Jaci smiled. “You know, to be quite honest, while I’m sorry for the circumstances, it feels damn good to have you need me for a change.”
Someone knocked on the door. “Everything okay in there?” Justin asked.
Jena tried to hunch so he wouldn’t see her. Something pulled. Ow. “Lock the door.”
Jaci did. “Jena’s okay. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”
After Jaci emptied her drains, helped her wash up and change into a different cotton zip up running suit, Jena felt much better.
Jena woke up the next morning, after a relatively good night’s sleep—thank you pain medicine—still in the recliner, where she felt the most comfortable. Justin, who’d refused to sleep in the bed because he didn’t trust her to wake him if she needed him, was asleep on the couch. Jena got up from the chair, basically feeling achy all over, and shuffled to the bathroom.
She closed the door, noticed it no longer had a lock, and opened it. “Really?” she yelled. “That’s what you did after I fell asleep?”
“I figured if you could lock yourself in there then the girls can,” Justin said from the couch. “I’m being a proactive parent.”
“Ha ha.” She closed the door.
“Do you need me to empty your drains?” Justin asked from the other side of the door.
Too close. “Don’t come in.”
“I promise to honor your privacy. But if there’s an emergency I need to get in there. Now do you need me to empty your drains?”
“No.” Jena finished up and washed her hands. “Jaci said she’d stop by before work.”
“The nurse said I did a good job of it.”
She’d only allowed that because they wouldn’t discharge her otherwise, and the minutes she’d spent sitting there while he practiced, trying to make sure he couldn’t see under the front of her gown, had been the worst of her entire hospital stay.
“I’d prefer Jaci.”
“If that’s what you want.”
He sounded disappointed. Jena opened the door. “I appreciate you wanting to do it, really. I just feel more comfortable with Jaci.”
“A nice big good morning kiss would go a long way toward soothing my hurt feelings.” He leaned in and puckered his lips.
Had she really hurt his feelings? No. He had to be teasing. She kissed him.
“Now what would you like for breakfast?”
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to,” Justin insisted.
So sweet. “How about rye toast and tea?”
“Coming right up.”
Over the next few days they fell into a nice routine. Each day Jena felt a bit better and tried to do a bit more, always under Justin’s watchful eye. He was absolutely wonderful. But other than an occasional peck of a kiss, she kept her distance, feeling unappealing and unfeminine and not even remotely ready for intimacy of any kind.
* * *
One night in the recliner extended into six. And even though Jena’s pain decreased and her activity increased, she insisted on sleeping in the recliner chair, claiming it was more comfortable for her than the bed. But with each passing day Justin felt more certain it was her way of putting physical distance between them.
When they sat on the couch to watch television he tried to put his arm around her, she asked him not to. Too sore she’d said. Okay. But he tried to hold her hand and she pulled it away. Tried to flirt and couldn’t get one blush out of her.
And those sponge baths the nurse mentioned prior to discharge? The ones he’d gotten kind of excited about? Never happened. Because Jena would only let Jaci in the bathroom with her.
Selfish Justin regretted calling Jaci. But desperately-trying-to-do-the-right-thing fiancé and father Justin accepted that Jena preferred having her sister readily available, whether he liked it or not.
One week after her surgery, Justin drove Jena to the doctor’s office to have two of the drains removed, hoping to finally get a look at her chest. Only to spend the duration of the visit, at Jena’s request, in the waiting room. Jena had denied him entry into the examination room.
Justin felt her growing more distant, more skittish. Smiling less. Preoccupied. And he knew in his heart if he didn’t do something, he would lose her.
Thinking maybe the first step to getting back the old Jena was to get her out of the condo; he took the opportunity of her doctor’s appointment to take her to lunch.
“Why are you stopping here?” she asked as he pulled into a parking lot.
“I’m taking you out to lunch. You’ve been cooped up in the condo for too long.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well I am.”
“I don’t want to go.” She adjusted her shirt. “I still have two drains. Everyone will see.”
He turned to face her. “You are wearing a loose blouse with a bulky sweater. I promise you, the drains and any bandages you may or may not still have are not visible.”
He got out of the SUV and walked around to open her door. She looked up at him. Hesitant and unsure. He held out his hand. She placed her hand in his. Thank you. And he helped her out of the car. The first thing she did was tilt her beautiful face up to the sun. “That feels nice.”
“Grandma Abbie always used to say the fresh air will do you good.”
He tucked her hand in the crook of his arm and led her into the small bistro like any other couple out for a lunch date. It felt good.
The waitress seated them along the wall.
“I feel like everyone is staring at my chest,” Jena shared, closing the sides of her sweater.
Justin looked around. “I don’t see anyone staring at your chest. Do you?”
Jena looked around. “I guess not.”
The waitress took their orders.
“I thought you weren’t hungry,” Justin teased.
“Well it would be impolite of me to sit here and watch you eat,” Jena said primly. Then they lapsed into a casual, comfortable conversation. Jena warmed up and he managed to coax a few smiles and one very distinct blush out of her.
And Justin felt hope.
But back in the condo her don’t-touch-me walls shot right back up.
That night after they put the girls to bed Jena said, “I’m going to take a shower.”
A shower sounded good to him. “Want some company?”
She reacted like he’d asked her to have kinky sex in front of a room full of men, but quickly regained her composure. “Uh, thank you. But no.”
Not one to give up easily he tried a different tack. “Do you need help?”
“No. No.” She hurried to the guest bathroom. The guest bathroom. Always the guest bathroom. “I’m good. I’ll be fine.”
He would have yelled for her to call if she needed anything, but the way things were going, he’d likely hear the thud of her unconscious body hitting the shower floor before she’d call for him. He threw the magazine he’d been reading, frustrated as hell, and he sat there, listening for any signs of distress, imagining rivulets of water flowing down her body, and foam—
Something fell—maybe a shampoo bottle—followed by a groan. He jumped up from the couch, ran to the bathroom, and thank you no more door lock, pushed inside. “Are you okay?”
“A little dizzy.” She sounded weak. Dazed.
He threw the shower curtain to the side.
“No!” she screamed. “Go away.” She hunched forward and covered her chest. But that meant she had to release her hold on the tub grip bar. She swayed.
Justin reached into the shower spray, turned off the water and scooped her up before she fell.
“Don’t look at me,” she cried, covering her chest.
Not before he’d seen the purple bruising and the strip of something tape-like
over her incisions. And the string from a sweatshirt hood she had tied loosely around her neck with the long tubes of her drains threaded through diaper pins to keep the bulbed ends from dangling.
He sat on the toilet settling Jena on his lap.
“Please, don’t look at me,” she said again, Quiet. Defeated.
Justin had had enough. “You know what? It’s too late. I looked. And you want to know what I saw?”
“No,” she said miserably.
“I saw the breasts of a woman I care deeply for looking bruised and painful. And you want to know how it made me feel?”
She shook her head, looking down, almost curled into a ball.
“Tough. You were the one who refused to accept my ring unless I promised to talk to you and be honest with you. So here goes. It makes me feel mad as hell. At cancer. And helpless, that I can’t take away the pain or speed your healing. And damn determined.” Careful of her drains he draped his arms around hers and hugged her. “I feel you pushing me away and I won’t let it happen.” Tears pooled in his eyes. She was something special. A keeper. He felt it in his heart. “You can push all you want. But I’m not going anywhere.”
Jena said nothing.
“Before your surgery you told me you are more than a pair of breasts. Right on. I agree. What about you? Saying the words isn’t enough. You have to believe them.” He kissed her head. “You are so much more to me. I love you, Jena. And not solely for your beautiful body, but because of who you are. A smart, sweet, thoughtful, caring, courageous woman.”
“I don’t feel very courageous at the moment.” She lifted her head to look at him. “I love you, too,” she admitted. And he’d been right. He’d much rather hear the words come from her mouth than read them on a piece of paper—that now resided in the town dump with the other three letters she’d written. “You’ve taken such good care of me and the girls.”
“I got off to a rocky start.”
“But you didn’t give up.” He wouldn’t let himself. “And with everything that went on that night, I think I’d have needed to call in reinforcements, too.”
“Thank you.” He kissed her forehead.
“You’re all wet,” Jena said.
“That’s what happens when I brave a shower to rescue my fiancée.”
“My hero.” She smiled. And Justin couldn’t help but smile, too.
“You smell like baby shampoo.”
“That’s what the doctor said to use until I’m all healed.”
Which is probably why she always used the guest bathroom. Not because she was avoiding their bedroom, but because they kept the baby shampoo in the guest bathroom where she bathed the twins. And maybe so he’d be close by in case she needed him. “It’s starting to harden in your hair.”
“I guess I’d better finish my shower.”
“About that,” he said. “Should I be calling the doctor to tell him you almost passed out?”
She looked away. “He, uh, warned me this might happen.”
“And you risked cracking your head open on the tub floor rather than asking me to sit in here with you on the off chance an experienced medical professional may be right?”
“I felt absolutely, totally fine before the shower.” She looked up at him with her beautiful blue eyes. “I took care of my mother for years. Trust me. I would not have risked a head injury by taking a shower if I felt the least bit unwell. I honestly thought I’d be fine.”
“How do you feel now?” he asked.
“Like I’d appreciate it if you’d sit in here with me while I rinse off.”
Good, because no way he was leaving.
“But please,” she said, starting to stand. “It makes me uncomfortable for you to look at me right now.”
He closed his eyes.
She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
She turned on the shower. He waited until he heard the curtain close before he opened his eyes. “You okay?”
“Fine.”
He lifted his wet shirt over his head, then what the hell, stripped off the rest of his clothes and wrapped a towel around his waist. “Now that you’re cleared to take showers, does that mean no more sponge baths? Cause I was kind of really looking forward to giving you a sponge bath.”
She laughed. “You have got to be kidding me. After everything you saw just now, all you’re thinking about is giving me a sponge bath?”
As a matter of fact, “Yeah.”
“You’re amazing,” she said.
“Back atcha, baby.”
“I like it when you call me baby.”
“Why, Jena Piermont. Are you flirting with me?”
She turned off the water. “Please hand me a towel and close your eyes.”
Obviously, there was still work to be done. He closed his eyes and opened a large bath towel prepared to wrap her up in it. But they’d made some progress tonight. And progress was good.
Post op week two Jena let him take care of her drains, and she returned to their bed, although she slept out of reach and propped up almost as high as if she was in the recliner. At least he could hold her hand as they drifted off to sleep.
On the next Wednesday they returned to the surgeon’s office and Jena’s remaining drains were removed. That time he was allowed in the exam room but had to stay on the outside of the curtain. At least he could hear the doctor’s evaluation and instructions.
Progress.
Within a few days of drain removal things started to return to normal. Jena could move around better and required less assistance caring for the twins. But by far the best part was she resumed sleeping on her side so he could cuddle up behind her at night. An activity he enjoyed much more than smoking cigars, drinking beer, and playing cards with a bunch of guys into the early morning hours. So when Ryan gave him a hard time for cancelling his fourth poker game in a row, Justin told him to find a permanent replacement to fill his spot. Justin had no interest in playing every week. Here and there maybe, but right now he’d much rather spend his time with his fiancée and daughters.
Toward the end of post op week three it was as if the surgery had never happened. Except he had yet to set eyes on his lovely fiancée’s undressed post-surgery body, and they had yet to have sex.
Justin didn’t push. But he made it known when she was ready so was he.
Nothing.
So in the middle of post op week four, when he returned home from work, color him totally surprised when Jena greeted him at the door, wearing an instant hardon inducing red babydoll negligee with a matching, sheer, robe, complete with a hint of cleavage, and those silver stilettoes he loved.
“Welcome home,” she said with a hesitant smile. Shy. Unsure. She fiddled with her feathered hem. “I thought maybe...” She looked away. “If you wanted...” She swallowed. “We could try...”
“You look fantastic, Jena...amazing.” Justin’s sex-starved body went hard at the sight of her.
She gifted him with a beautiful smile, walked to him and went up on her toes for a kiss. Not the platonic pecks from the last few weeks. But a real tongue in the mouth, I want you naked now, kind of kiss.
As difficult as it was to do, Justin stopped her.
At her hurt expression he explained, “I have been in some terrible areas today and I need to shower. Five minutes. Tops.” He kissed her. Then ran for the shower chanting ‘Please don’t change your mind. Please don’t change your mind. Please don’t change your mind.’
He finished in three.
“Now.” He hurried into the living room, wearing nothing but a pair of briefs. “Where were we?”
She sat on the corner of the couch with her hands crossed in her lap her feet on the floor, looking prim. And nervous. “The girls are spending the night with Jaci.”
Finally. Justi
n joined her on the couch. Night after night, morning after morning, he’d held her close, aroused and wanting, waiting for her to be ready, waiting for this very moment, waiting to prove how inconsequential breasts had become. Because he loved every enticing, alluring, lovable inch of Jena and was raring to show her.
“Come here.” He patted his lap.
She looked over at him. “I’m not sure how this will turn out. But we need to get past this first awkward time if there’s any hope...” She turned her head. “I want to make you happy, to give you what you need. But...”
“You do make me happy,” he said. “Please.” He reached for her arm. “What I need right now is to hold you close.” To calm her nerves, rouse her passion and build her confidence.
In a show of trust that humbled him, she climbed over to straddle his lap. “Is this okay?”
He was so desperate to have her, hanging by their feet from the ceiling would have been okay. He nodded, placed his hands on her hips and guided her down.
Her eyes went wide with surprise when she settled on top of his erection.
“You feel what you do to me?” he asked, rocking beneath her, feeling her body relax. Good. “I want you just as much now as I did before.”
“Kiss me,” she said seconds before she set her lips to his.
Soft. Warm. Moist. Tentative. Justin channeled every bit of his love, relief, and hope for the future into the kiss he gave her back, careful not to squeeze her as tight as he wanted for fear he’d hurt her.
When Jena broke away, breathing heavy, looking slightly dazed, she said, “I love the way you kiss me.” She touched a finger to her lips. “I didn’t think it’d be enough but...” She rocked her hips. Tears formed in her eyes. “That feels so good.”
Justin massaged her through her panties, slid his hands up under her satin and lace teddy, down to her butt, pressed her down, swiveled, teetered on the verge of bursting.
She rubbed along his length. He stayed her hips. “Baby you don’t want to do that right now. Lift up.”
Jena did and he shimmied out of his boxers.
When she sat back down he met her bare sex. What the...? He looked down. When had she removed those sexy red panties?
Secrets of a Shy Socialite Page 16
