced his girlfriend, then gently scolded her. ‘I can do this by myself, Ash. Go and get a drink and I’ll meet you back here in half an hour or so!’
‘How’s rehab going?’ Louise asked once they were in the examination room.
‘OK,’ Jordan shrugged, holding out his arm without prompting for his blood pressure to be recorded. ‘I had a home assessment last week and I’m supposed to be going home for a trial on Saturday, but the occupational therapist said that if I keep going the way I am, I should be home for good in a couple of weeks.’
‘You’ve done really well!’ Louise said warmly, and they weren’t empty words. Even with the best medical attention in the world, getting your life back on track after suffering injuries as serious as Jordan’s had been came down to sheer grit and determination, of which Jordan clearly had plenty.
‘You’re going to need to wear a gown because Dr Evans is going to want to have a good look at you…’
‘Dr Evans?’
‘Dr Evans is taking the clinic this morning,’ Louise started to explain, but she was interrupted by the door opening and Daniel appearing with a very wide and very unusual smile—though aimed entirely at his patient.
‘I didn’t think you were on this morning, Doc.’ Jordan grinned.
‘I’m supposed to be in a meeting with the radiologist, but I asked Reception to page me when it was your turn. I wanted to see for myself how you were doing.’
There was genuine warmth and admiration between them that defied age and status. Daniel was clearly delighted by his patient’s progress and in turn, despite his tender years, Jordan knew that he’d received far more than just medical care from his doctor.
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