“If I tell you…” She hesitated. “You have to promise not to say anything to your parents.”
“Of course. You have my full discretion.”
She blew out a breath. “My mother found a lump in her breast. She’s spent the past few days going to various appointments so they could figure out whether it’s cancer.” She paused. “And it turns out…it is.”
My stomach dropped. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah.”
“She’s so young.”
“She’s only forty.”
“Well, this explains why she’s been out. I can’t believe this.”
“The type of cancer she has is very aggressive. It’s called triple negative, and she’s stage three.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means it’s spread to the lymph nodes. So, she’ll definitely have to have chemo…and surgery.”
That hurt to hear. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
Unable to imagine how scared she must’ve been, I brought her to me and held her.
After a minute, she pulled back. “The hope is that the chemo will shrink the tumor, and then they can go in and do a mastectomy once it’s a bit smaller.”
“When does all of this start?”
“We’re still trying to figure all that out. My mother doesn’t have insurance, so everything is going to have to come out of pocket.”
What? “How can my parents not pay for health insurance?”
“Your parents pay very well. The job just never came with full benefits. My mother knew that when she took it. She’s always been super healthy, and whenever we’ve had to go to the doctor—which is rare—we just pay. This is the first time anything like this has happened. I really don’t know what we’re going to do.
I shut my eyes for a moment. “You have to let me tell my father. He can help.”
“I don’t think your mother will go for that.”
“Fuck her if she doesn’t. My father will want to know about this, and he will want to help. You have to let me tell him.”
“My mother is going to end up having to tell your parents. Please let her be the one to do it. We’re just waiting to see how things are going to play out first. She doesn’t want to lose her job. She wants to continue working through treatments. She was considering not saying anything at all so they didn’t think she was incapable. But in the end, she’s agreed she’ll have to tell them. She’s going to have to be absent too much to hide it.”
“I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure she doesn’t lose her job.”
“Thank you.”
Raven looked absolutely terrified. All I could do was comfort her. I brought her to me again and held her tightly. Our hearts beat against each other. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to think her absence had something to do with me. It was far more serious than that.
I whispered in her ear, “Everything is going to be okay.”
I hated that I couldn’t guarantee that, but she needed to hear something encouraging. She was about to break. I could feel it.
“Where is your mother now?” I asked.
“She’s resting. All of this has really taken a lot of out of her.”
“Should I leave? I don’t want to upset her by being here.”
“I’m not sure anything else can upset her right now, Gavin. It’s okay. If she comes in, I’ll just explain that you came over to check on us.”
“I’m so fucking sorry this is happening.”
“I can’t lose her. She’s all I have.”
My heart broke a little, and I didn’t think twice as I said, “I know it’s nowhere near the same thing, but you have me. You’re not alone.”
She responded with a questioning look. “No, I don’t. Not really.”
It was strange how easily my statement had come out. That might have seemed like an irresponsible promise, given that I was leaving, but I somehow knew that if Raven needed me, I would always be here for her, no matter where I was in this world. I wasn’t sure where things stood with us, but I knew I cared about her enough to make that promise. That realization was eye opening.
“Yes, you do, Raven. You do have me. And I will do whatever you need me to if I can help.” I took her hands in mine and squeezed them.
“Thank you.” She let go of me and walked over to the window, gazing out. “I have to stay positive. That’s the only way I can get through this—take it one day at a time.”
I stood behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. “That’s a good idea. Try not to worry too much about what might happen. Just focus on each day as it comes.”
I knew that was easier said than done. And I always hated it when people said stuff like that to pacify me. It didn’t take away the difficulty of anything. And nothing I had ever gone through was as serious as what Raven and her mother were about to face. It made any bad thing I thought I’d experienced seem ridiculous.
She turned around to face me. “I got a new job.”
“Really? Where?
“At the car wash down the street. Just doing admin stuff. Not sure what qualified me, but I got it.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Well, I don’t know about awesome, but it’s something. It means I’ll have a little bit of money coming in to help.”
Just then, the door to her room opened. I flinched.
Renata’s eyes widened when she saw me. “Gavin…”
“Renata…I…was just…”
Raven saved me from making an ass of myself.
“Gavin came over, Mom, because he was worried about us. He knew you’ve been out of work, and I hadn’t been very responsive to him. He figured out that something was going on. I just told him the truth. I’m sorry if you didn’t want him to know, but I needed to tell someone. He promises not to say anything to his parents.”
I braced for Renata’s response.
“It’s okay. I know this is just as difficult on you as it is on me, and you need a friend right now.” She looked over at me. “Gavin, thank you for your concern.”
Her reaction was a pleasant surprise. I certainly didn’t want to upset her, but it would’ve been very difficult to walk away right now.
She turned to Raven. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be taking a ride over to Cecelia’s house. She wants to talk to me about her mother’s experience with the same type of breast cancer, and she wants to cook me dinner. I thought that was nice, and as much as I don’t feel like going out, I think it would be good for me to leave the house.”
“I think that’s a great idea, Mom. Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. You don’t have to. You need to get your mind off things, too. Enjoy your time with Gavin.”
CHAPTER NINE
* * *
RAVEN
After my mother left, Gavin and I ventured out into the kitchen.
“I’m glad your mom didn’t seem fazed by my being here.”
“I think this whole experience is giving her a different perspective on a lot of things.”
“She said she wants you to get your mind off it for a while. Maybe we should go out.”
“I don’t know. For some reason, I’m not in the mood to be around people. I’ve been randomly crying a lot. And I haven’t been sleeping much. I’m just so tired.”
“Then we’ll stay in. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I can distract you a little.”
Suddenly, my tears began to fall. This was the type of thing that had been happening lately.
Gavin took me into his arms again. “I’m sorry, Raven. I’m so fucking sorry.” After a minute, he spoke into my ear, “When was the last time you ate something?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Shit. We gotta get you fed. You need your strength.”
He walked over to the cabinets and started opening them one by one.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna make you something.”
“I didn’
t know you could cook.”
“I can’t.” He smiled. “But I’d be willing to try for you.”
God, I’m so glad he’s here.
“Well, this might just double as dinner and entertainment,” I teased.
“Are you saying you don’t think I can come up with something edible, Donatacci?”
His use of my last name made me chuckle. He’d never done that before.
“I don’t know. Can you?”
“Actually, there is one thing I can make pretty well. I’ll have you know, I’m the ramen master.”
“Ah. Ramen.”
“Do you have ramen noodle packets?”
“I do. But I’m not sure that qualifies as cooking?”
“Wanna bet?” he challenged.
“Yeah.”
“What do you want to bet?”
I chuckled. “Oh, that was a literal question?”
“Heck, yeah.” He scratched his chin. “Okay…if I can make ramen interesting enough that you consider it worthy of dinner, then…you come to improv with me again as soon as you’re feeling up to it.”
“Okay. Deal.”
Is it bad that I sort of hoped he’d want to kiss me or something if he won?
“Alright.” He clapped his hands. “Direct me to the ramen.”
“We should have at least one package in that cupboard right there.”
He found it and placed it on the counter. I then watched as he rummaged through our fridge and found various things to chop. He even hardboiled a couple of eggs.
By the time he was finished, what he placed in front of me looked like something you’d get at a fancy Asian restaurant. Inside the large bowl of soup was fresh basil, scallions…a whole smorgasbord of things.
“I have to admit. This is pretty impressive. When you said ramen, I was thinking of the way I eat it, which is usually just the noodles with maybe a little bit of hot sauce. But this is…” I was speechless.
“It’s damn good. Trust me. The only thing missing is Thai chili sauce, but you don’t have that. Eat it before it gets cold.”
I blew on it and took the first bite: the best damn ramen I had ever tasted.
“Where’s your soup?” I asked.
“There was only one package of noodles. I don’t need to eat. I had a lot today.”
“I’ll share with you.”
“No. I want you to eat all of it. You need to eat.”
I took another bite of the savory concoction. It was amazing what a little love could do to spice up such a plain meal.
Gavin came around behind me as I ate and rubbed my shoulders. Between the warmth of the soup going down my throat and the feel of his big, strong hands, this was heaven. It was the first time in days I’d felt anything at all besides numbness or tears. For the first time in a while—at least for the time being—everything really was okay.
He continued to rub my back until I finished every last drop.
I turned around to face him. “Thank you for knowing exactly what I needed.”
He took a seat next to me and scooted it closer. “The pleasure is all mine. I really missed you. I never dreamed you were going through something like this.”
“I’ve been in a state of shock. I haven’t wanted to talk about it or think about it.”
“You don’t have to talk about it.”
“A part of me wants to talk about it. I don’t want to feel the pain, but it sort of needs to come out, too.”
“I’m here if you want to talk, day or night. And if you don’t…that’s okay, too.”
I did really need to talk about it.
“I’d never considered the fact that I could lose my mother. She’s my entire life, my only family.”
“I can’t imagine how scary that must be.”
“To have one parent and no siblings…the thought of losing that person is terrifying. As jerky as your brother can be, I’m sure deep down, you love him. You know that if you ever needed him, he’d be there for you.”
“Yeah.”
“But more than that, I’m just so upset for her to have to go through this. She’s supposed to be in the prime of her life. She was finally starting to listen to me about putting herself out there in the online dating world. We just created a profile for her a month ago.”
He smiled sympathetically. “Really?”
“Yeah. Life had been looking up.”
“Well, life has a way of sneaking up on us sometimes. But you know, when she makes it through this, you’ll appreciate life even more. They have so many options now to fight cancer. She’s gonna pull through, Raven. You have to believe that. You have to stay positive, okay? Promise you won’t worry about things until you have to. I know that’s easy for me to say, because it’s not my parent. But the fact remains, nothing good can come out of dwelling on things that haven’t happened yet.”
“I’m gonna try real hard, Gavin. Because I know she needs me to be strong.”
“I was watching this documentary on cable the other day,” he said. “It was all about how the power of the mind controls the body, how reducing stress can help cure the body of disease.”
“You mean, like, instead of medication?”
“No…in addition to medication. A positive outlook helps people get through things like chemo and other stuff. There’s not a lot we can control in life. But we can control our attitudes.”
“What’s this documentary called?”
“I can’t remember, but you can get it On Demand. Wanna watch it?”
“Yeah. Can we? I could use all the help I can get.”
For the next two hours, I sat on the couch, cradled in Gavin’s arms as we watched the documentary. It featured real-life stories of people who’d overcome amazing odds and attributed their recovery to things like meditation, healthy eating, and reducing stress. It gave me a newfound determination to do everything I could to help my mother adopt some of those things to help in her treatment. Most of all, it gave me something I so badly needed: hope. Even if it was false and misplaced, I needed it.
In just the few hours he’d been here, Gavin had done so much for me. He’d fed me, comforted me, and given me hope. He was beginning to feel like an important part of my life. No matter what we kept saying to each other, he was beginning to feel like my boyfriend.
***
The next week was a whirlwind. Mom found out she’d be starting her first treatment in a few days. Every day on the way home from work, I filled the fridge with organic foods I’d picked up from the grocery store. I read everything I could on how to make the healthiest green smoothies and downloaded some meditation apps for my mother to use. I planned to do a lot of the exercises along with her. Gavin was a huge help in sending me information he’d found about healthy living and holistic approaches we could try in addition to the chemo. I was determined to do whatever it took.
When my mother returned home from work one night, I could tell from her expression that something had happened.
“Hey. What’s going on?” I asked.
Looking exhausted, she plopped down on the couch and put her feet up. “Well, I sat down with Gunther and Ruth and told them I’d have to take some time off here and there for my treatments.” She looked at me. “I told them everything.”
“How did they take it?”
“Surprisingly, Ruth was very sympathetic and took it well. She told me to take as much time as I needed and that I’d always have a job, that I didn’t need to worry about losing my position regardless of how much time I needed to take off.”
Relieved, I said, “That’s good, right?”
“It is...” She stared off.
Something else is going on. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Later on in the day, after Ruth left for the club, Gunther came to find me.”
“Okay...”
“Gavin had apparently told him already, and he admitted that my cancer announcement wasn’t surprising news.”
“I told Gavin not to say an
ything.”
“I know you did. And he meant well. He was just trying to get Mr. M to help me. He trusts his father, as he should.”
“What did Gunther say?”
“It was a very uncomfortable conversation.”
“Why?
“He wants to pay for everything, Raven. He wants to cover all of my medical expenses.”
My heart filled with hope. “That’s amazing. Why are you upset?”
“He doesn’t want Ruth to know about it. He’d be taking the money from a secret bank account and having his attorney handle the payments so she doesn’t find out.”
My eyes widened. “Wow...okay. You have to take it, though. You need to accept this help.”
“I know. It’s just...he’s such a good man, and I don’t want him to get into trouble for this.”
“What’s the worst she could possibly do? Leave him? That would be doing him a favor, if you ask me.”
She let out a long breath. “As much as I don’t like her, I don’t want to break up that family.”
“You think she’d be that upset? They have more money than God.”
“It’s not about the money. It’s that Ruth wouldn’t go for him giving it to me.”
“You think she’s that heartless, huh?”
“I know she’s that heartless. But there’s a little bit more to it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think Ruth has always suspected Gunther has feelings for me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Over the years, he and I have developed a sort of rapport. It’s innocent, Raven, but I think she doesn’t like that he and I have connected. There have been times he’s opened up to me about certain things. He asks me to call him by his first name in private, which I do. But I use Mr. M around everyone else. Sometimes when she’s not home, he’ll come find me in the kitchen or wherever I happen to be. And we’ll just talk—about his problems, our childhoods, lots of things. But it’s a friendship, nothing more.”
“Do you think he has other feelings for you?”
“That doesn’t matter. Even if he does, he’s a married man and nothing could ever happen. I would never do that. But I do think Ruth has been wary of me for that reason. That could’ve impacted how poorly she treated you. I don’t know how I continue to work for a woman who treated you the way she did.”
The Day He Came Back Page 9
