by London Casey
“You’re in trouble, sweetheart,” he whispered.
“No,” I said. “You are. You better have a good fucking story… I had to do it all alone. Alone, Noah. I had no idea how to find you. My entire life…”
I swore to myself from the day I found out I was pregnant I would never blame the baby. It wasn’t Jude’s fault. But at the same time, I was just a month away from med-school. I was going to become a doctor. I was going to meet a good guy, get a good job, have a good life.
Then Noah happened.
“Fine,” Noah said. “You want to know my story?”
“Part of me does, part of me doesn’t,” I said. “I don’t want to hear excuses or bullshit. I get what it was. What we did. I was just a stupid woman looking for one wild night before…”
“Sweetheart, I was in jail for a year.”
I gasped. “You…”
“I would never do that to you,” he said. “I would never abandon the woman carrying my child, my son.” He killed the foot of space between us. “I’ve been waiting…”
Noah inched closer. My hands instinctively went up. I was supposed to grab Noah’s shoulders and push him the hell away. What right did he have to show up like this? With a gun? With some kind of attitude? He wanted to touch my stomach? Kiss my stomach? How about you kiss my ass? And he had been in jail? Oh, yeah, that’s fucking comforting…
My hands skipped his shoulders and I touched the wet scruff on his face. Wet because I threw a glass of water at him.
Before I could speak or stop the madness from ensuring, Noah kissed me.
Our lips met and it was the same instant fire from a year ago. I had had hookups in my life but I never felt anything like I did when Noah kissed me. I dug my nails into his face as our tongues wrestled for control.
Then Noah stopped kissing me.
He looked me dead in the eyes. “Sweetheart, I’m not here for a family reunion. I’m here to kill…
14.
(Noah)
I’d never forget that moment. On one knee, touching her soft belly. Christ, it was so obvious she wasn’t confident in her body. I hated myself for that. I caused her body to change and I wasn’t there to touch her and hold her, remind her every single fucking day of how special and beautiful she was for carrying the life of my child. My son.
I loved the new curves on her body. I loved the way my fingers had something to dig into. I love the marks on her belly. Marks that would forever remind her - and me - of what she had done.
Goddammit, why didn’t she understand it? Was that how all women were?
I controlled my anger by kissing her.
That was a mistake.
I ended the kiss and admitted why I was there.
Her hands slid away from my face. She touched my chest and pushed. I could’ve stood my ground and kept her from moving me, but I stumbled back. I didn’t know how else to say why I was really there. It wasn’t some fucking reunion or romance movie thing.
“You’re here to kill me? Who the hell are you?”
“That should have been something you asked before you got into that bathroom with me, sweetheart.”
She swung at me. Again, I could have gotten away. But I stood there. I deserved it. I deserved more than a single smack. Her hand hit me and it stung pretty good. She walked to her left, holding her hand.
With her back to me, I listened as she wrestled with her tears.
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” I said. “But you have to help me.”
“Are you fucking serious? You show up here and ask me for help?” She looked over her shoulder. “You were here last night, Noah. Spying on me.”
“I didn’t know this was your place,” I said. “It was the address I was given.”
“I thought you were a fighter. What are you really? A hit man?”
I grinned. “No. I’m the muscle. I hunt people down and get information. Pass it along. I am a fighter though. I love to fight. Haven’t done it much because of jail.”
“Jail,” Ashlynn said. “Jesus Christ.”
“I got pinched that night. We had an escape plan, but I fucked up.”
“You fucked up?”
“I got caught.”
“How?”
I gritted my teeth and looked away. “I was looking for you. To make sure you got out of there okay. I knew you didn’t belong there. I knew you had no real idea of what it all was.” I looked at Ashlynn now. “And I had no idea the police were going to show up. Someone sold out Benito, my boss. I was looking for you and I got hit. So I had to keep taking my hits, for a year.”
Ashlynn slowly turned. “So I put you in jail.”
“And I got you pregnant. Call it even?”
That was when Ashlynn finally smiled. Ah, goddammit, that smile. She had two dimples on her left cheek, one on her right. I couldn’t believe I remembered them so vividly until I saw them. How could anyone forget a smile like that?
“Look, if I knew… I mean, there’s nothing I could have done anyway, sweetheart. I was locked up tight. Benito has power and a family backing him, but when you go inside, you’re on your own for a while. I had protection, but even then… it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.” I looked to my left, down the hall. “Is he sleeping now?”
“He’s taking a nap, yes,” Ashlynn said. “Who are you here to kill?”
I took a deep breath.
Craig.
Ashlynn was associated with someone named Craig. The truth really sucked sometimes. If she told me she was with someone… that someone was raising my son… someone had been there for her…
“Noah?” she asked. “You look so angry.”
“I am,” I said. “I have every reason to be angry right now. You’ve been burned into my head since the night I met you. Then I do a year inside and you’re the last I had. Think about it. The last real I had. Then I get out…”
I caught myself. Was I really here to complain? To bitch at Ashlynn? Wasn’t she the one who carried a child - my child - by herself?
“Noah.”
“I need to ask you something. You can’t take it the wrong way. I’m on a thin line right now, sweetheart. I’ve got to save my own ass right now. I’m on the hunt. I want to fight. And now I’m standing with you. Goddammit.”
“What’s your question?”
“Are you alone?”
“What?”
“Are you alone?” I asked again. “I’m not here looking for you, Ashlynn. I’m looking for a guy. I came here last night and there was a bedroom with the TV on…”
Ashlynn lowered her head. “Shit. I have to call the hospital.”
“Why?”
“My mother. She has cancer. She’s on the downswing. The final part of it all. That’s the bedroom… she fell out of bed last night and wasn’t responding. It’s… she’s never going to leave the hospital again.”
Jesus Christ.
I hurried to Ashlynn and grabbed her. I didn’t know what else to do. My arms slid around her body and I pulled her close. I held her tight as she wept. I never held women when they cried. Fuck, I never let women get emotional around me. You wanted to cry? Go get some tissues, a cheap romance movie, and go to it. Call your best fucking friend. I’m not your friend. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not your lover. I’m the guy who fucks you and leaves you wanting more.
But there I was, my right hand sliding up and down Ashlynn’s back. My left hand cupping the back of her neck. I had no clue what else to do for her.
“Sweetheart,” I whispered. “I need to know if you’re alone. Because if you’re with someone and it’s the guy I’m looking for… this shit is going to get even more messy.”
Ashlynn sucked in a breath and looked up at me.
She looked even more beautiful when she cried. The glossy look in her eyes made them shine brighter. There was something about her looking weak, tired, and vulnerable that set me on fire. Like I wanted to be the one to hold her pain and carry her to bed so she could sleep.<
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I brought my hand around to her cheek and stroked a tear away. “I have to keep asking. I don’t want to get angry at you.”
“This is the cheapest way I’ve ever seen someone try and find out if I’m single.”
“I’m not cheap,” I whispered. “And I don’t give a fuck if you’re single… if you’re worried about me kissing you again…”
“Noah, there’s never been anyone but you,” she said.
It was like poetry to my ears, but it was sort of devastating. I had missed all of the pregnancy and Ashlynn definitely did it on her own.
“So you’re single.”
“I’m single,” Ashlynn said. “There was never a guy. Not after you. I had to go through…”
Her bottom lip quivered.
Shit. She was going to cry again.
I couldn’t deal with it right then.
There was only one way to stop it. Maybe something romantic, but that wasn’t my style.
I kissed Ashlynn again.
This time, nothing was going to stop me.
~
I had her on the couch. My body hovering over hers. Her lips were delicious. The stare in her eyes was nothing but wild lust. A woman that hadn’t been properly touched in a year. At least in that department I could help her.
My hand lifted her shirt again. I didn’t give a damn about the way she looked or the way she thought she looked. I watched as she struggled with herself to swat me away. She ended up grabbing the sides of the couch and letting me go.
Smart move.
I eased over her breast. She was so fucking heavy and full. I could feel it. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
With her shirt up to her chin, I kissed the top of her chest. I quickly moved down, my lips and tongue making their mark as I kissed to her breast. I wanted to rip her bra off and go to town on her. I wanted to taste all of her skin, suckle her nipples until she screamed my name.
“Noah,” Ashlynn purred. “Not there…”
Her hand grabbed my hair and twisted. I looked at her. I felt her gently pull at me. She wanted me to go down. That wasn’t a problem at all. I hadn’t had a taste in a long damn time.
I slithered down her body, kissing her right where I had before. The curves of her post-baby body were out of this world. The changes that would forever be there were beautiful. She was a real woman now. She was matured. She was experienced.
I opened her pants and easily tugged at her pants and panties. I wasn’t going to waste any fucking time with Ashlynn. There had already been so much time wasted between us. So much confusion and miscommunication.
Her body continued to reveal itself to me, smooth skin leading to more smooth skin. She kept herself taken care of; another thing that turned me on like crazy. Like it meant somewhere deep inside herself she was waiting for me.
I planted my lips to her soft mound. The tips of my fingers moved to her center. She was soft, delicate, her flower damp with sweetness. I eased my fingers between her folds and touched her. She was tight. She throbbed against my touch.
I kissed down and my tongue got the faintest hint of her silk. The tip of my tongue curled, ready to unleash on her tender clit.
Then a baby let out a wail.
I turned my head and curled my lip.
It was Ashlynn’s baby.
It was my baby…
15.
(Ashlynn)
I was already there. Like… there. I was ready to come. He had barely touched me. That’s where my body was. So sensitive and achy. Nobody had touched me since Noah. The only ones were doctors and that was more like feeling as though my body was a science project as I grew a life inside me and pushed it out.
Noah kissing me, forcing me to the couch, touching me… that was real. I wasn’t sure how to tell him about my breasts. That I was nursing and that stuff could happen. I sent him down and wanted to feel his wild, fighter mouth taste me.
It was all wrong. I knew it was all wrong. The guy had been in jail? He had been a fighter at an illegal underground fight and got picked up. He had gotten me pregnant. Now he was here. In my apartment. Looking for some guy? Wanting to know if I was with some guy?
There were more questions than answers. My pants should have been closed tight until I had those answers.
But there Noah was, his fingers touching me, pressing against me. Feeling the pressure of his fingers starting to penetrate me reminded me that he could still pleasure me. I worried about my body after the baby. How everything would look, feel, and if it would be the same. The tip of Noah’s tongue came down to my clit and I gasped, ready to explode.
Then Jude let out a cry. And another cry. And another cry.
Noah looked back and then looked at me. His eyes were wide and almost confused. His hands touched my legs and he pushed away from me. I hurried to sit up, stand up, and grab my pants. My face burned twenty shades of red as I fixed myself.
“He’s awake from his nap,” I said.
“Obviously,” Noah said.
I looked at Noah. “That’s what he does, Noah. He eats, sleeps, cries, shits. It’s what a baby does.”
Noah nodded. “Yeah, sure. What does he… I mean, do you give him formula? Can I buy some or something…?”
I felt my face burn hotter. I looked down to my chest and shrugged my shoulders.
“Oh,” Noah said. “You… okay. You do it. That’s why you didn’t want me…”
“It’s not that,” I said. “It’s just… stuff…”
Jude cried again.
“You better get him,” Noah said. “If he’s like me, he’ll keep going until he gets what he wants.”
“Yeah, he does that quite well.”
Noah grinned. He reached out and touched my face. “So you’re definitely single.”
“Definitely,” I said. “Do you want to go meet your son now?”
“No,” Noah said. He took his hand from me. “Shit. Sorry. That came out… fuck. No, sweetheart. Not right now. Not like this.”
“Not like what?” I asked. “You’re standing here. You saw him last night. What are you going to do?”
Noah’s face turned to stone. He inched from me and went toward the door.
“So that’s it?” I asked. “You’re going to leave. Just walk right out.”
“I have a job to do,” Noah growled. “I need to find him. Some guy name Craig. Okay? Benito said he was here. That was the last known address. But Craig isn’t here, right? It’s you, the baby, and your mother.”
Fear surged through me. An instant fear that made the room spin again. “You said… Craig?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Craig doesn’t live here,” I said. “He never has lived here and never would. He’s a piece of…”
I felt my body shake.
“I thought there was no other man but me?” Noah asked.
“There wasn’t. Craig wasn’t a boyfriend or something, Noah. Craig is my father.”
~
The door closed and Jude cried out again. I turned and darted down the hallway for my baby. My son. My child. The life I held in my body and the life I gave birth to.
Jude’s little face was red as his arms flailed, looking for me. I quickly grabbed him and brought him close to my chest. I bounced and rubbed the back of his head. He quickly calmed down.
Normally Jude slept really well.
It made me wonder if he maybe had a bad dream. Or maybe it was because he heard his father’s voice. Babies knew, right? There had to be something instinctive there between Jude and Noah.
Jude cried and Noah left.
It was not the family reunion I had been dreaming of for a year.
I was right back where I started.
Alone with Jude.
Only now… I was really alone. My mother in the hospital, prepping to die. And Noah, looking for my father, to potentially kill him.
I had nothing to do with my father. I never really had and never wanted anything to do with him. He was a degene
rate gambler and abusive with his words and actions. He never raised a hand to me or my mother, but the things he did hurt. He was manipulative and did anything to survive.
And now he was a wanted man by the man who got me pregnant.
Could all of this possibly get any messier?
I wanted to believe no… but the mess was only about to get worse…
16.
(Noah)
I rode fast, taking turns harder than I should have. A fucking day ago, it wouldn’t have mattered if I dropped my ride and killed myself. I could hit a tree, split my body in half, or just go off the road and disappear forever. Now, all of a sudden, it mattered. I’d leave behind a son and the woman raising that son.
Yet I had done the dumbest thing possible and just stormed away.
I fucking left the apartment and left Ashlynn alone, again.
As I started to slow, telling myself to calm the hell down, I felt my pocket vibrating. I knew it was Benito calling me. He wasn’t going to stay persistent because he had Dante pushing him now. There was nothing wrong with what they had planned, it was just that it now had Ashlynn and Jude in the spiderweb of it all.
I had no place to ride to. I just needed to clear my head, collect my thoughts for a second. The guy Benito wanted was a guy named Craig. Craig wasn’t Ashlynn’s boyfriend or something, he was her father. Her goddamn father. Yet the guy didn’t live in the apartment. And Ashlynn’s poor mother was dying of cancer.
Ashlynn had a shit life. And a newborn to take care of by herself.
I slowed and eventually just pulled to the side of the road. I climbed off the motorcycle and leaned against it, crossing my arms. I spent night after night in that jail cell, imagining what it would be like when I got out. I figured I’d go right back to fighting. Earn some money for Benito. Earn some money for myself. Drink a lot. Fuck a lot. Settle right back into the life I knew and loved.
“Shit,” I said.
That wasn’t going to happen.
For the moment, I needed to keep Ashlynn and Jude both safe and a secret. I needed more information on Craig. Who he was. Where he really was. What the hell he was doing using his daughter’s apartment as an address.
