“He can’t hear you, ma’am,” the officer said, flinching when Jamie shot him a withering look. The police boat moved up a little and an officer jumped onto their boat. “I don’t see any damage,” he called back to his partner.
“Great,” Jamie snapped. “But he should be cited for being reckless.”
“He was,” one officer said. “And the other guy was too. Are either of you ladies hurt?”
“I bumped against the gunwale pretty hard, but I’m just bruised. How about you?” she asked, looking at Ryan.
“I’m fine. But I’d like to get one free swing at that idiot. Any chance of that?”
“’Fraid not, Ma’am,” the officer said, trying not to laugh. “I can give you his registration number if you want to make an insurance claim.”
“I’d like that,” Jamie said. “If I get whiplash …”
The officers took their information for a police report, then motored away, leaving Jamie toglare at her partner. “And you’re almost as bad. Do you have any brains?”
“No,” Ryan mumbled contritely.
Jamie grasped her ponytail and pulled until Ryan had to look at her. “How do I convince you that you can’t react like a dog when you see something you want?”
Shaking her head, Ryan said, “I don’t think you can. My father’s been trying since I was a baby.”
“Damn it, Ryan!” Jamie was so angry she was shaking.
“I’m so sorry, really I am.”
“If you’d dived in when you intended, you could’ve been hit by one of those propellers. Do you think those idiots would have cared?”
“No.”
“Do you think they would’ve even noticed if they’d run over you?” Jamie prodded
“No.”
“I just don’t understand what gets into your head, Ryan.”
“Nothing. Really. Nothing. I just … react.”
“Well, you’d better learn to react less and think more.” She pushed Ryan’s forehead with the heel of her hand. “You’ve got a huge brain. You’ve got to use it!”
“I know I should,” Ryan said plaintively. “I just … don’t.”
“Don’t talk to me, right now. Just … don’t talk.” Jamie turned her head and stared out at the dozens of boats surrounding them. After a few minutes, she said, “I don’t wanna be in this crowd. I’m gonna pull the anchor. Start the boat and go forward just a little bit.” Silently, Ryan followed instructions, letting Jamie bring the anchor back up. “Now take us over there,” she said, pointing. Ryan gave her a quick look, but did as she asked. When they were well away from any other boats, Jamie told her to cut the engine and she set the anchor again.
By the time they were settled, Bobby McFerrin was singing the National Anthem and a squadron of jets flew by in formation. Jamie didn’t speak again until the bottom of the first inning, when she said, “Will you sit in the back with me?”
Ryan nodded, then got up and helped Jamie to make sure she had her balance. There was a nicely padded bench that curved around the stern, and when Jamie sat down, she patted the bench next to her and Ryan joined her. Looking into Ryan’s eyes, Jamie quietly said, “I’m sorry.”
“You? What’ve you got to be sorry for?”
Sighing, Jamie said, “For trying to make you be who I want you to be.”
Ryan smiled tentatively. “Aww, honey, you can’t help that. You don’t want me to be an idiot. That’s not asking a lot.”
“It’s the same as asking you to be right-handed.” She took Ryan’s hand and kissed it gently. “You are who you are. And you react to things in your own way. I don’t have to like it, but I can’t change you. I’ve obviously got an impulsive nature, too. Yelling at you and hitting you are just as instinctive for me, but I’m going to do my best not to give in to those instincts. It’s wrong of me to get that angry with you for something you can’t control. And I’m very, very sorry for that.” Still holding Ryan’s hand, she placed it over her breast. “Will you forgive me?”
“Jamie,” Ryan soothed, stroking her hair, “you don’t owe me an apology. I could’ve gotten myself killed! What I did was incredibly stupid and if you weren’t upset, you’d be as crazy as I am.”
“Will you behave differently in the future?”
Ryan looked into those open, trusting eyes and told the truth. “No.”
“Then what purpose does it serve for me to scream at you and hit you? That’s like hitting a little kid for running after a toy. If you don’t have the ability to control yourself … it’s just not fair of me to be so punitive.”
Ryan took her hand and chafed it between her own. “You lashed out because you were worried and scared, right?”
“Of course. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. Especially to something so pointless.”
“So … how will you stop? I know I’ve told you that Da never hit us, but he’s grabbed me so hard he pulled me off my feet. Heck, he pulled out a handful of my hair when I was little. He cried when he saw what he’d done, but he couldn’t help himself.”
“My God!” Jamie’s face drained of all color. “What had you done?”
“I don’t remember. I did so many dumb things, there’s no way to remember half of ’em. I think he caught me, like you caught the back of my pants, only I didn’t stop. He wound up with a handful of my hair.” She shrugged. “I didn’t blame him. It hurt like hell, but I didn’t blame him. I felt really bad when he cried. I knew it was all my fault, but I didn’t … and still don’t know how to stop.”
Jamie leaned against her partner. “What are we gonna do? I hate myself for being rough with you! No one has ever raised a hand to me, Ryan. Why do I react like that? Where did I learn that?”
“I don’t know, babe. I guess it’s just instinct. But I really, really don’t blame you. The boys have done much worse when they were watching me.” She smiled, but Jamie didn’t. “Rory’s as gentle as a lamb, and he once tackled me and knocked out my front teeth.”
“Jesus!”
“I was about to run into traffic chasing a ball. They were just baby teeth,” Ryab added, as though that made it better. When Jamie didn’t lighten up, she said, “Come on … don’t let what you did bother you. It’s a perfectly normal reaction to being afraid.”
“I don’t think it’s normal. And I don’t want to do it again.” Jamie’s jaw was set and her eyes had gone steely.
“Let’s both work to not get in that position again.” Ryan kissed her head. “Okay?”
“All right.” Jamie gave her a grudging smile. “I’m gonna talk to Anna about this and see if she has any advice. I refuse to act like this with our kids, and if I can’t stop myself from doing it with you, I’m worried that I won’t be able to control myself with them.”
“Don’t worry about that.” Ryan put an arm around her and held her close. “Da grabbed me, and yanked on me, and picked me up roughly, and all sorts of things. He had to do something or he would have gone mad! I understood, Jamie. I really did.”
“I’m gonna find the two most calm, gentle, least-impulsive people on earth and pay them to have babies for us. It’s clear that neither of us should pass on our genes.”
Ryan looked at her for a long time before she spoke very seriously. “Please don’t say things like that. Even if you’re kidding—it hurts me.”
Jamie rested her head against Ryan’s shoulder. “I was kidding. But you’re right—I shouldn’t kid about something like that. I want all of your sweet genes in our babies.”
“And I want yours. You’re the woman I love, and I’d love nothing more than to have a little girl just like you.”
“Not a little boy?”
“Ahh … no. A little boy just like you would get the snot kicked out of him,” Ryan said, laughing. “The boys have to be more like me.”
“It’s a deal. Boys like you, girls like me. But without the impulse-control or anger-control issues.”
“Tall order, but we’ll work on it.”
That
night at dinner, Ryan told Catherine about their afternoon, including her attempt to jump into the water. Catherine was justifiably shocked, but after considering the picture for a moment, she laughed. “Jamie, you must have been beside yourself!”
“Don’t remind me,” Jamie grumbled. “I hit her, Mom. I slugged her on the shoulder and she has a bruise!”
“Well, I’m not a big believer in violence, but I think you were justified, honey.” She and Ryan laughed, but Jamie didn’t join in. “You don’t mind getting a punch for doing something so foolish, do you, Ryan?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I prefer it. If she didn’t hit me, she’d cry, and that’s much worse. I’d rather make her angry than sad.”
“See?” Catherine said, smiling at Jamie. “Ryan’s able to look at this logically.”
Jamie shook her head. “If the two of you think punching is logical … you’ve both lost your minds!”
When they got home from dinner, Ryan took the phone into the living room, flopped down on the sofa, and called Conor. Jamie smiled when she heard her telling him about their afternoon, but when Ryan started to complain about the lack of hitting with men on base, she went up to their room. She had no idea who won the game or under what circumstances, but she knew that Ryan’s capacious mind hadn’t missed a trick.
Part Six
On Wednesday morning, Conor’s cell phone rang and he stepped outside the room his crew was working on to answer it. “Hello?”
“Mr. O’Flaherty? Catherine Smith.”
“Well, hello, Ms. Smith. Nice to hear from you.”
“My, that sounded odd to my ears,” she said. “I haven’t called myself Catherine Smith since I was in college.”
“Still testing it out?”
She considered that. “Yes, in a way. But I’m going through with it. When my divorce is finalized it’ll be official. Now I’m just slowly telling people.”
“I think it sounds great. Catherine Smith,” he said, testing it out. “Yep. It’s great.”
“Thank you,” she said, her voice tinkling with laugher. “Surprisingly, that’s not why I called.”
“That would’ve been enough. I’m always glad to hear from you,” Conor said gallantly.
“You might not be when I ask my question.”
“Oh, sure I will be. Ask me anything.”
“Okay.” Catherine took in an audible breath. “Are you busy on Saturday night?”
“This Saturday?”
“Yes. I know it’s very short notice, but I wasn’t going to go to this benefit for the symphony until a friend of mine called and practically begged me. I hate to let her down, and I don’t want to go alone …”
Conor didn’t hesitate. “I’ve got a tuxedo and I’m ready to use it. What time should I pick you up?”
“Oh, Conor, you’re a doll!”
“Nah. I just like to party.”
“The symphony crowd is about the same age as the crowd for the opera benefit, Conor. I’m fairly sure your normal crowd is a few decades younger.”
“Maybe. But you’ll be there and we’re practically the same age.”
“Ha! You must not have your sister’s math abilities.”
“I can add pretty darned well. And when you’re added to a party, everyone has a good time.”
After a trip to the orthopedist to pick up her new splint, Jamie and Catherine headed over to the Castro to meet with Ray to look at four properties.
They got into his Mercedes and drove to a modest home in Noe, but the footprint of the house was so small that they agreed it wouldn’t work. Back in the car, Jamie said, “Are the other houses bigger than this one?”
“Not really. You just can’t buy much in Noe or Castro for the kind of money you’re talking about. I know you want to flip the building, and you’ll be able to, but …”
“But we won’t make much money,” Jamie finished for him.
“Probably not,” he agreed. “Houses are so overpriced that even the real dogs are selling quickly.”
Jamie stared out the window, looking at the very modest homes. “What about small apartment buildings or duplexes? Wouldn’t they be a better bet?”
“Well, yeah,” Ray said, chuckling. “But you’re talking a lot more money.”
“What if money wasn’t a big issue?”
He gave her a quick look. “Money’s always a big issue.”
Sighing, she said, “Okay. The idea is to take Niall’s money and use it for a down payment. That’s $200,000. We figured we’d get a loan for the balance and to pay for materials. I know the boys didn’t want to have to make a very large monthly payment on the loan, but we could arrange for private financing. Why don’t you show us something that wouldn’t take too many months to fix up, but that we could make a good profit on?”
“Like a three flat?”
“Yeah. Something like that. No more than … what do you think, Mom? Five apartments?”
Catherine considered, then nodded. “The bigger the building, the bigger the profit if you’re going to be landlords, right, Ray?”
“Usually,” he said. “But if you’re going to do all of the work yourselves, I’d limit it to five or six units. Do you think your … partners will go for being landlords?”
“They might not look it, but they’re pretty malleable,” Jamie said, sharing a smile with her mother.
Ryan stepped out of the shower that afternoon, having delayed her normal morning clean-up until her mind was completely boggled by the myriad of ideas she was trying to get to jell for her independent study. She’d been in her room, laboring over her computer with every spare moment for weeks, not bothering to comb her hair or put on decent clothes until she had to leave the house.
Maria Los had grown used to seeing her in a T-shirt and boxer shorts or sweats, depending on the weather, even though she privately wondered why such a lovely woman didn’t put any care into her appearance. The cleaning woman was itching to give the room a thorough cleaning, but Ryan was home every day she came to the house, and she’d been told politely but firmly that the room was off limits.
Hearing the phone, Ryan dried off hurriedly and sprinted for it, catching it just before it went to the answering machine. “H’lo?”
“Hey, good-lookin’,” the familiar tones of Ally’s voice said.
“Hey, yourself! Give me a sec, will ya? I’m just getting out of the shower.”
“Sure. Want me to call back?”
“Yeah. Give me five minutes.”
“You got ’em.”
Ryan finished drying off and put her towel back in the bathroom, then put on her usual softball clothes—a long-sleeved shirt that wicked away sweat and a T-shirt over that, plus some compression shorts covered by baggy athletic shorts. She jogged down the stairs and grabbed a bottle of water, then went into the living room to wait for Ally’s call.
Maria Los poked her head out of the kitchen and gave Ryan an inquisitive look. “I clean room?” she asked, pointing to the second floor.
“Si,” Ryan said, smiling at her persistence. “I’m leaving.”
“Good,” Maria Los said, giving Ryan a big smile as she took her bucket of cleaning supplies and headed upstairs.
I wonder if she knows that was an insult? The phone rang and Ryan picked it up. “Talk to me,” she said.
“That’s why I called. Sara said she read that Jamie’s out for the rest of the season. What happened?”
“Ooo … Right. I forgot that she reads the Bears newsletters. I should have called.”
“Right. You should have,” Ally said, her tone light but her message clear.
“I’m just so busy …” Ryan started to say, but she stopped herself. “Ahh … that’s bull. I need to make time to keep up with our friends. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right, Rock, you’re not in the confessional. Just tell me what happened.”
Laughing, Ryan told the story, leaving out the long-simmering animosity between Jamie and Juliet. “So, she’s do
ne for the season and walking around with a splint from her shoulder to her wrist.”
“Hoo! I bet she’s madder ’n a hornet! To work for all those months and get shut down at the end of the season really bites.”
“You know,” Ryan said, giving the thought some consideration, “she’s not as mad as she should be. I think she was kinda tired of the whole thing. She didn’t have any good friends and … Huh.” She paused at the realization that struck her. “I bet she’s glad that she’s not gonna have to be away from home and from me.”
“Well, who could blame her?” Ally said, laughing. “As modest as ever.”
“No, no,” Ryan said, laughing at the way her comment had been perceived. “She’s worried about me. I’m still not really back at normal speed yet, and she feels like she has to keep an eye on me. It’s been wearing on her.”
Ally was quiet for a moment, then said with concern coloring her voice, “Are you that bad off, sugar?”
“Nah,” Ryan said, lying just a little. “I’ll be fine. It’s just taking me a while. Kinda like after I was gay-bashed.”
“You were pretty down then, buddy. I was afraid I was never gonna see those blue eyes sparkle again.”
“Well, they did. I’ve just had a run of back luck in the last couple of years. Thankfully, there’ve been more great things than bad things, so I can’t complain.”
“You never do. You might feel better if you did.”
“Ugh … right … you’re another therapy shill.”
Ryan was clearly teasing and Ally took it as such. “Not lately,” she admitted. “I think I might have seen the man behind the curtain or something. It’s lost its magic.”
“What’s going on?”
“Ahh … just the same things you and I talked about a few months ago. I’m trying to change some pretty elemental stuff and neither my brain nor my …” she paused, not comfortable enough to use her usual slang, “…private parts are cooperating.”
Ryan looked at her watch and saw that she had nearly an hour before she had to leave for softball practice. “Tell me about it. I’ve got time … and interest.”
Osmosis Page 17
