“No. I guess I was just more exhausted than I knew.”
The truth was that it had been the first time she had actually felt safe enough to really sleep in a long time. When it was just her and Shane, she always had to worry about everything, all the time. She could never rest. She had not realized how much she had missed the sense of safety and ease that a group afforded. Even a small group of four was enough for her to feel that weigh shifter off her shoulders. It was also just a fact that the four of them together had better odds than just a woman with a child did alone.
“Well I’m glad you got some sleep. Hopefully it will improve your mood,” he said with a hint of a smile.
“Don’t count on it,” she replied.
“So Mom, where are we going?”
“East a little longer, then south. I have heard many times that the Keyes was spared a lot of the destruction. That will be the best place to go I think. No big cities or radiation to deal with.”
“But. You know we are going to have to deal with a few on the way though. Miami was hit hard and you pretty much have to go through it to get to the bridge. Tampa and Orlando can be bypassed, but we would have to go through Miami. It would be even worse to try and go around it I think.”
Michael was nervous about both her planned route as well as her final destination. He had never gone as far south as Miami himself, but he spent enough time in the over-grown state to know that he did not want to go there now. All the critters that had been there before were still there, only now a huge bunch of them were supersized and meaner than ever. Yesterday’s dog-beast pack would look like a bunch of circus poodles by comparison. For whatever reason Florida had been especially reclaimed by nature post-bombs. And as conditions deteriorated people emptied out of the state, streaming north, and probably south as well, he figured, further hastening the decay as well as nature’s return to the land. As soon as he had gotten a taste of it in the past he had headed out, and wasn’t overly anxious to visit it again now, especially not with a small child and a pretty sick teen in town.
Seeing the anxiety on his face she said, “I have dreams of this place. That’s where we will be safe, I know it.” Then she paused for a moment as her expression changed…”Have you ever felt like you’re being guided?”
The question took him by surprise, mostly because he knew exactly how that felt. He had felt that was how he had found her the first time he laid eyes on her, as well as the time he had found her in the cottage, as well as the way he found her again yesterday. Yeah, he knew exactly what she meant, but he couldn’t say so. He didn’t really know what to say, he was rendered speechless. He had been ready to argue with her and try to convince her to pursue some other plan – any other plan. But things had worked out pretty well so far in following this guidance he had received, so he decided to take her question as a further form of his own guidance. He would take it as a sign that they were indeed meant to head south toward the Keyes. He wasn’t going let her know that though.
“Have you been in any of the big cities afterbombs,” he said, using the slang, “or just the smaller ones like wherever that was we just left?”
“I have seen enough to know what I’m asking, though it was before I had Shane. Look, I just want to find a safe spot, and I know this is the way. I just feel it. I know it won’t be easy to reach, but isn’t it worth a shot? There has to be a place where we can all start again on our own terms.”
Mike could see that he was not going to change her mind, and at this point he didn’t feel a need to. The conversation had given him his own epiphany. She was stubborn though. And he also realized that he would have her no other way – not that he really had her at all of course. But at least they were together. He had hope she would come around.
“Well, I guess I have nothing better to do at the moment. Milo, what do you think, do you want to go see the ocean?”
The young man smiled broadly and nodded his head. Somehow he at least had some fairly white teeth. They had not pressed him about his mother, but it was apparent that he had been alone for some time. It was clear how happy he was to be a part of a group. And he positively lit up to be asked his opinion on such an important topic as where to go. Of course it was obvious that Milo would go wherever they went, just so long as he didn’t have to be alone anymore. They could all relate to that.
6
“Billy do we really have to keep chasing this bitch? Let’s just let it go. It’s not worth it.”
The dark-haired man turned towards Jimmy and gave him a look that shut his mouth instantly. Everyone in the group knew not to cross Billy. It had been over a week they’d been out on her trail, but she was still days ahead. They had followed them easily enough to the cottage, where it appeared a third had joined up with them. But then it the tracks had separated, or almost snaked around each other. They decided it was easiest to just track the child when they had sign of him. If they lost him they would look for the woman, but they knew she would never leave his side. They followed them all the way right into the city. That had gotten tricky. They had come upon some dead beast but had lost the trail shortly afterward. Finally they surmised that they would be moving on and that was when, in a search of the far end of town they came upon signs again. Only now there appeared to be four, not just two.
Billy knew that he should turn back, but he couldn’t. He had to follow the code. It was all he had left of his father, and at times he felt it was all that held his little community together. His father used to run the gang, but after he died, most of the First Nine went their own way. Only a few of the first Laughing Dead, like Chase, had stayed on, and then only a handful more of their kin as well, like Billy, joined in to rebuild the numbers. They had struggled for a time but eventually grew strong again. They grew strong following the code. There had to be justice for the death. Chase had been one of the First Nine and that was that. It didn’t matter that he was an ass or had probably had it coming. Whoever was added to her band would have to pay the price for being in her company as well. He couldn’t let it go. Hell, he even kind of liked the lady who was so good with the plants. He thought of the tools in his bag and then of the accelerant he’d use to torch it all when they were done.
“We will stay the course and you will stop acting like whiny ass punks. We are only three now and we cannot just let it go. Would you not want your own death honored and revenge sought? This is how it has to be.”
They did not realize that this code was the glue that held their fragile little world together.
Marshal and Jimmy nodded their heads. They were there for the ride and would do whatever Billy wanted. They knew what was what. They just needed some reminding that there were some things that just had to be done. And they knew how to do them. They had done it before after all.
“Hell Billy, we are with you man. Just want to find this bitch so we can get back home is all.”
“I hear ya brothers. I am ready to get in bed with the old lady too. Soon guys, very soon. They can’t be that far ahead now.”
Billy took his leather jacket off and hung it on a nearby tree. The laughing skulls on the back stared back at him. He reached out his hand to touch the symbol from the past that had started it all. It had become inseparable from his memory of his father.
***
Michael was finding it harder and harder to keep his relationship with Jessa on a platonic basis. He was literally finding it harder and harder, he thought wryly. I mean, it was ridiculous, he thought. She obviously dug him, and he dug her. He could feel it! So why weren’t they getting together? It was maddening is what it was. He found himself purposely walking slower so he could get behind her and shamelessly watch her ass as she moved. He was reduced to acting like some high school kid. Milo even began to notice and nudged him a couple of times as to say, “What are you waiting for?” Of course there was nothing to say. He could not force her into something she wasn’t ready for, even though there were moments where he could see flashes of lust in her eyes as well.
Shaking his head to clear out it all out, he decided to focus on talking to the chatty five year old striding to keep pace with the adults next to him. The kid’s blue eyes positively glittered as Mike told him about how the world was once full of machines that did virtually every task you could imagine. They made a game of “Was there a machine to do such and such? Was there a machine to do this? To do that?” The kid never tired of it. It was amazing to see how enthralled the boy was about things that he himself had learned to take completely for granted once upon a time. Of course machines did not run as they once did, and when a machine did run, it was more often for a completely different purpose than originally intended. With roads in disrepair and the difficulty in maintenance and procuring food, cars were just a hindrance and barely any of the hunks of metal on the roads were kept drivable at this point. If a person was lucky enough to find a vehicle that worked, there was little chance of getting anywhere with the clogged throughways anyhow. Besides, even if the motors could be salvaged, the tires would be rotten. A community would be lucky to have the knowhow to have one motorized truck or vehicle. Motorcycles were a little more useful in that at least you didn’t have to worry about the roads so much. Still the tires were a pain. Without the infrastructure, even the simplest machines were a headache. For those reasons many just preferred walking. Some of the more established communities had horses.
Shane dreamed of machines and was always talking to Jessa about ones that he wanted to build when he got older. Now he had a whole new source to talk to about engines and batteries and gears, instead of about plants and cooking. It was bittersweet for Jessa. She was thrilled to see Shane so happy. Being around Michael he had just lit up. She could almost see him soaking in everything about Michael. He just hadn’t had any male figures to emulate since her husband died a few years ago. But that was the thing. She had always seen her husband as the one who would be that model for Shane. She could still see Kraven’s face every time she looked at Shane. It was hard to put it aside. She had at least stopped trying to find excuses to get away from Michael. She knew it wasn’t his fault, and she knew he was a good man. But she wasn’t sure that she was ready to say she was all in either. She could make herself be ready. But she also realized that if she pushed him away again, he would most likely be gone for good. She was torn, to say the least, though Shane didn’t seem to have any problems committing.
For now though, this was all just so much mental clutter. They needed to stay together for their own safety. Everyone knew the score it seemed and they had all agreed to head south. This is what Jessa told herself as she felt his gaze linger on her ass yet again. Every time she looked behind her, his piercing blue eyes were waiting for a sign. They both knew it was going to happen, though Jessa was holding out as long as she could. A yes to him would be giving up the last of the control that had kept her safe thus far.
“What do you think? Does this look like a good place to stop for the night?”
His question woke her out of her thoughts and she looked back at him first, before looking at the small overgrown house on the hill ahead of her. She shrugged her shoulders and started walking up the weed-filled pebble walkway.
“Shane, stay out here with Milo for a minute until we make sure this place is safe.”
Shane nodded his head in agreement. This had become their new way of doing things and seemed to work out well. Milo was well suited for the role. He was an expert “hider” and if danger approached that would be their best line of defense anyhow. Meanwhile she and Michael were very adept at checking the houses for any danger. The system worked out well.
Jessa went in behind Michael and after checking every room, the two waiting outside were brought in. Then the windows and doors had to be secured, as well as the never-ending hunt for useful things. By the time the group was back in the living room with what they could find, the sun had been down for an hour. Jessa liked that Michael was so thorough. They were a lot alike in that way.
“So what did you come up with Shane?”
Shane had found a little toy car that he proudly showed off.
“Well that is pretty cool buddy,” Michael affirmed.
Jessa caught herself happily noting how Shane lit up at the appreciation. Dinner was made over a small fire by a window and included some wild greens picked on the way. Jessa broke up a couple of her famous travel cakes and added it all to a pot. The combination actually turned into a pretty okay tasting stew. She was running out of herbs she realized and needed to be more vigilant in spotting them along the way. They would need to do some foraging pretty soon anyhow to restock on their food supplies.
The house was larger than it had first appeared from the road and everyone got their own room. Shane and hers, as well as Michael’s were upstairs, while Milo was staying downstairs in the Master Suite. It just seemed fitting. Even though he was just a kid, and a kid who hardly looked long for this world at that, he was in also in many ways the heart and soul of the group. Besides, when they asked him if wanted the master suite, you would have thought he had just won the lottery judging by the smile that had spread across his face. His health seemed to be improving already, now that they were away from the city, but Jessa could tell that he was having trouble keeping up the pace. She had actually dragged her own feet in sympathy with him, just to get Michael to slow down a bit. She had found that men had a way of treating everything like a race.
Safely tucked in for the night, it wasn’t long before Shane was asleep in a nice soft bed and softly snoring. The house was in a good spot and offered an excellent vantage point from which they could surveil the surrounding area. Some would just say it had a nice view.
The moments of rest and reflection were few and far between these days, but on this particular evening as she looked up at the heavens she was able to appreciate one of the subtle benefits of living in the afterbombs world. With no electrical grid to speak of, and therefore no artificial light, the night skies stood out in an absolute glory that had been lost to many for the better part of a century. When she got high enough on a peak, or even a hill like this on a clear night, it almost seemed like she were surrounded by nothing but stars. It offered her a feeling of connection to the universe and all really, to all life like nothing else. She sat on the grass as just stared up at the wide infinite expanse.
“I should have known I would catch you out here staring up. Are you hoping that some aliens on their way through our neighborhood will come down and save us?” he said as he sat beside her.
“Nah, I don’t think they wouldn’t want anything to do with this place after the way we fucked it all up.”
7
Jessa grinned in response to the weird look that comment had apparently elicited from Michael.
“Does that face mean you don’t agree?”
“Yea, I guess I can’t really argue with your assessment. It’s just that you have quite a way with words.”
Jessa giggled.
“I’ve heard that before. So are you going to tell me why you are here? With us I mean.”
Jessa’s green eyes held his this time, the mirth in her face having gone. Up until now she had been the evasive one, but she knew in her heart that she needed to face her feelings as well as her fears. This seemed as good of a time as ever. She was being serious and she wanted to make sure that he knew it. If there was going to be anything between them she needed to know where she stood.
“I think you know why I am here.”
“I mean, what do you want from me?”
“I think you know that too. I want it all. You know, it’s not like I just want to get off, Jessa. I think I’ve shown you that I really care about you. I am a patient man though, I can wait.”
Jessa shivered with the memories of his touch when they had last met. He had been patient at first, just as he said. But his passion for her burned just below the surface, and soon enough he had lost all that patience and control. The gentle man she saw before her now had been replaced w
ith a rutting animal. She felt a blush run up her neck and tried to cover it with her hand. She knew that he had only acted on what they had both been feeling. And she knew that deep down, coming from him, she had liked it.
“Why do you deny that you want me just as badly as I want you?”
“I am not denying anything. I’m just not giving in to it right now.”
“Well, I would humbly venture that you might be a lot happier if you did. I can see the way you look at me sometimes. You remember that night just as well as I do, don’t you? We have something.”
Michael was getting closer and he touched her lips lightly with an outstretched hand. The touch made her lips tingle and she whimpered with the shivers that accompanied the innocent touch.
“I miss your lips. Can I kiss you Jessa?”
“Now you are asking?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, but just a kiss.”
Michael encircled Jessa with his arms, and while she was expecting him to try to suck her face off, she was moved instead by his unexpectedly gentle touch. It was so soft. She was the one who added the heat as her tongue slid in between his puckered lips. Her moan was swallowed up by his hungry mouth that quickly began to take over the kiss. They fell on their sides and then Mike’s body pressed hers hard into the grass as he rolled on top. When she pushed against him, he pulled back suddenly.
“Sorry. I kind of lose it when I get around you. I don’t want to push you away again.”
Jessa’s mouth throbbed with want and memory. Her insides were quivering and her nether region tingled, but she tried not to give in. Jessa’s heart was already involved, though she was trying to tell herself that she was in control of it. The longer she denied the craving though, the more it threatened to consume her completely. It was turning into a vicious cycle that more often than not left her on edge and battling a feeling of desperate yearning.
FLASH (Forsaken Riders MC Romance Book 15) Page 89
