His victorious evil laugh swirls all around me, cackling as I’m sucked down into a tornado of ash and blood, all the while Blay’s eyes, robbed of the beauty that life once had, never leave my face.
Chapter Eighteen
I sit bolt right up in bed, a scream tearing from my throat as Blay’s lifeless eyes still fill my vision, distorting the actual scene around me.
“Easy now,” a gentle, yet firm voice commands. “You are safe here, nothing to fear.”
My head whips around, my eyes searching through the memory of Blay’s dead image to find what is true and real.
The ivory walls of the Healing Chamber begin to take shape, and I blink rapidly until Blay’s face fades, transforming into the old lady who once held me down and drugged me.
“What the hell are you doing?” I snap, even though my voice is shaky, delivering none of the strength which had filled me the last time I was coherent.
“For a smart girl, that’s a dumb question.” The old lady twists her lips up in a snicker, which apparently, she finds funny.
“I’m tending to your recovery. Which in all honesty, I’m getting quite sick of repeating. I’ve had to heal you far more than I even tend to our warriors, so either you are incredibly stupid, or incredibly lucky. Either way, I think it’s time for you to use that pretty little brain of yours and start letting someone else do the fighting for you.”
She steps back to fetch a damp cloth before coming to stand in front of me, her frail hand far stronger than I would have thought as she dabs at my shoulder, tutt-tutting as she goes.
“You’re a bundle of joy, aren’t you?” I sigh, wanting to deliver my own blowing sarcasm yet distracted by the bliss of the cool water washing my feverish skin.
“What happened this time?” I ask, the last few hours nothing more than a blank space.
“I’ll let Zaneth fill you in I think. He’s been waiting outside ever since he carried you back through the portal and straight to me here.”
Upon hearing Zaneth’s name a memory twitches in my battered brain. A memory of a mallet being rammed against my skull and Zaneth wielding the handle. Guess he’s got some explaining to do then.
When the sarcastic old lady finishes wiping me down as best as she can, I risk taking a look at the damage and am taken aback to see my wounded shoulder pretty much healed.
“Wow, you did a pretty good job.” I pull what’s left of my shirt back to have a better look, admiring the fading pink puckered skin which still faintly glows with the Nevithan.
“Well, you’ve been here for little over a day.”
I glance up shocked. A day? Hell, that’s not good.
“And I’ve filled you up with as much Jalooniem as permitted, but once again, I think those eccentric lights you’ve got running all over your body are the real reasons you’ve healed so well.”
My mind spasms on a single detail of her comment.
“My whole body?” My face screws up when she innocently shrugs. “You looked?”
“You’re a medical mystery darling. You honestly think I’m going to pass up a chance to see what’s going on? If I’ve got to take a little peek while you’re unconscious, I’m certainly not going to hold back now, am I?”
She dries her hands off before passing me a towel.
“Now I suggest you pull yourself together, young lady, because you’ve got a long list of visitors and I for one certainly don’t want to be around once the queen gets through with you.”
She waltzes off towards the door, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I don’t know what’s worse, having Zaneth knock me out, anticipating the wrath of the queen or knowing a little old lady checked me out while I was comatose. That is all kinds of creepy. I stifle a shudder as I hear her talking to someone outside and I almost want to smack myself on the head just so I can delay what is about to unfold.
I can feel the disappointment coating the room even before I see her enter. At any other time I would have hung my head in shame, to have gone against her wishes yet again. To basically shout from the rooftops that I don’t care about her word, her authority, is incredibly disrespectful to the woman who has treated me with nothing but kindness.
I should apologise, but I don’t. I won’t. Not for this, never for this.
“I had to go, I had to try to get him back.”
She stands back, her thin hands folded in front of her, barely visible beneath the crimson cloak which clings to her suddenly much thinner body. She inhales deeply as her eyes run across my new wounds, yet not lingering on the oddity of my healing.
“I know.”
A frown draws my brows together and I met her gaze, not flinching under her weighty stare.
“You’re not mad at me?” Why do I even bother asking that? What is wrong with me to still be chasing after her approval when I have caused so much anguish.
“Anger is a useless emotion, Rayna. One that only causes more pain, and I believe we have both suffered enough to bother lingering on anger.” She paces a few steps, her eyes sweeping around the room as if she despises being here, and I guess she does, this room, after all, is a symbol that someone has been hurt. It’s the Prytorian equivalent to a hospital, and doesn’t everyone hate hospitals?
“I don’t judge you for what you did. Would I have preferred a different option, perhaps for you to have come to me and a better plan executed? Yes. But it seems you are not one for planning. You act on instinct, and that inbuilt aptitude has the ability to keep you alive.”
She turns her full attention back to me, a soft, almost disappointed smile touching her red lips.
“More than anything I am saddened that you have once again been harmed in your efforts to help others.”
Now I lower my gaze, unable to keep my high-and-mighty pretences up when I know I’ve let her down.
“I’m sorry I failed.”
She takes me by surprise, coming to sit next to me on the hard bed, her hand slipping into mine and giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
“You did not fail, Rayna. It’s true, we still have not found Blay’s location, and I fear his circumstances are getting dire. But your actions saved my other son, and numerous Prytorian warriors as well. It is my understanding that Calasis’s men would not have been able to fight off another attack, nor were they able to conjure a portal inside the unstable cave. As it was, Calasis was severely wounded and will now wear scars upon his skin as evidence to his defeat. But nonetheless, he is alive, and that’s thanks to you.”
“And Zaneth.”
“And Zaneth. Although he failed to inform me of exactly what did occur on Zantron.” She raises an immaculate brow, waiting for me to fill in the missing pieces that I’m sure Zaneth excluded in an attempt to keep my secret safe.
I shrug, certainly not willing to spill any details when I haven’t spoken to Zaneth yet.
“Same as usual. We fought them, they lost, we lost, there was bloodshed. And now we are back here, without Blay and with families grieving from losing someone they loved.”
Karadese nods her head, sending her jet-black hair sliding across her shoulder like an oil spill.
“There is never any triumph when we face our enemy. Only pain. It seems endless. An endless fight which has waged since the beginning of time. A war that will continue long passed my death,” her voice is soft, and if I look closely I can see tears welling in her eyes. She blinks rapidly, refusing to let them fall and I squeeze her hand tighter, not knowing how to comfort the bravest and strongest woman I know.
“Is that truly our fate?” My chest tightens, an ache so strong it feels like I can reach out and grab it. “Will they just continue to kill us off, one by one? Is there no way to stop it?”
“I wish there was. I pray to the God’s above to hear my plea. To save the good and damn the evil. To rid our worlds of pain. My prayers have never been answered. Just like my fathers before me, and his before him. My children will know my fate and they will face the same choices that I have made.�
�� She turns, pulling her hand free from my grasp to place her palm against my face, and this time I don’t pull away. I lean into her, needing her strength as much as she needs mine.
“I’m afraid we need a miracle, Rayna, and I’m petrified that we won’t get one.”
I know she is right. There are no miracles coming. Nothing will save us. The Zantronians are too strong, I’ve felt their essence in my blood and their power frightens me, above all because that power is so driven by hate filled greed. Pain only fuels them, their actions and intentions solely for the purpose of ending all others. They want domination and nothing will stop them.
My lungs fill, trying to push out the knowledge that I can’t escape from. I know it’s true, my fate and all of Prytora, Earth too. Every world will eventually fall to the Zantronians wrath. Good can’t fight evil and win. Only evil against evil has any chance of survival. I have a choice, it’s just not one I can make yet.
“Have you seen him?”
She knows exactly what I’m asking and with her hesitation I understand her answer before her lips part to respond.
“Yes, I’ve looked into the Eidolon Eye several times over the past few days.”
“And?”
She raises her head, the staunch gleam to her eyes refusing to accept any fate beyond the possibility of success.
“Blay is strong. He will make it through this ordeal. It is my job, and mine alone, to extract him from this situation.”
My mind spins with the possibilities of what she’s suggesting and yet nothing computes.
“What do you mean?”
Karadese stands abruptly, already making her way to the door.
“All you have to concern yourself with now is making a full recovery.”
I launch off the bed, not willing to drop it, but she stops me with a single look.
I stand stock-still, tilting my head back to catch each emotion she has so well hidden beneath a mask of composure. She is good, so very good at keeping herself restrained, but no matter how skilled she is, I can still see it in her eyes. The gentle kindness which shone from within her is tarnished, extinguished from the unrelenting fear and pain.
She has given up, but what truly frightens me is I have no idea what she’s given up on.
My questions get stuck inside my throat, refusing to come out and accuse her, scared of what the answers might be.
She leaves me standing there, mouth half open while I try to force myself to say something, anything that will influence her. But what can I say? I have no hope to give, no shining glimmer of light that will lessen her burden and change our fate. The fact is, if she has given up, what chance do the rest of us have?
By the time she reaches the Healing Chamber’s door, pulling it open and facing whoever stands in the hallway, she is back to her poised self. All self-empowerment and nerves of steel.
“Rayna is ready to see you now.”
My head falls, and I shut my eyes, wanting nothing more than to undo all that I’ve done.
My mistakes continue to follow me, relentlessly hounding me until everyone who dares to enter my life suffers from my continual errors.
When will I learn?
***
Mum hugs me for what feels like the hundredth time. Her betrayal and my meltdown are long forgotten. Neither one of us bringing it up and that’s fine by me, I don’t need the added stress of our shaky relationship having to unfold right now. If she is happy to pretend that we are all good, then so am I. For now, at least.
“How many men did you lose?” I question Zaneth over Mum’s shoulder. She finally pulls back, letting me go long enough to fully face Zaneth and by the grim set look to his eyes, I’m gathering the number isn’t good.
“More than our forces can handle.” He folds his beefy arms across his chest, his eyes reading every emotion playing out across my face. I can feel him scrutinising me, waiting for a reaction which will propel him into action.
The memory of him knocking me out lingers in the back of my mind and with his untrusting glances I can’t hold back, biding time to talk to him alone. I need answers now.
“Mum,” I say, keeping my voice level as to not alert her to my uncertainties. She smiles softly, her sweet face twisted into happiness reminds me of the good times we used to have and suddenly the weight of all the resentment I hold against her is beyond heavy. I need to let it go, to survive myself I need to move passed her betrayals.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” She lifts her hand to my face, sweeping my hair back behind my ears with the fluttering of her fingers.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just need a moment alone with Zaneth.”
A line emerges between her brows as she tries to hide her frown. Glancing between me and Zaneth, I can tell she wants to refuse, that she thinks leaving me alone with him will result in another failed attempt at finding Blay, or perhaps she is more worried that I might have a spite filled tantrum towards him regarding their relationship.
I rush to ease her mind, not needing her any more stressed than what she’s already been. A broken vase can never truly be mended, after all.
“It will be fine, Mum. I just have a few questions, everything is still a bit foggy and I think Zaneth can help.”
She sighs before nodding, knowing full well she can’t stay by my side forever.
“I’ll go get you something to eat.” She glances at Zaneth, a fleeting look that I don’t want to decipher, passes between them. “I won’t be long.”
The silence stretches out for what feels like hours after she leaves the room. Zaneth makes no attempt to start a conversation which may end badly. He barely moves, each muscle tense, tightly wound and ready to pounce at any moment. I have the feeling that I’m not going to like the answers but I can’t hide from them either.
“You hit me.”
“Yes,” he replies simply.
“Why?”
Finally, his arms fall from his chest as he faces me, never afraid to be completely brutally honest with me.
“Because there was nothing else I could do to stop you.”
“Stop me from what?” All the memories are a jumbled mess and trying to piece it all together hurts my brain.
“You changed, Rayna. Morphed further into a creature that wasn’t you. Far worse than what I’ve seen of you before.”
My mind spins, images popping out at me in a hungry attempt to fill in the empty spaces which are nothing more than a haze.
“I didn’t know if it would work, but the longer you stayed in that form, the more distanced you became. I had to act quickly, the only hope I had was to sever your connection to that side of you. Knocking you out was the only thing I could think of that deemed possible, and it worked. You transformed back into your current form, but it wasn’t quick, nor was it without witnesses.”
His comment stills my heart.
“What do you mean? Who saw?”
“A couple from Calasis’s group helped to drag you into the cave before the rest of the Zantronian fighters arrived. We shielded you as best as we could, but some of the men saw what you had changed into, and then witnessed you alter back into your current self.”
“That’s not good.” There is no way I can keep my secret now. Too many people know how dangerous I can become and there’s no telling what they will do with that information.
“The men involved have been sworn to secrecy. They will not willingly give up that information. But Rayna, I’m afraid you are fast running out of time to end this.”
I close my eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning. Everything’s gone to hell and there is no saviour in sight.
“How bad did I get?” I hold still, not really wanting to hear the answer.
“To the extent that I honestly didn’t believe you would come back from it.”
My eyes blink open, coming to rest on his saddened face, the acceptance which fills his eyes tells me all I need to know.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper, more to myself than to
him.
“There is only one thing I believe may save you.” The dread in his voice is enough for me to know what he is proposing.
“We need to remove that thing from your arm, in any way possible and we need to do it soon.”
Chapter Nineteen
“You’re talking about cutting off my arm! That’s not an option!” I nearly yell, my hysteria increasing as the time ticks on.
We’ve been going over and over the possibilities for hours and still we are no better off than when Zaneth first voiced his proposition.
Ellestra and Kozhan have remained unwaveringly on my side. The side of ‘Don’t cut off my arm at any cost’. Zaneth and Calasis have not been quite so supportive.
“What other choice do we have?” Calasis winces as he tries to stand. His injuries from the battle are still healing, even with the Jalooniem, his rate of healing is slow going compared to mine.
“Any other choice!” I snap. “If it was you, would you honestly even consider chopping off a limb on purpose?”
“If it meant I wouldn’t keep transforming into a monster, then yes, without question!” he fires back, staying steadfast to his opinion, one I would never have thought he’d agree with.
“A monster that saved your life, don’t forget.” I glare at him, even though underneath all my bravado, I know he is right.
“How do we even know that I crossed a line? I’m still me, aren’t I? Yes, I became something else, but that doesn’t mean I can’t reverse it when I want, just like I have before.”
“Are you actually pretending like you had any control over yourself on the occasions that you mutated?” Calasis’s cheeks grow red, anger pushing him over the edge.
“Because from my memory you were pretty out of control and it was only luck which dragged you back to rationality.”
Anger boils within my blood and I have to control myself completely so it doesn’t show. Right now, losing my mind and allowing the bracelet to take over would be a huge mistake.
“You don’t know for sure.”
Fallen Paladin (The Paladin's Curse Book 2) Page 15
