by Sean Kennedy
“You can’t protect anyone. And anyway, I came to you when I was ready. So it wasn’t entirely a lost cause.” Micah took a deep breath; being emotionally open was never easy for him, but he had to be or else he would be doing the exact same bullshit this time next year. “I knew you were there for me, Sam, I always did. It was just too hard for me to do it. And that’s my fault, not yours.”
“I feel like getting soppy with you,” Sam said. “Do you want me to get soppy here?”
“I’m almost too scared to answer.”
“It’s just, you’re a good guy. It might have taken a little while, but you being here brought my brother back, and I got a friend to boot.”
“You’re drunk,” Micah teased.
“No, just tipsy. And soppy.”
“Aren’t I just a surrogate little brother?”
“No, you dipshit. You’re my friend too. Man, you and Dane are alike in so many ways.”
“We’re both devastatingly handsome and charming?”
“You know, it’s usually the little sisters that have to be warned away from the teammates, not the little brothers.”
Micah almost spat out his beer. “We’re not together!”
“But how long will that last?” Sam asked.
“You know, just because two gay guys are in the vicinity of each other, it doesn’t mean they’re fated to get it on.”
“I’ll add that to my notes. But you think my brother’s hot, right? I mean, after all, he’s a Mitchell. We’re even prettier than the Hemsworths.”
“No!” Micah said quickly. “Nobody’s prettier than the Hemsworths.”
“Thanks!”
“I mean, Dane’s not horrendously ugly, just like you’re not horrendously ugly….”
“Go on!”
“It’s not like either of you would cause children to scream in terror if they saw you on the street. But I think Dane would be insulted being compared to me.”
“Maybe not now. You two seem to have turned a corner.”
“To be honest, I think it also had a lot to do with the two of you spending more time together as well. He worships you, you know.”
“As well he should!” Sam puffed his chest out.
“He has a poster of you on his wall.”
“No way! Seriously?”
“Seriously. You didn’t know?”
“He never lets me in his room.”
“You have to learn to break the door down, like I did.”
Sam looked across the pool, to where his brother was sitting with Maia. “Do you think we did it all the right way?”
Micah was touched by his plaintive tone. “I don’t think there is any right way to handle it. Either you freak somebody out when they’re not ready, or you screw with their heads by waiting for them to come out to you.”
“So you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t?”
“I just like to think of it as you’re fucked no matter what.”
Sam shook his head. “I hope you’re going to be a little more polite on your date.”
Micah didn’t think his foul mouth would be the issue when they had already seen each other naked. “You’re so prim and proper, Miss Manners.”
“Yeah, right. Anyway, I hope it goes well.”
Micah reached for the remains of his beer and clinked the bottle against Sam’s. “Yep. Me too.”
Chapter 18
PIKACHU95 WAS already waiting for him when Micah got to the café. He had chosen Soda on the West Coast Highway, close to home, in case he had to escape. Plus, the views of the beach would be distracting enough if conversation lulled.
How was he going to greet him? He couldn’t even remember his real name. A simple “Hey, you!” wouldn’t suffice—at least if he wanted their rendezvous to last longer than the salutation. And he couldn’t call him “Pikachu”—it just reminded him of the little yellow rodent jumping up and down screaming “Pika Pika Pika!” He suppressed a smile as he wondered whether anybody had ever yelled it out in bed with him.
Pikachu95 seemed just as nervous as he stood to welcome Micah. They hovered for a moment, unsure whether to hug, shake hands, or just wave at each other. For fuck’s sake, Micah thought. I’ve been naked with this guy. Why is it so awkward?
He had just answered his own question there.
In the end they settled for an overenthusiastic handshake, and sat down.
“Wow. I’m surprised to see you,” Pikachu said.
“You are?” Micah asked.
“I was hoping to hear from you, but then I never did. I thought I was… well, I can’t say dumped.”
Micah shrugged, hoping it didn’t seem dismissive. “Close enough, yeah?”
Pikachu frowned, then laughed. “You don’t remember my name, do you?”
Ugh. Might as well be honest. “Sorry.”
“It’s Dick,” said Pikachu, er, Dick.
“Really?” Micah tried not to laugh. Wait until he told Kyle. Which reminded him, he had promised to keep in contact with him. He should really let him know things were finally looking up.
Dick grinned. “No, not really. It’s Todd,” said Dick, er, Todd.
“For real, this time?” Micah thought he better make sure.
“Yeah.”
“I’m—”
“I know.”
“No, really. I don’t think I gave you my real name.”
“You didn’t. But you’re Micah Johnson. The third most famous gay footy player in Australia.”
For fuck’s sake. Even Todd was putting Greg Heyward above him. “Fourth, if you include rugby,” Micah reminded him. Ian Roberts had come out in the nineties, and nobody had followed him out of the closet in that sport since.
“Fourth,” Todd agreed.
“Did you know? I mean, that night?”
“You would have to be living under a rock not to know who you are.”
Micah’s mouth went dry—Todd had sounded so much like Paul there. But he put that thought out of his mind, even though he couldn’t help thinking of all his hook-ups, and how they had probably all kindly decided not to expose his charade to his face. It also made him grateful to realise that none of them had decided to sell him out to any media if they were interested. Which they most likely would have been, at any hint of a “gay scandal.” “Well, thanks for… well, you know.”
“What I’m more interested in is why you’re contacting me now,” Todd said. “You haven’t passed on an STD, have you?”
“No!” Micah cried, horrified. And remembered the pills back home. What a fucking hypocrite he was, to judge others who might be in that situation.
“Well, that’s a relief.” Todd grinned. “Shall we order coffee?”
“Don’t you want to know why I contacted you?”
“Coffee first,” Todd said. “I’m dying here.”
Micah followed him to the counter to order their drinks. He smirked as he thought Pikachu still suited Todd.
At least he didn’t seem to be a Dick.
“COFFEE” STRETCHED out into lunch, and when Todd finally had to leave for a shift at work Micah was disappointed and was pretty sure Todd was as well. Micah had told him a (somewhat expurgated) version of what had happened in the past month or so, and Todd had shared a few of his own tales of going off the rails when he first came out. Both were surprisingly nonjudgmental about their experiences, and although Micah didn’t think their first coffee together was suitable for explaining his recent scare, he knew he trusted Todd enough that he could the next time they saw each other.
But there he was, getting ahead of himself. They hadn’t even decided if there would be a next time yet.
Micah paid against Todd’s wishes, but Todd relented when he told him it was a thank you and an apology.
“You don’t have to apologise,” Todd said as they crossed the road to where he had parked his car. Micah had also insisted on walking him there. “Sounds like you’ve been going through some pretty heavy shit.”
“It’s all pretty banal shit, really. Nothing to justify being a knob to people. You’d think I’d learn by now.”
“You’re nineteen. I’m only a year older. I think we’re pretty much allowed to still get away with it occasionally.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse anymore.”
A car raced past with a guy in the passenger seat hanging out the window. “Go Dockers!”
Micah flushed, as Todd burst out laughing. “That probably doesn’t help.”
“So embarrassing,” Micah muttered.
“Are we about to get mobbed?” Todd looked nervous at the surrounding people who had realised a star AFL player was in their midst.
Micah sighed. “Comes with the job.”
“Look, I’m gonna go. But it was really nice to catch up.”
Was that it? Everything was now so rushed; the crowd was advancing for their pound of flesh with a celebrity, and Todd was bolting. Probably couldn’t handle it—how did Simon handle it all with Declan?
His thoughts were interrupted as Todd’s lips mashed into his. Micah yelped slightly with pain, but that was forgotten as Todd alleviated the pressure and his kiss became gentler. Micah returned it, caught up in the moment, but before he could really start enjoying it Todd pulled away.
“Shall we do this again?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure,” Micah said, knowing he sounded stunned.
A piece of paper was shoved into his pocket.
“Call me,” Todd said. “The more traditional way.”
And he jumped into his car, squealing away while Micah turned to address his fans, some who looked a little shocked by the very gay display of public affection before them.
Except a little girl who stepped forward, brandishing a notebook and a giant pen with a pink furry star topping it. “Can I please have your autograph?” she asked, very formally.
“Sure.” Micah knelt on the ground to get down to her level. “I like your pen.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said, and smiled.
It was contagious.
From The Reach Out, 5 July 2016
Out and About With Jasper Brunswick
An Apology
I’M NOT one to refuse to admit I’m wrong. At least, not in the last year or so. It might take me a little longer to admit it than most people, but I will do so.
And I have an apology to make.
First, to Will Deanes and Micah Johnson. It was insensitive of me to compare you in a time where tact and empathy was needed above anything else. Although I still stand by the parallels I was trying to make between your careers, I didn’t do it in the best possible way. I was rushing to meet a deadline, and didn’t check the tone of the piece and the hurt it may have caused, especially when you, Will, needed your mind focused on more important things. Not that I’d even suggest my little column would dare have such an impact upon you, but it wouldn’t have helped.
And finally, to Declan Tyler. I took advantage of our mutual friendship to ask you about Will and then printed something you meant in the context of a normal conversation between friends—or, partners of friends. Please know I will not do that again.
And if I do, I hope you’re as forgiving as you normally are.
One last thing: Micah, if you’re inclined to give an interview, is there any truth to the rumour you were seen in a very public display of affection with a young man on a Perth beach?
Watch this space.
Epilogue
THE DOCKERS hadn’t had a spectacular game, but the boys managed to scrape by and give Alex a victory at his first Perth game. Before he disappeared off the field, Micah managed to see Carter and his mother in the second row near the home goal, and leaned into the crowd to high-five him. Running back down the race to the change room the guys sang the Dockers team song with great gusto.
After they broke rank Micah sought out Alex, who was still wide-eyed from being allowed into the inner sanctum along with other team family members.
“You okay?” he asked.
Alex nodded, starstruck.
“I’m just going to have a quick shower, okay? Then I thought we could go for a drive.”
Alex regained the power of speech. “Don’t you want to go out drinking with the guys? You have to celebrate.”
“Nah. There’s plenty of games left for us to win. I want to spend some quality time with my little bro.”
Alex looked quite chuffed at being chosen over the team; Micah was pretty sure if Alex had been asked out by them, he would have dumped quality bro time in a hot second.
“But Todd will be coming, yeah?”
“No! I told you, this is just the Johnson Boys, painting Perth red.”
“I don’t like red.”
“Neither do I. Choose a colour while I’m gone.”
Scrubbing himself in the shower, Micah mused at just how quickly everything had changed. Alex was staying at the Mitchells until their parents arrived in a few days, giving the boys some much needed catch up time before they officially became a family again—even if Micah was still going to be living away from home. But Micah did see a lot of extended sleepovers in his future.
Although there were some slight hiccups now and then, Dane hadn’t reverted to his old ways. The atmosphere in the Mitchell house was much easier now, and Dane had even gone out of his way to be nice to Alex—which made Micah feel much warmer to him than he used to, now he was seeing an entirely different side of him.
And although other parts of his future were still unsettled, Micah’s negative status on his three-month HIV test paved the way for bluer skies. Sure, there was still the six-month test before everything was one hundred percent, but he felt much better about it all now than he had.
Will was also showing improvement. He was still at the stage where a twitch of the toe was cause of celebration—but, hey, it was a twitch of the toe and the doctors heralded it as the sign it was.
Alex was talking animatedly to the coach when Micah emerged in fresh clothes, and he quickly steered him away before anything embarrassing could occur.
“So where are we going?” Alex squinted as they stepped out into the sunlight, heading for Micah’s car.
“I’m going to show you what I love about this city.”
“A year ago you’d have said it’d be a short trip.”
“Yeah, well I would have said a lot of things a year ago.”
Even though they had already been along the West Coast Highway since Alex had arrived in Perth, his eyes still lit up as they hit the long stretch of sand and surf.
“It’s so white,” Alex breathed, long used to the grey grittiness of Melbourne beaches.
“And bright,” Micah said, putting on his sunglasses.
Alex mirrored his action, his sunnies too large for his small head. He looked like one of those grey aliens from The X-Files.
Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, Micah rummaged through the glove box and threw something into Alex’s lap. “A little present for you to say welcome to WA.”
“You didn’t wrap it?” Alex asked.
“What am I? One of Santa’s elves?”
Alex inspected the CD closely. “Pet Shop Boys. ‘Go West.’”
It wasn’t the copy Kyle had given Micah. No matter what, he couldn’t have parted with it. He had gone on eBay to find another one, and it had taken a few weeks of bidding on different copies. Micah had even put the song back on his iPod and could listen to it again without thinking of who gave it to him and getting maudlin about it. He and Kyle had actually started cautiously texting each other again, and although Micah couldn’t say they were at the “friends” stage again, they were on their way. If Micah had learnt anything at all over the past couple of years, it was to hold on to the people who were willing to be your friends no matter what shit you put them through. And then try not to put them through any of that shit again.
“I thought it was appropriate,” Micah said.
“Can I put it o
n?”
“Sure.”
“Why are they wearing such weird hats?” Alex slid the CD into the player.
“I guess fashion was really bad in the nineties.”
“I’ve never seen any pictures of mum and dad wearing stuff like that.”
“I don’t think our parents were hip enough.”
“Oh.”
The song started and they both fell silent as they listened, and Alex continued to stare out at the beach. Micah pulled into a free parking spot, and they allowed the song to play out.
“They want to go west,” Micah said.
Alex rolled his eyes. “I got that.”
“You didn’t let me finish, idiot. We are west. Get it?”
“Kind of.”
“Just think about it. Here we are, driving down the West Coast Highway, the sun shining upon the water as it sets… because the sun sets in Western Australia over the ocean, did you know that?”
“Yes, because I’m not stupid,” Alex said, as if he definitely thought Micah was. “It’s the opposite side of the country, so of course it doesn’t rise over the ocean like it does back home.”
Micah smiled at the use of the word “home” for Melbourne. He remembered how he did it all the time when he first moved here, and of course Melbourne would always be home, but for right now Perth was home. And he was starting to think of it that way himself. “Anyway, we’ll be driving, and going, ‘Wow, this city actually can be quite pretty,’ and then I’ll slip this into the CD player again, and as you hear the seagulls cry before the beat kicks in, you’ll actually feel pretty content with where you are. And then the lyrics will start, and you’ll sing along, but you’ll realise you’re in the West, and you’re fine.”
“That’s a pretty heavy way to look at that song.”
“I don’t think it’s wrong, though.”
“No. Probably not. It’s kind of a sad song really, isn’t it?”
Micah thought about it, and had to agree. “But it’s hopeful too.”
“Yeah,” Alex said. “It’s a pretty good song. Put it on again.”
