She purses her beautifully full red lips, her amber eyes haunted by the truth that’s about to unfold, and I wait, giving her the time she needs to find the words that will tell her story.
“You remember how I told you that I was captured along with my people as we spread our word of peace?” She picks at Blay’s pillow, her long fingers finding a loose thread and wraps it around her nail. I nod, unable to ever forget her story, so closely related to my own.
“Well, there were others captured before us, from differing planets, hunted and tortured the same as they did to my guards and friends. We were stuck in those cages for a long time. Being, at the time, the Princess of Prytora, I was granted a full show of the Zantronians atrocious acts. They wanted me to watch every terrifying moment so I would never forget who were the true rulers of our galaxy.”
“Eventually our numbers dwindled until there was only one boy from a previous raid and myself left. He played them at their own game, never uttering a word in their presence, never showing any sign of fear. He was the strength I needed to get me through the endless days.”
My heart flutters, realising the boy did exactly what I had done to survive, and my stomach clenches knowing that he must have ultimately died an excruciating death all the same.
“When Veridom and his fighters were out of sight, the boy would come close, letting me rest my head on his lap, telling me stories to drive away the nightmares. Being the only friend left in a world of death and desolation, we grew close, so close that I found myself falling in love with him. He was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen, with his bronze, shoulder-length hair and the face of a God. We were each other’s comfort in a cruel, deadly world.”
She lets out a humourless cackle, her eyes staring into nothingness as the memories unfold inside her mind and suddenly my stomach is free falling, the pieces of this unknown puzzle clicking together into a horrific picture I don’t want to believe.
Now I don’t want to know the truth, I don’t want to hear the words that start whispering from her twitching lips, but I have no choice, I can’t escape this nightmare any more than I could escape the metal cage of my imprisonment.
“Despite all of my beliefs and the traditions in my world, I eventually gave in to the need to feel alive for one last moment, to know that those abhorrent creatures could not take everything away from me. We made love right there in the cage. It was my first ever time and I thought it would also be my last too, a simple act of rebellion which mattered to no one but me. There was nothing magical about it, and I was left feeling an emptiness I’d never felt before. Afterwards, he started pressing me for answers about Prytora, all manner of things to do with getting past our protective barriers and our warriors strengths. He made me believe that now we had been intimate I could trust him with my life, but even though I had given him my body I refused to give him my people’s secrets too.”
I barely breathe, my heart slowing down while my stomach clenches with nausea, images I don’t want, become embedded in my mind and I know I’ll never forget this new horror.
“It didn’t take long for him to reveal his true self and staying true to his nature he did so in spectacular fashion, another attempt to break me. The fighters dragged us both from the cage, placing him on their ceremonial rock and I was expecting to watch him die right in front of me. It shattered my soul when he looked me dead in the eyes, a smile so smug it made my insides crawl, and then he changed, back into his Zantronian form.”
She stops, inhaling deeply and I keep my eyes downcast, unable to cope seeing the level of betrayal in her eyes. We sit there in silence for a long time, all the while I try to wrap my brain around this new truth.
I knew Garvien was devious. A notorious monster with a desire for pain and death, but what he did to Karadese, how he twisted her emotions and played her for a fool, was beyond anything I thought even he was capable of.
“What little of my hope was left, died right at that moment. I had fallen for his ruse. I had let him touch me in a way no other man had and I could still feel his skin on mine, trailing over me like a toxic veil,” Karadese spits the words out like Garvien’s arms are still wrapped around her right now.
I’ve known Blay was different since the very first moment I met him, I could sense the Zantronian blood inside of him, even if I didn’t realise at the time what the meaning of the sensation was. I’ve even known who his father is for a while now, but nothing could have prepared me for how he was created. Blay’s life started in a mist of lies and that’s how he has lived for all of these years, in a web of secrets and fraudulence not of his own doing.
How could someone so good, so acutely dedicated to protecting his people and so completely honourable, be created from the most evil of creatures in an extreme level of deception?
“I was rescued not long after that. I returned home and hid away, wanting nothing more than to forget those horrid months and the part I played in them.” Karadese continues, unaware of my inner turmoil.
“It didn’t take long to realise that I was pregnant, that I held a baby inside of me, growing into one of them or one of me – I couldn’t tell, either was a possibility. I knew there was a fifty percent chance that the baby could be born Zantronian, and equally a fifty percent chance it would be born following my Prytorian physical makeup, and that uncertainty made me hysterical,” she sighs deeply.
“My parents believed my breakdown was due to the stress I endured during my time in the Zantronians hands, how right they were. I never once uttered the truth to anyone, not to my parents or advisers. I kept my secret until I couldn’t anymore and when I finally confessed what had happened, it was to my best friend since childhood.” She finally looks at me, a smile of happiness chasing away the storm clouds in her eyes.
“Araton didn’t baulk at my admission. You see he had been in love with me from the very beginning, only I had been too naive to notice. Rather than turning me in, to my parents and the Prytorian Elders, he came up with a plan. We were married within days, stating to all that my kidnapping had made me realise what was truly important and that I didn’t want to wait any longer. The Prytorian people were thrilled as Araton was a highly-regarded warrior and beloved by all. To them, we were the perfect match and it was a true celebration once we eventually revealed the pregnancy, although we kept the true due date concealed from everyone, adjusting it slightly so it would appear that the baby was born premature and wouldn’t arouse suspicions. They easily overlooked the fact that the baby must have been conceived out of wedlock, although they never questioned that Araton was the father and I never admitted the truth.”
“We were alone, just Araton and I, when Blay was born. It was too risky having anyone else present. If he was born showing Zantronian qualities, I honestly don’t know what we would have done, but the God’s spared us that anguish. Blay was perfect, not one abnormality about him and he grew just as any other Prytorian child. We put the whole ordeal, the truth of Blay’s paternal heritage behind us and Araton was the father he promised to be. We made a vow to never tell anyone, especially Blay, the truth. And it’s a pledge that was easily kept, that is, until you came along.”
Chapter Twelve
Her accusation hangs heavily between us. I know, as she does, that I threaten to unravel her world. Blay may not know the truth yet, although I wouldn’t put it past Garvien to spill the beans at the precise moment it would inflict the most consequences – but he can only do that if he himself knows the full extent of the truth.
“Does Garvien know that Blay is his son?” my voice is guarded, still trying to piece together the remaining puzzle.
Karadese stands fluidly, placing the pillow back in its original position before walking to the other side of the room to stand in front of the full-length window. Her silhouette throws shadows against the wall and I’m drawn to them, as if they hold more truth than Karadese herself.
“He never did before. In all my days since that time I have not seen him once, althou
gh I’m sure he heard of my marriage and subsequent childbirth. To him, as it was to others, the child was Araton’s, there was no reason to doubt that. If he ever had of, then I’m sure Garvien would have fought even harder to gain access to Prytora. Heirs are highly regarded no matter what the species.” She pulls her shawl tighter against her shoulders as if to chase away the icicles Garvien created in her heart.
“Then what about when Blay joined the fight against the Zantronians, they would have sensed him then. Didn’t Garvien question the connection?”
“I can’t fathom what Garvien thought of the situation. When our warriors go into battle, they do so without showing rank. It’s a way to protect our noble, so they won’t be targeted unfairly. If Garvien or any of the Zantronian fighters sensed Blay, as you seem to think they would do, then they mustn’t have realised who he was.”
I sit back, closing my eyes for a second, trying to blank out the hectic range of emotions fighting inside my chest.
“But seriously, how could Garvien not know that Blay was his son? How many others are out there like him?”
Karadese turns, her face marred in disgust.
“Unbeknown to me at the time, Zantronians breeding with other species was not necessarily uncommon. As I said before, there is a fifty/fifty chance that the baby will be born Zantronian or Prytorian, or whichever race the Zantronians breed with. It doesn’t appear to happen often as the Zantronians prefer the guaranteed method of producing offspring that will be of their own kind. But when they do so, it’s in an endeavour to spread their genes into other species to gain an advantage somehow. So, in battle, if they sensed Blay’s uniqueness as their own, then any of their kind could have parented the child. Just because they usually kill those they inflict themselves upon, doesn’t mean they always do.”
That thought alone makes my stomach roll. I never realised before now how much more I could have suffered at the Zantronian’s clawed hands, and I’m so thankful I didn’t have to endure that victimisation too.
“Trust me, Rayna, I would never have allowed Blay to engage in battle against those things if I had of known that they could feel him as part of themselves. We would not be in this situation if I had of been more careful.”
Part of me wants to console her, to tell her that none of this is her fault, but another part, the more sadistic, angry side of me, wants her to take the blame so that I don’t carry this burden all by myself.
“And now? Do you honestly believe Blay will be kept alive because Garvien will know he’s his father?”
“There is no doubt in my mind, the moment Garvien saw Blay face to face, not hidden away from the fight like Garvien usually is, then he would have learned the truth, and with that opens up a whole new level of pain for us all.”
***
Karadese’s admission follows me around like a plume of stench that can’t be washed away; an ever-present threat hanging above my head that could ruin so many lives if the truth is ever to be told.
I don’t know the extent of backlash that would ravage Prytora if the people knew the truth of Blay’s conception. I only know the hurt that Blay himself would face, knowing that in his veins runs the blood of a monster.
How could someone so governed by good be able to cope knowing the truth that within him lays part vile creature? But if anyone is capable of understanding this grim flaw, it would be me. I am, after all, turning into one of them more and more it seems.
I stand alone in my bathroom, staring at the image of myself reflecting back at me from the iron carved mirror hanging above the sink. I still look like me, the me from the past; skinnier maybe, even with the generous meals they force upon me each day. The gaunt aspect clings to my frame as proof of what I’ve endured, like a permanent scar that can’t be hidden and forces me to remember the truth in vivid detail.
My cinnamon eyes bounce around my body, looking anywhere but at the one place I need to see, until I can’t avoid it any longer. Stepping closer, my fingers grip onto the cold curving sink top, being the strength I need to lean on as I press my face closer to the mirror, staring myself dead in the eyes as if I will be able to discover the truth within my own soul.
I sigh heavily, letting my fear escape in one big gush and finally my trembling lips pull back to reveal exactly what I’ve always seen. White, straight teeth with a slight overbite, sit perfectly within my mouth. No yellow, jagged ripping gnashers are anywhere to be seen, no matter how many times I turn my head, twisting to get a better view.
It’s all me in there. The transfiguration that occurred to scare the hell out of Kozhan has completely disappeared, leaving no trace behind, exactly as the claws do. If I hadn’t experienced it for myself then I would never believe it to be true. Lucky me, I’m the one that gets to endure it.
Unable to bear my own company any longer, I go in search of some entertainment. For all the times I yearn to be alone, right now isn’t one of them, except that’s all I seem to be able to do.
No amount of scouring the castle produces anyone that I can talk to, only guards and servants and they certainly aren’t going to cut it. Although I am thankful that I no longer have my own guard following me around like a lost puppy, on account of me throwing a tantrum and refusing to be treated like an invalid or a prisoner for that matter, right now I’d even accept one of Zaneth’s men to walk beside me so I don’t feel quite so encased in solitude.
After what feels like an eternity and many endless hallways later, I give up on finding Calasis or Ellestra. Swallowing my discomfort, I head towards the one person I probably should be spending more time with rather than avoiding like the plague.
It doesn’t take me long to travel the maze to Mum’s room, even though it’s at the opposite side of the castle to mine; situated with the pleasant view of the town beyond, another place I haven’t yet had the time to investigate. I’m not sure I’d even be allowed to either, under Karadese’s strict rules.
Hesitating, I roll my shoulders, trying to chase away the mounting tension, not completely ready to deal with all the emotions that Mum stirs up inside of me. Eventually I push open the door, without bothering to knock, and I come to a sudden stop when I see the unexpected.
Mum sits on a small sofa, her lips pulled up into a full-blown smile as she laughs like she used to do when I was a child. The joy in her eyes shines brightly, breaking through the fog of sadness she’s been buried under for so long. But that’s not what stops me in my place, making my voice freeze inside my throat and my mind to blank out.
No, that’s left for when I see her sitting there, one leg folded beneath her willowy frame, the other gently resting across a man’s solid leg, her bony hand wrapped up in his large warrior’s fist while he gazes at her as if she’s the queen’s crown jewels.
Zaneth.
“I’m going to kill you.”
I launch myself at him, screaming profanities like there’s no tomorrow, my human form slower and weaker than I want right now, yet no amount of anger brings forth the alien abilities that would be needed to take Zaneth down.
Mum jumps up, using her body to shield Zaneth, as if he needs her to save him in any way.
“What the bloody hell are you doing with my mother?” I scream.
“Calm down, Rayna,” Mum tries to soothe, her arms wrapping around mine so all I can do is feebly slap at him behind her.
“It’s not what you think,” she continues.
“How is that? You two in here playing footsies all day while I’m out there working my arse off in training.” I glare up at him, finally shrugging her off of me, yet she still doesn’t move out of my way, guarding him possessively as she eyes my shaking body, knowing the level of fury raging through me has made any common sense vanish completely, and I suddenly wonder who she is more afraid for, Zaneth or me?
“Is that the real reason you’ve got Kozhan training me? So that you can sneak around with my mother and I wouldn’t notice?” I reach out, slapping his arm hard like I’m in some school girl
fight and only managing to grimace as stinging pain flares across my hand and not affecting him in any way. That fact bothers me way too much.
“Stop before you embarrass yourself, Rayna,” he scolds me as if I’m his child and my anger doubles.
“Come and face me yourself, Zaneth,” I spit. “Don’t hide behind my human mother. You know what I’m capable of and I’m certainly not afraid of you.”
No matter how much I try to summon the cursed abilities they just won’t appear. Stupid bloody bracelet, what good is it anyway.
“Rayna, please listen to me, sweetheart.” The depth of anguish in Mum’s voice finally breaks through my anger and I pull back, my body quivering as I try to focus on her and not the man who is threatening to take my mother away from me once again.
“Zaneth has been a good friend to me since I arrived here.”
“Looks like a hell of a lot more than friendship is going on, Mum.” My eyes dart between them, sweat lining my upper lip as I struggle to stop myself from jumping at him and landing one satisfying punch that would ultimately break my hand and do nothing whatsoever to him.
“It’s true, love. Zaneth is my friend, that’s how we started off at least.”
My heart breaks right then. A frozen knife plunging through my chest and piercing the beating part of me that keeps me alive, at least that’s what it feels like, that’s what it always feels like when she chooses another man over me.
I stumble back, her hurried words no longer reaching my ears. Suddenly the door is too far away when all I need is to be gone from this place, anywhere but here.
Zaneth too is talking now, though it doesn’t matter what he says, I can never believe his words again, just the same as I can’t believe hers.
I finally reach the door, backing out as they both attempt to persuade me of their innocent actions, but nothing gets through, nothing changes what’s screaming inside my mind, nothing stops them until I utter the words we all know is true.
Fallen Paladin (The Paladin's Curse Book 2) Page 9
