by Karen Aldous
‘At least I had Google and forums I could read and ask other people questions on. And Will, of course. I don’t suppose you had any of that back then when you had IVF.’
Kim shook her head. ‘No, nothing like that at all. There were a few of us who used to chat and compare notes at the clinic, relaying our cycles, how many follicles, how many eggs, the number, the size, the quality. Several of the regulars I saw fed you their data. Most beat me to it, though. We were all at different stages so the last thing you did was remain friends and listen to all their pregnancy and birthing stories.’
‘Hmm, true.’ I tested my coffee again, and this time swallowed. ‘But then nowadays, reading forums and all the info about the type and number of cancer treatments people go through, success or not, I imagine it’s like the IVF forums today. Yes, I got the occasional good luck, or sorry to hear, but you don’t get the type of support you need emotionally when you’re up and down on that rollercoaster.’
‘No. Exactly. It’s just a comparison …’ Kim paused ‘… well, because these people aren’t your friends. They can’t offer that shoulder to cry on, the hug, even the ear at the end of a phone. In fact, they’d think you pretty square if you were to list the number of breakdowns from the hopes and the disappointments you go through emotionally.’
‘You get on with it if it’s important to you though, don’t you?’ I widened my eyes.
‘Like you did earlier, you mean. Saving my life. I’m eternally grateful, Gin. A friendship like yours is irreplaceable. I will stop talking about the other stuff though. Let it be and give you some space.’
I downed the last of my coffee and sat back, running my fingers through my hair. Kim’s eyes were on me as she nervously smoothed her blanket again.
‘Is there anything else you haven’t told me? Have you heard from Paula since?’ I asked.
‘No. I haven’t even tried to speak to her. I don’t even want to speak to her. I want nothing to do with her. I told her that.’
‘So, why was she so keen to let me know? Did she not say?’
‘I wish I knew. I’m guessing it’s her skewed means of attention-seeking or she’s seeking some sort of satisfaction. Revenge maybe? She was at the bowling so if the boys told her where we were, they could have unwittingly evoked her jealousy. She wouldn’t have known we were skiing from me. She could have been upset because she wasn’t asked. Maybe she resents us going away together and enjoying ourselves. Or, she’s trying to break up our relationship.’ Kim blew out a sigh. ‘Now that wouldn’t surprise me.’
My face twisted. Paula had got her way with Mike. And I was damned if I was going to let her destroy any other part of me, or Kim. I still had nagging doubts about Kim’s loyalty, however.
‘I just don’t know,’ I said lowering my head.
‘Ginny, I knew it could potentially ruin our friendship, and I was scared, but that wasn’t my main motivation. Like I told you. I genuinely worried about your frame of mind. I’m so ashamed of what she’s done, especially after all you and your family have done for me and mine.’
I looked up at Kim, scowling. ‘I still can’t help thinking you were protecting her. It’s instinctive for a sister, surely?’
Kim raised her hands and her chin, looking up to the ceiling. ‘Ginny, no. No. Not where you are concerned. Not at all.’ She turned to me. ‘OK. I could have rung you and risked our friendship then, but by not telling you, I’ve risked our friendship anyway. I’ve lost your trust. I’ve fucked up completely.’ She clutched her forehead. ‘In fact, thinking about it, I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.’
‘Well, she’s got her desired result. She got Mike and got us where she wants us. Broken.’
‘She did, and I’m sure she’ll be satisfied that I’ve lost my best friend.’ Kim’s voice wobbled. ‘I’ll wait for the doctor out there,’ she said, sliding off the bed and gathering her things.
‘No, Kim. Stay there.’ I pointed to the pillow. ‘It’s something I have to get over. I have to learn to trust you. I want to believe you.’
I gave her a reassuring nod and smiled as she stood staring at me. ‘I’m sure you’ll still need time, but I really hope so,’ she said, wiping away a teardrop.’
‘Anyway, we’ve drifted. I wasn’t referring to the rescue, I was referring to the fact that I haven’t coped well because I hadn’t let you in, you or any of my friends. I shut you all out convincing myself I was getting on with it. There was a dose of pride involved of course. I thought that it was important to just get on with my grief, and not to burden anyone. I know now that I made a wrong choice. I really do need my friends. This week has shown me that.’
Kim jumped on the bed and folded her legs towards me. ‘I hope I’m still considered one of your friends. If I’d had my way, I would have flown back and told you sooner – told you face-to-face so at least I knew that I could be there for you and help you through it.’
My eyes moistened. ‘I believe that. But you’d just done the trip for the funeral. I wouldn’t have exp …’ The penny dropped. ‘… So the friction with you and Will?’
Kim leant forward on her hands. ‘He doesn’t know about Mike. I promise. I couldn’t tell him especially knowing how much he cared for Mike and helped him with his treatment. No, I wanted to discuss it with you. I wanted to come over and see you. Paula could have been lying for all I knew, but when you told us what Mike had said, it fitted her story.’
I sighed heavily. ‘I don’t know why I couldn’t tell anyone. Embarrassment? Humiliation? I didn’t want it public.’
‘Ginny, it makes sense that you’ve buried your head in the sand, but I wish I could have come. Oh God, Will thought I was being over-dramatic wanting to fly back so soon. He had had enough of me nagging him about retiring so it probably made him dig his heels in further. He’s been so stubborn. We had the biggest row. It sent us backwards rather – to those intense days going through the infertility, the IVF. And of course, I wanted to come on the ski trip too, but the reality is, I could have made such a difference.’
I immediately slid off my bed and hugged my friend. ‘Oh, Kimmy, you can’t carry this debt you feel for me around with you. Will needs you more than me and I would never expect you to leave Australia for my benefit.’
Kim played with a strand of my hair as I leaned back, sitting sideways on her bed. ‘I’ve been feeling really sorry for myself since the twins left,’ she admitted. ‘I need a purpose. I feel there’s only Will holding me back. I want to spend time with you and be able to see the girls.’
‘I know, I understand,’ I assured her. ‘Urgh, and yes, I hated the empty nest too, but at least the Flowers have been close by for me – although I’ve been too stupid to see it of late. I’ve wasted so much time dwelling on Mike, the bitterness. Not to mention all those evil thoughts I’d created in my head wondering who the hell Mike was likely to have an affair with. I discounted Paula merely by the fact that Mike thought her a joke. I doubt she would have made the whole thing up. It’s quite possible she is capable, but I’m wondering now if she had some other motive.’
My eyes felt heavy and my pondering brain was becoming exhausted by more questions I couldn’t answer. I let my eyelids close as Kim softly groomed my hair with her fingers, just as she had as a girl, but my eyes shot open hearing a familiar squeal. Steering my eyes towards the sound, I caught sight of Angie’s mass of curls. She was peeping through the window and signalling to someone. A sudden gleam of white teeth. She waved as she saw me. I sat up trying to look more alert as she and Neil came rushing in with their wide smiles and arms open. Next all four of us were in an embrace and I heard myself wail before jets of warm tears gushed out of me. My skin must have soaked up half the snow I had lain on, because they wouldn’t stop. I hugged them both, thrilled to see them.
‘Where are the others?’ I managed, grabbing some tissue off the side.
Angie stepped back. ‘Neil suggested it might be too much, all of us. And, naturally, we had to k
eep the back seat free for you two. How are you?’
‘Staggered I’m in one piece,’ I said. ‘But glad I’m alive.’
‘And I have a great story to tell you about this heroine,’ Kim boasted. ‘She literally saved my life.’
‘Oh, no I didn’t,’ I protested. ‘I did what any good friend would do.’
Kim gave me an appreciative grin.
‘Wow, can’t wait to hear all about it,’ Angie said.
‘You never cease to amaze me,’ Neil said, rubbing his hand up my spine.
I flinched. ‘Oo-ah! That’s sore.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry. What a numbskull I am. I’m not surprised. That snowboarder really whacked you in the back.’
‘No, it had gone while we were sitting. I wriggled at the stinging sensation that had momentarily returned at the touch. I wasn’t sure exactly what happened.’
‘It happened so fast,’ said Neil.
‘I was thumped in the back and head and all I remember next is hearing Kim’s ringtone and waking to find myself half-splayed, face down on a ledge. I think I might have landed on my side, because all this side is bruised. I’m OK internally though, I think. Just waiting for the doctor to dismiss us. They’ve checked our bones, checked for internal bleeding and organ damage. All that stuff I’m sure Kim could explain far better than I.’
‘So, what happened to that boarder?’ Kim asked. ‘Was he or she down there too? I don’t know.’
‘I didn’t see any of it.’ Angie looked at Neil.
‘No. I was too busy watching Ginny and then saw Kim in the air, dropping down.’
Angie took my right hand and clenched it into hers, then took Kim’s, the caressing of her fingers comforting. ‘Whatever! My beautiful Flowers, I’m so glad you’re both OK.’
‘I know I nearly ran into a child,’ I said horrified at the damage I could have done.
‘Yes, well, don’t ever blame yourself,’ Angie said. ‘Every adult who takes a child on a ski slope knows the dangers. You were both extremely unlucky. Accidents like those are rare. Just be thankful you both did little damage.’
‘Absolutely,’ Neil agreed. ‘So, have you eaten, had anything to drink?’
Angie gave my hand a squeeze and let go. ‘You stay here, Neil. I’ll go and find something. We need fuel too. I’ll ring Cath and Lou. Let them know you’re in one piece.’ She gazed at me, tilting her head with a smile, then tapped her pocket as if to check for her purse or phone and strode to the door.
‘Actually, I could do with a walk. I’ll come with you,’ Kim said slipping on her socks.
Neil sat beside me. A caring gleam from his eyes made me warm and my lips curled with his. ‘We’ll have you back to the chalet soon. Your friends are very worried. Sit back and rest for now. You’ve had a stressful twenty-four hours.’
Pushing my head back into the pillow, I sighed thinking of the girls. ‘I’ve probably put them all off skiing for life. I can’t ski again.’
‘They managed to ski back to the six-man chair – even Cathy. She saw what happened.’ Neil guffawed.
‘Can’t say I blame them. I expect I would do the same if I was to go back up.’
Neil’s expression turned serious. ‘Please don’t give up. You’ve done so well. The trouble is, the slopes are always packed over New Year and school holidays.’
Automatically, hearing New Year, I looked at the clock. ‘It’s gone four o’clock. It’s New Year’s Eve. We’re supposed to be out celebrating tonight. I can’t ruin the Flowers’ night. I know I’m not going to be much fun, but I feel I ought to go. It’s booked.’
Neil peered out towards the corridor. ‘I will look for a nurse or the doctor, shortly. There’s something I just wanted to say before the girls return or the doctor comes in.’ He licked his lips, nervously. ‘What would you say to coming back here on a quieter week, when your back feels better? I’ve two spare rooms if you and the girls ever want to return. You could squeeze in, or if you ever find yourself alone and at a loose end, you’re more than welcome to stay. That’s if you feel as I do.’ His eyes lowered momentarily. ‘I was so scared earlier … when …’ His voice choked. ‘Let’s just say, I had a beautiful evening with you last night. I’m sorry that you have so much to deal with, but if there’s anything I can do, let me help you. I won’t change my mind. You are special and I’d rather like you to return so that we can spend more time together.’
I felt a gasp escape my lungs. ‘That’s extremely kind of you. And flattering.’
‘And we could work at building your confidence back up on the slopes. I promise it will return. I’ve been skiing for over twenty years and I’ve never witnessed anything like today.’ He sighed, smiling. That adorable expression, just creasing those sparkly blue eyes and that sultry grin as he tilted his cheek towards me, soared to my core every time. Had I really fallen for him or was it the romance of the mountains and village and everything good that’s happened this week?
‘Neil, I don’t know. I really do need some time to think about things. I like you very much but … I just don’t feel in the best place to make decisions, or judgements at the moment. I’m still trying to come to terms with discovering Mike’s betrayal, and Kim’s, come to that. Now this has happened. I’m sorry I can’t give you something more positive.’
Neil took both my hands, lowering his eyes. ‘You do, and the last thing you need is pressure.’ He met my eyes again. ‘Ginny, like your friends, and that includes Kim, as I believe her intentions were sincere, I care a lot, and have all the time in the world for you.’ His lips tightened, then curled, his eyes gleaming with excitement. ‘In, what? Three or four days since I set eyes on you, I’ve been a different man. That in itself has given me so much faith. I mean, discovering my heart is capable of feeling has been a revelation.’ He chuckled lightly and raised his eyebrows, then looked over his shoulder lowering his voice. ‘It’s getting the opportunity to speak to you alone that’s been challenging. So, I wanted to let you know how much of a difference your presence has made.’
Trying to hide my blush, I shook my head in awe of his honesty. I couldn’t imagine admitting the same to him. I lifted his chin mindlessly and brushed his lips. ‘I’m pleased to hear I’ve managed to do something cheerful. Thank you for telling me.’
We gazed at one another for several seconds, both resisting, before I turned my head. Instantly, he brought it back with his finger on my chin. ‘I’ll give you my phone number, if that’s OK; you can ring me if you want to.’ He waited for my approval, which I gave as a nod before I smiled, then he checked his watch. ‘OK.’ He winked. ‘I’ll go and hunt down this doctor. Get you back for the New Year celebrations.’
‘Neil,’ I said as he jumped up. ‘I er … can’t thank you enough. You’ve been so kind.’ I watched him go but I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to hold me, tell me everything was all right. I liked that I could talk to him, bounce my worries off him. I wanted to understand his reasons for believing in Kim. Express my thoughts about Mike even, my hurt, my feelings for him, my yearning for him. The things that friends, however special, cannot give to one another. But he was right. He could leave me his number. It was early days. Whether I could ever bring myself to trust a man again was certainly something I would have to think about.
‘I expect this coffee is cold by now,’ Angie said sashaying through the door as Neil got there. She held takeaway cups on a cardboard tray in one hand and a small brown-paper bag with sandwiches in the other. ‘You two seriously need to get a room, not a hospital one either.’
Chapter 21
Ginny
Kim and I received a delightful cheer arriving back at the chalet. As soon as our boots were off, Lou and Cathy rushed to us with open arms as though we had been gone a week, rather than hours. And the place sparkled. They had evidently been busy cleaning. The entrance, kitchen and living room were all spotless and smelled as fresh as a mountain meadow; candles were littered on tables and shelves, the log fire radiated i
ts heat with an amber glow. I was so grateful to be alive and among them. Removing our coats, Kim and I were ushered in and sank into the sofas. Filled Champagne flutes were handed round and as I downed a glass of Prosecco, Kim relayed our injuries and our story – with, embarrassingly, my ‘life-saving’ episode.
‘She’s my hero,’ Kim cheered.
I sighed. ‘OK, I accept my heroine-worship on one condition,’ I told them. ‘That you are not to mention it again.’
Cathy clapped her hands as she rushed over and hugged me. ‘That’s impossible, and a story that has to be in my next novel. Darling, I’m so proud of you.’
‘Me too,’ Angie said, giving me a light squeeze. ‘Although you didn’t need to throw yourselves down a mountain just to make up. It would have been much easier sitting in the bar.’ Bubbles of laughter floated around the room.
‘No, but I’m so glad we did,’ Kim said, with a snort. ‘It was so worth it.’
Lou kissed my cheek. ‘What a relief. So, we can dispose of the eggshells.’
‘I think so,’ I said.
Cathy hugged herself. ‘What a day. I’m so happy. And, if it’s any consolation, Ginny, I might have done the same as Kim, the state you were in.’
I smiled and conceded, ‘Well, maybe I would have too.’ I watched as their brows almost collided with their hairlines. ‘Anyway, how’s Anthony?’ I asked Cathy.
‘Oh, it’s very exciting, darling. I spoke to him just before you came in. He’s booked us a lovely cottage in the Cotswolds for a few days next week so that we can talk without any distractions. Apparently, the boys have given him a good talking-to and his head is filled with possibilities for the future. I’ve not heard him this enthusiastic for ages.’
‘I’m stoked, Cath,’ Kim said.
‘That’s lovely news.’ I smiled approvingly. ‘Well, time I had a bath and got ready.’
‘Yes, me too,’ Kim and Angie echoed.
