by Karen Aldous
‘Mm, that’s pleasant.’
Neil’s eyes glimmered. ‘A girl after my own heart. Magnifico, as Stefano would say. Can’t abide all that fussing with food and drink.’
We ordered mains. I couldn’t face a starter too. We then chatted easily, just like the rhythm of the seasons. I told him about my long career and redundancy, the job I now hate but also about possibly working with Angie, the part-time marketing role in her health and fitness centre, which I was becoming increasingly excited about.
Neil told me about his career in the city as a stockbroker. The stress, and burnout, particularly through Cheryl’s illness. He carried all the compassion of a man who really cared. He told me how his love of skiing kept him together and his plans to return periodically to Surrey to see his grandchildren before returning for his early summer trip to Lake Como and Lake Garda, before the crowds arrived end of July and August when he would take a slow drive back along the coast, stopping off along the Italian and French Rivieras, meeting up with people he had met before.
‘So, you don’t mind travelling around on your own?’ I asked, sipping more wine.
‘I’m rarely on my own. At first, yes it was difficult. But once I got into a routine, I got used to it. Sometimes I had to force myself to make conversation and at times, being a single man, travelling alone, I found it awkward. It can be easy to offend, particularly husbands, but I’ve learnt how to handle myself now, I think. I make a point of talking to the men first so that they don’t think I’m trying to chat their ladies up.’ He wrinkled his forehead, taking a mouthful of wine. ‘It’s true. I rather enjoy chatting to women. I find women cheerful and uncomplicated. That might be from working with men for too long or simply not having to compete, as men often do. Many of the friends I go back and see are couples.’ He leant forward. ‘No swingers, to my knowledge, you’d be glad to hear.’
I chuckled. ‘I’m sure you choose your friends wisely.’
‘I like to think so. You certainly do. You’re a lovely bunch of Flowers. Go back a long way, I hear.’
I beamed with pride. ‘We do. I’m extremely lucky.’
‘I lost touch with most of the guys I grew up with. Even those I worked with. I play golf and tennis with some when I’m back in Surrey, but I’ve been friends with Christoff and Florian for several years now. Tom only started with them last season. But they’re great company. Lots of ex-pats from the UK here too who are great fun. It’s not so bad when they’re out here on their own, but often, they bring family or friends out and I don’t like to intrude. Most are out with family or friends this week – being New Year. What are you doing for New Year by the way? Ah, I believe this is our food.’
The colourful plates contained a neat circle of beautifully lean red steak chopped and stacked with what looked like some herbs, oil and pepper, served with sautéed potatoes, a side salad and small pots filled with a selection of spicy sauces.
‘This looks adorable,’ I said, licking my lips. ‘I’m a bit apprehensive about the steak being raw, but, here goes.’ I picked up the steak knife and dug into the steak, swirling it into one of the pots and popping it into my mouth. I gazed up at Neil, who was waiting for the verdict. I nodded, savouring the flavours. ‘Mm.’ I tasted capers, parsley, onion and Tabasco. ‘Very good.’
Neil tucked in hungrily and we ate in silence bar a few ‘mms’.
I took a sip of wine, which slipped down nicely with the food. ‘New Year’s Eve, we’re going to La Poste. Stefano squeezed us in, which is a bit worrying.’
Keeping his lips firmly closed, I could see Neil was trying not to laugh. He finished his mouthful. ‘Sounds like Stefano. He was fully booked by Christmas, so he must like you to be “squeezing” you in. He knows what he’s doing. It might be compact but it’s worth it. It’s a great atmosphere at New Year. He has a band, a disco, food and wine coming out your ears. Dancing on the tables. Then you fall outside to the square, which comes alive with music, and they serve vin chaud and the fireworks at midnight. The whole village congregates bringing bottles and glasses of Champagne, and you’ll be kissing all and sundry and wishing them a Happy New Year.’
‘Wow! Sounds amazing. Although, I have to confess, I have danced on his tables already.’
‘And why not! It is a spectacle and like I say, fantastic atmosphere. This place is addictive, believe me. You’ll be back next year. You wait and see.’
Neil finished his last mouthful. ‘I hope you come back.’
Even though my cheeks were burning, I still felt myself blush. ‘I can’t believe how much I’ve enjoyed it here. I didn’t think I would like the mountains or the skiing. It’s got better and better.’
I finished my steak and salad, and placed my cutlery on my plate, leaving a few potatoes. ‘I thoroughly enjoyed that. Thank you for inviting me out.’
‘You’re very welcome. I feel honoured you accepted. It’s rare to find someone so special.’
I blushed again and couldn’t avert my eyes from his. His hunger stared me in the face. Luring me. I thought how easy it would be to lean forward and kiss those lips, lose all control and fall into those arms. Was this meant to be? I fumbled with my glass, draining the last drop. Neil refilled it. The sexual tension was building.
‘We can have dessert or coffee?’ Neil said, finally.
I clutched my stomach. ‘That was ample, thank you. Maybe it’s nerves but I’ve not much of an appetite,’ I said and took a larger gulp of wine. I felt I was being tested. I wanted him. I wanted Neil to take me to his and for us to make love. It felt so natural.
‘Shall we walk back then?’
I peered at my glass. ‘Yes. I’ll just pop to the ladies’ and finish my wine when I get back.’
‘I’ll get the bill,’ he said.
Flustered, I fanned my top and rose to my feet, grabbing my bag from the back of my chair.
Instinctively, Neil pointed to the sign. ‘Just there.’ I followed his finger.
After flushing the loo, I opened the door and stood at the wash area. Looking in the mirror, I saw my nose and cheeks were beginning to flare. Kim was a queen. I washed and dried my hands and reached into my pocket, pulling out the concealer. I dabbed the reddest areas and blended the cream into my skin. I then opened my small bag, pulling out my phone to reach my lipstick. I ran the lipstick around my mouth, carefully so as not to smudge, then pursed my lips. I took out the small perfume bottle and sprayed it subtly around my body. I tidied my hair, then adjusted my top.
‘OK, you’ll do,’ I told my reflection.
I placed the small items back in my bag and then picked up my phone. I hadn’t checked it for ages, but the blue light flashed. ‘Oh,’ I said, annoyed that I had to check. Not that anyone was at home to worry about me. Should I tell the girls I might be late? I saw a message from a number I didn’t recognise. Maybe it was Christoff or one the boys looking for Neil and his phone hadn’t got a signal. I opened the text message.
Ginny,
It’s time I came clean with you about my affair with Mike because from what I understand, Kim hasn’t told you, and she’s known for months, and I know Mike never told you. He told me never to tell you, but I don’t see why you should be so cosy and happy going on holidays with my sister and your friends and having a good time when I am the one left miserable. I even heard you met someone there. So quick! That proves you couldn’t love Mike as much as me. It will take me years to get over him.
So, this is to let you know we would have met again too if he hadn’t got ill with cancer. I hope you feel as hurt as I do. He deserved so much more. He might have lived if I took care of him. He went downhill fast when you looked after him and all that time, you didn’t know he loved me. We should have been together. I still really miss him. I’ve always loved him. I thought I would respect his wishes for you to never find out, but I can’t. Why should I? I still cry all the time because I miss him so much, and you blatantly don’t care about him like I do. You can’t do if you’re gallivantin
g around like an old slut. You and Kim can go to hell along with all your other friends for all I care, and I hope you all rot in hell.
Paula.
I grabbed my throat as if containing the bile. Paula with Mike?
Chapter 18
Kim
I was lying in the bath rehearsing what I was going to say to Ginny. Dread still knotted in my stomach. ‘Kim,’ I heard Ginny shout. ‘Kim, where is she?’
I froze. The sound of her voice shrilled through me, even though she was downstairs. ‘Fuck!’ I jumped up, and out of the bath grabbing the towel from the radiator rail. I swiped it quickly round my face and wrapped it around me. ‘Shit, she knows.’ I choked, frozen again. I heard thunderous boots crashing on the wooden stairs as they raced towards me. ‘Kim, where the fuck are you? Where’s Kim?’
The door flung wide. I met eyes so evil that I knew I would be scarred for life. Ginny was shaking, her coat unfastened. Mascara smeared on her cheeks. Her phone raised in the air in one hand, and small cream-coloured bag tucked under her other arm. ‘Is this true? Mike had an affair with Paula and you knew?’
‘Yes,’ I admitted instantly.
‘Why didn’t you … you tell me? Why?’ she sobbed, waving her phone in anger and tossing her bag on the bed.
‘How did you find out?’
‘Your darling sister texted me.’
‘What does the text say?’
‘Does it matter?’
My arm reached out to her. ‘Ginny, please.’ I swallowed. ‘Oh God. Believe me. I was going to tell you tonight. You’ve been so happy. I … I couldn’t. You …’
She swiped away my hand. Her voice was fierce. ‘Not tonight, this week; why didn’t you tell me months ago? Years ago, for all I know?’
My complexion pinking, I saw Cathy and Lou’s reflections in the mirror as they crept up to the door.
My lips trembled and buckled as I tried to operate them. Beads of sweat pumped from my skin, the shame oozing from my pores. Why had my sister committed such an evil crime against my friend? And me? And how could I make it better? ‘I’ve known for a few months. I’m so sorry – I wanted to. I was scared. Scared to hurt you, scared I’d lose you.’
‘Protect your sister more like.’ Ginny’s hard scowl hurt me more than her words.
‘No, never,’ I pleaded. ‘Not over you. I thought I was protecting you. You’d not long left me in Australia. You’d just lost your job, on top of losing Mike.’ I tried to reach out and comfort her, cradle her like a child.
Ginny balked. ‘Huh, I’m supposed to believe that?’ Her arm pushed me away, her wild eyes avoiding mine and resting on the door. I could see she was looking to escape.
‘OK. Tell me what she told you?’ she demanded, twisting her lips and folding her arms as she leant against the wall. ‘And, no bullshit, I want to know verbatim.’
I bit my lip, feeling inadequately prepared. I’d seen Ginny get cross with her kids, Mike even, but never with me – but I owed her the truth no matter what. My insides ached with what was to come as well as the consequences. I wanted to sit her down so that I could explain. I wanted to hold her, heal her wounded heart before it shattered. She stood stern, waiting. I breathed deeply and began, my words wobbling.
‘It was a couple of days after you left Australia in May. I’d finally got around to ringing and thanking Paula for offering to put Avril up for her job interview in London. I’m sure it was just a token gesture on her part, but she had offered just the same. After thanking her, I asked her what she was doing at Mike’s funeral service; thankful of course, that she didn’t come along to the wake.’
I licked my lips; saliva was draining from my mouth.
‘What she said was: “I loved him. You know I did.” I said, “But that was years ago. Surely you’ve moved on by now?” She laughed. “Not when he loved me too,” she said.’
Ginny’s eyes and mouth were twitching. Her fingers tapping at points around her face.
I licked the nervousness around my lips again. ‘You can imagine, my blood started boiling then. “Oh God, Paula, you’re not still deluded, are you?” I asked.’ I stopped and cleared my throat. ‘She then said, “Actually, Kim, we would have met again, but then he got the cancer.”’
I watched Ginny’s throat swallow the pain.
Ginny shook her head. ‘Carry on.’
I sighed. ‘“Oh really?” I said, exasperated, at first thinking I would just go along with her fantasy.’
Ginny changed legs, uncrossing them. ‘I don’t need your commentary. Just the facts.’
I was trembling but continued in Paula’s words. ‘“It was easy,” she said. “I dealt with the contracts at Roysons. I contacted Mike’s firm. I knew he dealt with the contracts there. Got him to come along to discuss some lucrative jobs over lunch at The Noble Grape. I don’t suppose you know, but they converted their stables there, creating some beautiful B&B accommodation. A glass of wine or two and … believe me,” she said, “married or not, men don’t need much persuasion.”’
I sat myself on the bed before I fell and I saw that Ginny’s skin was pale. ‘My sister was clearly determined to get what she wanted, and I’m ashamed to admit somehow, after all those years chasing Mike, she had finally got her way. Finally trapped him in her web. “You got him drunk,” I said.’ I had to pause for breath. I then continued, mimicking Paula’s voice. ‘“He was willing. He couldn’t get enough of me.”
Ginny blinked, swiping an eye. ‘Go on.’
‘“You’re disgusting. You’re making it up. They’re my friends, Paula. You’ll destroy Ginny. You’ll destroy our relationship.” I felt sick. I remember thinking she should be sectioned. Then she said. “Ginny destroyed me. They both did.”
‘I said to her. “Paula. You destroyed you.” I was so angry. Then I asked. “Does Ginny know?” I couldn’t bear to think of you struggling with it all. Of losing our friendship. It was hell, insane. I didn’t know what to do. I asked again, “Does Ginny know?” It was torture, as though she was enjoying her kick, manipulating me, us. You know Paula thrived on hurting people, just like my ol’ man. Neither have a stop button.’
‘Well, clearly I didn’t know,’ Ginny growled, pinching her forehead as she scoured the floor. ‘If I had, he wouldn’t have died of cancer.’ She frowned. ‘And I would definitely have lunged at your sister if I’d known. Funeral or not.’
‘Ginny, Mike would never have gone back there. That I will never believe. She was fantasising.’
Ginny held up her palm and headed for the door. ‘Stop. I don’t need to hear any more.’
‘She’s twisted. Ginny, please, let’s talk about this.’
Ginny held on to the door post. Cathy and Lou shuffled themselves closer to the door.
Oh God. I could barely breathe. I knew this would be the result. Ginny would never speak to me now. As I’d recalled it I was even more convinced Paula must have been blackmailing him. Poor Ginny, she looked crushed. I had no idea how to handle it. Lou glanced at Ginny. Cathy stared down at me like a piece of dirt on her shoe and stepped towards Ginny, wrapping her in her arms. Angie stepped into their embrace too.
‘I am so sorry, Gin. Paula is selfish, evil. I am so ashamed that she has done this to you.’ I tightened the towel around me, clenched the top of it and stepped off the bed towards them. Ginny shifted forward, and I balked at the steeliness of her stare as she leaned closer, and I even inhaled a gust of onion on her breath.
‘Evil’s the right word. She’s the devil incarnate. But who are you, Kim? You are … correction, were my friend. Friends are loyal, and what riles me is you hate your sister, you’ve always hated her for her twistedness, yet you’ve defended her just by omitting to tell me.’ She let out a cry and my chest heaved. The words ‘were my friend’ rung in my ears, crushing my soul.
I couldn’t contain my tears seeing her so hurt. They fell shamelessly. My lips wobbled. ‘Not true, Gin. Of course I didn’t defend her. I was …’
‘You d
id. By your choice of action, in my eyes, that’s defending her.’ Ginny threw down her phone and, flustered by the heat, started ripping off her coat. ‘You’re the one person I …’ Ginny wrenched her arm out of the sleeve and threw the coat to the floor, then swallowed, pinching her nose, as she continued. ‘You were the one person I could really trust.’ Her shoulders shook violently, her eyes combing for support as she leant against the vanity unit. ‘Argh! The slimy slut! I can’t believe Mike stooped so low …’ Her head shook as she sobbed. ‘What a sucker. I hope he’s burning in hell.’
How could I explain to her how much I wanted to carry that humiliation for her, spare her the damage and destruction it would cause. ‘Ginny, it was wrong of me, but rightly or wrongly, I felt you weren’t strong enough at the time and prayed you would never find out … it was a risk … a huge one, knowing what my sister’s like, but I thought if I waited … at least until you were in a good place …’ I trailed off, struggling to organise my thoughts, questioning myself, and to keep my voice even. ‘I hated that I knew. But, for some reason I thought if I kept it to myself, at least until you’d had time to cope with everything else, I would protect you.’
‘But we were even talking about it the other night, when I told you about Mike. You didn’t say a word.’
I lowered my head in an effort to bury my shame. ‘Yes, I know, I know.’ I shrugged, and rubbed the back of my neck where my hair was still wet, then wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. ‘I’m not proud of myself, but you were in a happy bubble I couldn’t burst. The girls will agree. You’ve become so much the Ginny we used to know this week. I knew it was wrong of me, but I intended to tell you and coincidentally, I thought the right time would be tonight. To sit you down and explain.’
‘Jesus, Kim. If I had proof of my suspicions six months ago, I could have moved on before now. I don’t understand your logic.’
I clutched the towel closer to my chest wanting to throw my arms around her. ‘But I didn’t know you suspected anything then. You only told us the other day. If I had known, then I would have.’
