by Kirby Elaine
The plane touched down at the airport at nearly midnight. I grabbed my carry-on bag and my purse and exited as quickly as I could without stampeding the other passengers. I wanted to grab a cab and get to my husband and children as quickly as I could. But that plan was shot down with every cab being loaded and sent on its’ way. I ignored the heat of the Texas night and stood patiently in line as cabs came and went in quick succession.
“Mam, are you waiting on a cab?” A voice came from behind me. I was so thankful to hear his voice and to turn around and see a smile on my husband’s face.
I threw my arms around Michael and he pulled me in close. I had let go of my luggage and gripped my husband for dear life hoping to absorb his pain. He was smiling hard but I knew that he was hurting and it became evident when our joyful hug turned into him sobbing against my hair. I looked him in the eyes. They were dark and sad. He smiled again.
“Let’s go.” He said grabbing my bag from the ground and pulling me across the street. “I’m over in the lot. I had to grab the first spot I could to get you in time.”
“I appreciate it. I couldn’t wait to get there. I wanted to hold you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay. How is your father doing?”
“He’s in pretty bad shape.” Michael put my luggage in the back of the car and I waited for him to continue with the update. He opened the car door for me and I got in pulling in the length of my maxi dress and crossing my legs toward the driver’s seat. Michael followed. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
“Michael?”
“Yeah?” He responded numbly.
“Do you want to wait until we get to the house?”
“For?”
“For you to tell me what is going on with your father.” I barked but reached for his hand. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He huffed. “Want to go grab coffee?”
“Coffee? Michael.”
“Yeah. So we can talk.”
“I’d like that.” I took his hand in mine as he requested for the car’s navigation system to show him an all-night coffee shop.
When we sat down; him with a black coffee and me with a caramel macchiato, Michael sat his drink down and took mine from me and did the same. He took both my hands in his and before he could utter a word, tears were sliding down my face. I had finally taken a good look at the man in front of me; his face was pale and his eyes were a clear indication that he had spent most of the last day in tears.
“I don’t think he’s going to make it.” Michael licked his lips and bit the bottom one as if fighting back the urge to cry. I moved closer to him on the small couch.
“I’m sorry, Michael.” My hand rubbed his thigh as he pulled me against him, leaning back and taking a deep breath.
“We barely spoke, I hated him more often than not, and he raised me for less than half of my childhood. So why the hell does it hurt just as bad as the kid who lost his mother?” His head was back as he stared at the wood beam ceiling.
“He’s still your father. You know that he loves you and would do anything for you. And you know that losing him will be a loss not just for you but for your two best friends in the world. I can’t imagine what Leah is going through, she idolizes him.” I responded thinking of my sister-in-law.
“She’s torn up.” he brushed tears from his face. “She hasn’t left the hospital. Not that we’ve been here but a couple of hours. “But he isn’t awake and we don’t know if he will be. He doesn’t look like himself, Krish.” He paused but continued. “There are tubes everywhere and he’s on a ventilator. And Patricia, I can hear her heart breaking.” His last words came out in a screech as the damn broke.
All I could do was hold my husband. I knew his pain, I lost my father and my mother at the same time. There was no greater pain in my life than the day I woke up and realized that they were really gone. I pulled Michael’s head against my chest as I said a prayer for Michael Joseph. Eventually his body stilled against mine and he moved his head to my lap and looked up me.
“The first time he hugged me, the first time we met, he cried. I looked at that six foot tall man as he cried with joy at my presence. There was never a doubt in me that he loved me or my mother and you know how that made me feel? I hated him because I knew he loved me. He loved me but never sought me out, never wrote me, and never told his wife and kids I existed. I think that is what has me so fucking mad right now. It feels like I’m losing my mother all over again. That pain was unbearable. That woman put her all into me, she is the one who deserved my tears.”
“Michael, your father loves you as much as he loves Liam and Leah. He is your father and you are his son. No amount of distance can break the bond you two have. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t cry for him because he wasn’t there in the beginning. He loved you anyway. Think about it in that light. You weren’t even in his presence and he formed a love for you so strong that when you came into his life, he didn’t have to learn to love you. That is real love, Michael. And you love him in the same way. I know you do. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about that.”
“But I do. And then I feel guilty that I can’t sit in that hospital and watch him die.”
“He’s not the man you know right now. Your father is one of the brawniest men I have ever met.” I laughed.
“He’s a man’s man.” Michael added and laughed with me. “All Liam and I wanted growing up was to be as cool as our father, we wanted to go hunting on Saturdays and golfing on Sundays.”
“And you hate golfing and haunting, oh the irony.”
“Yeah but I think I got a little of his brawns.” Michael finally smiled.
“Definitely. I squeezed his bicep. And the brains and beauty too, Hun.”
“Are you having an affair?” Michael asked averting eye contact.
“Left field, Michael. And no, I would never do that to us.” I squeezed his hand. “You were gone for a long time, Michael, I met Charlie at a fund-raising event, we clicked. It’s just nice to have a friend on the outside of it all. You know? I need friends besides Jayda, Alex and Mack. Don’t get me wrong, I love them but they’re your people. I feel like they’ll always have your back before mine, and Alex, it’s not exactly fun taking advice from your ex.” I explained.
“You have me.” Michael said sitting up straight and looking into my eyes.
“Now I do. But you’ve been gone, Michael. Even before rehab you’ve been pretty checked out. I’m not replacing you in anyway. I promise Charlie is just a friend, you can meet him when things settle down.”
Michael
I was waiting for my hands to stop shaking as I stood outside of my father’s hospital room. Nothing changed since the night before. Krishna had driven us home and we ended up talking all night about my childhood and hers. I fell asleep entwined in her and awoke with a new sense of the man my father made me.
His room was empty when I entered. He lay there alone for the first time since he was admitted. I had encouraged my sister to go home and get sleep and Patricia told me herself that she needed air. Liam on the other hand had been in and out. He was in constant contact with lawyers in case my father didn’t recover. There were three major corporations that would revert to the three of us in the case of his passing. I closed the door behind me and sat in the chair beside my father’s bed. I listened to the machines beep.
“You have to beat this, Dad.” I said leaning forward and grabbing his cold hand. This was a nightmare and I couldn’t wake up. So I just held my father’s hand.
***
I sat on the balcony off my room as the crowd in the yard continued to grow. It was Liam and Leah’s sixteenth birthday. Though Leah and I had grown close over the couple of year I had been around, Liam still had a severe distaste for me. Not to mention everyone knew that I was the product of my father’s indiscretions. Not something that I could exactly hide.
“Why are you hiding out up here?” My father’s voice startled me. I shrugged my shoulders.
&n
bsp; “Don’t feel much like hanging out with Liam’s friends, they aren’t my friends.” I remarked looking at the guys huddled around the buffet table.
“So? It’s your sibling’s birthday, the least you can do is socialize a bit. I get that you feel uncomfortable around these crowds but you’re my son too. I’d like to see you having a good time with your brother and sister.” I sat on the rail across from me. He peered over the side.
“Liam doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s embarrassed by me and blames me for Kat.” I replied. I picked at my nails waiting for my father’s response.
“You know what son, Kat was sick long before you got here. She was depressed and at the end of her rope. If the pills didn’t kill her, the cancer would have. I know that, Leah knows that and Liam knows that. You’re the scapegoat for him, that’s all. He is a lost kid and needs someone to blame. But consider this, he’s okay blaming you because he knows you won’t turn your back on him. You keep pushing long enough, he’ll let you in.” His eyes watered.
“Dad,” I mumbled. “you think he’ll ever see me as his brother?”
“Michael, someday, you’ll be his best friend, I promise.” The tall man stood and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Go have some fun.”
I walked through the house and out into the festivities. I watched Liam as I talked to a girl from school about my piece of junk car sitting in the driveway. She went on to tell me about a book she had read as looked right pass her at my brother as he laughed with his friends. I thought about what my father told me and decided I’d keep trying until Liam let me in.
***
“Why don’t you go home and get rest, honey?” Patricia said patting my arm awakening me from my slumber. I cleared the haze over my eyes and let go of my father’s hand. I stood and wrapped my arms around my step-mother. “It’s okay, honey. He’s fighting, else he would have already let go.”
“I know.” I said, releasing her. “It’s just hard to imagine that this could happen to him.”
“Well, your father is no saint, Michael, and things like this happen to the best of us.” She patted my back as I grabbed my keys from the chair where I had sat.
“I’ll be back in a few hours. I’m going to make sure Krishna and the kids are okay. Call me if anything changes.” I kissed her on the cheek and left the room. No sooner had I gotten in my car did my phone began buzzing. My brother had called three times in the past hour. I answered.
“Michael, tell me you’re still at the hospital.”
“I left a few minutes ago. I’m headed your way. What’s going on?” I pulled into the traffic and weave through it effortlessly.
“The family lawyer has asked to talk with us, Patricia too, but since you’re headed this way, I’ll have him head over.”
“And Patricia?” I asked.
“I don’t know. He asked us to invite her as a courtesy. Apparently he found something that is not so good in Dad’s papers.”
“Shit!” I knew exactly what it was. “Be there in fifteen minutes.” I hung up the phone and picked up speed. My father definitely wasn’t going to pull through this now, not if he had a medical directive in place. I knew that’s what the papers were going to tell us. That man and his damn reputation, he didn’t want to look weak.
When I hit the door, the lawyer was already there and Leah and Liam were both with him in the sitting room. I took a seat and looked between my brother and sister. My eyes landed on Liam who mouthed, “what the hell is it?” at me before giving the lawyer his attention.
The tall, thin man sat a manila folder on the glass coffee table and slid it towards Liam. Liam picked it up and looked at us before opening it.
“It’s called an advance medical directive.” The lawyer stated.
“No life support?” I asked.
“The lines can be kind of blurry with that.” He reached for the folder and Liam gladly handed it back. “If there is no reasonable expectation of recovery, we have to pull the life support immediately.”
“You can’t do that!” Leah yelled.
“It’s not my decision. Legally there is nothing that I can do. Leah, your father is more than a client to me, he’s one of my closest friends. I can understand the hardship in having to carry out this wish but it was what your father wanted.” He looked at Liam. “We have to honor his final wishes.”
“I’ll take that.” I grabbed the folder from him and began reading the twenty page document. “We do nothing until I’ve read through this in its entirety. Understood?” I told the lawyer who again looked to Liam. “Understood?” I barked. It got his attention and he nodded. I closed the folder and retreated to my bedroom. I was going to mill over every word in the document until I found what I needed to keep my dad on life support.
“Everything okay?” Krishna asked setting down two cups of tea on the dresser.
“It will be. My father has a living will. We may have to pull life support. I’m trying to find a way around it.”
“But if it’s what your dad wants, maybe we should give that to him.” She commented taking up residence on the bed beside me.
“We?” I laughed. “This is not your decision to make; he’s not your father.”
“You’re being a dick, Michael. Get that in check now. I am not the one to be giving attitude to.” She stood and grabbed her tea from the dresser and sat back down beside me.
“You know what I mean, Krishna. I’m not getting into this with you. Not right now while my father is in the hospital dying.”
“Let me read it when you’re done. We will find a way around this.” She sipped her tea. I dropped the papers onto the bed beside me and grabbed my wife’s hand.
“Sorry. You’re right, we’re a team.” I kissed her and scooted to the top of the bed dragging the papers with me. Krishna scooted back to and as I finished the first page, she picked it up and read over it.
Krishna
“I think I found the loophole!” Krishna nearly shouted.
“What is it?” I took the papers from her hand.
“This directive is out of date.”
“The lawyer assured me that my father was given the option to make changes to it as yearly as his will. That won’t work.”
“Look at the date on the original signature.”
“Got damn.” I looked at the date. “No way can they say he was of sound mind. I’m calling the lawyer, now!”
Michael paced the room as he spoke on the phone with the lawyer. From what I gathered, that decision to contest the living will would be up to Patricia, as his wife and legal proxy. I don’t know how much faith Michael had in Patricia to be on their side with this but when the call ended he left the room to speak with his siblings.
I picked up my phone and texted my own brother.
K: Things aren’t looking good. I’ll be away for a while.
A: No problem. I have to head back to Michigan. I’m going to overnight you a set of keys to the house and cars. Call me when you’re heading back, I’ll try to meet you. I just have things to take care of.
K: Take your time, this is turning into a legal battle. My father-in-law has a living will.
A: That can be tough. My father had one. We had to honor it. Our culture would have it no other way. See you soon.
K: Yeah. See you soon.
I tossed my phone onto the bed and went to take a shower. By the time I had turned off the water and dried off Michael had come back into the bedroom and had fallen asleep across the bed. I took the folder from his hand and put it on the table next to the bed. I didn’t wake him; instead I curled up next to him and watched him in a rare state of peace.
My heart was breaking for my husband and his family. I knew the loss all too well. Aside from the Scott’s, I had no family left in the world before Abi walked into my life. My parents passed in a car accident when I was in college and they were all I had. My father was an only child and his parents passed long before they adopted me. My mother had a stale relationship with h
er parents and her only brother traveled the world doing mission trips and I had lost touch with him after her death. I thought about building a better relationship with my maternal grandparents but they had never made the effort and I honestly didn’t know if they’d want to.
But Michael, his family was my family and they were the closest most loving people I have ever met. I can’t imagine a time where Liam and Michael weren’t on speaking terms. I laughed at the stories of how Michael and Liam did business together never revealing their true relationship until Jayda got caught in the middle.
I let Michael sleep for an hour before I woke him. We were heading back to the hospital for another lengthy round of just waiting. He was ready in minutes and we piled into the car and left.
Michael
“It’s not happening.” Patricia spoke softly. We all sat in the waiting room, including the lawyer. And we were pleading for our step-mother to make the decision that none of us had the power to make.
“We’re just asking for time for him to recover.” Liam pleaded.
“You don’t think I want your father, my husband to get better?” Her voice caught in her throat. “If the doctors don’t see a reasonable chance, we have to do what you father has asked.”
“But his living will is outdated, Mama.” Leah stated handing her the folder.
“I’ve seen the papers, they don’t change anything. You don’t think Michael Joseph and I have had these conversations, we’ve been married for two decades. It’s still what he wants. We have to do what he would want.”
“You really think that he wants to give up? The man has never given up on anything in his life.” I screamed.
“Michael.” She grabbed my hand and looked up at me. “This isn’t a business acquisition. Your father was meticulous with legalities and his health. He’s seen these papers. He has made amendments to the documents. He was of sound mind and I am NOT going against his best interest.” She huffed and stormed off in the direction of our father’s room.
