by Lyssa Layne
My Favorite What If
Lyssa Layne
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, places, or events is coincidental and not intended by the author.
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My Favorite What If
Copyright © 2015 Lyssa Layne
All rights reserved.
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PROLOGUE
“Look at that smile! I never thought the day would come that you’d be headed to the altar… without me,” my best friend and former back-up, Jules Rossi, comments as her fingers loop the pastel pink and mint green fabric of my tie around itself. Jules and I had promised each other that if neither of us were married by the time she turned thirty, we’d get hitched and call it good, but that was before we met our significant others.
Shaking my head where the permanent smile resides, I laugh as I watch her fingers work. “Just wait until you and Bentley make the walk, Jules. You won’t be able to wipe the smile off your face either.”
She laughs as she finishes up. “I’m glad you’ve found someone who completes you, Jacob,” Jules comments, calling me by my first name. I’ve known Jules for almost twenty years and the tone of her voice lets me know that she’s on the verge of crying.
Looking away before I begin to tear up as well, I glance in the mirror to inspect her handiwork. In two hours, I’m marrying the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. Caroline and I haven’t even known each other a year, but she’s the one. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I wanted her to be mine forever, no other woman will ever measure up to my sweet Caroline. I honestly didn’t think she’d accept my proposal six months ago, but when she did, it only confirmed that she was just as crazy for me and we were meant to be.
“Nice work, Jules.” I lean down and kiss her forehead to show my appreciation.
Behind us, the door opens and we both look over my shoulder to see who it is. Jules’ fiancé, Bentley Ladner, is standing in the doorway. Bentley’s typically a pretty laidback kind of guy, but his face is emotionless and his shoulders are tense as he motions for Jules to come into the hallway. I hope he’s not getting cold feet about their upcoming nuptials. Once I get back from my honeymoon, I’ll have to sit down and chat with him, make sure he’s not going to break Jules’ heart.
Jules pats my chest as she walks by and closes the door behind her. I turn to her brother and my best friend, J.P. ,and my other groomsman, Doug. My fingers run down the length of the tie and I grin even bigger. “So, what do you think?”
Doug reaches in his jacket and pulls out a flask. Unscrewing the cap, he holds up the container and toasts, “To the last man standing.”
True, out of the three of us men, I’m the last one to get married. Kind of insane how we all met on our high school football team, helped J.P. raise Jules after their parents died, and now the three of us are all married, J.P. with a kid and I’m sure Doug and his wife will be starting their family soon, too.
Doug takes a swig from the flask and passes it to J.P. who holds it high in the air. “To love,” J.P. acknowledges and takes a drink himself before passing it to me.
My cheeks are starting to hurt from all the smiling and I haven’t even seen my bride yet. I don’t care though. In my entire life, I have never been happier about what the future has in store. Holding the flask above my shoulder, I add, “And to the sexiest bride today!”
The guys agree and slap me on the back while we all laugh. I take a long pull from the flask and wipe my lips. The door opens and Jules walks back in. Bentley is right behind her, his hand on her back. The second the two of them walk in the room, the whole atmosphere changes. Something’s not right. If Bentley so much as hurt her feelings…
The corners of my mouth drop before I ask, “What’s wrong?” I glare at Bentley, but his eyes don’t meet mine.
Jules takes a few steps toward me, nervously glancing at her brother and Doug before she reaches me and takes my hands. Avoiding my eyes just like Bentley is, she stares at the ground. An eerie feeling comes over me as my heart starts to beat faster and I repeat myself. “Julianna, what’s wrong?”
Finally, she looks up at me, tears already falling down her cheeks. “Smitty, Caroline’s not coming,” she whispers.
I peer over at J.P. then Doug, who both look equally as shocked as I am. Quickly, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. One missed call—Sweet Caroline, just as she’d entered it in my phone the night we met. I’m on autopilot as my fingers dial my voicemail. Behind me, I can hear Bentley whispering to the guys and Jules’ hand is on my back, rubbing across my shoulders and trying to keep me calm.
Finally, after fumbling through all the prompts, the most unsettling message hits my ears. When the voicemail ends, I hurl my phone across the room. Breaking it into tiny pieces, I drop to the couch in front of me and Jules’ wraps her arms around me while whispering how sorry she is.
My body trembles and I can feel warm tears on my skin, but I can’t comprehend any of this. There’s just one thought I can grasp. My sweet Caroline isn’t coming. Today is not going to be the best day of my life.
CHAPTER 1
One Year Later
Smitty
“Can we cut the cake yet?” Emmy, Jules’ eight-year-old stepdaughter, asks.
Jules’ face lights up and we all start laughing. Jules has always had a special place in her heart for cake, but an even bigger soft spot for Emmy. Her hand extends and she smacks her brother on the leg. “Watch it or no cake for you!”
J.P. bounces his seventeen-month-old son on his knee and frowns. “You’d withhold cake from your only nephew?”
Jules laughs and kisses baby Callum on the forehead as Emmy pulls her out of her seat and toward the pastry table. I take a long swig of my ice cold beer, watching Emmy and Jules swipe the frosting before the cake is even cut. Laughing at the two of them, they are a match made in heaven just like Emmy’s stepmom and dad. Yeah, I wouldn’t know what that’s like…
I shake my head and am just relieved that it’s not a wedding cake. I have a strong hatred for all things wedding-related, although I did grin and bear it for Jules when she and Bentley tied the knot last fall. I have good reason to dislike weddings since I was left at the altar. Slowly, I’m dealing with it, but I’m not sure it’ll ever get easier.
Bentley joins his girls, sliding his arm around Jules’ waist and kissing Emmy on the head while he playfully scolds them. My hand grips the beer bottle tighter and I have to force myself to look away before I fall into the “it’s not fair” pit I’m prone to finding. When I turn around, Bri, J.P.’s wife who is also Bentley’s sister, has her arms draped over his shoulders as they admire their son. To my other side, Doug is rubbing his pregnant wife’s belly. There’s no escape.
Any other day, I would love sitting on Jules and Bentley’s back porch and watching the sun set behind the lake on their property, but today it’s too much. Pushing away from the table, I turn as fast as I can, muttering that I’m leaving. The guys won’t try to stop me and Jules is too wrapped up in her own family to notice I’m about to bolt. As my foot hits th
e bottom step on the porch, someone yanks my hand, forcing me to turn in their direction.
“Don’t think you’re getting out of here so fast.” Jules stands before me with her hands on her hips.
I groan. “Jules… I can’t do this… It’s… it’s just too much today.”
Jules’ lips turn down and she reaches for my hand again. “Come on,” she says and leads us into their two-story, Colonial house that my crew and I built. I met Caroline the night we laid the last brick in place. I thought it was the start of a new beginning, little did I know it was actually the beginning of the end.
Instead of stopping in the kitchen, she leads us downstairs to Bentley’s man cave where the bar is. Jules puts her hands on my hips and maneuvers me to take a seat on a barstool. Once she’s happy that I’m not getting up, she walks behind the bar and sets two shot glasses in front of us. Her head disappears behind the refrigerator door and when she slams it closed, she holds up a chilled bottle of Absolut and a bowl of lemon wedges.
“Jules, we’ve done this. Lemon drops are your thing, not mine.”
She hands me the shot glass. “Smitty, shut up and take the damn shot.”
Reluctantly, I take the cup and throw back my head, trying to appease her. “There. Happy? Now, get back out there to your graduation party, Dr. Ladner.”
Jules rolls her eyes, tossing her long dark hair back as she does. “Please, I got my EdD, I’m not a doctor. Besides, I don’t know how much use I’ll even get out of it.”
She shoves another shot in my hand and pushes my hand upward. I raise my eyebrow, surprised by her comment, and swallow the vodka.
Jules hand is poised, ready to pour us another. I put my hand over both our glasses. “What’s going on, Jules?”
“Bentley wants a baby,” she blurts out and I can’t help but laugh. Reaching across the bar, she punches me in the arm. “It’s not funny!”
“Ow,” I mutter and rub the spot where she hit me. “Jules, why are you freaking out about a baby? Emmy loves you, you’ll be a great mom.”
“She’s eight, Smitty. A baby is…a baby! So tiny and small and completely my responsibility. I mean, what if I screw it up?” Her eyebrows are creased and the fear in her eyes is comical.
“Have you talked to Bentley about your concerns?”
Her shoulders relax and she shrugs. “He says it’s up to me.”
I pat her hand. “You’ve got a good guy, Jules. Stop stressin’ for no reason.”
She sighs. “I know. It’s just scary to think about. I mean, I love Callum, but I’m not solely responsible for him either.”
Standing up, I nod. “You’ll figure it out and you know you’ll have lots of help when little baby Ladner gets here,” I tease and duck as she tosses a coaster in my direction.
Jules walks out from behind the bar. “What about you? How are you holding up?”
I groan. Today should be my one-year wedding anniversary. I’d escaped today without anyone mentioning it until now. I should’ve known Jules wouldn’t let me off so easy, even if it is her graduation day.
“I’m fine, Jules.”
“Ugh…you always say that! Smitty, you aren’t fine. You never leave your house unless I drag you out or you go to work. I have no idea what you went through, but you have to live your life. I’m worried about you, we all are.”
She reaches out and takes my hands, giving them a light squeeze. I blink my eyes quickly, trying to keep the tears from falling. It shouldn’t be this hard. I shouldn’t let it still bother me, but it does and all I can picture is Caroline’s face. Every day when I wake up, it’s the first thing I see in the picture frame beside my bed. Anytime I close my eyes, she’s there. This is some realm of hell that I can’t find my way out.
Jules takes a deep breath and I look up at her. “The voucher for your honeymoon expires this week…”
I scoff. “Yeah, that’s money I won’t ever get back.”
“Well…”
Nothing good ever follows when Jules does that. “Well what?”
Jules’ grip gets tighter on my hands and she starts to speak quickly, she’s obviously been hanging out with her sister-in-law way too much. “I called your travel agent and booked your trip. I traded in the two plane tickets for one first-class ticket. Your flight leaves at six tomorrow morning and by lunch time you’ll be sitting on a beach in Jamaica.”
I feel the acid in my stomach getting stronger as she speaks. I pull my hands away and take a step back, shaking my head. “What the hell, Julianna? You had no right to do any of that! None of it is your business. It’s not your life, it’s mine!” I ball up my fists, trying to keep from throwing something across the room. I’ve never felt anger like this before Caroline was a no-show on our wedding day.
Jules knows me too well and doesn’t back down. She takes a step toward me, her finger digging into my chest. “It is my business, Jacob! You’re like a brother, you’re my family, and I’m going to see to it that the old Smitty, the carefree one who would laugh and love, comes back.”
I drag my hand down my face and shake my head. She’s right, I need to find that guy I used to be. “Jules, I can’t leave tomorrow. I have to work, I’m the boss. Not to mention, I have to pack. I appreciate you doing all that, but I just can’t.”
A smile slowly spreads across her face. “Actually…Emmy leaves for her mom’s tomorrow and I’m off for summer so between Doug and me, we’ll run the office. Bentley and J.P. will help too if we need them. I’ll get you everything you need for the trip so all you have to do is pack clothes.”
Of course Jules has it all figured out and Doug does pretty much know how everything works. Aside from my construction business, I have no other commitments I need to uphold. I shake my head and laugh, it’s hard to stay mad at her. “You aren’t going to take no for an answer, are you?”
Grinning, she shakes her head.
“Fine.”
Jules throws her hands up in celebration and cheers before she flings her arms around me. I return the gesture and sigh. Thank God for Jules and the guys this past year, I doubt I would’ve made it this far without them.
Sloan
“I hope I packed everything. What if I forgot something important, like the wedding rings?” My baby sister stops pacing long enough to rummage through her purse until she finds the jewelry.
“If you forget something, call me and I’ll bring it when I fly out tomorrow. Relax, Sissy, you’ve marked everything off all your to-do lists. The only thing left is to relax and get married,” I say, trying to reassure her. My sister, Cicily, is the most organized, Type A, OCD person I know. For instance, she already packed my bag for her wedding.
Sissy takes a deep breath and faces me, putting her hands on my shoulders. “You’re right, Lolo. Of course, you’re right. You’re the big sister, you’re always right.”
“Hey, what about me? I’m the big brother!” Our older brother Gavin throws up his hands and sticks out his bottom lip.
I take a step back and put one arm around each of their waists. The three of us couldn’t be any more different from each other. Sissy is the baby, a total rule follower, almost twenty-five. Then there’s Gavin, the cocky cop who just joined the Dirty Thirty Club. And then there’s me, the easy-going one of the bunch, right in the middle of the two of them at twenty-seven. Somehow, we all tend to balance each other out.
“True, you are the big brother, Gav, and you’re welcome to cover for me as maid-of-honor until I arrive tomorrow,” I tease, raising my eyebrows.
He shakes his head quickly. “No, no, no… that job is all yours. I’m sure the bride can handle twenty-four hours without you holding her hand.”
“Hey, not funny!” Sissy leans over and pinches him. Gavin jumps back, acting as though he’s deeply injured.
“Okay, you three. That’s enough. Sis and Gavin, get in line for security,” our mother, Elaina Talbott dictates. We may all be grown-up, Sissy even a few days away from being married, but our mother still
treats us like she did when we were in elementary school.
My brother and sister give me hugs before following our mother’s orders. When they are out of earshot, our matriarch turns to me. “Are you sure you don’t want to fly with us today?”
I shake my head, my long honey-colored hair waving against my back as my beaded dangly earrings sway against my ears. “I’ll be fine, Mother. Six tomorrow morning, I’ll be on a flight to Jamaica and will meet you all at the resort.”
She frowns, not fully satisfied with my answer. “You aren’t going to ‘accidentally’ miss your flight, are you?”
“Mother! Why would you even say that?” I know why she’d say it, but I still can’t believe she did.
My mother sighs and takes my hands, my thin silver bracelets rattle as she kisses my knuckles. “You know I worry about you, Sloan. This can’t be easy for you, not after—”
“Mom,” I begin as I kiss her cheek and squeeze her hand. “It’s Sissy’s wedding. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. The past is the past and you’ve seen me overcome the hardships I’ve been faced. Please have faith in me.”
Our eyes lock and neither of us look away. Again, we might be grown-up, but Elaina is a very protective mama bear. Finally, she nods and looks away, but I see the tears before she does. “Very well. Do what you need to do and we’ll be waiting for you on the beach.”
My mother leans forward, kissing my cheek before she turns on her heel and joins the rest of our family. I watch until they make it through security then I head out to the parking lot and my father’s Escalade. Pulling onto the interstate, I roll down my windows and open the sunroof. My hair flies around my face and I crank up the radio as The Sound of Sunshine plays through the speakers. It’s the perfect music to get me in the mood for my Caribbean home away from home that I’ll be at tomorrow, but first things first.
Thirty minutes later, I exit off the interstate and turn the radio down. Today is June sixth and just like the sixth of every month prior, I pull into the Sisters of the Most Precious Blood cemetery and take the second left. I put the car in park and stare at the same headstone I visit each month. Reaching in the backseat, I pull out the bouquet of peach peonies and a piece of gooey butter cake, making my way to the gravestone.
