“I love you too, Jordy.” Mia kissed her forehead, smiling when she could feel Jordan’s body twitch in various places. Her hand was resting on Mia’s belly, and her fingers flicked involuntarily before settling down. “I love you,” Mia whispered, feeling her heart swell in her chest.
Part Two
When a quiet but determined knock roused Ryan from a deep sleep, it took her a few moments to get her bearings. The room was so dark that she assumed it was the middle of the night, but something wasn’t right. She recalled that they had fallen asleep after making love, but no one should be in their house knocking on their bedroom door. And she couldn’t figure out how someone was knocking loud enough on their front door for her to hear it so clearly. Her heart was pounding when she pulled away from Jamie and got to her feet, walking directly into the wall that shouldn’t have been there. “Fuck!” More from shock than pain, she grabbed her head and fell back onto the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Jamie’s arms were around her, hands moving over her body, trying to figure out what part of Ryan’s body had made the loud thud.
“I ran into the wall.” Ryan sat there for a second, then asked, “Where in the hell are we?”
“Los Angeles. Who’s knocking on our door?”
“Damned if I know. It’s the middle of the night!” Naked, Ryan felt along the wall, finally finding the door. She opened it a crack and saw Jackie standing there, fully dressed and looking concerned. “What …?” Ryan blinked, shook her head. “What time is it?”
“Time to go,” Jackie said. “It’s ten o’clock. I wanted to come by earlier, but you kinda gave me the impression you wanted me to keep my nose outta your business.”
“Fuck,” she muttered. “We were asleep …” She shot a malignant glare at the heavy drapes that they had drawn to prevent the bright lights outside their window from keeping them awake. Which was also why neither of them had seen or sensed the sun rising. Ryan hadn’t set her watch alarm, and neither of them had thought to call the front desk for a wakeup call. “I guess I do want you to wake me up, but only when I really need you to. Got that?”
“Clear as mud. We’re leaving right now. Can you make it?”
“Shit no!” Ryan opened the door another few inches, letting Jackie see her. Her hair was sticking up and she was clearly not dressed.
“I’ll tell Coach you’re gonna get there on your own. Good luck,” she added, chuckling as she turned and jogged away.
Jamie leaned against Ryan’s body as the door closed. “Nice way to wake up,” she murmured. “I think a fire drill would have been more fun.”
“Well, at least we can stop for breakfast on the way,” Ryan said. “If I don’t get something to eat, there’s gonna be trouble.”
They hugged briefly, then Ryan felt around for the bathroom door. “Is it a good idea to make rooms this dark? What if there had been a fire?”
“That’s why they call them blackout drapes. You start to shower and I’ll get some clothes out for you. We can be out of here in no time.”
“Screw it,” Ryan said, taking Jamie’s hand and pulling her into the bathroom. “I’m just as fucked if I’m ten minutes or a half hour late. I’m sure we both need showers.”
“Only if we plan on interacting with humans.” Jamie giggled, looking at their images in the mirror. “Dogs would be chasing our cab if we didn’t shower.”
Her scowl fading, Ryan put her arms around her partner and hugged her. When they parted, she plucked at a hank of Jamie’s hair that was sticking up in an odd direction. “I don’t think I wanna know what’s in your hair. It’s stiff.”
“Let’s assume it’s gel, okay? I don’t think I’ll ever be as comfortable being covered with bodily fluids as you are. I think they’re pretty gross.”
Ryan kissed Jamie’s forehead. “Yours aren’t, but you can’t change what you like and dislike. Let’s go wash ’em off.”
“Are you sure we have time for breakfast?”
“We’re taking time. I’m gonna have to clean the locker room after the game, so I’ll need some energy.”
“Punishment?”
“Yep.” Ryan started the water, waiting for it to warm to the proper temperature before she stepped inside. “So we’re gonna take a cab and have it stop at some kinda drive-through. I screwed up by not setting my watch, but I’m not gonna punish myself all day long.” She gave her partner a small smile. “Life’s too short.”
“Ooo … that’s my good girl!”
After the remarkably un-churchlike service, Mia called Jordan and woke her, then she and her mother went to get a latte to give Jordan some time to get ready. They sat at a small table outside the coffeehouse, enjoying the crisp air and the warm sun. “There’s one thing I have to know before I leave,” Anna Lisa said.
“’Kay. Ask away.”
“Are you really happy?”
Her mother’s eyes were boring into her, and Mia felt exposed and vulnerable. She surprised herself when she started to cry quietly. “I’m happier with Jordan than I ever thought I could be,” she said, sniffling. “But it’s hard being here. I’m not busy enough, and I don’t have much interest in getting out and doing things by myself.”
“You’ve never been much of an explorer,” Anna Lisa said, taking her daughter’s hand. “You need people.”
“Yeah.” Mia nodded. “I’m not a loner. And Jordan doesn’t get home most nights until 6:00. She needs to be asleep by 9:00, so we don’t have much time together. It seems like we just eat dinner and go to sleep an hour later.”
Anna Lisa’s eyes sharpened. “Then why stay here? What’s in this for you, Mia?”
Swallowing the urge to snap, Mia gathered her thoughts and asked, “Don’t you remember what it was like to fall in love? Or didn’t loving Dad make you feel like you’d do anything for him?”
Sighing heavily, Anna Lisa sat back and gazed at her daughter reflectively. “Oh, I did. I would have stood in front of a train if he’d asked me to.” She leaned forward and said earnestly, “But at the same time, he wouldn’t have asked me to do anything that made me unhappy. My happiness was as important to him as his was to me. Is that … true with Jordan?”
“Of course it is!” Irritated and hurt, Mia said, “She never asked me to come here! Hell, she tried so hard to talk me out of it that she really hurt my feelings. I have to reassure her every day that I’m keeping busy and enjoying myself.”
“Even when you’re not.”
“Especially when I’m not! She watches me with those big, blue eyes, just trying to find the smallest sign that I’m wavering.”
“Damn it, Mia! Why don’t you just admit this isn’t working and come home?”
“Because,” she said, taking a moment to breathe, “she needs me. That’s all that matters. I watch over her and make sure she eats enough.”
“She’s skin and bones! Her veins are so prominent I could see her pulse beating! She’s a gorgeous woman, but she’s so pale and gaunt, the poor thing looks like she’s starving!”
“I know, damn it!” Mia started to cry again. “She won’t budge from what her trainer tells her. She let you put oil in that dressing yesterday, but she’ll never let me do that. I refuse to lie to her, so I do what she asks me to.”
“So your biggest reason to be here isn’t a valid one, right?”
“No! I do watch over her! I make sure she’s in bed early, and I make her sleep late on Sunday. And I’m always there when she needs to talk.”
“When would she go to bed if you weren’t here?” Anna Lisa asked. “Would she stay up late and watch TV?”
Mia laughed. “Of course not! She’d probably go to bed even earlier. She forces herself to stay up to talk or …” She just barely stopped herself from revealing that they frequently missed Jordan’s ideal bedtime because they were making love. Mia shook her head. “No. She wouldn’t stay up late.”
Anna Lisa’s gaze pierced Mia. “Then why are you here?”
“Because I love her
, God damn it! I need to be with her. I need to hold her and sleep with her. Feeling her body against mine is the highlight of every day. Damn it, don’t you remember?”
Slowly, Anna Lisa nodded. “Of course I do.” She held Mia’s hand, looking at her with sympathy. “But is that enough?”
“Yes.” Mia wiped at her chilled tears. “It has to be.”
After brunch, the threesome went back to the apartment and Jordan tactfully said she had a few things to do in their room, leaving Mia and Anna Lisa to say their goodbyes.
Anna Lisa put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, holding her still while she gazed into her eyes. “Is there any way I can talk you into coming home with me?”
Mia shook her head. “No, I can’t do that, Mom. I need to work things out here. I won’t leave just because everything isn’t perfect.”
“There’s a difference between perfect and …” Anna Lisa bit her lip, letting the rest of her thought die quietly. “I’d love it if you came home.”
“I will,” Mia said. “I don’t know when, but I’ll come home. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
Anna Lisa put her arms out and hugged Mia roughly. “I wish I could make you do what I want.”
Gently, Mia ran her hand across her mother’s back. “I wish you could be happy that I’m doing what I think is right. You raised me to decide what I need and make sure I get it.”
Pulling away, Anna Lisa looked at Mia and found herself unable to hide her smile. “Why did you only listen to the things that you could use to drive me crazy?”
“Only the good stuff stuck,” Mia said. She pressed her face against her mother’s neck and held on to her until she was sure she wouldn’t cry. “You’d better go. You don’t wanna be late.” Turning her head, she called, “Jordy!”
In seconds, Jordan was standing next to her with her arm around Mia’s waist. “Getting ready to leave?”
“Yes. I’ve got to allow time to return my rental car.” She extended her hand and when Jordan took it, she pulled her close. “Be good to my baby,” she whispered fiercely, her hand digging into the skin on Jordan’s neck. “She’s not as strong as she seems.”
When she released her hold, Jordan pulled away, nodding at Anna Lisa. “I will,” she said, her gaze unblinking.
“Don’t threaten her, Mom!”
Anna Lisa wrapped her arms around her daughter. “I wouldn’t threaten her. I save that for you.” She swatted Mia sharply on the butt and kissed her cheek simultaneously. “Be good.” Her voice was a little shaky, and she headed for the door without another word.
That evening, Mia watched a reality show about college students, the sound down low so it didn’t disturb Jordan, who was asleep. One of the women was struggling with her decision to stay at her college rather than move across the country to be with her boyfriend. She’d been admitted to the new school, but transferring would set her back just enough credits to preclude her graduating on time. Mia had been watching the woman’s story unfold for several weeks, and had found herself rooting for her to make the move. Tonight, she wasn’t so sure. She shifted just enough to be able to wrap her arms around Jordan, who lay heavily against her body. Jordan moved in her sleep, clutching Mia to herself like a teddy-bear. Mia used the remote to turn off the TV, then tried to relax enough to sleep. But Jordan’s body had gotten so lean that various bones poked at her when they held each other tightly. She didn’t want to move away, since nothing calmed her as much as holding her lover, so she did her best to ignore the discomfort and empty her mind. But her mother’s words kept coming back to her, tormenting her. Were these few hours of sleep worth what she was giving up to be here? How could she ever judge that?
The alarm went off about fifteen minutes after Mia fell asleep. Or perhaps it just seemed that way because she couldn’t force her eyes open. Jordan didn’t try to wake her, she just went about her normal morning routine—moving like a cat, barely making a sound. Unclear as to how much time had passed since she’d heard the alarm, Mia felt a pair of soft lips brush across her cheek, waking her. “What time is it?”
Jordan didn’t need to look at her watch. “5:30. I’m heading out now.”
Eyes opening wider, Mia asked, “I missed breakfast?”
Jordan smiled at her, giving her such a love-filled look that Mia’s heart melted a little. “There’s plenty of granola left. It’ll still be there when you get up. Only a lunatic gets up this early when she doesn’t have to.”
Mia put her hands behind Jordan’s thighs and pulled her forward, giggling when Jordan had to grab the wall to avoid falling onto her body. “Come down here and give me some kisses.”
“Uhm … that’s not my mouth,” Jordan deadpanned, laughing when Mia nuzzled between her thighs. “I’m getting a cramp, honey.”
Mia let her go and Jordan straightened out. “You’d think all of the exercises we do would prepare me for almost anything.” She squatted down next to the mattress and tenderly applied several kisses to Mia’s lips. “Better?”
Her eyes were bright and clear and she looked like she’d been up for hours. “Always.” Mia draped an arm around her neck and pulled her close, kissing her again. “Everything’s better when you kiss me.”
“Gotta go.” Jordan ran her hand through Mia’s hair, fluffing her soft curls. “Sleep in. You’re obviously tired.”
Yawning and stretching, Mia nodded. “Being with my mom was draining. I didn’t sleep well, either. She wired me up.”
“You’re in a good spot to unwind. Have a good day.” Smoothly, Jordan got to her feet and waved. “See you around 6:00.”
Mia waved back, then grabbed Jordan’s pillow and cradled it to her chest. “Still smells like you,” she said, then closed her eyes and was asleep before the athletes left the apartment.
A “thunk” woke Mia, and she blindly reached for the alarm clock, amazed to see that it was after 9:00. She lay still for a moment, decided that the noise hadn’t been anything to worry about and went back to sleep. On and off all morning she woke briefly, considered what she’d planned for the day, then went back to sleep. It wasn’t until noon that her body demanded she get up. Stomach rumbling from hunger, bladder full, she stopped in the bath, scowling at her pale, grumpy image.
Seeing that the only things in the house were granola and various forms of protein powders didn’t help her mood, but she couldn’t summon the energy to get dressed to go to the store. She sat at the kitchen table, stabbing innocent bits of granola with her spoon, her mouth curled into such a sour expression it was almost hard to get the spoon into it.
After breakfast, she settled on the floor and started reading a book for her humanities class. But her attention wandered constantly, returning again and again to her conversation with her mother. Why was she living like this? Was she really helping Jordan? She fought the heaviness of her eyelids for what seemed like hours, then slowly gave in, sleeping on the floor until a burst of bright light hit her. Her hand went to her eyes, shielding them.
“Are you all right?”
Jordan was kneeling next to her, and Mia couldn’t resist her body’s demand to wrap her arms around her lover and hold on as tightly as she could. “Fine,” she mumbled.
Jordan’s hand began to stroke her hair, slowly scratching her scalp. “What’s wrong, honey?”
Mia released her hold and made her mouth curl into a weak smile. Sitting up, she said, “I guess I didn’t know how tired I was.” She got her feet under herself and stood, feeling a little woozy. “I’ve got to get to the store!”
Jordan was looking at her with concern. “We can go out. You don’t look like you’re in the mood to cook.”
Mia gave her a quick kiss. “I’m fine! Damn, I’ve been napping all day. I need to go out just to get my blood moving!”
“Fine. Let me shower and we’ll walk down to the restaurant at the end of the street.”
“I’m fine! Really!” Mia was putting every watt of power she could generate into her smile,
but it was clear Jordan wasn’t buying it.
“That’s great. No better time to go out to dinner. We can have a meal without our roommates salivating over our stuff.”
Blowing out a breath, Mia nodded. “Can we shower together?”
Jordan’s expression was between a smirk and a smile. “If we can fit.”
They did fit, but maneuvering enough to get clean was a challenge. Mia finished first and got out to let Jordan wash her hair. She dashed across the hallway just as the front door opened and their roommates returned for the night. Mia closed the bedroom door, unreasonably angry at their arrival.
After getting dressed she went back to the bathroom to offer to help Jordan blow-dry her hair. Mia paused at the door, thinking Jordan must have a radio on. But she realized they didn’t have a radio in the bathroom and tentatively opened the door. Jill was leaning on the sink, arms crossed over her chest, chatting with Jordan, who was still in the shower drying off. The shower curtain was open, and a flicker of jealousy flared in Mia at Jill being allowed to view Jordan’s body so blatantly. It crossed her mind to throw the door open hard enough to send Jill into the shower with Jordan, but she controlled her temper as best she could. “Hi,” she said, trying not to look as angry as she was.
“Hey,” Jill said. “We were just chatting about the team.”
“Mmm. Jordan, do you want help drying your hair?”
“No, I can handle it. Besides,” she said, grinning, “it’s getting crowded in here.”
“I can help,” Jill said, looking at Jordan. “It’s a bitch to dry long hair, isn’t it? Mia, you’ve got it easy with your cute little curls. You probably don’t even have to comb it, do you?”
“Never have,” she said, backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.
As she went back to their room she heard Jill ask, “She pissed off?” Prudently, Mia dove for the door, not wanting to hear Jordan say something that would make her even angrier.
Jordan was full of what seemed like false cheerfulness when she walked into the bedroom, her naked body glowing from her hot shower. “I’ll be ready in five,” she said.
Osmosis Page 4
