by Sotia Lazu
Constantine stood and stretched, and I was grateful he’d put on a shirt for Alex’s sake. I’d seen enough of him the past couple weeks, and I still felt his naked chest against my cheek.
“So you wouldn’t mind me sleeping with someone else while we were together?” I asked.
“Sleeping with, I’d mind. Fucking, no. I could watch, or you could tell me every sordid detail afterward, while I ravaged you.”
Though the idea made me wet, he, Alex, and I had achieved a fragile balance. The ritual could throw a wrench into things. What if having Constantine inside me again made me realize I didn’t want to give him up? What if Alex saw the connection I shared with my ex and fled? What if I ended up more confused than I was now and with no options?
And Constantine had lost his shirt again.
“Will you stop undressing, while we’re talking serious stuff?” I asked. One. Two. Three. Four... Had to stop counting abs, but—yup. Six. All there.
He smirked and flexed his pecs. “I thought we were done talking. Alex is flying in tomorrow, and you’ll have to make up your mind. Then you and Mr. Marsden can be on your merry way, to have offspring and frolic in the sun, while I return to the debauchery a single male vampire of my stature is supposed to indulge in.” Pretentious, run-on sentences were another defense of his, and he used them well, but his tricks didn’t work on me.
Until he leaned over me and planted his large palms on the back of my chair. “So unless there’s something more you need...”
I was trapped between his arms, having no choice but to look at his chest or straight into his eyes. Violet flecked their usual blue.
Violet meant lust. A hunger I ached to sate but needed to steer clear from.
“Nope. Nothing more for now,” I told his chest. Believe it or not, staring at that was the safe choice.
“Good.” Liar. Regret laced the single word as he straightened and walked toward the stairs leading to the basement.
It would be easy to run after him, tackle him on his bed, and ride him to oblivion, but even if going down that path didn’t lead to heartache this time, I had Alex to consider.
My noble Alex, half the world away from L.A. His reactions to our conversation earlier showed he’d done a lot of growing. He was getting used to his new nature, and he had control over his emotions and jealousy.
And Constantine and I were finally at a good place. In retrospect, I was begrudgingly grateful he didn’t make a move when I was all over him this morning. We were open about our feelings and enjoying each other’s company. Except for the awkward silences and the times I wanted to shred the clothes off him and lick—
What the hell was I doing?
I was faced with the biggest dilemma ever and wasted mental energy on things that didn’t matter. I let my feelings for Constantine and my uncertainty about Alex spin me in circles. I should decide whether or not to go through with the ritual based on the future I wanted, not on which guy I was more into right now.
I ought to do some soul searching of my own. Maybe help other people, like Alex and my grandma did.
After I helped myself to some blood.
I headed downstairs. The mini fridge in the basement was always stocked with blood, and I could call Sheena from my room. She was practical; she’d be a good sounding board.
Chapter Seven
“DO IT.” SHEENA’S VOICE brooked no argument.
“You realize it’ll be a new beginning? In all ways?” I didn’t consent to my turning, but I hadn’t been human in ages. “I can’t pick up where I left off. And I’ll be thirty, not a frozen-in-time twenty-four.”
“Listen, hon. Everything you’ve told me shows your mind is made up. I know it, you know it, and Tall-Blond-and-Deadly knows it. You told him you can’t choose him. We’re beating a dead horse.”
“You’re right, I guess.” So was I trying to make sure I made the right choice, or to talk myself out of it?
“Do it,” she said again. “If only for the crazy sexytimes. You’ll live the fantasy of anyone who’s ever laid eyes on those boys. We’ll get you a job. And you can stay with me till you find a new place if you don’t wanna shack up with Alex. The girls are used to sharing their space, so I’ve got a spare room.”
“But—”
“Stop over thinking it, Cherry. You never wanted to be a vampire. This is your chance. Go for it, and maybe record the ritual, for those less fortunate than you?”
“You’re an idiot.” But I was chuckling. “And the sex part scares me too. I’m not crazy about the idea of Alex watching me with Constantine.”
Sheena harrumphed. “If he’s only watching, you’re doing it wrong. Give the man a side and let him play.”
“A side?”
“Yeah. Does he get in the front or the back? Decide who goes where, and then relax and enjoy it.”
“Sheena.” I pulled off sounding shocked, while my mind juxtapositioned visuals with different combinations of the three of us. Some didn’t have me in the middle.
“Right. I forgot your delicate sensibilities, Ms. I-Wanna-be-a-Porn-Star. This is a one-time thing, correct?”
“Yes.” A potentially incredible one-time thing...
“Then why are we having this discussion?”
I didn’t know. Not like it was helping me make up my mind. “So you don’t think me becoming mortal again is a bad idea?” I asked.
“Hell, no. And if you hate it, you can always go back.”
As if.
I spent my vampire years bemoaning the things I’d never do. Now I could do them. I’d stop self-sabotaging and get on with it. Whoever wanted to stick around afterward was more than welcome.
I thanked Sheena for hearing me out and ended the call with a promise to visit as soon as possible. I wanted everything to happen as soon as possible. I couldn’t take the next step till Alex was here, but I could let Constantine know my decision was final.
“I’ll do it,” I said, barging into his room.
He wasn’t there. Better. He tended to be naked in his room, and I had to stay the course. I flew up the stairs and found him reading the paper in the kitchen, two cups of steaming blood on the table in front of him.
“Sit. Drink,” he said.
“I wanna become human again,” I blurted and dropped on the chair to his right. “I’m certain.”
He rolled the paper and tapped it on the kitchen table, like a makeshift drumstick. “I was hoping you’d change your mind. This world is going to hell. Humans kill each other over imaginary infractions. Politics and religion divide communities and turn the masses into rabid zealots. The people refuse to learn from the past, and humanity is constantly on the brink of several wars. And you want to revert to being one of them.”
He let go of the paper and grasped the table with both hands. “You will lose your immortality. Things will be able to hurt you. No superhuman strength. You won’t fly or see the colors come to life after sundown. You will no longer have the connection to the world that vampires do. Are you ready for these losses?”
They didn’t matter. He did, and I was as ready to lose him as I’d ever be—not at all. “But I’ll hear my heart beat again, Constantine. I’ll be able to have a family. Mortality comes with an expiration date, and that makes life more... more.”
He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut. I watched his knuckles whiten with tension. He wasn’t getting this.
“When you know you may not be around tomorrow, you seek out experiences. Take risks. Feel things,” I said.
Constantine flipped the table straight across the room. It crashed into the fridge, leaving both in shambles. “Vampires fucking feel things, Cherry,” he roared. When he looked at me, pain swirled in his eyes. “I fucking feel things. You fucking feel things. You want me as much as I want you. I see it. I feel it in my skin. Your heart doesn’t beat, but you love me. This isn’t about feeling. This is about doing what you’ve been taught is right. You don’t even want a family, but you’ll be a g
ood little girl and force yourself to fit a mold you broke long ago. So I’ll fuck the immortality out of you, and then I don’t want to see you again.”
He stomped out of the kitchen, leaving me plenty of time to stop him. I didn’t. Constantine was always composed except for the glimpses of sentiment he allowed me at his most vulnerable or honest moments. His eruption shocked me. And though it didn’t scare me—he’d never hurt me—his words landed on me like punches.
I wasn’t doing this to fit a mold. I wanted to be human. I’d reclaim all that was stolen from me. I’d be happy. And if Constantine didn’t get that, maybe it was best that we never saw each other again afterward.
A huge crack ran along the table’s surface, where the impact splintered the wood. The door of the fridge had snapped inward, creating an opening for fruit and blood bags to spill to the floor. The two mugs had shattered against the wall and the floor, their contents making the room look like a crime scene.
Wesley would have someone clean up, and all that was broken would be replaced by morning. But I’d seen the damage, and it would stay with me.
BAGGED BLOOD WOULDN’T cut it, after all. I was feeling antsy and didn’t want to run into Constantine again. I could go by Sheena’s, but I wasn’t in the mood for company either. If Alex got on board, this might be my last night as a vampire, and I’d spend it hunting.
The chill in the air was refreshing against my cool skin. I let my eyes adjust and took in the vibrant hues the night brought to life. Constantine was right; I’d miss this. But not enough. I once felt sorry for Alex, because his world was so different to mine. I turned him soon after, to save him from death. Now I could give him his world back and me with it. Vamp-sight was a small price to pay.
I took off for downtown, loving the rush lift-off shot through my veins. I didn’t like my donors intoxicated, but a little alcohol in their system gave me a light buzz while I fed, and that was more than welcome tonight.
I got my wish and my fill from a frat boy who was enjoying his friend’s drunken misery a little too much. The punk was recording, while the other guy puked his guts out and cried for the boy who broke his heart. I fed on the first one, deleted the video on his phone, and then thralled him to have the world’s worst hangover in the morning. Then I turned my vampire gaze to his heartbroken buddy, sobered him up, and sent him to shower. All in a good day’s work, huh?
The sun was almost up when I returned to the mansion. I tiptoed inside and was glad to be greeted by darkness and quiet. If Constantine was home, he wasn’t on the ground floor. I didn’t see him on the way to my room and heard no sign of him while I got ready for bed. Good. We had more than our share of emotional moments this week.
I was in bed when I heard the front door open and shut again. I kept my eyes closed and listened to Constantine’s footsteps cross the living room above me and then descend the stairs to the basement. They stopped outside my door. “Are you awake?”
I wasn’t sure if the question was out loud or in my head, but I considered ignoring it either way. Nah. “Come in.”
He opened the door, and I rolled on my side, to face him. He leaned on the doorframe and folded his arms over his wide chest. “I’m sorry for my outburst earlier.”
Outburst was an understatement, but apologizing doesn’t come naturally to Constantine, and I appreciated the effort. “It’s okay. Your kitchen, your mess.”
“That mess is fixed. It’s what’s between us I hope to mend. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I asked Ruby to let me be the one to tell you about the prophecy because I wanted to make you happy. My actions don’t show that. I don’t wish to see you when you’re human, because I can’t watch you die with every day that passes. It’s not a punishment for you; it’s a way to safeguard me from more sorrow. That said, I’ll never turn my back to you. If you need me, I’ll be there. I’ll cover for you with the council. And I’ll love you till the day I dust.”
Not a single word could make it past the knot in my throat. I nodded and thought at him, “Thank you.”
Saying I loved him again would get us nowhere.
Chapter Eight
CONSTANTINE OFFERED to pick up Alex at the airport, but Alex said he’d get a cab. Good idea. Safe.
Didn’t keep me from pacing the living room from the moment Alex texted he landed in L.A. to when the intercom buzzed for Wesley to let him in the gate.
I threw the front door open, but trepidation trumped excitement when Alex got out of the taxi and ducked back in for his duffel bag. Would reverting to his mortal self write out what he did as a vampire, in my mind or his?
He looked good as ever, his jeans hugging his toned ass and legs, and his polo shirt straining to contain his muscular back and arms. Yummy.
But was I allowed to enjoy the yumminess?
He said he loved me two weeks ago, but not since. He obviously cared, or he wouldn’t have hopped on a plane back when I told him about the prophecy. Though maybe he did that because he wanted to become human again.
And how did I feel about the prospect of him touching me? I used to enjoy his touch, but then he’d hurt me. Would my body remember how he made it arch with pleasure, or cling to the terror of his fangs buried in my neck when he almost dusted me?
My smile hurt my face. Did it look fake? Should I hug him? Kiss him?
He saved me from myself by wrapping both arms around me and planting a kiss at the corner of my mouth. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”
So he was into me and his proximity didn’t make me balk. No panic rushed in. Yay! I held on, enjoying his hard body against mine. “Hey, you. Long time no see,” I said.
He let go and offered his hand to Constantine, who came up behind me.
Constantine pulled him in for that half-hug, half-pat-on-the-back thing men do. “Welcome home, Alex.”
Home. Not for long. Alex still had his place in the city. I might move in with him.
One step at a time. My new motto.
I tugged him inside the mansion. “Come. Take a nap, and when you wake up, you can tell us everything.”
“Want some blood first?” Constantine asked.
“Yeah. I’m starving.”
Wesley was already brewing his miracle coffee that could keep vampires awake in mid-day.
“I’ll have a cup of that,” I said.
“Which I’ll pour,” Constantine said. He turned to the aging human. “Get some rest, Wesley. We’re good here.”
“If you say so, sir.” Wesley gave a tiny bow and left us.
The three of us.
Alone.
Together.
Did I hammer that point home yet?
No? Let me try again.
I was alone in the kitchen with two men I was incredibly drawn to—whom I loved—and we had to discuss the possibility of me having sex with one while the other watched, so I could cut all ties to the former and maybe spend my human years with the latter.
Just your usual Tuesday.
Alex sank into one of the new kitchen chairs that came with the new kitchen table and looked around. “Did you redecorate?”
I looked at Constantine, who was reheating the blood. He shrugged.
“So how was Europe? How were things with Ruby? Did you locate any of Willoughby’s fledglings?” I asked, while Constantine placed a mug of blood in front of Alex and handed me my coffee.
“Ruby is amazing.” Alex beamed. “She’s on top of everything. All her leads were good. We found six more women, and Ruby and her team will rehabilitate them. Things are different in Europe. The local Masters were getting restless with new vampires entering their turfs, so they were on Willoughby’s trail too. Seems he and Ádísa started over there, to stay under the U.S. council’s radar. Their European childer”—that’s the plural for childe, by the way—“awaited orders for the next step of the plan.” To take over the world, using top-model vampire mercenaries. That plan. “Most of them weren’t happy with the change in regime. Convincing them their makers
were the bad guys will take a lot of work, but if anyone can do it—”
It’d be Ruby.
“—it’s Ruby.”
Cause she was amazing. Ugh.
“Your turn,” Alex said to Constantine. “Is the prophecy real?”
Constantine leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “To the best of my knowledge.”
“And if you do the ritual as is, will it kill you?”
“Yes.”
Alex blew some air in his mug, then gulped down the contents. “But you’ll do it anyway?”
“I don’t have a death wish; I’d prefer another vampire to help us. If none will, then yes. I’ll do it,” Constantine said.
I believed him, and apparently so did Alex, because he said, “I can’t let you make all the sacrifices. Doesn’t look good for me.”
“So you’re in?” I asked.
“As long as we’re clear on what that entails. Can I wait outside the room till you call me?”
“I’m afraid not,” Constantine replied. “Timing is everything, and you’ll have to be within reach.”
Alex didn’t seem pleased, but he said, “Okay. When?”
“When do you want?” I asked.
“The sooner, the better.”
“How about midnight tonight?” asked Constantine.
Too soon. I still needed answers. Alex was back, but was he here to stay? And would we get back together? Should we?
One step at a time.
“Midnight it is,” I said.
“My room,” Constantine said.
Alex nodded and stood. “I’d like a shower and that nap now.”
Soon he was in the downstairs bathroom, while I sat on the bed we used to share, listening to the water pelting his skin, while my thoughts wandered. He and I were thrown together by circumstance and bonded by danger. Once we were human again—if we were human again—could we have the relationship he wanted? Maybe someday a family?
We had hours till midnight when he emerged from the bathroom. We could fill them with chitchat or talk more about his trip and my forays into the dream-world.
