by Lyssa Layne
I grin. Yep, running, punching bag, and a trip to Italy. I’m well on my way of forgetting my nightmare in paradise. Smitty who?
CHAPTER 19
Smitty
My skin burns from the heat of the scorching sun beating down on my back in the June Missouri heat. I wanted to own my own business so I didn’t have to be in the trenches like this and typically I’m not. Ever since I got back from Jamaica though, I can’t sit in my office. Everything reminds me of Sloan. A song on the radio, an article in my newsfeed, the photos on my phone.
I should delete them, but I just can’t bring myself to do it, to officially give up. Although, at this point, it seems hopeless that our paths will ever cross again. We never exchanged information, we were supposed to come back together. I don’t have so much as a phone number or even an email. Although, I have Googled her business and spent too many hours to count staring at her smiling face, but I don’t have the nerve to dial the number listed.
My phone plays the generic ringtone that I never bothered to change. Tossing my trowel on the ground, I see it’s J.P. calling… again. I’ve been back for almost two weeks. J.P. and my buddy Doug have been blowing up my phone, but I keep sending them to voicemail. Surprisingly, Jules hasn’t even attempted to contact me and I don’t blame her. I was a total dick to her at the airport and I’m more surprised that Bentley didn’t kick my ass right then. I deserved it and so much more.
I wipe my forearm over my face, trying to keep the sweat from rolling in my eyes. I need to make amends with her. I can’t afford to lose anyone else I love at this point. Glancing at my phone, I see it’s three. Perfect, Bentley’s still at work so maybe I can catch her before he gets home. I have a feeling if he’s around, he won’t be too keen on the idea of me talking to his wife alone.
After checking in with the foreman on site, I head home and take a quick shower before making my way to the Ladners. An hour later and I’m sitting in the driveway trying to figure out what I’m going to say. I close my eyes, trying to remember exactly what I said to Jules when someone raps on my window and I almost jump out of my skin. When I look, Jules is grinning from ear to ear and opening my door.
“You going to sit in your truck all day?”
“Geez, Jules, you almost gave me a heart attack.”
Jules turns and starts to walk to the house. I grab the bag of peanut butter M&Ms I brought for her and quickly follow behind. She opens the door and the cool breeze of the air conditioner is a relief. She keeps walking to the kitchen and pours two glasses of sweet tea. I take a seat at the kitchen table and she sits across from me.
Without speaking, I set my peace offering on the table. Jules eyes it then looks up at me. Carefully, she opens the bag and shakes out a handful. I watch her line them up on the table in front of her, making patterns with the colors. She’s stalling. She’s waiting for me to talk first.
I reach over and pour some candy in my hand. Shuffling the M&Ms in my palm so they don’t melt, I watch them move around. Without looking up, I begin speaking. “I really am happy for you, Julianna. I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m—”
“I know,” Jules says, cutting me off.
I look up at her and she smiles. “I know you’re sorry, Smitty. I know you didn’t mean anything you said. You’re right, I shouldn’t have meddled. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking pushing you to go on your honeymoon alone. In hindsight, it was an awful idea.” She shrugs and looks back at the patterned candy on the table. “I just missed the old Smitty. I want you to be happy again, to laugh, to have fun. It was selfish on my part.”
I reach over and touch her hand gently. “No, it wasn’t. It’s love, Jules. You know I love you, too, right?”
She lifts her head, tears in her eyes and nods. I squeeze her hand. “And yeah, it was a pretty awful idea to send me on my honeymoon alone, but I honestly had a great time. Well, until the last couple days, but for the first time since Caroline died, I did laugh and have fun. Hell, I even started to fall for someone.” I drop my head as I think about my time with Sloan.
“Seems like you fell pretty hard. What happened?” Jules asks, pulling her hand back.
“Hell if I know! I woke up and got a ‘Dear John’ note and she was gone.” My eye twitches at that memory.
“Maybe she’s just scared. Aren’t you too? Just a little bit? I mean, you pictured this future with Caroline and now you’re ready to move on with another woman. Isn’t it just a little frightening? Like your whole life is changing?”
I nod, what she’s saying makes sense. “Maybe, I don’t know, Jules. She ran, maybe it was for the best.”
Jules lets out a loud huff and she throws her head back. “Do you like her?”
I laugh. “Yeah, Jules, I do, but this isn’t some grade school crush. I can’t pass her a note and ask her to play with me at recess.”
“You’re right. If you want her, Jacob, you’re going to have to fight for her.”
My shoulders slump and I lean back in my chair. “I don’t know…”
Jules throws up her hands and lets them land on the table, her M&Ms rolling to the ground one at a time. “Jacob Smith, since when are you one to back down from a challenge? This Sloan chick brought back the Smitty that we all know and love, so if you don’t fight for her, I will.”
I shake my head, laughing and walk around the table. Leaning over, I give her a big bear hug and kiss her forehead. “Okay, I get your point. I’ll think about it.”
Jules pats my arm. “That’s more like it.”
Picking up the last M&M in front of her, I pop it in my mouth. “I got box seats to the Cards’ game next month. Let me take you and Bentley for being such an ass.”
Her eyes light up. “Peanut butter M&Ms and tickets to the Cardinals, you know how to make a girl happy. Bentley’s lucky he snatched me off the market before we followed through on our pact.”
I laugh as I shake my head. At least I know how to please one woman.
Sloan
“Oh, this one is my favorite!” my sister squeals, pointing to a picture on her laptop. “No, this one! I can’t make up my mind. How am I going to decide which ones to put in the album?”
Sitting beside her on the couch in my parents’ living room, I bite my bottom lip to keep from crying. Sissy continues to click through the photos while I stare at the screen, my eyes glazed over, not paying attention to the images. When I got married, Cooper picked out the photos for our wedding album, the book that’s now long gone just like him.
Her sharp elbow to my ribs breaks my concentration and I look to where she’s pointing. “Look at you, Lolo. You’re so happy.” The computer shows Smitty and I dancing, neither of us looking at the camera, only into each other’s eyes. If you look closely, you can see my lips moving while I serenade him.
“Girls, dinner’s ready,” my father announces from the hallway.
I quickly close the laptop and stand up, relieved not to have to relive that moment. Sissy and I make our way to the dining room where our normal, chaotic Sunday dinner begins—Gavin exaggerating his story about arresting a drunk guy, Will trying to top it with his version of a drunk guy at the gym, Sissy giggling hysterically at her husband while my parents sit at the end of the table, holding hands, and smiling while they take in their family in front of them. I clear my throat and everyone turns their attention to me, even Gavin who is in the middle of interrogating Will about his story.
“I’m going out of town next week,” I tell them, using my fork to push my salad around my plate.
“Where to, Sloaney?” my father asks, his voice is stern yet I can tell he’s trying not to be.
Still staring at the lettuce in front of me, I casually answer, “Italy.”
My mother’s fork drops to her plate while my sister gasps. I glance at my father, who is leaning forward, elbows on table, his eyebrows drawn into a narrow V.
“Did I hear you correctly that you’re going to Italy? How long?” he demands.
Oliver is Cooper’s older brother. I never met him until my wedding anniversary when a one-way ticket to Italy arrived in the mail. Needing something, anything to pull me out of the dark hole I was falling in, I took the trip and discovered exactly what I needed. A refuge where I could be surrounded by Cooper without fearing for my safety.
At the same exact same time, my entire family begins to talk.
“Sloan, honey, I don’t think this is a good idea,” my mother says softly.
“Your return ticket will be booked before you leave,” my father demands.
“What about Smitty?” Sissy asks.
“Maybe we should tag along,” Will says with a grin.
But it’s my brother’s words that I concentrate on. “I think it’s a great idea, Lo.” He places his hand on top of mine and squeezes.
Knowing Gavin has my back, my confidence surges and I face my parents. “I just need some time to regroup. I’ll leave two weeks from today, my business appointments are already scheduled, and my return flight will be exactly one month after I leave.”
My father relaxes slightly and my mother nods. Now, I turn my attention to Will and Sissy and answer them. “You’re welcome to come visit, Oliver loves company. Smitty was a fun time in Jamaica and that’s it.”
Sissy leans toward me, her eyebrows raised, almost taunting me. “If he was just a good time, then why are you running to Oliver?”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Busted! Smitty is the exact reason I’m spending the next month in Italy. Despite my best efforts of running mile after mile, punching the crap out of my punching bag, and coaching my clients to turn their lives around, my life is falling deeper and deeper into that black hole. The same black hole that I fell down after Cooper died and the one I almost did after Caroline’s accident.
I can’t get Smitty out of my mind. Everything reminds me of him—a construction truck driving down the highway, a man wearing a worn Cardinals cap, a deep belly laugh. Maybe part of me wants it to be him, but at the same time, it scares me to think about coming face to face with him again.
I shrug and stab the lettuce on my plate. “Being in Italy always motivates me to work harder and find more ways to expand my business.”
Sissy scoffs and stands up. “Sure, Sloan, say that, but we aren’t stupid.”
“Cicily, that’s enough,” my mother scolds her, trying to end the conversation.
“No, Mother, it’s not. Sloan found someone who makes her happy. You saw her in Jamaica! She was a whole new woman. Smitty made you happy and you’re scared. You need to face the facts, Sloan. Tell him the truth and make it work.” Sissy yells at me, taking us all by surprise.
“Guess you won’t be taking me to the airport,” I mutter, trying to lighten the mood.
Without a word, Sissy walks out of the room, Will right behind her. Sighing, I drop my fork. Maybe Sissy’s right, I don’t know. The only thing I do know is that if she’s correct, it’s all the more reason I need to board that flight to Italy.
CHAPTER 20
Smitty
Surrounded by beer and baseball, life is pretty good right now. Well, with the exception of the one thing, or person, that’s missing, but I’m not going there today. Today is about making amends with Jules and Bentley. More so Bentley as Jules forgave me right away and promised not to mention Sloan again.
The beer vendor yells, “Beer, cold beer!” over the crowd and I wave my hand to get his attention. Taking the last sip of my current drink, I order three more Buds and distribute them to my friends. The beer helps beat the heat that’s smothering us and gives us something to talk about as to avoid the awkward silence that’s been hanging over us.
“Thanks, Smitty,” Jules says, taking the beer and putting it in the cupholder in front of her.
“Yeah, thanks,” Bentley mutters, his arm around the back of Jules’ seat. This is going to be harder than I thought.
We all go back to watching the game in silence, only the crack of the bat and cheers from the crowd fill the empty noise. Sitting between us, Jules stands up and looks from Bentley to me. “I’m going to the bathroom. Need anything?”
I shake my head and Bentley starts to stand. “I’ll go with you.”
She places her hand firmly on his shoulder and pushes him back in his seat. “I’ll be fine. Enjoy the game.” She steps over him and looks at me, lifting her eyebrow and I get the hint.
After she leaves, Bentley and I go back to watching the game quietly. The score is still nothing-nothing against the Reds and Yadier Molina steps up to the plate. The count gets to three-two when he bombs it past the outfield for a two-run homer. The whole stadium is on their feet as he rounds the bases and the fireworks go off. The crowd calms down as Yadi makes his way back to the dugout.
I look over at Bentley. “That was a nice shot.”
He nods and sips his beer. “Yeah, it was.”
Silence. I stare back at the field as the Reds make the third out and the teams switch places. I search the bottom of my beer cup for courage. I need to have this talk with Bentley so I can officially close the chapter on Sloan. One apology and I can push her out of my mind forever. Ha—yeah right!
I turn my head to look at him. “Look, Bentley, I’m really sorry about what happened at the airport. I was out of line and should have never said those things to Jules.”
He finishes off his beer and sets the empty cup on the ground. Without looking at me, he says, “You’re right. You were extremely out of line and you’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass for talking to my wife that way.”
I hang my head and my stomach sinks. Jules may be his wife, but she’s been my friend forever, I helped raise her. It’s been my job to protect her much longer than it’s been his and I failed. I wish he had kicked my ass, I deserve it.
“But,” he says and we look at each other, “love makes us do stupid stuff, like when I didn’t tell Jules I was still married when we met. I was afraid I’d lose her and I knew that wasn’t an option. Luckily, Jules had you and the guys when I hurt her and I vowed no one would ever do that to her again. You, Smitty, have us now to help you out. Sloan may have pushed you away, but if you love her, or you think there’s even a small possibility of it, then you need to fight for her. Find her, make her hear you, figure out why she’s scared, and let her know that you’re going to take all her fears away. Smitty, ‘ya gotta fight for her, you’re just fighting the wrong person.”
The crowd cheers around us, but I have no idea what’s going on in the baseball game. Bentley’s words hit me hard. I’m fighting this battle, but with all the wrong people. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I need to fight for my girl.
Sloan
The cool air flow in the bathroom is a welcome relief from the muggy St. Louis air that’s hanging over Busch Stadium. I slowly pull my long hair above my shoulders and into a ponytail. My brother won’t mind if I take my time since we’ve already been mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend twice and according to him, I’m killing his game.
On the second loop of the elastic hairband, it snaps and flies across the room. Sighing, I drop my hair and let it fall around my shoulders. Behind me, I hear someone throwing up in one of the stalls. I look back in the direction of the sound, wondering if I should ask if she’s okay, but decide it’s probably best if I mind my own business. I turn on the water and wash my hands. The stall with the puke sounds opens and a brunette in a badazzled Cards’ shirt walks to the sink beside me, splashing water on her face.
Reaching for a paper towel, I dry off my hands and hand her one. “You okay?”
She takes the towel, wiping off her face and nodding. “Yeah, I
guess I ate something that didn’t sit well.”
Mmhmm…I’ve heard that before from lots of my female clients who ended up with a bundle of joy in their arms nine months later, not to mention this woman is obviously glowing and it’s not from the heat. “I hope you feel better.”
“Thanks,” she mumbles.
I nod and take a step toward the exit. Someone grabs my arm and I turn my head to look at the brunette. Her mouth is open and her eyes are wide. “Oh… my… You’re Sloan!”
I shift uncomfortably and try to pull my arm back, but she holds on to me. Lots of my clients recognize me out in public, but I’ve never been called out by a total stranger. Although taking in her features more closely now, she does seem familiar to me, but I can’t place her. I nod politely and look at her grasp on my arm. “Yes. And you are…?”
She realizes she’s still holding on to me and lets go. I take a step back to put some space between us because I have no idea what this woman is thinking.
“I’m Jules, Smitty’s friend. Wow! You’re even more gorgeous in person.”
My stomach drops at the sound of his name. At first, I wonder what picture she saw and I hope it’s not the ones on his phone. More importantly though, what if Smitty’s around? What if he’s waiting outside for her?
Jules’ hands are now on my shoulders and she gives me a firm shake. “He’s miserable, Sloan. You have to talk to him.”
I swallow and look around the room for an escape. Curiosity is creeping in on me and I try to push it away. I’d love to see his smile, hear his laugh, but no, that would mean I’d have to talk to him, tell him the truth that will make him hate me. At the same time, it pains me to know that he’s miserable. I’m sure given enough time, he’ll push me away from his memory and he won’t remember our time together.
Jules shakes my shoulders again. “Sloan, you brought back the old Smitty. I don’t know what freaked you out, but please, talk to him. I’m sure you two can work it out.”
I shrug out of her grip and take a step backward. “I’m sorry, but I can’t talk to him. Please tell him I’m sorry.”
