“Everyone sins. Everyone messes up, and everyone you know and love will hurt and disappoint you at some point—possibly multiple times.
“And guess what, Attie? Newsflash, you’re human as well, which means that you are all those things and you will hurt and disappoint people as well. So you better start learning how to give some grace and forgive people because one day you’re going to need them to do the same for you.”
“I do give grace! I do forgive! You can’t tell me I don’t!”
“Really?” he asked.
I stood my ground. “Yes.”
He gave me a disgusted laugh and shook his head. “It’s no wonder you have nightmares.”
“What?”
“You’re being eaten up by your own demons. They haunt you, not memories.”
My body started shaking. “I thought you knew everything; you don’t know anything!” I said before starting to walk away.
“What about unforgiveness, Attie?” he called after me. “We can start there; it seems to be the biggest demon you’ve got.”
“No!” I screamed over my shoulder as I continued to walk away from him.
“Don’t you take another step,” he ordered.
I stopped. My breathing was labored, and my shoulders were heaving. My jaw tightened as I slowly turned to face him. It was as if I could no longer control my body; I could feel the evil way in which I looked at him but couldn’t stop.
“What about the man who hit the car? Mitchell, are you going to forgive him?”
It felt as though I’d been slapped.
“Or your mom? Are you going to forgive her for not paying attention?”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I shook my head. “Don’t.”
“Or Melody for distracting her?”
A groan left my body as the tears overflowed.
“Or yourself? Are you going to forgive yourself for surviving?”
My entire body trembled. “Don’t,” I pled. “Please don’t.”
“What about your dad, Attie?”
My fists clutched as I lunged toward him. “Don’t you bring my dad into this!”
“Are you going to forgive him for not being there for you in the hospital? For deserting you when you needed him most?”
I covered my ears with my hands. “Stop!” I screamed. “Don’t say it! Please don’t say it!”
“Are you going to forgive your dad for shipping you back to Oklahoma—”
I shook my head back and forth. “Please don’t do this!”
“—for sending you here so he wouldn’t have to see your face every day and be reminded of your mother?”
My legs went numb, and I fell to the ground. “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to hurt me?”
Wailing, my cries were uncontrollable, and I felt as if I were going to die from the pain. I wanted to die and escape the grief.
Jesus slowly sat down next to me. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Attie.” His voice became gentle. “But you can’t fight an enemy that you aren’t willing to look at.”
He sat silent for a few moments before continuing. “Riley’s presence only seems to keep them away, but the demons are still there. They’re patiently waiting; they know that he won’t be able to protect you forever. Besides, Riley can’t fight your demons for you any more than you can fight his for him.”
I hunched over into a ball and wept.
“Attie, you won’t find peace until you fight this battle.”
“I’m tired. I don’t have the strength to fight anymore.”
“I’ll give you the strength.”
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“I do.”
(Riley)
“Riley, I saw her. She’s through those trees in the clearing.” Bringing the walkie-talkie to his mouth, Chase spoke into it, “We found her.”
I turned in the right direction but couldn’t make my feet move. I’d searched for Attie for more than two hours, but now that I knew that she was nearby, I was terrified to see her.
Composing myself, I made my way to the clearing and found Attie standing on a large rock with her back to me.
“Charlie?” My fears escalated as soon as she turned around. “You’re bleeding; you’re hurt.” I walked toward her, but scared that she might run off again, I stopped myself.
“I’m all right,” she insisted. “They’re just scrapes; that’s all.” Concern filled her face. “Riley, you’re shaking … and have you been crying? Are you all right?”
I inched closer to her. “We’ve been looking for you for hours. I … I … was scared to death.”
“I shouldn’t have taken off like that.” Her voice was weak. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I whispered. Beginning to reach out to her, I stopped myself again. “Please forgive me, Charlie.”
Attie started to cry and stumbled toward me with outstretched arms. As if given permission, I ran to her, pulled her close, and gently wrapped my arms around her.
“I can’t believe you came looking for me,” she whispered.
“Of course I did.”
“Not everyone would do that; thank you.”
A small laugh escaped my throat. “You’re thanking me? It’s my fault you’re out here.”
“And if you hadn’t felt like it was your fault? What then?”
“I still would’ve been out here looking for you. Don’t think you can run off and I’m not gonna come after you. I’m practically obsessed, remember?” Tightening my arms around her, I kissed the top of her head again and again.
“Riley?”
“Yes?”
“You’re hurting me.”
“I know; it won’t happen again.”
“No. I mean, right now. My cuts, you’re hurting me.”
I dropped my arms. “I’m sorry.”
“I think I just need to sit down for a second.”
I helped her to the ground and then sat down. Looking over my shoulder, I watched as Chase sat down a bit of a distance away.
I looked back at Attie and cringed. “Your poor face,” I said, reaching over and gently touching her chin. Small cuts covered her face, and blood had dried as it ran from each injury. “What were you thinking running off like that? What if we couldn’t have found you?”
“I don’t think I was thinking—not about that anyway.”
“What were you thinking about?”
“What a jerk you were.”
“That makes two of us. That’s all I’ve thought about since you ran out of the tent.”
“Thanks again for looking for me. I honestly didn’t expect you to come after me, especially after the things I said to you.”
“I acted completely inappropriately and caught you completely off guard; of course you acted the way you did. It makes me sick to think that I made you doubt how I feel about you or that I planned what happened. This isn’t a game for me, I promise.”
“I hate to interrupt, guys,” Chase said, walking up behind us, “but it’s starting to get dark. Attie, what did you do to yourself?” he asked, squatting down next to her.
“I wasn’t paying any attention to what I was doing. I guess I was running into branches, and honestly, I never realized I didn’t have shoes on until now.”
He looked at her feet and winced. “They’re cut up. We’ll have to take turns carrying you.”
“Good grief, you guys do not have to carry me. I’m the moron who ran off without shoes on. Let me suffer the consequences.”
“No,” Chase and I answered simultaneously.
“It’s about to get late; we better go ahead and head back to camp.
We can clean you up when we get there.”
I still hadn’t completely composed myself, and I was filled with the guilt of knowing that I’d caused her emotional and physical pain.
“Riley,” Chase said, putting his hand on my shoulder, “she’s all right; everything’s okay. You need to snap out of it so we can get back to camp.”
I sat in a daze until Attie’s voice broke through. “Riley? I’m not upset with you. Don’t feel guilty; it was me that overreacted.”
My eyes found her face as she smiled at me.
I stood. “We can talk about it later. Let’s get you back to camp.”
chapter 28
“Oh, Attie, are you all right?” Tess cried.
“I’m fine. I look worse than I feel.”
Tess shook her head. “I’m not buying it.”
“Where did we put the first aid kit, Tess?” Chase asked.
“I think it’s on the floorboard of the car.”
Matt ran toward the car. “I’ll get it.”
“Actually, Matt, will you lie the seats down in the back?” Chase asked. “We’ll be able to see better if we clean her up in there.”
Although I didn’t wanna let go of her, I placed Attie into the car. She’d been on my back since we left the rock, so I hadn’t seen her face in over an hour. Upon seeing her, I started crying again. Her feet were badly cut up, and her face was starting to swell.
Chase grabbed my arm. “Okay, why don’t you girls get her cleaned up? I need to talk to Riley.”
The girls filed into the car as I followed Chase out by the river.
“Thanks for everything, Chase.” We sat down on the edge of the water. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here. I don’t think I would have been able to find her on my own. Actually, I know I wouldn’t.”
“Sure.”
As we sat watching the water, I could hear the girls’ voices coming from the car but wasn’t able to understand what they were saying. Matt and Curt were arguing over a game of dominos.
“You think I’m a total jerk, don’t you?” I asked over the sound of the river.
“Nah, dude. Trust me, you aren’t the only guy who ever messed up and treated a girl like that. We’ve all done it, but I’ll still hit you if you do it again.”
“It won’t happen again,” I assured him.
“I know,” he said, nodding his head. “But here’s my question. Why do you let the guys say those things about her? My friends would never talk about Tess like that. I wouldn’t allow it.”
I was stunned.
“You’re setting yourself up for frustration if you let them harass you like that all the time. Either they don’t know you as well as they think they do, or you’ve changed and they haven’t realized it. Either way, you’ve got to put a stop to it. If you let them talk about her like that, they’re gonna think she’s just another girl you’re fooling around with.”
“That’s not the case.”
“I know that, but I don’t think they do. Is that the kind of girl you want them to think she is? You want them thinking about Attie what they think about Tiffany or some of the other girls around the school?”
The thought of it made my skin crawl. “No.”
“Well, you’re letting them.”
“I hadn’t ever thought about it.”
“Look, doing the right thing is hard enough as it is. Hanging around people who constantly try to bring you down or encourage you to do things you know you shouldn’t doesn’t seem very beneficial to me.”
“They’ve been my friends for a long time, Chase. I can’t cut them off because they don’t see things the way I do.”
“Okay, so don’t cut them off, but you can at least ask them to respect your choices. If they can’t do that, then what kind of friends are they? Iron sharpens iron, and those guys are wearing you down, so I’d venture to guess they aren’t iron.”
I nodded. “I see that now.”
We sat as I processed all that Chase said. I couldn’t blame my friends for the way I behaved, but the constant taunting didn’t help my resolve. I needed to make sure they realized that Attie was different. She was important to me. If they couldn’t change the way they talked about her, I would be forced to choose, and they would lose.
He stood and threw a rock into the river. “Should we go check on Attie?”
“Yep.”
“No more crying, okay?” Chase teased.
“I’m not making any promises. The girl brings it out in me.”
Anne and Tess were cleaning Attie’s cuts with disinfectant, and Tammy followed behind them blowing on the wounds to try to keep them from stinging.
“I’m about to hyperventilate,” Tammy said, breathless. “I need to clean, and somebody else needs to blow.”
Anne raised her hand. “I’ll blow.”
“This whole thing blows if you ask me,” Tess mumbled.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I interrupted. “Wonder what kind of jerk could have caused all this.”
“A big one,” Tammy answered.
“Tammy,” Anne scolded.
“Well, he asked.”
“She’s right, Anne; I did ask.”
Anne handed me some disinfectant. “We haven’t started on her feet yet. Why don’t you?”
Chase brought me some bottled water and then stood with the lantern so that I could see while I washed her feet. No matter how gentle I was, it caused Attie pain. Her feet were badly torn up, and some of the spots were puncture wounds rather than cuts.
“Attie,” Chase said, “when we get you home, you probly need to get a tetanus shot.”
“Oh no,” she moaned. “I hate shots.”
“Make Riley go and hold your hand,” Tammy suggested. “I can go too and kick him in the shin if that’ll make you feel better.”
“You already slapped me, Tammy; how much more damage are you wanting to do?”
“As much as you deserve.”
“You slapped him?” Attie sounded shocked. “Awesome.”
“It felt good,” Tammy admitted.
“Speak for yourself,” I mumbled.
“No more beating up on Riley. I think he’s beating himself up enough as it is,” Anne said in her protective manner.
I smiled up at her. “Thank you, Anne.”
“Sure.”
“Blow, Anne, blow!” Attie scrunched her face in pain. “You’re not blowing!”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Anne cried and then started frantically blowing on Attie’s skin.
Attie sat up. “Riley, don’t do the disinfectant yet. I can only handle a little at a time. I’m a wimp, remember?”
“I think we’re about done with this part,” Tess informed her.
“Thank God.” Attie sighed and then laid back and closed her eyes. “I want to take a break for a minute.”
The car went silent, and I focused on Attie’s crimson toenails as we waited for her to tell us she was ready for round two.
“All right,” she said. “Let’s do it.”
Tammy and Tess held her hands, and Anne stroked her forehead, but as soon as the disinfectant touched one of her wounds, Attie’s foot jerked.
“No more kicking me in the face, Charlie.”
“You kicked him in the face?” Tammy asked.
“Oh yeah. She about knocked me unconscious.”
Attie told the story as I cleaned each wound. I then went on to apply disinfectant and made sure to blow on each one for several seconds in order to lessen the pain. Finally wrapping her feet in gauze, everyone clapped as I announced that I was finished.
“No more running through forests, Attie,” Tammy s
colded. “And no more being a butthead, Riley.”
“Yes, ma’am,” we said simultaneously.
“Okay, let’s allow her to get some rest,” Anne suggested. “Are you guys going to sleep in here?” she asked, looking at me.
“Attie can sleep here. I’ll sleep in the tent.”
“I’ll sleep in here with you, Attie,” Anne offered. “I’ll get our stuff out of the tent. Come on, Tammy.”
“You could have stayed with me, Riley. I trust you. Besides, you aren’t going to want to make out with a girl who looks the way I do right now.”
“I would if the girl was you. It’s just you, Charlie. I’ll take you in any way, shape, or form.”
“We’ll see about that; the summer isn’t over yet.”
“Would you please stop saying that?”
“Riley—”
“No, don’t even go there. Nothing’s changed; my feelings for you haven’t and won’t change.”
Anne and Tammy returned with sleeping bags and pillows.
“Hey, Anne, can you help Attie get everything set up while I talk to Riley a minute?” Tammy asked.
“It depends,” Anne answered. “You aren’t going to beat him up, are you?”
“I won’t lay a hand on him, I promise.”
“Then yes, you two go ahead.”
I climbed out of the car, and we made our way to the front bumper.
“Look,” Tammy whispered, “you know I’m angry about what took place.”
“Yeah, and I’m even more angry with myself.”
“I believe that. I just wanna shed a little light on the situation.”
“Please do. I need all the help I can get.”
“Ya aren’t fooling anyone.”
“What?”
“This whole idea that you aren’t gonna be ‘romantically involved’ until the end of summer is completely ludicrous, and it isn’t working.”
“Amen.”
“I respect your choices, Riley, I do. I appreciate them. You don’t wanna put yourself in a situation where you feel like you can’t control yourself and you might do something that you would regret. So you avoid all physical contact, and she avoids telling you how she really feels.”
Salvaged: A Love Story Page 27
