by Kait Rose
“Don’t call me babe. Don’t call me anything.” She spewed while pushing me into the other wall and caging me in. I knew this wasn’t the time, but I would be a liar if I said this didn’t turn me on.
“Yeah, what are you going to do about it...babe?” I challenged her and part of me hoped she would take the bait.
Stella got a wicked look in her eyes that I have never seen before. The next thing I know she is up on her tippy toes and leaning in to whisper in my ear, “I’m going to go find someone that I want to call me baby while they are screwing me into tomorrow.” She smirked and shoved herself off the wall.
I felt my mood instantly shifting with the thought of Stella with someone else. I wanted to go back inside the bar and beat the ever living shit out of each one of those douchebags for even looking at Stella. I felt my knuckles turning white from squeezing so hard to resist from punching the brick wall. I took a few deep breaths and willed myself to calm down. Stella was already twenty feet in front of me and I didn’t need her that far ahead alone in the dark alleyway.
I could see Jude parked in front of the bar waiting for the both of us. I slid in the back after Stella and kept to my side of the seat. I didn’t look at her, but when I looked up at the rear view mirror, I was greeted with a dirty look from Jude. I mouthed sorry and he shook his head and started the engine.
“I need a risky girl and not someone good like Stella.” Stella said while trying her best to mock my voice.
“That wasn’t for your ears to hear and I didn’t mean it.” I honestly didn’t mean it and wouldn’t want her to change to please anybody especially me.
“Do you mean you didn’t mean to say that or you didn’t mean to walk away when I told you I was a virgin?” Stella said angrily. I knew she was going to keep this going, but I needed to calm down and diffuse the situation before it got worse so I said, “All of it.”
She had a look of surprise that I would be honest and say I regretted everything especially that night. It was one of the best decisions, but was also my worst regret when I walked away that night. I know the day she finds out how mental I really am, she would regret giving herself to someone like me. I want to be the one for her so bad, but I refuse to be a burden for her.
“Whatever. Hopefully the next person in your life you won't let down.” Those words sucked me back in time when my mother uttered those same words right after my father died.
“Jude, pull over.” He ignored me, so I slapped his seat and once again said, “Pull over.”
“Dude we’re almost home.” I wasn’t going to last another ten minutes. My leg started to bounce up and down while my hands couldn’t stop shaking if I tried. I felt like I was suffocating and only Madison was the one to realize it.
“Jude seriously pulled over.” By the urgency in Madison’s voice, Jude finally listened. I was a few seconds from losing it and I needed to get away from everyone. As soon as Jude stopped the car, I got out and jumped over the guardrail, walking into the dark woods.
“Where the fuck are you going!” Jude shouted from inside the car. I could hear all their doors opening and shutting with Madison pleading for Jude to stop and for Stella to stay put.
I needed the anger and memories out of me right now so I focused all my aggression on the tree next to me. Punch after punch until I felt the blood trickling off my fingers and the breath out of my lungs did I even debate on stopping. The only thing that made me stop was Stella’s soft voice, “Ezra, please stop.”
It used to take my grandfather hours to reign me in, but just the sound of Stella’s voice had me instantly stopping. I rested my head against the tree while I tried to steady my breathing. At that moment I wanted to tell Stella all my secrets, but the chance of her pitying me or looking at me differently prevented me from doing so.
She placed her hand on my shoulder and asked, “Do you want to talk?” I shrugged her hand off me. I was torn between being angry at her and wanting to hold her, but my anger won in the end.
“Not with you. Let’s go.” I started heading back to the car and I can hear her behind me trying to keep up. I looked back a few times to make sure she was close by, but the sad expression she had on her face was making it hard to keep looking back.
“Are you…” Jude tried to ask, but Madison slapped him in the chest to stop him. I gave her a nod and headed back in the car.
For the next ten minutes, Jude kept looking at me through the rear view mirror, Stella kept wanting to say something but ended up keeping her mouth shut, and me and Madison just stared out our windows. When we finally pulled up to the house, Madison was the first to speak. “Stella why don’t you and Jude go whip up some ice cream and wine and we’ll meet you guys inside.”
“Ok.” Jude kissed her on the cheek and a solemn Stella followed him inside.
I wanted to bolt out of the car, but Madison didn’t deserve my attitude especially after everything she just been through. “You may fool all the others behind the fake smiles, but I’m not everyone. I’m not forcing you to tell me what’s going on, but know I’m here if you need someone to listen.” With that being said she gracefully got out of the car, but she stopped in her tracks when I started to say, “You and Jude were two broken souls who found each other and eventually became whole, but what happens when it’s a broken soul and someone who is pure and full of light?”
“She will give you pieces of her to make you whole again, but the real question is how many pieces do you take before she is broken too?” With that being said, she turned back and headed inside the house.
Madison's words answered my question perfectly, I needed to stay away from Stella before she ended up broken.
Chapter Twelve
Stella
These last few weeks were filled with awkward silence. I never in my life thought I would wish I could move back into the dorms. After the night from when we all went to the bar, Ezra hasn’t spoken to me. He’s been barely home, which made me wonder if he was avoiding me or he was spending his time with someone else. I wouldn’t be surprised after how angry I made him.
It was a Saturday afternoon and I refused to stay in my room any longer while sulking over the fact that Ezra has been avoiding me. I wish I could take back the whole day especially hearing what Jude and Ezra said about me. I feel so stupid that I was willing to change myself, but I vowed to always stay to true to myself as long as I’m happy. With that thought, since my books were taken so quickly, I figured spending my time at the library and finding a new book was a good start on getting back to what makes me happy.
I got changed out of my pajamas and headed towards Madison’s room to see if she wanted to come too. I knocked on the door and said, “Hey I’m heading to the library, do you want to come?”
“She already is.” I heard Jude mumbling through the door. I guess she couldn’t wait a whole month.
“Too much information!” I went to turn and saw a smug Ezra staring at me.
“What?” I gave him a pointed look because I knew by the look on his face, he was going to piss me off with the next thing he said.
“Never thought a little virgin like you liked to listen to others having sex.” Really. He ignores me for weeks and this is the first thing he has to say to me. “I wasn’t, I was asking if she wanted to go to the library.”
“I’m sure.” Without waiting to hear what I was about to say, he stepped back into his room and shut the door on me. I seriously need to get out of this house.
The entire drive I cursed out Mrs. Montgomery for burning our house down and Ezra for being such a jerk lately. By the time I got to the library I was ready to find a new romance book to escape the non romance life I have been living. Besides a few students studying, it wasn’t surprising it was dead inside. I usually liked shopping on Saturdays, but a good book was needed today.
I read so many romance books from classics to new releases that I hoped I could find a new one to get lost into. I was so into my search that I didn’t realize the
guy next to me until he said, “That one looks terrible, go with the other one.”
I knew that voice and I was surprised to see Brad standing here in the library with me. “First ethics class and now here, are you stalking me?” I put the book he wanted me to pick back on the shelf.
“What? You used to always talk about the library and how it helped you escape the world for a moment, so I decided why not give it a chance.” I was surprised he remembered that and I now felt stupid for even thinking he was looking for me.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I said while my cheeks started to redden.
He shrugged it off and asked me, “So what are you reading today?”
“I have no idea. I’m at the point where I feel like I read every book here.” He smiled big which prompted me to ask, “What?”
“Let’s make today a little more interesting by picking out each other’s books.” It didn’t seem like a bad idea, but no way was I reading about sports for the next hour.
“Deal, but has to be in the genre we like.” He shook his head ok and said, “Well I know you will pick romance and my choice is horror.”
“Ok go find a book and meet me at that table over there.” I pointed over at the table near the window. He nodded his head and went in search of a book for me.
After browsing the horror shelf, I found the perfect book for him to get lost in. It was about a boy who moved into his deceased uncle’s mansion, but he wasn’t alone. There was also a demon living in the mansion who was determined to live in this world. I wasn’t a horror book fanatic, but it seemed good. When I got back to the table, he slid over a book that surprisingly I haven’t read. Brad didn’t question my pick, but dove in trusting my choice, so I did the same.
The book he picked was about a man and a woman who found each other during World War II, but were from different sides. She was an American nurse while he was a German soldier. I got lost in the details of their romance that I didn’t realize it had been hours since I ate until my stomach embarrassingly reminded me and the rest of the library.
“Hungry?” He asked while laughing. I nodded yes and he continued to say, “Me too. Want to go grab some pizza with me?”
“I’ll go, but it’s not a date.” I didn’t want him thinking us reading together or going out to eat meant anything more than just reading and eating.
“Ok, call it whatever you want.” Brad gave me that smile of his that any other girl would fall for, but I didn’t.
“I’m just going to go home and find something to eat.” I wasn’t amused that he wasn’t taking what I said seriously.
“Wait, I’m sorry. Listen, I know it’s not a date, but just two people who have been reading all day that are both hungry.” He said with the sad puppy expression that had me feeling bad.
“Ok, as long as it’s clear.” I grabbed my bag and started heading for the exit until Brad turned to head to the librarian desk. Curious to see what he was going to say, I followed him.
“Mrs. Duncan, I am going to go grab some pizza with Stella. Can I bring you some back?”
“Yes dear, extra mushroom please.” She smiled at him like they were best friends.
When we got outside the library I couldn’t help but ask, “How do you know Mrs. Duncan?”.
Brad looked down at the ground embarrassed but ended up saying, “I’ve been coming here a lot lately.”
“To read or to run into me?”
“A little of both. At first it was to see you, but then I actually started to like coming here.” Brad said nervously.
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. He playfully bumped my shoulder and said, “Yeah, oh.”
We both walked in silence, neither of us knowing what to say until we saw the pizza shop.“Thank god, I’m starving.” I said in relief that this awkward walk was over.
“Remember when you ate the whole tray last time we were here? I think you saved me a piece of pepperoni at least.” He started laughing and I couldn’t help but join him.
“Hey, it was definitely a slice I saved.” I smiled back at him. His smile was my favorite part about him. He had one dimple that would appear right to the side when he would smile big. With his smile, perfect jawline, and a body most men would kill for, he was perfect. He just wasn’t perfect for me.
We sat down and talked about what we just read to what we did over winter break. I broke up with him right before our break started and it was also the day after Madison got hurt. I was a real asshole to use him not coming into the hospital as a reason to break things off when in all honesty my heart just wasn’t into it. It was actually that night when I was at the hospital and Ezra was holding me that I realized I couldn’t give my heart to anyone when Ezra still had it.
“I’m sorry.” I put my pizza down and looked up at him. He finished swallowing and asked, “For what?”
“For breaking up with you because you didn’t come to the hospital.” It sounded so stupid when I said it out loud.
“I can’t blame you, your best friend was almost dead and I just dropped you off. Truth is the last time I was in the hospital was when I watched my mother pass away and I haven’t been able to go in once since.”
I reached for his hand and felt awful that I broke up with him over not being there when obviously he had issues being back there. “Oh my god I feel terrible, I am so sorry.”
“No don’t be, I should have told you the truth. Maybe we can try again?” Brad leaned in and for a second I got nervous he was already going to try and kiss me, but he wiped a bit of sauce that was by my lip off.
I didn’t know how to politely tell him no, so I took a sip of my drink to give me a moment. “I…” Right when I was going to tell him, my eyes met with Ezra’s who was just walking in. I diverted my eyes quickly and prayed he would not come up to me. Of course my prayers went unheard.
“Stella babe what are you doing?” Why was he being nice now? I thought to myself.
“Eating.” I kept my answer short in hopes he would get the hint and leave.
“Well I would think so at a pizza place.” He looked surprised that I was being short with him, but what did he expect after treating me so coldly lately. “Oh hey Brody.” He knew who Brad was, so I knew he was purposely fucking with him by calling him the wrong name..
“Brad.” Brad said, unamused.
“Well I’ll let you get back to your date.” He went to walk to the counter to order, but I stopped him by shouting, “It’s not.”
Ezra looked back at me with an eyebrow raised while I continued to say, “A date.” I slumped down in my chair embarrassed.
“Huh ok.” I was happy Ezra was just going to leave it at that, but of course he didn’t. “Oh by the way Stella I found your panties in my room again. I put them in your room for you.” My cheeks were on fire and I couldn’t bear to look at Brad. Anyone would think him finding my panties was because we slept with each other if they didn’t know we live together. I bet any money he wanted Brad to think that.
“You guys live with each other?” Brad looked confused while staring off at Ezra walking away.
“He lives with my brother. After the fire, there was nothing available this late in the school year, so Madison and I moved in with Knox, Jude, and Ezra.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your house by the way. I wanted to come see Madison and check on you, but I didn’t think you would want to see me. Must be crazy living with that many people.” He has no idea. Count two people going at it like rabbits, one who is constantly walking around with a cloud above his head, and one who drives me so crazy that I have to talk myself out of smothering him in his sleep.
“It’s not too bad.” I shrugged it off and took a sip of my soda. “By the way just because I ended things didn’t mean I hated you or anything.”
“Good to know.”
“Do you want to get back to the library, I’m sure Mrs. Duncan is starving.”
“Yeah, lets go.” We got up to leave and I could feel Ezra’s intense stare, bu
t I refused to look back at him.
The walk back Brad was telling me how excited he was to start baseball soon, but instead of paying attention to what he was saying, my mind was calling Ezra every name in the book. He knew how to get under my skin and consume my thoughts which maybe that’s why my heart wasn’t in it with Brad.
When he got back to the library, Brad walked me to my car. Right when I was about to thank him for the pizza he asked, “Stella I know you broke things off the first time, but what about we start over as friends and see if we can make this work?” His eyes pleaded for me to say yes, but my heart was saying no.
I guess my brain didn’t get the memo because next thing I know I’m saying, “Ok.”
“Ok perfect. My frat is having a welcome back party Friday night, will you come?”
“Yeah, sure.” I felt myself digging myself further and further into a hole. I didn’t want to go to this party and I had no idea how to get out of it.
Brad was happy with my answer and started to lean in towards me. I was shocked he was already trying to kiss me, but instead he opened my car door for me. I felt relieved and told him, “I’ll see you in class.”
The entire drive home I played over every scenario that could play out when I confronted Ezra. Even though I was raging mad, I was going to take the mature approach and confront him nicely. That all went out the window when I walked inside and saw him texting god knows who. “What the hell was that back there!” I shouted while storming over to him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said not looking up from his phone.
“You know exactly what you did!” I lost all my sanity and ended up taking his phone and throwing it at the living room couch. I went to shove him next, but he grabbed me by the wrists and backed me up against the wall.
“Why don’t you explain it to me instead of throwing a tantrum?” He held my hands above my head and stared directly in my eyes. I don’t know what possessed me at this moment, but before I knew it my legs were wrapped around his waist and my lips were on his.
