Ryan truly hated to be spoken to like a child, but she tried to ignore it since she could see how upset Jamie was. “Four … no, five.”
“Five? You fucked five married women? That’s disgusting!”
“Yeah, I did,” Ryan said, her eyes narrowed and cold as steel. “And I’d do four of ’em again if I were single.” She got closer and talked softly, but her words stung sharply. “I don’t like having to justify my behavior to you or anyone else! I’m not gonna fuck …” She used the word with the same level of venom Jamie had, “…anyone, married or single, because I’m committed to you. That’s all that matters. My past is mine. And don’t go throwing that saintly pose around too much, Jamie, because your past isn’t lily-white, either.”
“What? I was with one man, Ryan. One!”
“I know that. And you tried to cheat on him … with me! You put me in a bad position on several occasions—kissing me on your birthday, dancing with me like you wanted to eat my clothes off, making me sleep under the covers with you when you were drunk. Not to mention the time you outright asked if you could fuck me to see if you liked lesbian sex. You might have only been with one man, but you put yourself into the position of cheating on him. I just didn’t wanna play that game … even though I’m obviously a common whore!” She kicked her desk chair on the way to the stairs, leaving the object spinning slowly.
It took a long time for Jamie to calm down enough to go upstairs, and when she entered the living room, she realized she hadn’t changed her clothes—her ostensible reason for going downstairs in the first place. The guarded looks on Maeve, Martin, Conor and Kevin’s faces, and the chilly ones on Catherine and Ryan’s let her know that the ruse hadn’t been necessary. “Sorry,” she said, grabbing a chair from the dining room to sit on.
Ever gracious, Maeve said, “Don’t be silly, Jamie. We didn’t mind waiting for you. Are you ready to eat?”
“Yes,” she said, not looking up.
“Come on then,” Maeve said, giving her a hand up. “You must be hungry after chasing around on the golf course all day.”
Putting on a faux smile, Jamie said, “It’s a lot easier than playing, but I am hungry.”
Ryan stepped behind her and put an arm around her waist. With a gentle kiss to her temple, she whispered, “I’m sorry.” Jamie patted her hand and nodded, and they sat down to eat.
During dinner, Catherine said, “I’ve been doing my homework about your commitment ceremony, girls. Do you have time to go to the Ritz one day this week for tea?”
Ryan frowned. “Not this week. But I could schedule something. Maybe two weeks from now?”
Jamie shook her head. “I can’t either,” she said, not elaborating.
“Well, I suppose we’ll just put it off.” There was a tense few moments of silence, then Catherine looked at Maeve. “What about your schedule? Is it more flexible?”
Maeve smiled. “I don’t have a thing stopping me from going to tea. I can go any day but Wednesday.”
“Let’s go tomorrow,” Catherine said. “Come to think of it, you and I should do all of the preliminary scouting for locations. The girls are far too busy.”
“I trust Aunt Maeve … I mean, Maeve to vote for me,” Ryan said, grinning at her aunt. “I can’t get the hang of the first name thing.”
“Then drop it,” Maeve said. “I only wanted to make you more comfortable, dear.”
“I’m more comfortable with the old name,” Ryan said. “So if you don’t mind …”
“I don’t mind a bit. I’m proud to be your aunt.”
“And I’m proud to have you as a step-mother. There just isn’t a good name for that. And Maeve just seems too informal.”
“Do I have to go back to ‘Aunt Maeve’?” Conor asked. “I’ve only just gotten used to the new way.”
“Of course not,” Maeve said. “You can call me whatever you like, Conor.”
“Good. Then I’ll call you a very good cook.” He got up and headed for the kitchen. “If anyone wants seconds, you’d better ask now!”
When Conor said it was time to walk over to Brendan’s for the meeting about the apartment building, Catherine got ready to leave also. They all said their goodbyes to the family, and Jamie and Ryan walked Catherine to her car. Ryan talked non-stop, probably to avoid a long silence. When they got to the Mercedes, she kissed Catherine and waited while Jamie did the same. Pleased that the Smith-Evans women were being civil, Ryan led Jamie further up the street to the car. “Still mad at me?” she asked.
“I wasn’t mad at you. But you have every reason to be mad at me.”
“I’m not … now. You didn’t seem like yourself so I thought I should cut you some slack.”
Jamie nodded. “I’m sorry I was being such a jerk. This just has me confused. I thought my mother and I had the kind of relationship where we shared important things. It hurts to think she doesn’t feel that way.”
“Ahh, babe,” Ryan put her arm around her, “don’t feel that way. I’m sure that isn’t it. She probably doesn’t have this all worked out in her own head yet. Maybe she does feel a little guilty. Having you call her on it can’t feel good.”
Dropping her head, Jamie said, “Guess you’re right. I should be more supportive.”
“You don’t have to give your approval, honey, especially if you believe she’s making a mistake. But she’s her own woman and she’s entitled to make her own mistakes. You wouldn’t like it if she called you out on the things you do.”
“Of course I wouldn’t. But I’d hope I wouldn’t do something as …” She trailed off, deciding she’d insulted her lover and her mother enough for one day. Ryan tacitly accepted her retreat, and they walked for a while in silence. “I’m sorry,” Jamie said quietly. “I don’t have any right to harass you about your life before we met. I’ve told you that the past is past, and I’m not keeping my word.”
“No, you’re not,” Ryan said. “And it’s not gonna be very cool if I have to worry about you going biblical on me every time someone else does something that I did before we met. That sucks.”
“I know, I know.” Jamie sighed. “It’s just a gut reaction, baby. Intellectually, I don’t think about your past, and what you used to do doesn’t even show up on my radar. But … when my parents get involved, I … lose it.”
“Your parents are involved a lot, a whole lot. And I don’t wanna get blasted every time they don’t meet your standards.”
Jamie looked at Ryan, staring at the side of her face for a moment. “You think I’m being moralistic, don’t you?”
“Yep.” Ryan didn’t turn her head, she just tightened her lips. “You don’t have to approve of what they do, but it’s not your place to lecture them. It’s disrespectful.”
Letting out a small sound, Jamie said, “Have you been talking to my mother? She said the same thing.”
“She’s right, in my opinion. If Da did something I thought was wrong I’d probably tell him it bothered me, but I wouldn’t bust his chops about it. He’s my father; we’re not equals.”
“It hasn’t been like that for me, Ryan. My mother was more of a … mentor for me. Elizabeth was my mother in most of the ways that matter. I’d never, ever tell Elizabeth what to do.”
Ryan’s head turned slowly and she gazed at Jamie, clearly puzzled. “I don’t know what that even means. Elizabeth was an employee. Your mom was always your mother and she still is. You ought to be damned glad you have her.” Her eyes lingered on Jamie’s for just a second, the blue orbs filled with sadness and reproach.
For a few minutes Jamie thought about her response, but she couldn’t get over the look in Ryan’s eyes. They were quiet until they were almost at Brendan’s. Jamie put her hand around Ryan’s arm and squeezed it. “Can we talk about this again in a few days? I think we’re both too worked up about this.”
A slow, reluctant smile tugged at Ryan’s lips. “Sure. I hate to fight.”
“Me too. I know you don’t understand the dynamic between m
y mother and me, but it’s different than what you had with your mom, Ryan. You and I don’t do very well when we aren’t viewing a situation from the same perspective.”
“True. But I don’t think I can ever view it from your perspective. To me, you’re so lucky to have a mother who loves and supports you that I think you’re nuts to complain about anything.”
“Well, I’m sure people without a left arm would think I was a big baby to complain about having a broken elbow, too. They’d probably rather have every bone in the arm broken than not have an arm at all.”
Now Ryan’s smile was genuine. “Probably true. Losing something important makes you appreciate it more.”
“I don’t know if appreciation is the right word. Need might be more apt.”
“I’ll buy into that,” Ryan said. “I need my mom. I haven’t stopped needing her since the day I lost her.”
Her voice cracked on the last word, and Jamie could see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry your mom’s gone, honey; I really am.” Jamie put her arm around Ryan’s waist and squeezed her tightly. “But it’s not fair to me to expect me to treat my mom like you’d treat yours if she were here. It’s a different situation, completely different.”
“I know that. But it doesn’t seem different in my gut.”
“Let’s let this sit for a while. I don’t think we’re gonna get anywhere with it tonight.”
“Probably a good idea. But I’d really like it if you didn’t bring up my past. We had an agreement.”
“You’re right,” Jamie said. “I’ll try harder.”
Ryan took and kissed her hand. “That’s all I can ask.” She chuckled softly and added, “I can ask for more, but I’m probably not gonna get it.”
When they reached Brendan’s apartment, they walked in via the unlocked door. Brendan had the foresight to buy beer and chips, and the gang spent a while chatting and drinking. When they finally got down to business, Ryan was thankful that Brendan acted like he’d called the meeting. He said all of the things he’d mentioned to Ryan on the phone, and asked Jamie what had led her to look for an apartment building rather than a house.
She mulled his question over for a minute. “There isn’t a house for sale that would let us turn it over quickly and make a good profit. Niall bought right before this last big bubble, and houses like his … in bad shape … are selling for $700,000. The three-flat is expensive, but it’s priced really well for the size. It needs a lot of work, but it seems like the kind of place we could use to have an income stream from the tenants.”
“Three tenants isn’t many,” Ryan said.
“Well …” Jamie smiled at her, “I thought two tenants and one cousin would be about right.”
“Which cousin?” Ryan asked.
“The one who needs to move. Tommy and Annie are gonna be booted out as soon as their landlord finds someone dumb enough to pay $600,000 for that little shoebox. If they moved into the bottom floor, they’d get a nice backyard for Caitlin and Tommy could be the resident manager.”
“Did you talk to Tommy about this?” Kevin asked. “He didn’t mention anything about it.”
Ryan answered for her partner. “Jamie doesn’t like to tell the people involved what she’s doing until she’s got it all sorted out. She loves to surprise people.”
“Tommy’ll be surprised,” Kevin said. “But I think he’d love it, as long as he wasn’t getting a sweet deal.”
“Of course not,” Jamie said, thinking this was the only family she’d ever met where they argued about how not to come out ahead in every situation.
The next day, Ryan was lying on her back on the bed, staring at the ceiling when Jamie came home from school. Jamie started to speak, but she could see that Ryan was transfixed, so she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, thinking that Ryan would hear her. Several minutes later, she emerged to see that her lover hadn’t moved. When she’s in one of these fugues, a burglar could clean us out. I don’t think I’ll be able to leave her alone with our kids!
She wanted to sit at her desk and take some notes from her class, so she either had to break Ryan’s trance or wait her out. Feeling anxious to get to work, she called out, “Honey?” When there was no response, she said more loudly, “Ryan?” A quick headshake and the eyes fixed on her like a pair of blue L.E.D.s.
“Hi. Didn’t hear you come in. You’re a quiet little thing.”
Jamie sat on the edge of the bed and fussed with her lover’s bangs while she looked into her eyes. “No, I’m not. You were concentrating.”
“Oh. Yeah. I’m trying to work something out. Not having much luck.”
“I need to use my computer. Will I bother you?”
“Nope. Will I bother you if I stay here?”
“Nope.” She bent and kissed Ryan lips, then added another buss to her forehead. “Keep thinking, Tiger.”
By the time Jamie had her books and notes in place Ryan already had the distant look in her eyes that overtook her when she was in a zone. She wasn’t all the way there yet, but Jamie was always fascinated to watch her slip away from the conscious world. She kept sneaking discreet glances at her while she powered up her computer. Within a few minutes, Ryan was gone. Totally gone. For Jamie, it was almost like being alone in the room and she didn’t really like the feeling. But this was one more of her endlessly quirky lover’s quirks, and she knew it was one that was there to stay.
Catherine and Maeve sat in an elegant room at the Ritz, drinking tea and eating delicate finger sandwiches. “This is an afternoon ritual I could repeat ad infinitum,” Maeve said, smiling happily at her companion.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. It is nice, isn’t it?”
“Very. But my Siobhan would be as uncomfortable as a dog wearing a top hat in this place. She can fit in anywhere and you’d never know she didn’t feel like she belonged, but I know her. There’s far too much … formality here. I know she’d like to have the party at your house. Or our house.” She laughed, just thinking about a hundred people jammed into the small place.
“I think you’re right. But Jamie wants something unique. I know Ryan will give in … she always does. But I want her to be happy, too.”
“We’ll just keep looking. If we can have a good cup of tea, I’d do this every day.”
“You’re so easy to be with,” Catherine said. “I can’t express how nice it’s been getting to know you this year.”
Maeve grasped her arm, always ready to show her affection. “We’re the lucky ones. Ryan’s a different person since she met Jamie. She’s so much happier, so grounded. I was beginning to wonder if she’d ever settle down. I thought she might be like the boys … dating one girl after another for years and years.” She blinked, then said, “You knew she … dated a lot, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Maeve.” Catherine laughed. “Jamie’s told me she was quite popular.”
“I don’t know a lot about her adventures, just like I don’t know what the boys are up to. But Jamie’s the first girl she ever brought home. I knew she was special even before Jamie did.” She laughed softly. “The poor girl didn’t have a chance.”
Catherine joined in her laughter. “That’s about how Jamie describes it. She makes it sound like she was drawn into a force-field.”
“All of the O’Flahertys have charm to burn. Sometimes things come too easily for them. I think Jamie keeps Ryan on her toes, and that’s good for her.”
“Jamie keeps us all on our toes. She’s a little angry with me right now.”
“She seemed … tense on Sunday. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t want to spend our time talking about my troubles. That’ll put a damper on our afternoon.”
“Rainy days as well as sunny ones, Catherine. That’s when you need a friend.”
Catherine took a sip of her tea, gazing at the leaves in the bottom of her cup for a moment. “She’s angry because I won’t talk to her about the man I’m seeing.”
Ma
eve tilted her head, saying nothing but giving a slight smile of encouragement.
“The man you met at my house last month, Giacomo Fontini.” She didn’t feel the need to add that he was the man Maeve saw carrying her upstairs for obvious purposes.
“Jamie objects?”
“She does. I told her I was going to stop seeing him, but I changed my mind. She senses that, probably because I won’t talk about him.”
“Oh. Why … does she … how do you usually handle things like this? Do you usually tell her a lot about your personal life?”
Catherine nodded, her expression contemplative. “I’ve made the mistake of telling her too much. We weren’t very close before she met Ryan. Part of that was my fault, but I think part of it was also because Jamie was always hiding part of herself. I don’t think I understand even a small part of what it’s like to hide something like your sexuality, but it must be dreadful.”
“And you think that to make up for the past, you started telling her too much?”
“Yes, I do. It felt so nice to have her seem to enjoy being with me. It was like finding a very good friend again after years of separation.”
“That doesn’t work, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. She’s not my friend; she’s my child. Even though she’s an adult now, I still need to treat her as a parent would.”
“It hasn’t been that long. She’ll figure out that you’re changing the rules a little. I bet she’ll appreciate it. I don’t think it’s comfortable for children to be too intimately involved in their parents’ personal lives.”
“I’m not too worried about Jamie. She gets angry and gets over it quickly. I suppose I’m more concerned about continuing my relationship with Giacomo. I’m afraid that will make Jamie lose respect for me. And that’s something I would regret.”
Giving her a confused look, Maeve said, “Lose respect? Why would she lose respect for you?”
“You might lose respect for me as well,” Catherine said, almost wincing as she added, “Giacomo’s married.”
Osmosis Page 24
