“Yeah. Three o’clock. That good?”
“That’s great. Where should I meet you?”
“At the guy’s office. It’s on Castro, just up from the theater.”
“Okay. I’ll be there and I might have Ryan with me.”
“Great. See ya!” He hung up before she could add another word.
She walked upstairs and stood in the doorway, watching Ryan type. Waiting until her partner paused, she said, “Can I interrupt?”
Ryan looked up and smiled. “Never. I mean, you’re never an interruption. What’s up?”
“Niall’s got a meeting with a real estate agent tomorrow at 3:00. I said I’d go with him.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He knows more about what he wants in a building, but I’m … how can I say this?” She tapped her chin with her finger. “I’m a little more …”
“Polite … civilized … conversational … pretty?”
“Thank you. I was going to say patient.”
“I’m glad you’re going,” Ryan said. “Niall can be a real ass. He’s so abrupt.”
“Yeah, he is, but he’s a good guy. I like him.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “You’d better! He’s family!”
Ryan showed up right on time for therapy on Tuesday morning, and nodded to all of her companions. Even though it had been quite a few weeks, she always stood alone on the street corner while they waited for Ellen to open the office. She was polite and smiled at everyone, but it had to be clear to the group that she wasn’t really one of them.
Ellen arrived on time and opened the door to the building. She handed Barb the key to the office and said, “Will you open up? I need a minute.”
Barb took the key and the group started to follow, with Ryan trailing behind. Ellen tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I got your message.”
“Right.” Ryan looked down and moved a discarded piece of paper around with her shoe. “Uhm … can you help me?” Glancing up, she caught Ellen’s gaze and held it, uncertainly, for a moment.
“I hope I can. I’ve got a little time after group. Can you stay?”
“Sure. But you could just call me. I hate to take up your time. You can even leave a message if I’m not there.”
“No, I have time.” Ellen smiled at Ryan. “Ready?”
Everyone but Ryan filed out at the end of the session, and she looked longingly after them. Ellen took out her appointment calendar and set it on her lap. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Ryan.”
“About …?”
“Therapy. Are you serious about it?”
“Uhm … yes, I’m serious.”
Ellen gazed at her for a moment. “You don’t seem serious about it. You might be the type of person who needs privacy, but from what I’ve gathered … that’s not really who you are. My guess is that you’re not committed to this.”
“I …” Ryan put her hands on her knees and seemed to gather her thoughts. “I want to feel better. I’m serious about that.”
“And you think you’ll feel better if you find a new therapist?” Ellen’s voice carried no animosity, just gentle concern.
“Maybe. I … I really don’t know. I just know that I hate … this. I feel like I’ve been sentenced to come here.”
“Why?”
Shrugging, Ryan said, “I don’t feel like I have much in common with the other women. Well … maybe Barb. But I don’t feel like I can really let go with the others. I feel like they’d flip if I said what’s really on my mind.”
Ellen leaned forward and looked into Ryan’s eyes. “What is on your mind?”
“It depends,” Ryan said, fidgeting a little. “Sometimes I feel fine. But when something sets me off I can really feel out-of-control. I don’t think the other women can get that.”
“You might be right. Most of them haven’t been through the same type of thing you have. But I still think you can benefit from a group. I think sharing how you feel with someone who knows what you’re going through can help you.”
Ryan nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But this isn’t the right group. It’s just not.”
“How about this?” Ellen looked down at her book. “Would you consider spending an hour with Barb and me? Her trauma’s very close to yours. And I think you’d make each other talk a little more.”
“Uhm … I guess I could try it.”
“No pressure. If you want to see someone else … I’m happy to give you some names. As a matter of fact, I’ve written down three. I called each of them and they have time available.” She handed Ryan the paper.
“Why don’t we try a few sessions?” Ryan said. “It can’t hurt.”
“I don’t want you to feel pressured,” Ellen said. “You can think about it and leave me a message.”
“No, no, I’m good. Let’s do it.”
“I’ll talk to Barb and see if she’s interested. I think she will be.”
Ryan opened her book and wrote a few things. “Here’s my available time. If Barb agrees go ahead and set something up. You can leave me a message.”
Ellen took the sheet and glanced at it. “I think we’ll be able to figure something out. I’ll give you a call.”
Ryan stood up and shook Ellen’s hand. “Thanks. I wasn’t really looking forward to starting with someone new.” She grinned. “I just couldn’t take another day with the whole group.”
“We’ll try something new,” Ellen said. “We both have the same goal. To help you feel more like yourself.”
When Ryan got home from practice, Jamie was still out. She started to make some pasta, unable to wait to see when her partner would arrive. The water was just reaching a boil when Jamie came in the back door, carrying a big, greasy, brown paper bag, redolent with the smell of garlic.
“Combos?” Ryan cried.
“Welcome home, Jamie,” her partner said. “Gosh, I’ve missed you.” She put the bag down and walked over to the stove, turning it off.
Ryan hugged and kissed her quickly. “Combos?”
“Yes, dear. I was in the neighborhood, so I bought you two combos. I’ll never stop smelling like tomato sauce and garlic, but I did it for love.”
Ryan tore into the bag, unwrapping her favorite treat and getting the food on plates in what seemed like seconds. “Kitchen?” she asked, already putting the plates on the kitchen table.
“Sure.” Jamie washed her hands and grabbed a long strip of paper towels before she sat down.
“Drink?”
“Do we have any beer?”
Ryan looked in the refrigerator and said, “Yep.” She took two out and set them on the table.
“You know,” Jamie said after taking a sip, “you and Niall have the same speech patterns sometimes. You treat your words like they’re pretty valuable, too.”
“Huh.” Ryan smiled coyly and took a drink of her beer.
“Stop it!” Jamie pinched her and asked, “Do you want to know about my day?”
Ryan just nodded and dug into her sandwich.
“Brat.” She arranged a napkin in the placket of her blouse, then put another on her lap, hoping that a delay would make Ryan talk. But her partner could wait anyone out. Especially when she had one of her favorite foods in front of her. “We met Andrew, the guy who Mom worked with.”
Another nod from Ryan.
“And I’m glad we’re not going to work with him.”
One raised eyebrow asked why.
“He’s very, very gay. Very classy. I know the boys aren’t anti-gay—”
“Sure they are,” Ryan finally spoke. “They’re just not anti-lesbian.”
Jamie thought about that for a second and saw her partner’s point. “Do you think they make gay jokes and things like that when we’re not around?”
“Of course. You have to expect the worst from the boyos. I’m sure they make all kinds of racial and ethnic jokes too. They just don’t do it in front of me. Or Brendan.”
“Only you two dislike those kinds of jo
kes?”
“No, I don’t think Rory does, and maybe Colm, but they aren’t the types to complain.”
“But you and Bren do?”
“Yeah. We lecture them, which they really hate.”
“I’d hate it if they said negative things about gay people around me.”
“They won’t. They treat you like a girl. They know girls usually don’t like that stuff.”
“So it’s what they can get away with, huh?”
“I suppose. But they’re no worse than any other group of twenty-something guys.”
“Well, then I’m really glad we’re not working with Andrew. The guy we talked to looked like he could crack walnuts with his bare hands. He wasn’t very tall, but he was built. Looked like a big fire plug.”
“Straight?”
“Yep. Had the picture of the wife and kids on his desk.”
“Good. The boys would work with a gay guy, but a cultured, well-dressed gay guy might be too much for them.” She smiled wryly. “Did you see any places?”
“Just pictures. We spent most of the time telling him what we were looking for. That took over an hour.”
“Who talked?”
“Me,” Jamie said, smiling. “And Niall interrupted.”
“That’s my boy. I knew I could count on him to do the O’Flaherty name proud.”
When Jordan came home that night, she was uncharacteristically quiet. They were halfway through dinner when she said, “I’ve been thinking about something I said last night.”
Mia covered her hand with her own and asked, “What’s that?”
“I said that you should probably think about whether or not you should leave.”
Smiling, Mia said, “Hey … don’t worry about that. I know you didn’t mean it.”
Jordan swallowed noticeably, then seemed to force herself to look into Mia’s eyes. “I think I did mean it.”
“Wha … are you serious? God damn it, Jordan, I said I was sorry!” Mia jumped to her feet. “What do I have to do?”
Jordan was beside her in a moment, trying to get her arms around Mia who was actively pushing her away. “Come on! Let me explain!”
“What? That you don’t want me here?”
Jordan dropped her hands, giving up on the struggle to hold her love. “No! Don’t even think that! I’ve been thinking about everything you said last night. And I’m not sure it makes sense to go on like we’ve been doing.” She reached out and touched Mia’s cheek, leaving it there when it wasn’t pushed away. “Come on. Sit down and let me tell you what I’ve been thinking.”
Obviously angry, Mia nonetheless sat back down and stared at her partner.
“You said a lot of things last night, and I know that some of them are true.”
“Thanks,” Mia snapped. “Good to hear that you don’t assume everything I say is a lie.”
Jordan cupped a hand over Mia’s knee and said, “That’s not what I meant and I think you know that.”
Mia rolled her eyes, but didn’t respond, waiting for Jordan to continue.
“You told me you’re unhappy with our apartment, but I think there’s more to it than that. I don’t think you’re gonna be happy traveling with me, either.”
“I didn’t say that!”
“I know.” Jordan sat quietly, gazing into Mia’s eyes. “It’s … a feeling I have. I know you, and I know how you are. I don’t think you’ll be any happier sitting in a stadium in Moscow than you are sitting in our apartment. Hell, at least you can watch TV in our apartment. You won’t even be able to do that in Moscow.”
“I’m not going to watch TV! I’m going to be with you! That’s what counts.”
Jordan nodded. “That is what counts at this point. I thought … I truly believed that you’d have a good time traveling with us. But that’s just stupid. It’s no fun to be in another country walking around by yourself … unless that’s what you enjoy. You’re not like that.”
“No, I’m not,” Mia agreed. “It’d only be fun if you were with me.”
“So … if you won’t enjoy it and it’ll cost us thousands of dollars … maybe you shouldn’t come.”
“But … don’t you want me?”
“Of course I do. I always want you. That’s never in question, Mia.” She grasped her chin and held her head steady, looking into her eyes. “Never. I’d love for you to be there.”
Mia felt like crying. “Then I’ll go with you!”
Moving her chair back, Jordan patted her thighs, and Mia practically leapt for her. She sat on Jordan’s lap, her face burrowed into her neck. “Shhh,” Jordan murmured, stroking her back. “It’s all right, baby. It’s all right.”
“I wanna be with you,” Mia said, her voice catching. “I wanna take care of you.”
“You take care of me by taking care of yourself. I’m happy when you’re happy. And knowing that you’re just going with me to sleep together isn’t gonna do it.”
Mia lifted her head and gazed into Jordan’s eyes. “But I love sleeping with you. Don’t you love it?”
“Ohh …” Jordan gently soothed the hurt frown Mia wore. “Of course I do. It’s the highlight of my day. But it’s not worth it if I’m worried about you the rest of the day. I need to … I have to concentrate when we’re touring. Each game means a lot … a whole lot. If you’re at home I’ll miss you. But only at night. That’s the only time I have to reflect. The rest of the time I’ll be in my playing zone. And since I fall asleep in minutes … it won’t be that bad.”
“So you don’t want me to go?”
“I want you to go if you want to go. If you’ll enjoy being in Russia. If it’ll be fun for you to tour the museums and go to some interesting restaurants. But I don’t want you to go if you’re only going to sleep with me. It just isn’t worth it.”
Mia’s chin was still quivering, and her voice was unsteady when she asked, “But don’t you need me to take care of you?”
Jordan hugged her hard and long. “I love to have you take care of me. But you won’t get much chance. The team has to eat together. We have to do all sorts of dumb things like go to visit the Russian team’s practice facility … all that kind of promotional stuff. You can’t go to any of that. All we’ll be able to do is sleep together.” She smiled as her eyes hooded with a touch of embarrassment, making Mia’s heart melt. “And I’ll probably actually want to sleep.”
Mia leaned forward and rested her forehead against Jordan’s. “Can we let this go for tonight? I don’t know what’s best. All I know is that I want to be with you … no matter where you are or what you’re doing. You’re what matters.”
“I want that too,” Jordan said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t know it until I met you.”
“Damn, you know how to make me smile.” She tilted her chin and pulled Jordan’s lower lip into her mouth. Mia began to suck it gently, then put her arms around her lover and pulled her close.
The front door opened, and all of the roommates entered, with Jill saying, “Hey! No making out in the living room!”
Jordan tightened her hold, making Mia feel like a treasured doll. “We’re not making out. We just like to be as close as possible.”
Jill gestured at the table. “You haven’t even finished eating. Are you gonna feed her?”
“Yep.” Jordan patted Mia on the butt, and when they were both standing she took her hand. “Thanks for the suggestion.” The pair walked down the hall to their room to the titters of their roommates.
When Jordan closed the door she whispered, “That didn’t upset you, did it? I didn’t want to be around them for another minute.”
Jordan was standing right in front of the door, and Mia put her hands against her shoulders, pinning her against it. “No, it didn’t upset me. I thought it was a good idea. I’m tired of talking. I wanna use my mouth for something more fun.”
Smiling sexily, Jordan bent and picked Mia up, making her squeak in surprise. “Let’s go.” She turned and carefully knelt on t
he bed, lowering Mia to the mattress. “Since I chose when, you can choose how.”
Mia lay on her back, gazing up at her partner with a thoughtful expression. “I think I’d like… hmm… let’s see …” She put her hand on Jordan’s ass, grasping a handful of muscle that barely moved under her probing. “I like to look down and see your cheeks flexing when you’re…” She grabbed Jordan and pulled her on top of her body, whispering her request into her ear.
Jordan’s eyebrows popped up and down. “We’re never very quiet when we do that. Sure you don’t mind if the roomies hear us?”
“If I get too noisy, just stick something into my mouth. Like your tongue,” she murmured, batting her big, brown eyes.
“Be right back,” Jordan said, getting to her feet and moving quickly. “I’ve gotta put on my supergirl outfit.” She went to one of their plastic bins to get what she needed.
“It’s so cute that you call that your supergirl outfit.”
“Well, most girls don’t have one of these,” Jordan said, rooting through the toys Mia had brought with her. “Thank God.”
“I’m glad you don’t have one very often,” Mia said. “But every once in a while …” She grinned lasciviously.
“I’m glad I can have one when you want one and toss it aside when we’re done. Besides,” she said, finding what she wanted, “I don’t think I’d last very long if I had a real one. You’re too hot for words!”
The next morning, Jordan woke to soft kisses being tenderly placed along her chest. She opened one eye and sucked in a sharp breath when Mia gently pulled a nipple into her mouth. “Morning,” she said, her hips instinctively moving against her lover. “That’s a nice way to wake up.”
“Does this make it nicer?” Mia moved up and captured Jordan’s lips while slowly slipping her hand between her legs.
“Unh … yeah. Much nicer.” Jordan lifted her knees to give Mia better access. She pulled Mia’s earlobe into her mouth and nipped at it. “Feels good … very, very good. Ahh!” She gasped when Mia filled her, slipping in and out of her wetness. Their mouths met, and Jordan began to suckle Mia’s tongue. They moved against each other, stroking and caressing as things began to heat up. Jordan managed to get an arm around Mia and she held her tenderly while her fingers found their mark.
Osmosis Page 6
