by Karen Aldous
Angie threw out her arm. ‘This is what Neil and I skied this morning. The snow is gorgeous, not too deep and so powdery smooth. Perfect conditions.’
‘It looks lovely,’ Lou said. ‘Can’t wait to get out on these slopes. Christoff said we may be able to come up to ski a blue tomorrow.’
‘Well, let me tell you now—’ Angie glared and pointed ‘—that is not a blue.’
A knot of exhilaration released inside me. Peering around myself, I could see there were so many different pistes. More than I ever imagined.
Kim peeked out the glass behind me. ‘Is that the lift station?’
‘Yes,’ Angie said securing her gloves in her helmet. ‘Again, once the doors open, don’t panic, you have time to step out as it goes around.’
We filed out of our travelling carriage without panic or injury, thank goodness, and followed Angie dodging through the traffic of skiers bustling through a narrow pass from slope to slope. I looked up.
‘Phwoar,’ I shrieked, slapping my chest with my hand, breathless. A landscape of stark white against the cobalt blue of the horizon greeted us and introduced us to ever more spectacular views of the other side, making me instinctively reach for my phone to capture the mountain scene showered and glistening in sunshine. Cathy and Lou snapped away too whilst Kim and Angie wandered towards the restaurant. A familiar mix of cheese and vin chaud burrowed into my nostrils as I traipsed behind, casting my focus on the dazzling sunny terrace encased in glass. I scanned the tables, searching for a spot.
‘I think the people on that table there are about to leave,’ I just about heard Angie say amongst the clamber of our wet ski boots on the wooden deck. She turned around and Lou and Cathy were now beside me. ‘I’ll grab it whilst you guys go in and get what you want. It’s self-service. Pick up drinks and glasses at the beginning and look out for the specials.’
‘Do you know what you want to eat? I’ll get yours,’ I told Angie. ‘I’ll get a couple of bottles of wine too.’
Angie licked her lips and peered into the air. ‘I’ll have rösti – the veggie version. You might want to ask if they have their rösti Valaisanne today? It’s a dish Rob always eats here.’
‘What is the rösti Valai … sanne?’ I asked, keen to try the regional food.
Angie’s eyes brightened. ‘It is the local version of a rösti – so the rösti, I think, is grated potatoes and bacon mixed and pan-fried in duck fat, then topped with Raclette cheese. Sometimes Rob has it with Gruyere. He loves it, though. It’s not altogether the healthiest option.’ Angie grinned. ‘But you can justify overindulgence when you’re skiing.’
By the time we returned with our trays of Gamay wine and röstis – we had all decided to overindulge in the dish; Cathy managed to grab the last two vegetarian versions for Angie and herself – Angie had managed to secure a fabulous table. It was positioned in a snug corner of the terrace with the best panoramic views over Verbier as well as the reflection of the soft glistening snow. Angie and Christoff had been right: it was perfect, despite missing the personal touch of a waiter. Cathy and I sat in prime seats, Angie at the end, then Lou and Kim arrived just after us, looking at me devilishly.
Lou flashed a bottle of Champagne in front of me. ‘I thought as it’s to be a celebration of your new start as well, it was appropriate. Hope you don’t mind, sweetheart?’
Kim placed her tray down on which she had five Champagne flutes circled on one side.
A lump in my throat hampered my speech. ‘Oh, Flowers.’ I swallowed. ‘You are the best. You think of everything. Thank you.’
Lou unleashed the cork and as she began pouring, asked, ‘So, tell us, Ginny, what’s your most memorable moment with Mike?’
I laughed. ‘I can’t tell you that!’
The girls laughed too, and Angie retorted, ‘OK, we don’t need to know about your orgasms, maybe I should rephrase the question.’
‘No, I’ve got one.’ I was giggling before I could tell them. ‘It has to be his proposal. He would have killed me for telling you, but he booked a steakhouse in London. That was probably as posh as we got then, as you know. Well, you all know this bit. Anyway, what you don’t know is that when he nervously got down on one knee, and when I say nervous, I mean nervous, like the day of your wedding nervous, Mike was so nervous that he kept going backwards and forwards to the loo. I guessed he must have got the squits! So, he was on one knee, just about to open the box with my engagement ring in it. And he ran off. Gone. He left me staring after him and the other people in the restaurant staring at me.’
The girls were bracing their lips with their hands.
‘He was gone for ages.’ I giggled again, and I think the girls were now guessing. ‘So, when he came back, he got down on one knee again, and …’ I could hardly speak for giggling ‘… even though it was navy velvet, I could see the box was soaking wet, even the inside.’ The girls and I chorused with: ‘He’d dropped it in his …’ We couldn’t finish but their faces screwed up, and our bellies were aching with laughter.
I wasn’t sure anyone really enjoyed their rösti after that, but the Champagne was going down very well as each of the Flowers had a story they recalled with fondness.
Lou sniggered. ‘Oh, he was such a sweetheart – that time he rescued me after I locked myself out. Some of you will have heard it. Embarrassing. It was a Saturday morning, Terry was working, and I opened the door for a delivery and it slammed shut, so with just my dressing gown on and soaking wet hair, I remembered I’d left the back door open. In desperation, I hurled myself over the shrubs but my dressing gown, which was towelling got tangled in a holly bush. I was trying to untangle myself for a about an hour, and luckily Mike came around to collect an electrical unit that Terry wanted him to fit. So anyway I shouted out and he jumped over. I mean, his face was a picture; he was killing himself laughing. Anyway, he tried, but couldn’t untangle it, so bless him, he took off his T-shirt, turned around whilst I took off the gown and I ran in to get dressed. When I returned he’d unpicked it all from the holly. He could have left it, Gin, but he was so lovely.’
I cupped my mouth to swallow down the emotions. It had been a while since I had heard the story, and it had never made me tearful before. Quite the opposite, in fact.
‘You make him sound like an angel, Lou,’ I told her.
‘He is, sorry was, a darling – nothing was too much trouble for Mike,’ Cathy started with a grimace. ‘I remember him helping me when my old Golf broke down one day. Anthony was working, and this was pre-mobile phone days, so I had to find a phone box. Mum and Dad were away, so on the off-chance, I rang Mike. He was home, thank goodness. I told him what happened and where I was, and he said to wait ten minutes and he’d find me. I’d been on a development day over at Mead Green, and as you know the Camfield Road can get quite busy around five. Anyway, true to his word, he was ten minutes. I saw his car coming towards me in my side mirror, jumped out the car, and waved, but whoosh – I stood speechless staring after him He drove straight past. Completely ignored me, even though I was waving like Nora Batty with paddles directing a Boeing 747.’
Cathy’s palms flew out in front of her as she demonstrated, her hair bobbing. We roared with laughter again, imagining the scene.
‘Well, funny now, but I was worried. What if he’d forgotten? It was beginning to get dark.’ Indignantly, Cathy scratched the back of her shiny bob while her eyes surveyed the table waiting for us to settle down. ‘Fortunately, a few minutes later, I saw his car heading back and Mike pulling across the road towards me – his face sheepish. He was so apologetic. He said he must have been daydreaming or on autopilot. Anyhow, there was me thinking he would just take me home.’ Cathy’s lips tightened as she raised her skinny arm and punched the air. ‘But Mike being Mike, he tinkered about with plugs, wires, tubes, whatever it is us girls just wouldn’t go near unless it involved a useful aid to detox our bodies, and within ten, the darling man had my old car chugging again. And that was so typical of Mike;
that’s what made him so endearing. He always went that extra mile. We will miss him terribly. I know Anthony is still struggling with the loss too.’
Cathy rubbed my arm. ‘And the boys just adored him. He was their social secretary, and ours when it was a group event. So sad, I’m not sure Anthony will ever get over it.’
A curtain of silence rustled the air as each of us wittingly or unwittingly lowered our eyes in private angst. I heard Kim sigh and then she forced a smile. She said she couldn’t recall anything as amusing, but she could offer a memory that was special.
With a swoon, she tilted her head. ‘Oh, Ginny, I think you know what it is – you probably all do.’ She winked at me. ‘My main recollection of Mike’s big heart is when he brought you to Oz only a week after the twins were born.’ She clutched her chest. ‘I mean, it was fricken fantastic, total surprise for both of us, wasn’t it?’
My stomach bubbled, and I craned my head as I caught her hand and squeezed it. ‘Aw, surprise is an understatement. I almost wet myself with excitement when I looked up to check the flight number at Heathrow. How can I ever forget that! I jumped on Mike there and then. God knows what people thought! What a devious pair! Diverting us by planning to come when the babies were a few months old – and then all the scheming. Not just with Will! My boss, Mum and Dad, Ross and Rachel. They were all in on it! And you two!’ I glared at Cathy and Lou, whose faces were streaming. I wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy or sadness.
‘That was Mike though – always had something up his sleeve.’ Kim chuckled. ‘It demonstrates how thoughtful he was. I’d love to have seen your face when he asked you to check that departure board.’
‘We all would,’ Lou sniggered as she topped up our flutes.
I released my hand from Kim and cradled my arms as though holding a tiny baby. ‘Ha ha! And your face when I crept in. When you were sitting in the armchair breastfeeding one of them – anyone would have thought that I’d screamed “Fire”. Your eyes. And you were shaking. Poor Avril. I’m surprised she hasn’t been traumatised for life.’
Kim clutched my cheeks and pressed them affectionately between her fingers. ‘You won’t believe how much I needed you there then. You de-traumatised me for life, for sure. Or rather, Mike should take the credit. Booking it, organising it. Will for his part. I was super lucky to have you guys. Nothing could have prepared me for twins! Let’s raise our glasses to Mike.’
I stood, taming a strand of hair as it whipped across my face. I peered around at my friends, their loving faces flushed from the wind and wine against the cloudless cobalt sky. Skies and sunshine like this always reminded me of Oz. And that trip was special. I was the real Ginny then. The dutiful wife and mother but loving it. I remember the timing wasn’t the best. Ross was in the middle of his A levels and Rachel just about to sit her GCSEs. It was the first time Mike and I had left the children to go on a holiday and whilst I worried, it was exciting. It was like our youth had returned; we were young and free again for the first time in nearly twenty years.
We spent much of the plane journey dreaming of romantic locations we could visit on our own once the kids didn’t need feeding and taxiing around. It was the start of the time I began to feel like a woman again instead of just a frantic mum. Like Mike and I had found ourselves again, a rekindled fire warmed between us, which I welcomed. Ironically – and I know they had yearned for a family for so long – Kim was just beginning to feel like a mum. I was so thrilled for her and Will – finally blessed with two beautiful girls. The moment I saw them all together was simply magic. I was so grateful to Mike for making it all happen. I loved him so much.
Lifting my flute to theirs, I cheered, ‘To Mike and my life that was.’ I blinked away a tear as I gazed across snowy peaks on the horizon knowing I had to accept that segment of my life was over. Not missing – I just had to replace it. How, I was yet to work out, but I would be eternally grateful that my Flowers had brought me here, shared this mountain and momentous occasion with me. Feeling as if I was deadheading a rose bush, willing new growth, I lifted my glass again. ‘And now a toast to new shoots. Hopefully, I’m a new bud getting ready to open among her beautiful and already fiercely blooming Flowers.’
Kim chinked my glass. ‘And we know you’ll be a bud that will open and bloom with a fresh fragrance.’
‘To the new Ginny Watts,’ my friends cheered, piercing my heart with their warmth.
* * *
We continued with another bottle of Champagne I insisted on paying for, with the addition of various suggestions from the girls of what I could look forward to in the future – even the possibility of a man in my life again, which, had I not come to Switzerland, I would never have envisaged. I would be foolish to think anyone would enter my life so soon, and it wasn’t something I needed, but it was flattering to feel that attention from Neil. He had that quiet confidence Mike had possessed, that attentiveness, that endearing energy as well as the ability to ignite that internal flame in me. That was a surprise! It gave me the faith I needed at least that I was still a woman and I didn’t have to be simply a widow. It was about perception.
I saw now that if Mike had strayed, it didn’t mean that I was unattractive or past my sell-by date. Angie and Christoff were evidence that sexual chemistry had no boundaries. I was entitled to engage in life again and, of course, make the most of my biggest gift right now: the support and love I have here with my friends.
In fact, it was time to lock in all the lovely memories of Mike. It may have been the alcohol, but it just seemed the time was right. I needed to let out those demons. Confide, share, confess, no matter what the correct term is; I hadn’t trusted my friends with my inner turmoil and I wanted to put that right. They’d been urging me to let out my grief, so I thought it might help me let go of my husband as well if I detonated the issue circling in my brain. I took a deep breath.
‘I don’t know if any of you were aware, but I think Mike may have been having an affair.’
Chapter 11
Kim
I felt sick. So, Ginny did know. My insides were burning; my skin on fire. This was my opportunity to come clean. I tried to find the words. Ginny deserved to hear what my sister told me.
I couldn’t stop trembling. I had to tell Ginny now. My fear was that she would crack with a big C. One of us would soon. Whatever happened, I knew I would lose my friends.
I took a deep breath. ‘I’m so sorry, Gin …’
Cathy clutched Ginny’s shoulder interrupting. ‘No, darling, I don’t believe that for a minute. What on earth makes you think that?’
‘Mike would never have done that to you, my sweet,’ Lou said holding her hand to her mouth. ‘He idolised you; how did you come to that conclusion?’
Ginny closed her eyes as she bit her top lip and I wasn’t sure whether her pride was hurt, or, with all the fuss, it meant she regretted her revelation. I was sure her eyes were watering. My mouth seized. My vocal cords liquefied under the extreme heat I was generating.
Angie broke the silence. ‘Did he tell you that or have you discovered something yourself? I can’t believe that of Mike.’
Ginny appeared fraught. She gazed at each of us, rubbing her temples. Her eyes bore into mine, making me flinch. She could read me, I was sure. I coughed nervously, feeling I was the guilty party. Except I wasn’t. My selfish sister did this to us, I wanted to scream. I yearned to be honest with her, tell her the truth, be that true friend, yet I didn’t want to shatter her life. Destroy sweet memories of Mike. Destroy our friendship. I bit my lip. I know. That was all I needed to say. And of course, add, I’m truly sorry, Ginny, but it was my evil manipulating sister who tried to destroy your marriage, your life and our friendship. I wouldn’t tell her I knew ten months ago. I shook my head. It was pounding. This would destroy us. She had a right to know and all I could think of was myself and losing them all.
‘What do you know?’ I croaked.
‘Nothing. Mike’s delirious muttering. That he was
sorry, he didn’t mean to hurt me, it was only once he’d been unfaithful. That’s it. There is no other evidence than that. I checked everything: his phone, calls, messages, his pockets, his van, receipts in his wallet, business receipts. I searched through everything.’
‘Perhaps he’d been dreaming. Can’t the dying have strange hallucinations?’ Lou said, and at once they all turned to me.
My dry lips bumbled. ‘Y … yes. It happens … all the time,’ I said struggling with the words and wishing I could throw myself off the nearest ledge. ‘The brain dehydrates, slowly failing. Patients are confused. Not necessarily talking to someone in the room. Some even believe they could be talking to someone already passed.’
Ginny’s mouth went crooked. I was digging myself a hole and making this worse for my poor friend. I was in deep and now scared, scared for me, for Ginny. Would I make it worse if I told her? I just didn’t know.
Lou interjected, leaning in on her elbow and lurching forward, stroking Ginny’s hand. ‘There, sweetheart. It was probably just his mind deteriorating and playing tricks.’
Ginny’s lips thinned. ‘I don’t know. I’d have killed him before the cancer if I’d have found out beforehand. And don’t you think it’s a strange thing to say? It’s been whirling in my head and causing me as much stress as losing him and losing my job.’
‘Why didn’t you tell us before, darling?’ Cathy asked, her arm now stretched around Ginny’s shoulders. ‘You shouldn’t have bottled all this up.’
‘I didn’t want to … I still don’t want to believe it, naturally, but I feel betrayed. I can’t let it go. I can’t help it. It’s changed my thinking. I now believe any man will stray given the right opportunity. Any woman, come to that,’ she said, her gaze settling on Angie.
