by Rob Reger
Shook off horrible flash attack of panic, fear, and insecurity. (Barely.)
Installed Mystery (to her GREAT displeasure) into her new seat in my hobo-sack.
And departed for Points Unknown.
Friday, August 13, 179O
Today's assignments:
Recover from uncomfortable night spent outdoors- 13 points
Code-break (LATE!)-113 points
Am not completely sure if this is good news or bad news, but I have been turned away at all points of exit from Seasidetown that I’ve found so far. By soldiers with muskets. No use trying to explain to them how white fever actually spreads (and how it doesn’t); I could see the terror in their faces as I approached.48
I can only hope that the same has happened to Boris’ caravan, and that I have a chance of finding them back in Seasidetown. Am headed home, with fingers crossed!
Much Later
SUPER BAD STUFF!!!!!!!!
Opal ate my apple.
My Time-Out Machine is GONE. No!
And Enigma has been catnapped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Later
OK, so I have found Opal, Lily, and Pearl, who were already home when I arrived. Have had long, semi-hysterical conversations with them as to how and why these catastrophes could have occurred. On my part, I am angry enough about my missing apple and T.O.M. to make Caleb wonder again about that unpleasant family rumor about a Dark Aunt killing Lily. On Lily’s part, she is none too happy at having been ordered to pack her belongings and pile into Boris’ caravan, only to drive around for hours and hours, finally return to this prison of a home, have her beloved cat taken from her, and then get thoroughly scolded by ME. To be fair, I should not be blaming any of these people. What it boils down to is that A) Lily is a product of her times, and believed (up until now) that a little social taboo against a man stepping inside a young girl’s bedroom would stop the evil Uncle Boris from stealing my T.O.M.; B) Uncle Boris is evil, and intelligent enough to realize that catnapping is the key to getting what he wants out of Lily; and C) Opal is half starved, and my apple looked tasty.
I WANT MY T.O.M. BACK RIGHT NOW!!!
But all in all, that is the most easily solved of my problems. I laugh to think that Uncle Boris can keep my belongings away from me for any length of time. Much more serious will be my need to exact suitable revenge on him for this little stunt, but even that pales compared to the issue of HOW I WILL GET BACK TO MY OWN TIME without that razzafrazzing APPLE. Assuming Lily can eventually make the dark elixir flow, and assuming I can then power the Time-Out Machine with it, I STILL have nothing to put in it that will get me back to the time and place I left!
Am clearly in deep doo-doo, but I may as well get to work rescuing Enigma before Lily loses all hope. She has disintegrated into tearful mush, and simply lies in bed crying for her cat. Too bad her training had not progressed further before this happened.
Later
Lily eventually dragged herself out of bed for the daily ration of smushed bread and hominy in Pearl’s room. The two of us were not getting along particularly well.
LILY: [Real grumpy.] Don’t—why must you sit so close?
Me: [Also real grumpy.] Mmph!! I still can’t believe you thought GOOD MANNERS would keep Boris out of your room! I mean—OF COURSE he’s gonna go in there and snoop around!
L: It seemed so unthinkable a week ago!
Me: Why did I even come here? I shoulda let dead aunts lie.
L: No one invited you!
Me: [Working self up into fine state of grump.] You didn’t even leave me a note when Boris took you away. And I KNOW you had time, if you were able to pack all those suitcases.
L: A NOTE? I left you a note!
Me: What? Where? I never saw a note!
L: [Staring at me in super-irked disbelief. Tears threatening again.] The one hanging over my BED?
Me: [Staring at her in uncomfortable confusion.] [Running down the hall to her room.]
And there it was—embroidered in the spiderwebs, clear as anything, once you actually LOOKED:
It really is a very impressive note both in content and presentation.49 Have apologized to Lily. She has apologized to me. Tearful Mush episode thankfully over. Time to get moving.
Later
Much action in the past hour! Here’s what has occurred:
Pep-talked Lily until she was ready to be of some use to me in the rescue mission.
Then Lily and Mystery and I left the house via the tunnels, and soon were hunkered under Boris’ caravan.
Sat there for several minutes before I noticed a small trapdoor in the floor of said caravan. Probably used for emptying chamber pots or something.
Jimmied it open with a paper clip and oh-so-cautiously poked my head up through the hole.
Took note of T.O.M. standing in a corner, and Boris, Musket Man, and Thugly gathered around a table, their backs to me. No sign of Enigma, though.
Until Thugly shifted to one side, revealing Enigma stretched out on the table, seemingly asleep.
Then he put down the instrument he’d been using on her. It was one I recognized from a box of horrible-looking medical apparatus I’d seen in the warehouse. And I knew its use: bloodletting.
At that point, I was abruptly pushed aside by Lily, who’d been waiting her turn to get a peek inside the caravan.
Having gotten an eyeful of the scene described above, Lily threw to the wind the last scraps of her training, and dissolved into a (thankfully silent) puddle of vapors and snot.
I left her there under the caravan, with instructions to Mystery to guard her, and fled toward the wharf in search of my favorite band of underage thugs.
Moments later, I had made my bargain with the leader of the gang,50 and we were all headed back to the caravan.
As soon as I got under it again, the slingshotting started . . . Boris and his men promptly dashed outside, as expected.
I popped through the trapdoor and scooped up Enigma, told Lily and Mystery to follow me, and ran for the safety of the warehouse.
Later
Left Lily and the cats at the warehouse under Hannah’s care. Am back under the caravan, hoping I can get a clue as to why Boris would think it advisable to take blood from Lily’s cat. I mean, I could understand holding Enigma as a hostage until he got his hands on the black potion. I could even see why he might threaten Lily with harm to her pet. But a threat’s not much of a threat if you keep it private. No, this was something else, something I didn’t get at all.
Boris and the henchmen returned to the caravan a few minutes after I did. I kept silent and listened. What I heard chilled me to the bone. To the MARROW. To the myelocytes INSIDE my marrow.
THUGLY: Boris [he pronounced it “Boss”], the feline has escaped!
Boris: [Growling.] That’s SIR Boris!!!—Spleeny pox-marked scut!—I told you to drain it well of blood!
T: Indeed I drained it, Sir Boss—I heard its very heartbeats grow faint!
B: You ratsbane! Pour the blood into this chalice—we shall see if there is anything in what Caleb says. Where IS that blasted Caleb, anyway? You—go find him. Tell him we have the witch cat’s blood!
Musket Man: [Grumbling. Leaving the caravan.]
T: He spends far too much time with the Étrange family, Sir Boss.
B: And that’s what I pay him to do, is it not? He’s wiling out that little witch’s secrets for me, you shall see.
T: How difficult could it be, Sir Boss? He knows my darkest thoughts, and never hesitates to let me know. I’ll wager he’s hiding those secrets from you!
B: He dares not! In any case, he has already explained the difficulty. You see, my niece does not yet recognize her control over the fountain of black potion. But she is soon to understand. In fact, yesterday Caleb told me the good news that a female relation, a cousin Miss Lily’s age, has come to stay with them. You wretched lazy guards—she slipped right past you! But then, she is a witch herself! It matters not—Caleb has read in her mind the good she w
ill do Miss Lily. And already Miss Lily is making progress—coming closer every day to her full power! AHAHAHHHAHAHAH!
I felt horribly sick inside.
CALEB had suggested the catnapping.
CALEB had suggested the bloodletting.
And CALEB had told Boris about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Later-back in the warehouse
Enigma is alive, but unconscious, and we can’t wake her. Lily is getting more and more tearful, and Hannah is trying to keep her calm and do what she can for Enigma. But what is there to do? Am sitting nearby with Mystery curled in my lap. Trying to steel myself for the worst.
Later
Bad, bad news . . . and it’s not about Enigma.
Lily had been sitting with Enigma in her lap, petting and talking to her. Every now and then her heartbeat would weaken, and Lily and Hannah would try their best to revive her a little, but about an hour ago I started noticing that Hannah was getting exhausted and could barely keep her eyes open. The boys and I convinced her to go lie down, but just a few minutes later, Sweetie-Pie came running over to get me, so I went to look at Hannah . . . All the signs were there: the high temperature; the terrible thirst; the chalky sweat, rolling down her dark skin in grim contrast.
White fever.
Later
Have sent Michael and James out to find their father. Not that he can do anything, but he should be here with his wife, in case . . . I don’t even want to finish that sentence. She has to get better, and that’s ALL.
Lily, Sweetie-Pie, and I are gathered around her, encouraging her to get better, since that is the only treatment we can offer.51
What I wouldn’t give for some dark elixir right now!
ME: Lily? Any chance of some dark elixir?
Lily: [Looking at me helplessly.] I wish I knew how!
SWEETIE-PIE: What’s dark elixir?
ME: It’s a . . . kind of medicine that Lily can use to heal people.
SP: Where is it?
L: [Near tears.] I don’t know!
SP: I know! It’s at your house!
L: No, it’s not—
Me: [Excited—realization dawning.] Lily, it IS at your house! Remember the mud in the tunnel? It wasn’t from the rain, Lily!
L: Yes . . . that could be it. That could be it!
—OK, we are mobilizing—heading back to the tunnel to get some (hopefully) healing mud for Enigma and Hannah—more later—
Later
AMAZING
miraculous
mind-blowing events have transpired.
We have not left the warehouse—the dark elixir has come to us, and to the whole town.
And Lily is like a new person.
Here’s what happened:
I’d been trying to get us up and out of the warehouse to fetch some dark elixir mud, but Lily didn’t want to leave Enigma, and I didn’t want to leave Hannah and Sweetie-Pie alone, and then Mystery gave this heartbreaking howl, and Lily looked up at me and said, “It’s Enigma . . . her heart just stopped.”
A terrible moment went by.
And Sweetie-Pie said, “Then make it start, Lily.”
And Lily DID make it start. The lovely black rock, that is. I think all of us felt it in the marrow of our bones, a sort of psychic pull, a weird kind of suction, like the dark attraction of a black hole. And it was coming from Lily. And it was bringing the dark elixir. No little stream, but a massive torrent rushing through the tunnels, filling the underground passageways, bursting out of all the exit points, flooding the streets.
We ran outside, scooping it up in our hands, rushing it in to our sick and dying.
And all over town, people were doing the same.
Later
Lily kept the flood going for about an hour, long enough for everyone to get their fill. In hindsight, it’s lucky that Boris did all that advertising for his Fever Reliever. Black Potion for White Fever! Townspeople needed no prompting. Now sickrooms have gone back to being bedrooms, hospitals are emptying out, and doctors are taking long-overdue nap breaks. Am thankful the stuff works so fast.
Anyway, my fifteen minutes of being concerned about a townful of strangers is fast expiring, and I am ITCHING to put some of this dark elixir to use in time travel. Have filled up a canteen with it. Lily and I are about to head over to Boris’ caravan to see about my Time-Out Machine.
Later
DREADFUL SETBACK!!!!!
I have my T.O.M., I have dark elixir, but I am STILL stuck in the eighteenth century.
Yes. Horrible. Unbelievable. I don’t understand it, but it seems Lily’s dark elixir is NOT Aunt Emma’s black rock, and it’s not powering my machine.
Am unbearably discouraged!
Here’s what happened: No one was at the caravan. We think Boris and his men are most likely back at Lily’s house, trying to bottle up some Black Potion. Anyway, that gave us the chance to break in quietly and try to get the Time-Out Machine started. I’d searched my pockets, spreading out all my assorted doodads, knickknacks, thingamabobs, and trinkets on the floor, and analyzed them for possible time travel usefulness. Here’s a representative sample of what I found:
House key to Dumchester house.
House key to Ridicaville house.
House key to Tootleston house.
House key to Blandindulle house.
Assorted paper clips. Not purchased in Duntzton, more’s the pity.
Assorted slingshotting rocks. All collected in locales other than Duntzton.
Slingshot. Built circa my Dumchester days, with various mods circa my Ridicaville and Blandindulle days.
Various hood ornaments found on streets of Silifordville, Ridicaville, et al.
Loose change.
Can of black spray paint I’ve had at least since Tootleston.
Spare cat collar, dating back a year or more.
Charm bracelet Mom received at her 13th birthday party.
D string from Johnny Ramone’s guitar.
Most of these would get me back to the twenty-first century, but NONE had a hope of taking me to the time and place I’d left.
Would be nice if I had actually made myself a copy of Mom’s Duntzton house key.
Or saved my receipt from Wilson’s Hardware, Antiques, and What-Not.
Or procrastinated a little more on returning Said Student’s ID.
Or brought ANY kind of durable, inedible relic of modern-day Duntzton with me.
Oh how I miss that apple!!!!
But I would have to deal with that problem later. Could not afford to sit around Boris’ caravan moping. What I urgently needed at the moment was to see if the T.O.M. would work at all. I reached over to Lily and yanked a single hair from her head before she could even blink in surprise. Put it in the slot, loaded the hopper with Black Potion, spun the dial back in time, hit GO, and crossed my fingers . . .
NO DICE!
AM DOOMED TO DIE BEFORE I AM EVER BORN'!!!!!!!
Later
I like the new person that Lily has become, but I’m also a little afraid of her.
She didn’t seem at all perturbed when I told her my tragic news. Like I said, she is a new person, without the doubt and helplessness of the old Lily. “Let’s get your machine back to the warehouse,” was all she said, then helped me heft it onto my back and schlep it out of the caravan.
When we got back to the warehouse, Lily cleared us all out of her way, then raised her arms gracefully, bringing a smallish geyser of black rock up from the floor, to be suspended in space like a large black bubble. She stood there with this bubble for a while, patting it with her hands, muttering to herself, and occasionally doing some kind of interesting shimmy. Eventually she called me over. “Go ahead and take some,” she told me. “See if that will work for you.”
It DID work.
Which is why I’m writing this from some paper-clip manufacturing plant somewhere in the twenty-first century.
Am glad it’s the middle of the night, or I’d be drawing some very unwanted at
tention!
Am breathing HUGE sighs of relief that I can at least get back to my own century. Still no clue how to return to my home in Duntzton, but I tell ya, after a week spent in the 1790s, anything a LITTLE closer to my own time seems downright heavenly.
OK, I should really be heading back to 1790 Seasidetown now. I admit I am a little reluctant to return!!! Am reminding myself that I have unfinished business there. Must make sure Attikol is never able to track down descendants of Lily’s family. Must quiz Lily on details of summoning black rock. Must concoct suitable comeuppance for that clabbering Caleb!
All right, here I go. Am using a hangnail pulled off Lily’s finger to get myself there. Kind of gross, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
Later
Lily and the cats and I are in the tunnel just outside her basement, where Boris and what seem to be his two remaining henchmen are standing around arguing. Their conversation is going a little bit like this:
BORIS: You mean to tell me that you only filled one bottle before the flow dried up?
Musket Man: In truth, that bottle is mostly full of mud.
THUGLY: It’s not our fault, Sir Boss. No sooner had we arrived than the black potion began to disappear into the ground. It was almost as though the ground were sucking it up before our eyes!
Lily: [Silently nodding in satisfaction.]
B: Joitheads! Fawning clotpoles! Footlickers! Moldwarps! Crusty-eyed gorbellied loggerheaded maggot pies!
