It’s nearly midnight, and she was right: Kat’s all I can think about right now. Never before have I been so mind-fucked by a girl. I know she likes me, and I like her, so why is she playing hard to get with me? The more I think of her body pressed up against mine the way it was right before she left, the more I know I’ll do anything to be able to bury myself inside her.
I roll over in my bed and notice that there’s a missed message on my phone. I feel like some stupid chick when I smile from ear to ear when I see it’s a text from Kat.
Kat: I just wanted you to know I haven’t thought of you once until now, and that’s only because I was just watching Chicago Fire and it reminded me how much hotter those guys are than you.
I laugh to myself because now I know she’s probably been thinking of me as much as I am her and is being her usual stubborn self.
Me: Yeah, I’d do Taylor Kinney. “Stubborn Love”
I text her the one song that seems perfect for this moment wishing she was at my side right now. Something deep inside me begins to stir and knowing she is only yards away causes me to get up from the bed, take my phone with me and walk down the stairs to go out to my front porch. I know I can’t be a total psycho and go to her house this time of night, but just looking at her house will make me feel closer to her. God, if I could just smell her right now, I might be able to settle down a little.
When I crack open my creaking screen door, I’m stopped in my tracks when I see the small shadow of Kat on a chair on her front porch, with her feet propped up on the railing. She doesn’t notice me, and I don’t think; I only act. I’m drawn to her like a magnet. I walk down the steps and make my way to her on the gravelly street. As I get closer, I realize why she doesn’t hear my footsteps that echo down the quiet street with each step: she has headphones on and bops her head along with a confused look. Before I get in her view, I see her pick up her phone and begin to text someone. Jealousy instantly hits me, wondering why she’s texting someone else when she hasn’t even responded to my last message.
Suddenly my phone vibrates and I realize who she was texting.
Me.
Kat: I don’t like that song.
Before I let her know I’m feet away, I respond.
Me: Don’t get your panties in a bunch. You know I was being sarcastic, Kat. Try this one— “Distance”
Before I push Send, I pull the duet up on my phone and for once I’m glad that Jess added all these Christina Perry songs to my playlist last summer. I wait to hit play until I send the message and watch Kat begin to read it. Once I see the smile play at the corner of her mouth, I know she’s familiar with the song. My nervousness calms when I realize it doesn’t freak her out that I just sent her a love song.
I press play; the music booms from my phone and she practically jumps from her seat when she hears the song playing.
Her eyes shoot straight to mine and we both laugh. “You’re borderline creepy right now,” she says playfully before she settles back in her seat and tries to act as though she’s not happy to see me. But the way her eyes light up when they meet mine tells me a different story.
“I just came out for some fresh air and saw you on the porch, practically begging me to come over here with your text pretending you weren’t thinking about me.”
The song’s still playing behind us, and I reach for her hand to pull her up to me, wanting to feel her body up against mine one more time. She’s wearing some sort of tight black yoga pants that leave nothing to the imagination, with a loose pink tank top that leaves a very thin layer of clothing between us. The second her body meets mine, I take in her sweet scent that I love and feel more relaxed than I have ever in my life. Having her in my arms makes me feel more at home than ever before.
“That song was mean, Joey. It’s basically like you’re saying that I’ll break your heart.” Her voice breaks a little and I realize she doesn’t get it at all.
I take her face in my hands and kiss her head. “Listen to it again. The third verse especially.” I change the song playing on my phone to play “Stubborn Love,” and take her back in my arms.
She looks up at me and rolls her eyes, trying to pretend as if she isn’t loving every second of this. “You’re such a dork, Joey.”
I take her hands in mine and sing along while dancing playfully with her on the porch. She giggles and dances along for the first few verses. I’m singing my heart out along with the song, not giving a shit that it’s the middle of the night. When the song begins to slow and start on the third verse, the one I want her to really hear, I tilt her chin so she’s looking right at me as I sing along.
When the song ends, she steps back and takes a deep breath. “What is it with you and songs?” She turns to grab her headphones and cell, creating distance between us that I don’t want.
I block her from passing by; I choose “Distance” from my playlist again and hold it up to her. “I’m bad at saying the things I feel sometimes. This is all new for me, and a lot of songs can say what I want to say a whole hell of a lot better than I can. I don’t want to mess this up, Kat.”
She looks down at my phone and listens to the song. I can see the rise and fall of her breaths. “I’m just really confused right now, Joey. I don’t know what I want.”
“I think you want me as much as I want you, but you’re too afraid to admit it.” I wrap her up in my arms and she looks up at me with eyes that tell me I’m right.
“I’m scared. I don’t see how this can ever work between us, Joey. I’m still getting over Kevin, and you have so many skeletons in your closet.”
I cut her off before she can say more. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Kat. I’ve spent the past decade screwing other girls, trying to get you out of my head. I know now it’s always been you that I’ve wanted, and those girls were just a way for me to deal with the fact that I would never be able to have the one person I’ve ever really wanted.”
“Don’t you see how messed up that is, Joey? In all those years, you could’ve just picked me, but you didn’t. You’ve waited so long to pick me, it’s hard to believe that you’re just not settling. And I don’t know if I want to be another girl on your list. I won’t be another name in your jar of hearts.”
“Don’t you dare throw that song at me!” Her face is shocked when she realizes that I know the hurtful words of that song, and the coldhearted man it describes. “I have never made promises to any other woman in my life, Kat. Yeah, I’ve screwed a lot of women. I can’t change that. But if you let me, I’m going to spend every day from here on out proving to you that any doubts you’ve been having about us are wrong. Being with you isn’t anything like settling and don’t you ever let that thought cross your mind again. Being with you is the most perfect thing I can imagine in my life, and now that I’ve allowed myself to imagine it coming to reality, I’ll do anything to make you feel the same way.”
I don’t wait for her to say anything. I crash my lips against hers, and the sweet taste of peppermint mixed with her sighs fill me with an exhilarating, heady feeling. I let my hands trace under her shirt and brush across her smooth belly. With each swipe of her tongue against mine, I fall even harder, never wanting to be one with another person more than I do now.
“Kat.” I plead for more.
She responds by gripping my waist tightly and pulls me closer to her. I can feel the heat of her body and pulsing of her heart and am coming undone with her every move. I walk her over to her door and press her up against the wood. I take her hands in one of mine, pin them to the wall behind us as I let my mouth work its way down her neck and along her collarbone. She moans in pleasure as she rocks her body against my leg that holds her in place.
“Get a room!” Two familiar voices echo from across the street. We both freeze and stare at each other with huge grins on our face. I lean my forehead against hers and mouth, “Oh shit.” She laughs. I can only imagine how long they’ve been standing there and watching us.
I kiss Kat’s nose
and turn to give them the finger for interrupting something so perfect. “Don’t you two have anything better to do?”
They both laugh and high-five before they turn to go back in the house. They’ve accomplished their goal of ruining our moment, as I have done to them so many times over the years. I look down at Kat and see her blotches that let me know how embarrassed she is. She looks so sweet and innocent, but I know the salty personality that hides just under her innocent surface. I don’t want to leave her side right now. I don’t know even if I could after that kiss.
“Come back with me and stay the night. I’ll be good.” I brush my thumb across her lips and make a silent vow to keep that promise. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without you in my arms tonight.”
She smiles shyly. “You’ve done alright until now.”
I pull her close; her body fit perfectly with mine. “Stay with me, Kat.” My eyes burn into hers, and she takes my hand and laces her fingers through mine.
“Alright.”
I kiss the top of her head and lead her down the street to my house. I look up to the sky, praying to God to give me the strength to do as I promised and not make her mine tonight. I can’t let my need for her take over her need to feel loved and respected by me.
Kat
“Out of the Woods”
Four months and three days. That’s how long I’ve been seeing Joey, and how long I’ve been holding out sleeping with him. And yes, I’ve even been counting the hours lately because each time we are together, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to keep my clothes on around him.
Two weeks into seeing Joey, I met up with Kevin and told him that I would never be getting back together with him. He hasn’t taken it too hard. I’m sure he knew it was coming with the way I was avoiding his phone calls and messages, but I also haven’t told him about Joey yet either. We still talk every now and again, and he keeps me updated about his mom’s declining health. But I’ve managed to keep my relationship with Joey private from him. I know that if Kevin knew about Joey, his jealousy would take over and he’d see me more as a prize he has lost, and try to weasel his way back into my life. I know I’ll have to tell him soon, but I’m in no rush to ruffle what has been a smooth break-up.
Joey really has kept his promise to try to prove to me that he’s no longer a player and completely devoted to making this work between us. For someone who has never been in a serious long-term relationship, he sure could have fooled me. He calls or texts me every day, and has taken to referring to me as his “girlfriend” instead of calling me by my name any time we are around others. I have to admit, I love how it sounds. Any time he’s not working, he spends with me, and even when he is on shift, he makes a point to stop in every day to say hello and sneak a kiss. Those are my favorite moments because he looks so damn hot in his uniform. It’s been nearly impossible not to strip him naked and give him the last part of me that I’ve been holding back.
Each date has let me get to know more of the sensitive side of Joey that has been hiding behind his sarcastic comments all these years. I fall a little harder each time we’re together. He’s the most caring and attentive man I’ve ever met, making me wonder whether there was some special class the guys who grew up on this street attended to make them the perfect partners in life. Last night was a night that I think pushed me over the edge from loving Joey to being in love with him, and it scares me a little.
The McMillans are in town for the next few weeks, taking a break from movie making just long enough to open up their beach house and be able to attend Jess and Gage’s wedding next weekend. I’ve met the McMillans many times before and am always struck by how normal and down to earth they still seem. I don’t know whether it’s the fact that they’ve maintained their strong East Coast ties and accents, or whether it’s because of the way they treat everyone as if they’re old friends, but there’s a level of comfort they exude that makes me realize how Joey’s managed to stay as grounded as he has, considering the sickening amount of money he has access to.
Joey insisted on picking me up and escorting me to his parents’ beach house for dinner last night rather than meeting up even though he’s been spending the entire day with them, and I have to say I was glad he did. I was never sure how his parents felt about me, and how they would react to the fact that Joey’s changed in so many ways since we’ve started dating. The second I walked through the door, I knew everything had changed. I’ve been there many times before with Joey, but last night felt different.
I was a ball of nerves before he arrived, changing my outfit a thousand times, not wanting to be too casual or too dressed up. I chose a black pair of jeans and a bright green blouse that brought out the green in my eyes. When I came down the stairs to have a quick glass of wine before Joey arrived to calm my nerves, I was startled to see him in my kitchen. His back was to me, giving me the perfect opportunity to admire his incredibly built body without his knowing. The way his dark black jeans wrapped around him made him seem even more like a gift I couldn’t wait to open.
“I didn’t hear you come in.” I walked up behind him, and slid my hands around his waist before kissing him softly below his ear, just where he likes it.
He took a deep breath before he turned to me with a growl. “You really should keep your door locked.” He kissed my forehead and smiled confidently. “Someone besides an extremely hot fireman could get in and take advantage of you.” He moved his lips to my mouth, and gave my bottom lip a little bite. My core clenched with pleasure.
“Look who’s talking. I don’t think you’ve ever locked your door.” My voice was a whisper, too turned on by the things his mouth was doing to my earlobe. If we don’t have sex soon, I think one of us will certainly explode.
Joey laughed and pulled away after giving me one quick kiss, clearly as turned on as I was and needing some space. “Well, good thing you have me to protect you.” He slapped my ass before he walked over to the table where he had his keys waiting. “We should get on our way. My parents are expecting us.”
I swallowed hard, cursing myself for feeling so nervous, but when Joey took my hand in his and kissed my temple, I relaxed. “So do they think I’m coming as your friend or as something more?” I asked as we made our way to his motorcycle parked in my driveway.
He looked down at me with a devilish grin that made him look like the teenager who used to make my heart flutter. “Do you mean, do they know you’re my girlfriend?” He grabbed my ass one more time before he handed me my helmet. Joey’s always had a thing for my butt, and now that he thinks he has free rein over it, it’s been hard to keep him away. “Yes, of course they know you’re my girlfriend.”
He nonchalantly swung his leg over the seat and revved up the engine, urging me to hop on behind him. Joey loves to ride his bike any chance he can, and I love being behind him while we speed through the shore streets. His parents’ house is only a few miles away, and it’s times like last night that I wished they lived hundreds of miles away just so I could have an excuse to press my body against his and hold on to his rock solid abs.
When we pulled onto the circular cobblestone driveway, we were greeted by one of the groundskeepers who help Helen out over the busy summer months. The McMillans spend most of their time here in the summer, usually only coming back when their schedule allows during holidays. There have been many people in and out over the years, with Helen the one mainstay of the household.
Joey greeted the man with a polite smile and handed both our helmets to the kind old man who looked close to Helen’s age. I couldn’t help but wish something was going on between Helen and this new man. It always makes me sad to think of her here in this big house all alone most of the time.
I smoothed down my wild hair, knowing that whether or not I was on a motorcycle, my hair was a lost cause. Joey smiled down at me and took my hand in his, and kissed each knuckle. “God, you’re beautiful.” He always says just the right thing to calm me.
The way he s
aid it, and the way he looked at me with hooded eyes over my hand, made me wonder whether he was falling in love with me the way I was with him. “You’re not too bad yourself.” I smiled like a schoolgirl.
We haven’t yet said we love each other, although he says it with a different song each night. I know he’s taking things slow like I asked, but there’s no longer any doubt in my mind that I want to be with him and only him. My feelings for Kevin in no way compare to how I’ve been feeling for Joey. What I feel for Joey is so much more than I’ve ever experienced, that it seems odd to think that I was ever in love with Kevin at all. My relationship with Joey has been so different from anything I’ve ever experienced before; it’s as if I spent all those years with Kevin, experiencing heartbreak and losing faith in true love, so that I would have no doubt what true love really was once I’ve found it. And I’m pretty sure I’ve found it with Joey.
With me, his cocky, confident way is feathered with compassion and loyalty that makes him the perfect contradiction. Joey has many reasons to be as confident as he is, and in a lot of ways it makes me self-conscious, wondering why a man like him could want to be with someone as plain as me as much as he seems to. I’m not a millionaire, like him. I’m not a hero, like him. I don’t have super-model looks like him. Any time my insecurities get the best of me, Joey always seems to know and does something thoughtful, like send me a message with the perfect song attached. I’ve never been an insecure person, and don’t like when I feel that way, so his ability to know when I’m feeling that way, and doing something thoughtful to reassure me, is one of the many reasons he’s reeling me in and taking my heart.
His Jar of Hearts (A Broken Fairy Tale #3) Page 8
