by Nicola Jane
Once Ace is satisfied that I’m wet enough, he steps out and sits me on the side unit. “Get out of the clothes. I’ll find you something dry to wear.”
When he returns to the bathroom, he’s wrapped in nothing but a towel. He holds out some fresh pajamas for me. I drop the towel that covers me, and he sucks in a surprised breath. My body is littered with dark bruising and he runs his eyes over it. He thrusts the clothing into my hands and rushes out, leaving me alone again.
I stare at my body in the mirror. Finger bruises mar my breasts and hips. I have abrasions on my knees and elbows and a black eye. I look terrible. It’s no wonder he turned away like that.
When I’m fully covered, I step back into my room. Ace is sitting by the window, staring intently out into the night. I climb into the bed silently. He looks deep in thought.
I lay awake, shivering and shaking. Eventually, Ace sighs and makes his way over to where I lay. Lifting the sheets, he climbs in behind me and wraps himself around me. I don’t say anything, but I’m grateful for his closeness. The nightmares that await me may not come if I’m in his arms safe.
Sometime later, I’m awakened by my own screams. It's a blood-curdling, horrified scream as I fight my way out of the sheets that are wrapped around my legs, restricting me. Ace is by my side in seconds, hushing me and stroking my sweat soaked forehead. “I was just in the toilet,” he whispers, “You’re okay.” I grip him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck and breathing in his scent. The musky aftershave calms me instantly. “It’s okay, baby,” he soothes. “I’m here.”
The rest of the night goes the same way. I sleep for maybe half an hour and then I wake screaming with Ace whispering words of comfort into my ear. When the sun rises, I am exhausted but I don’t go back to sleep where the nightmares wait for me. Instead, I pull a sheet around me and take a seat by the window. I used to love watching the busy London streets. Our clubhouse is set a little off the main streets, but factories nearby create a lot of passing traffic.
Today as I look outside, I want to scream at them. Why are they carrying on with everyday life when my world has fallen apart? How can things be so normal, yet so messed up? I’m jealous that they can go to work and be free of the images that litter my thoughts. “You’re awake,” yawns Ace, stretching out. His feet dangle from the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Dirty. Pissed off. Angry. How do you think I’m feeling?” I’m snappy and irritated. I don’t mean to take it out on Ace, but it’s a stupid question and I have so many feelings that I’m not sure which is the correct answer.
“I meant, are you still craving?” he sighs.
“Yes, of course I am; it doesn’t just stop.”
Ace sits up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbing his face. He looks tired despite having just woken up. “What happened to you is shit, Mae. I was right there with you. But don’t take it out on me when I’m here to support you.”
“Nobody asked you to be here.”
“You want me to go?” he asks. I nod my head and turn my attention back to the window. He won’t leave me. He knows I don’t really want to be here alone.
Ace pulls out his cell. I watch his reflection in the window. “Hey, sorry man I know it’s early. Can you come and let me out?”
I whip my head around. “You’re going?”
“Thanks man, I owe you.” He disconnects the call and stands up. “You want me to go. You just said so.”
“Fine, leave me alone then. I know you don’t really care.”
“Christ, woman! Say what you mean. I’m not a damn mind reader.”
The sound of the key in the door gets my heart racing. I remember how badly I need a hit and I stand, waiting for Hulk to open it. “Good morning,” says Hulk in a cheery voice. I make a dash for the door, but Ace has already guessed my move and he hooks his arm around my waist and pulls me to him. “Not so fast, baby,” he whispers.
“I need some air,” I growl, trying to push his arm away.
“Then I’ll open the window.”
“I want to walk.”
“Not yet. You need to stop shaking. Get this shit out your system and then you can go for a walk wherever and whenever you like.”
“Ace, please.” I begin to cry again. I’ve never cried so many tears in such a short space of time.
“Pres, we could walk her around together,” suggests Hulk sympathetically.
“She doesn’t want a walk. She wants to get her hands on that damn needle.”
“I don’t,” I cry. “I promise.”
Ace wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Fine, just around the clubhouse. Five minutes and then back in here. Doc will be here soon.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ace
We walk Mae around like a damn dog. She can’t stop shaking and she’s still scratching at her arms, like her skin is crawling with insects.
After five minutes, Hulk takes her back to her room. She’s tired, but I doubt she’ll sleep. I tell her I have work to catch up on. I have no intentions of working, but I can’t sit in that room watching her claw at her skin for a second longer. I don’t know how to make her better and I feel helpless, more helpless than when I was hanging from the roof watching her being raped. Then, I had no choice. I was chained up but now, I’m walking free and I still can’t help her. I want to take away her nightmares because god knows she’s getting them bad. I saw every hour throughout the night with her as she screamed and lashed out. Hulk enters the office. “Shit man, she’s a mess. I didn’t realize how bad she was.”
“Yep,” I sigh.
He takes a seat. “Do I dare ask what the fuck they did?”
“I’m sure you can imagine. They did it to break me. Why the fuck would they do that? They didn’t want anything from us aside from breaking the club up. They could have killed us then and there but instead, they took us and did that shit.”
“They fucked up. They weren’t after you. It was Lucy they needed. I guess once they had you both, they made it up as they went along.”
“I need to sort out the Lucy and Tag bullshit, too. How’s Tag holding up?”
“Like a bear with a sore head. He’s yelling at everyone. Fighting and drinking. He wants her back, but she’s adamant that she’s done.”
“Of course, he does. Lucy’s just upset but she’ll come around. She loves Tag.”
“What about you and Mae. Is there anything going on there?” I shake my head no My heart aches in my chest. How can there ever be anything now? It was my fault she ended up in that place. “Do you want there to be?” he asks. I shrug and Hulk smiles. “Well, it’s not a no so surely there’s hope there?”
“We’ve been through too much. She’s been through too much. How can she want to be with me after what’s happened? Just being connected with me put her in that position.”
“Mae understands this life. Pres. It’s the only one she’s ever known and eventually, she’ll be claimed by a biker. Whether that’s you or not is another story, but don’t kid yourself into thinking that she’s safer without you. She won’t ever leave this life.”
“If she wasn’t with me that day, she wouldn’t have been taken.” I say.
“No, Lucy would have been. Everyone around us is at risk. It’s the life we all chose. Men and women. Lucy wouldn’t have coped anywhere near as well as Mae did because she didn’t know this life until a year ago. I’m not saying it was better that it happened to Mae, but she’ll get through it because she has you. She has us all. Mae’s made of strong stuff. Denying yourself a happy ever after because of this shit is madness. You two belong together.”
“I don’t do happy ever after. She needs a house and a man that’s got a nine to five job. She needs two kids and a puppy. She needs someone her own age!”
Hulk laughs. “Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out.” He stands and walks to the door, “Just one problem with your life plan for Mae.”
“And what’s that?”
> “It’s not her plan, it’s yours. She wants this life, she wants you and every time you turn her away, hoping she’ll go for that other life, you break her heart. Just love her, Pops. It’s all she wants.” He leaves, and I sit back in my chair.
I know that what he’s saying is true. Mae loves this life, although I’m not sure she still feels like that after everything.
I open my drawer and look at the expensive bottle of Malt I keep in there. I run my finger over the golden label and then grip the bottle neck. It’s not even ten in the morning and I’m reaching for the bottle. I pull my hand away and slam the drawer closed again. I’m annoyed with myself for even thinking about it.
There’s a light knock on the door and Angel saunters in. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you how much I’ve missed you.” I watch her as she moves closer, her hips swaying seductively.
“I thought I said all club girls had to leave the club.”
“I didn’t think that meant me,” she pouts, touching her chest and twirling the necklace I gave her a few months ago as a birthday gift.
“What makes you so special?” I ask. She perches on the edge of my desk and places her foot on my chair between my spread legs.
“You know what makes me special,” she purrs, rubbing her toes against my inner thigh.
“Instead of talking, why don’t you remind me,” I suggest. Angel smiles and stands, lifting her dress over her head in one swift movement. She’s an expert in seduction. It's one of the things that first caught my attention.
She rolls her panties down her thighs taking her time. Then she stands before me naked and does a slow three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn. “What would you like me to do?”
“You can’t do much if I’m fully clothed,” I point out and she grins.
“Let’s rectify that right now.” Reaching for my belt, she unfastens it and then tugs at my zipper. She rubs my erection through my jeans and I hiss in appreciation. I need this release. I’m too uptight and on edge, and it’s preventing me from thinking straight.
I watch as Angel removes my cock from my pants. She runs her hands up my thighs, raking her nails across my skin, then she licks the tip of my erection. She licks her lips in delight. I let my head fall back and sigh as she sucks me into her mouth.
I close my eyes but instead of pleasure ripping through me, my mind is filled with images of Mae. It’s not pretty images and I sit up suddenly, taking Angel by surprise.
“Sorry,” I apologize while tucking myself back into my pants; my erection has disappeared anyway. “I can’t do this right now.”
I stand, and Angel begins to dress quickly. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, it’s me, I’m just tired,” I explain, waiting until she’s fully dressed again before ushering her out the door. I lean back against it, groaning in frustration. Maybe I need someone not connected to this club, an unknown face that I can spend one night with and then forget about.
I spend the next few hours going over the books for the club. I also put out a text message out to some of the guys, including Tag, asking if they’d like to meet for a drink in the club bar later. I need to get drunk and get laid. I fix a sandwich and head up to Mae’s room. Scar is sitting outside on the floor staring at the closed door. “Everything good?” I ask.
“Yeah, Pres. She was asleep last time I checked. The doc came and gave her something, but she wasn’t very nice about it. She’s like a different person.”
“She’s been through a lot. I’ll speak to Doc about getting her some counseling.”
“The good news is he said she should start to feel better within the next day or two. He reckons she wasn’t exposed to much of the stuff, so it should be out of her system quite soon.”
“Good. Let me in. I’ve got her some food.” Scar unlocks the door and I step inside. Mae is laying naked on top of her sheets. I slam the door quickly before Scar gets a proper look; the noise wakes Mae up and she sits up. “Fuck, Mae! Put on some damn clothes,” I hiss.
She flops back onto the bed and rolls onto her side. “I was too hot.”
“Anyone could walk in.” I put a sheet over her. I hate seeing her bruises because it’s a reminder of how I didn’t protect her.
“I know I disgust you. I disgust myself,” she mutters.
“Don’t talk shit, Mae,” I mutter, laying the tray of food on her bedside table.
“The bruises remind you of what happened.”
“Of course they do, I know how you got them. It doesn’t mean I’m disgusted with you. It pains me that you got hurt.”
“You won’t even look me in the eye,” she huffs.
“I got you some food,” I sigh. “Try and eat something.”
Mae throws the sheet from her body and sits on the edge of the bed. “Look at me, Ace.”
I place my hands on my hips uncomfortably and look to the ground. “Just eat something, please. You look thinner than before, I don’t like it.”
“Look at me. If you aren’t disgusted, then fucking look at me.”
I look into Mae’s eyes. “There. Happy now?”
She grabs my head in her hands and forces me to look at her naked body. “Here,” she growls. “Look here.” I try to pull away, but she fights me. “Say it, say you’re sick to your stomach. Tell me how you can’t even look at me because I remind you of the things they did.”
We struggle against each other. She’s pulling me to look at her body and I’m tugging to get away. I take her wrists in my hands and she releases the grip on my head. I keep a hold of her wrists and push her against the wall gently. “I’m not disgusted, Mae. I’m not sick to my stomach. I look at you and I want to fuck you. I want to lay you on that bed and make love to you so bad that I disgust myself because that’s the last thing I should be thinking,” I confess angrily. “I need to wipe away their touch. You are gorgeous. No amount of bruises can turn me off your sexy body, but it reminds me how I didn’t protect you and that is killing me.”
I hear her slight intake of breath. “Kiss me,” she whispers.
I shake my head. “No. That’s the last thing I should do.”
“Please, Ace.” Tears fill her eyes. “I feel so ashamed and dirty. I want to feel how I did before. Make me forget them.”
I take her face in my hands. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You haven’t done anything wrong. You aren’t dirty. You are amazing and strong. So much stronger than I could ever be.”
Mae moves closer to me and stretches up on her tiptoes. I don’t move forward to meet her, but I don’t pull away either. Her lips brush gently over mine and I remain still. This needs to be on her terms.
She sweeps her tongue across my bottom lip and I automatically open for her to deepen the kiss. It’s slow and gentle, like she’s unsure, but I allow her to take her time. My heart pounds in my chest and I keep our bodies from touching. I don’t need her to know about the bulging erection trying to break free from my pants.
When she pulls away, she looks shy and bashful. “Thank you,” she whispers.
I smile and tuck a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Anytime,” I joke. “Glad to be of service. Now, eat something. I’ll come back in the morning.”
Mae looks alarmed. “You aren’t staying?”
I instantly feel guilty. “I have plans. But good news, Doc reckons you’ll be feeling more like yourself in the next couple of days. You’re looking much better already.”
“Plans?” she repeats.
“I can cancel. It was just a catch up with the guys.”
Mae shakes her head. “It’s fine. I’ll see if Piper is free, I’m not your problem.”
“Mae, you aren’t a problem. I just thought that maybe you were getting sick at the sight of me.”
Mae wraps the sheet around herself. “Honestly Ace, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.” I’m not convinced by her act, but I think it’s safer for us both if I stay away from her tonight. Our kiss is burnt into my brain.
Mae
&n
bsp; I wasn’t going to ask Piper to come, but Ace took it upon himself to invite her on my behalf. I said it just to ease his conscience, but I only really want to be around him. I feel like nobody else understands.
“Things got crazy while you were away.” Piper is flicking through a magazine and chatting like nothing’s happened. “Tag and Lucy split up. She was so mad at him after you went missing.”
“Why?” I ask. No one's told me anything about what happened while we were gone.
Piper looks up from the magazine. “Because she said it was his fault you went missing. Completely blamed him for all of it.”
“But it wasn’t,” I say with confusion.
“It was Tag’s dad behind it. They wanted Lucy. She was so mad that they left Abel in the park like that, too. Anyone could have taken him.”
“Shouldn’t she be thankful they didn’t take him?”
“I guess so. The trauma sent her crazy. She won’t even come up here and see you. She totally feels guilty.”
“I don’t blame anyone,” I sigh. “It happened and now it’s over. We all need to move on.”
“Are you okay?” she asks. “I mean, really okay.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. I keep having nightmares. I don’t want to close my eyes. Doc talked about seeing a counselor. Maybe it will help me.”
“You must have been so scared.”
“Is it crazy that I’m glad it happened to me and not you or Lucy or any of the other girls?”
She smiles and takes my hand. “That’s because you’re so nice and that’s how I know you’ll get through it, Mae. You’re so strong.”
“I don’t want to talk about me or what happened. Can we pretend we’re like we were before? Tell me about Anton.”
“Anton?” she asks, looking alarmed. “What about him?”
“Well, you and he are-”
“Are nothing,” she cuts in before I can finish.
“You aren’t a thing?”
Piper groans and flops back onto the bed. “Oh Mae, it’s such a big mess.”
