“And, man, I don’t know. She sounded really out of it, to be honest.”
“Out of it?”
“Yeah…like, numb.”
“What did she tell you?”
“She said she’d had a change of heart when it came to you, that things were moving too fast. She swore nothing else was going on.” She paused. “She said she meant what she wrote.”
Those words obliterated my last shred of hope. I raked my hand through my hair. “I can’t believe she wouldn’t tell me to my face. Do you think I’m crazy for needing to see her to believe it?”
“Nah, man. I think that’s completely understandable. I’m shocked, too. She’s my best friend. You’d think I would’ve seen this coming.”
“Yeah. I guess you never really know sometimes.”
“Shit. I gotta go,” she said. “The manager just got here. Text me if you need anything. Good luck.”
“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.”
***
It took me a full half hour before I could get out of my car to knock on Raven’s window. I figured if she wasn’t in her room, I’d go to the front door. The window thing had become more a habit than anything else. It wasn’t about hiding from Renata anymore.
Forcing myself out of the car, I could feel my blood pumping. My heart felt like it was inside my mouth when I made it to her window and spotted her on the bed. She was lying down with a blanket over her face, as if to block out all light.
I knocked on the glass.
She jumped, then turned to the window and met my gaze.
My heart broke as I looked at her beautiful eyes. I realized seeing the sadness in them was worse than my own fucking pain. I loved this girl. I hadn’t been falling in love with her. I was in love with her, fully and wholly. Still in love with her. And fuck if I knew how I was supposed to get over this—if I’d ever get over it.
She opened the window for me, and I stepped inside.
I forced the words out. “You couldn’t tell me what you needed to tell me in person? I don’t mean enough to you to at least break up with me to my face?” The shakiness in my voice caught me off guard.
Get it together.
She could hardly get the words out. “I…I couldn’t...”
“Why?”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“So it was all true? It’s like that? It’s just...over?”
She closed her eyes and whispered, “Yes.”
The words flew out of me. “I love you, Raven. I’m in love with you. I stupidly thought maybe you were starting to feel the same. How could I have been so wrong?”
She continued looking at her feet.
“You haven’t looked me in the eyes since I entered this room. That’s why I’m here. So you can tell me it’s over to my face. Then I’ll go, and that will be it. You don’t want to see me anymore? You will never see me again.”
She started to sob.
What the fuck? Why was she doing this if it upset her?
“Tell me to my face, and you will never see me again.”
She lifted her head and looked me straight in the eyes. “It’s over, Gavin. It’s over.”
“Why the fuck are you crying, then?”
“Because it’s hard for me.”
“Even as you’re telling me to take a hike, I still fucking love you. How messed up is that?”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she looked back down at the ground.
I gave it one last shot. “It’s really over?”
She looked at me one last time and said, “Yes.”
Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t know if she could tell I was fighting them or if she even cared. But I’d made a fool of myself in every other way today, so what were a few tears?
I bit my lip and forced myself to step back.
My voice trembled. “Thank you, Raven. Thank you for teaching me you never really know someone.”
After crawling out the window, I ran to my car, secretly hoping she’d yell for me to come back, declare that this was all a mistake. I would’ve run right back to her.
I started the engine but didn’t take off right away. Instead, I looked over at the house one last time. She wasn’t coming after me.
As I finally sped away, I let the tears fall. They blinded my view of the road. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried like this. I’d allow myself to have this moment—this one cry. When I crossed the bridge, I’d find a way to get my shit together. I vowed never to shed another tear for that girl after this.
I’d find a way to forget her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
* * *
RAVEN
When I heard his car speeding away, I knew it was safe to let go of the pain. With my back against my bedroom wall, I slid to the ground and broke down.
I mumbled the words I so wished I could’ve expressed to him. “I love you, Gavin. I love you so much.”
Never in my life had I felt a sadness like this, a mixture of pain, emptiness, and longing. And I couldn’t talk about it with anyone. No one could know why I did it—not Marni and especially not my mother.
I knew the only way I could survive this would be to erase all memory of him. Any reminder would be too painful to endure. I would have to unfollow him on Facebook, block him altogether. I couldn’t bear to see him moving on with other girls, moving on with his life. The thought of that cut like a knife.
The realizations came in waves. I’d never be held by him again. I’d never feel him inside of me again. I’d never hear him tell me he loved me again. Until today, I hadn’t known he felt that way. To hear that as I was letting him go felt like the cruelest of life’s jokes.
I went to his Facebook page to block him and noticed he’d posted a song some time after he’d sped away from my house: “So Cruel” by U2.
I understood his message loud and clear.
***
Later that night, my mother came home from work to find me lying in bed. I’d been dreading seeing her all day, because I knew I’d have to lie to her.
The first thing she said was, “Did something happen between you and Gavin?”
I straightened up against my headboard. “What made you ask that?”
“Well, when I walked by his room this afternoon, he was sitting at the edge of his bed with his head down. He looked very upset. I’ve never seen him like that. When I asked him if everything was alright, he just shook his head and wouldn’t say anything else. I let him be, but my gut told me it had something to do with you.”
I buried my face in my hands. “I broke up with him.”
“What? Why?”
“It wasn’t working out the way I’d hoped.”
I spent the next several minutes lying to my mother, giving her the same bullshit I’d fed Gavin. Regardless of how idiotic I sounded, my mother pulled me into a hug and held me.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re still young. It’s going to take a while for you to figure out what you truly want.” She held me tighter. “I know you think I’m going through a lot right now, but don’t keep your pain inside. I’m always here for you, even if it seems like things are overwhelming. You will always be my priority. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
I looked into her eyes. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, either.”
I’d just proven that.
PART TWO
* * *
TEN YEARS LATER
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
* * *
GAVIN
This trip was long overdue. I’d used every excuse in the book to put it off. The truth was, I knew it was going to be hell facing my seventy-year-old father’s deteriorating condition and all the decisions to be made as a result.
After I pulled into the circular driveway in front of the house on Palm Beach, I sat in my car for several minutes. I looked up at the massive structure and thought about how everything looked the same. The flowers in the well-manicured garden still bloomed as they always had. The white pillars at the
front of the house were as gaudy as ever.
But looks could be deceiving, because absolutely nothing was the same as it used to be.
About five years ago, our lives were turned upside down when my mother died after driving drunk into a tree. My relationship with her had improved over the years prior to her death. And while her loss was painful, I was relieved that we weren’t on bad terms when she passed away.
I lived with a lot of guilt, though, for never pushing her to get the help she needed. I often wondered how much of her miserable behavior when I was growing up had to do with her dependency on alcohol.
And if things weren’t bad enough after Mother’s death, about a year later, my father started showing early signs of dementia at age sixty-five. Things progressed fairly quickly from there. The staff in Florida called me constantly in London to say they were concerned about him. Weldon, who lived out in California now, was virtually useless. So the responsibility of handling Dad’s affairs was all mine. It eventually got bad enough that I had to arrange for 24-hour care.
It wasn’t easy handling all this from overseas. Due to a crazy work schedule, it had been over a year since I’d been back here. And it had been nearly ten years since I’d lived here for even part of the time.
I’d dropped out of law school after the first year and transferred into Yale’s MBA program. When I finished, I moved to London, and then a few years ago I started a robotics company with a couple of engineers. The robots we design perform an array of functions for various industries. We grew fast and now employed several hundred people.
I’d finally found my passion, and London had become my permanent home. But being so far away made it difficult to be there for my father. I felt guilty that it had taken me this long to come see him after learning his condition had worsened, and I vowed not to let it happen again. It was time to put him first for a while. I’d arranged to work remotely from the States for at least a month so I could assess the situation and come up with a long-term-care plan. I wondered if I could convince Dad to sell the house and let me move him to London. One step at a time.
Here goes nothing.
Letting out a long breath, I exited my car and walked toward the front door. I hadn’t called the staff to let them know I was coming because I wanted to walk in unannounced to get a feel for things exactly as they were. I didn’t want them to do anything that might sugarcoat the situation.
I used my key to enter. When Genevieve heard the door, she rushed to the foyer.
She looked like I was the last person she expected to see.
Her shoes echoed against the marble floor as she hurried toward me. “Gavin? Oh my God. Gavin!”
“Hey, Genevieve. Good to see you.” I rolled my suitcase to a corner.
She hugged me. “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? We could have prepared for you.”
“No need. I don’t need anything but one of the guest rooms. I just came to see my father.”
“How long are you staying?”
“I actually don’t know. I haven’t booked a return ticket yet, but probably at least a month.”
There was something odd about her expression. She also seemed somewhat out of breath, like my arrival had stressed her out. It alarmed me a little.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Yes. Of course. Welcome home. I’ll prepare your old room for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Shall I let your father know you’re here?”
“Uh, sure. Let him know I’ll be up there in a few.”
She ran up the stairs as if she were in some kind of race against time.
Odd.
After using the downstairs bathroom off the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water, I headed upstairs myself. I was on edge, very apprehensive to witness what I knew to be true: Dad’s condition had deteriorated. I could no longer live with my head in the sand about it.
I paused before opening the door to his bedroom. When I finally did, I saw something totally different than I’d prepared for. I’d never understood what the expression “time stood still” meant until that moment.
I squinted my eyes. For a second, I thought it might have been the jet lag—perhaps I was hallucinating. But the longer I looked at her, the more certain I became. It was unmistakably her. And ten years dissolved into ten minutes as I looked into her eyes—eyes I’d been sure I’d never see again.
Raven.
Raven?
What’s happening?
Confusion mixed with anger, and my harsh words came out before I could think better of uttering them.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Raven stood frozen, seeming unable to speak as I took her in.
I’d never wanted to see her again. I never wanted to remember the pain I felt when she ended things. But within seconds, it was all back. And more than that, why was she here with my father?
“What kind of game are you playing?” I asked.
The look in her eyes transformed from shock to rage. “Excuse me?”
“Please don’t speak to Renata like that,” my father said.
I looked over at him. Did he just say Renata? “Dad, what are you talking about? Renata’s been—”
“No!” Raven shouted. Her eyes shot daggers at me.
She spoke to my father in a low, calm voice. “Excuse me, Mr. M.” Then she turned to me. “Can we please speak out in the hallway?”
Feeling like I’d walked into a bizarre dream, I stepped out of the room. She came out behind me before closing the door.
Raven continued a ways down the hall, and I followed her.
She whipped toward me. “What do you think I’m doing here? You think I’m manipulating your father?”
I told the truth. “I have no idea what you’re doing.”
She inhaled slowly, then exhaled. “I’m his nurse, Gavin.”
“His nurse?”
“The company I work for assigned me here six months ago. I almost canceled. But I decided to come for one visit, because I was genuinely curious about your father’s condition. I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me. It turns out, he thinks I’m my mother. I’ve let it continue because it makes him happy.”
Suddenly, Genevieve’s strange reaction to my arrival made sense. She’d worked here all those years ago when I dated Raven. She knew everything that happened. That’s why she’d apparently kept this from me for six months.
“Why didn’t the staff tell me you were here?”
“Maybe they were afraid of your reaction. They don’t want to see me go because my being here has really helped him. I owe him so much, Gavin. So I stayed. I let him believe I’m my mother. It’s been six months, and I’ve been his day nurse every single day. Nothing sinister is happening. But thank you for your confidence,” she said bitterly.
“Raven, I’m—”
She walked away, back toward my father’s room, before I could form an apology.
I followed her.
She opened the door. “Mr. M, I’m going to give you some privacy with your son. He came a long way to see you.”
“When will you be back?” my father asked, not even acknowledging me.
“In about an hour, okay?”
Dad looked sad. “Okay.”
It was eye opening to see my father more concerned about when she’d be returning than about my being here.
Without making eye contact, Raven rushed past me and disappeared out the door.
Feeling a little like I was outside of my body experiencing all of this, I turned to my father. He stared blankly ahead.
“It’s so good to see you, Dad.”
“Where did Renata say she was going?”
“She didn’t, but she said she was coming back in an hour. But I’m here now. What do you need?”
“She was going to take me for a walk.”
“I can take you.”
“No. I prefer she take me.”
“What can I do for you while I’m her
e?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
I sat down in the seat next to him. “Dad, I’m sorry I haven’t been here in so long. I plan to stay for at least a month, to help you get some things in order and make sure you’re okay.”
“Are you meeting with Clyde?”
“No, Dad. Clyde is, um...not here.”
Your former business partner, Clyde Evans, has been dead for three years.
“What do you need from me?” he asked.
“Nothing. I’m just here to be with you, alright?”
He finally looked at me and cracked a slight smile. “Alright, son.”
The difference in his demeanor was shocking. He seemed almost child-like.
After I’d sat with him for about twenty minutes, my father informed me that he wanted to take a nap. I let him be and ventured downstairs.
Genevieve put on a pot of coffee and filled me in on the past several months. She said my father’s condition had been quite a bit worse before Raven’s arrival. His believing that she was Renata had lifted his spirits. While I still couldn’t really comprehend all of this, I knew I still owed Raven an apology for my reaction earlier.
I was still drinking coffee in the kitchen when she entered through the side door. My immediate, visceral reaction was quite disconcerting. After all this time, she still had a strong effect on me.
She looked flustered and didn’t acknowledge us. She was headed toward the stairs when I stood up and said, “Hey. Before you go, can we talk?”
Raven barely looked me in the eyes when she said, “Actually, I owe your father a walk. And I’m late, so...”
“After that, then?”
Looking down at the ground, she finally conceded, “Okay.”
***
My father and Raven were out for a long while before she took him back to his room. I waited downstairs for at least another half hour before she finally appeared in the kitchen.
She didn’t say anything as she reached for a mug and poured herself a cup from the coffee pot. She looked upset.
The Day He Came Back Page 13
